I can’t cope. I feel like my life is over :(

[tollyfeeder]

I had a baby girl 5 weeks ago, and whilst I should be enjoying this special time with her, instead I am absolutely besides myself and struggling to accept the fact that I’m inevitably going to die from this virus.

I’m 34 and I’m asthmatic and although it’s never really caused me any problems (have gone several months without inhalers, but have recently started taking them again because of this) I am classed as the high risk population and should social distance for 12 weeks.

All the lovely things I had planned with my gorgeous girl, baby massage, baby sensory, baby music classes... all are now cancelled, and rightly so.

I haven’t slept a single bit for the last two days. I spend my time Crying and panicking and last night I have been physically sick because I’m that worked and frightened.

My gorgeous girl is so blissfully unaware of all of this. So happy and content.

I can’t bare the thought of what will happen to her when this virus takes my life.

I’ve waited such a long time to be a mummy and now it’s going to get taken from me 😭😭

You have A LOT of threads expressing severe anxiety and in every single one of them someone suggests that you get help from your GP or midwife regarding your possible PND, but it seems that you just abandon the thread and start another.

in the nicest possible way, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT THIS? You need to stop posting thread after thread and start being proactive. Make an appointment with your GP and GET SOME REAL HELP. No one on here can help you, beyond being sympathetic. You need medical help, counselling and medication. If you don’t get this, you will waste yours and your baby’s life in a fog of misery and depression.

LangSpartacusCleg

How is she supposed to see a doctor at the moment? Comments like this are not helpful. One of the reasons people are getting so anxious at the moment is the sense that its not possible to get medical care even if you urgently need it.

OP you are clearly very upset which is totally understandable but you do need to see this in perspective. Statistically, its very very unlikely that you're going to die from this virus. Getting very upset and dramatic about it is not going to help you deal with it so you do need to find coping strategies. I've found its helpful to focus on the fact that the government is now finally doing something about this, you may have a tactic which works better for you. Are there people you can speak to on the phone about it?

Big virtual hugs. Try your best to find positive outlets rather than mourning the loss of the things you wanted to do. Could you right letters to you child for the future? If, you fall to the very slim chance of dying, she will have them to know you buy. More likely you will survive just fine and then they will still be a nice reminder of you both. Dig deep and find your sources of resilience.

I'm asthmatic too btw. I've been given new inhalers which made me feel better. I had my first attack in 9 years this weekend. So I'm also on steroid tablets to control the inflammation.

What really helped my nerves is going on to asthma UK so go through their advice as though I was a newbie. I watched videos on how to properly use my inhaler and read the symptoms etc. It reminded me that I know my asthma inside out and so know when I need to get help.

I also called my go and asked them to tell me where the nearest nebuliser is so that if it comes to it, I know where I need to get to.

Oh and don't underestimate how seriously they will take asthma. They ordered me into the GP yesterday. They were all gowned up but they said it was very important for me to go in. I know every place will have a different policy but don't presume yours won't see you.

Christ, sorry about all the spelling and grammatical mistakes!

I've just been having an email conversation with my son about mental health. First of all, speak to your GP about how you are feeling, and get some help. I understand how disappointed you are that you can't do all these lovely things that you had looked forward to. But your baby really won't be affected by not doing them. Do you know another Mum with a similar aged baby? Could you do your own little baby massage thing over Skype? You won't be the only Mum feeling like you do, and though I'm in a completely different position, and at the other end of my life, I can relate to how you are feeling. From today, my husband and I are self isolating, because he has cancer and a heart problem. I'm so disappointed because we were looking forward to the better weather, when we could get out. We don't ask much out of life, just a wander round a garden centre, a coffee and a cake in the café. He was buying a mobility scooter that would go in the boot so we could go a bit further afield. I bought an electric bike last summer, and though I've been using it all winter, I was looking forward to going further on it, and stopping for a coffee and a read of my Kindle somewhere different.
Now, none of that will happen and I had two days of saying "Well I can't stay here all the time. How will I cope? No, I'm not doing it." Then I sat and thought about it and I decided to be positive about it. I have a spare room that is a dumping ground for anything that I'd put in the loft out of sight, normally. I'm going to sort that out. Neighbours have offered help with shopping, so I'm going to ask them to take stuff to the charity shop.
What I'm really saying, I suppose, is that I feel better since I've had a plan . Write some lists of things you can do, rather than worrying about things you can't. And when this nightmare is over, your little girl will be older and able to enjoy all the social activities that are available to you both then.

I was feeling exactly the same OP I have 2 young children and a lung condition. I’m now self isolating because my mum has tested positive and my whole family and both parents have been exposed. Despite my high risk status I have had the least symptoms of the 6 of us who have been exposed as clearly I have a good immune system. My mother is suffering the most due to her low immune system. The most important thing is to try and keep fit and healthy however you can for the sake of your mental health and your baby. This is a very worrying time for a lot of us high risk mothers , it doesn’t mean you’re strange for feeling this way.

My heart aches for you - your hormones are all over the place and you are filled with dread about what might happen to your beautiful baby.

It's a very natural reaction - I think that many, if to most of us, would be the same. Try to rest as much as you can, concentrate on your baby (and other children if you have any). If possible, get a telephone consultation with your doctor. Depression and isolation are not a good combination.

And I agree that you should distance yourself from those social media sites which are whipping people up into a frenzy. They make the calmest of us anxious and afraid. However, try to keep in touch with good friends by phone, e-mail or Skype if you can.

((hugs))

Byerley, SallySun

Sorry to hear how you’re feeling and also @LucaFritz

There was a radio interview with this company yesterday. They are replacing Norma baby and toddler groups with virtual ones to help people who’re isolated and give opportunities to make friends. Sounded like a really nice idea to help people.

www.happity.co.uk/

It's going to be so hard for new parents not to feel isolated, but you will be fine. Look at what's going on online around you - local baby groups, feeding support centres etc may well be switching to online support. You can video chat with friends or groups, and I know feeding support lines will remain open even if groups have to close.

I can only imagine how panicked you feel - but that's the hormones of a new mother talking. And when we have a new baby, we are immediately so vulnerable - it can feel as if your soft insides are outside and have to be protected. Things that you never saw as a threat before, suddenly loom large. This does change over time.

Look into doing some CBT - you can find great resources online - and see if you can counter your negative thoughts about your health. There really is no reason why you're going to die from this virus. You're doing the sensible, right thing by self-isolating but try to reach out online and see who can support you.

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. The chances of you dying are low. Unfortunately there’s probably nothing anyone can say that will help too much.
You may still be able to do some of those things - baby massage, sensory etc. Some of the baby classes near me and looking into the possibility of doing classes online. Not the same but at least it would be something.
Join baby sites on Facebook to see if anyone is doing this

So sorry you're going through this, and send positive thoughts your way that kind support will get you back on track again, not feeling so overwhelmed.

Excellent suggestions upthread.
Please get that RL help. They will understand.

Congratulations on your baby girl.
It might not feel like it right now, but you have happier, easier times together ahead.

These classes are not for your baby, they won’t miss any of it. The aim is to get you out of the house and people make money from it (and rightly so as they are offering a service, devoting resource etc).

Sounds extremely unlikely that you will die, your main issue is mental health and given these times I doubt there is much spare resource to address it atm. So you need to make sure you get outside whenever you can in natural light, exercise as much as is possible with a newborn, find things to do in the garden, go for long walks keeping your distance from others etc.

Wow @gingersausage isn’t wrong, you have so so many threads related to your anxiety going back quite a while now, but it seems like you’ve done little about it? I get the impression you’re just starting new threads so you get the initial wave of sympathetic replies but I think if you can get to your GP, please do and have a serious chat about your mental health at the moment.

I have asthma too but unless it's severe we are only asked to socially distance, not to self isolate for twelve weeks
www.gov.uk/government/publications/covid-19-guidance-on-social-distancing-and-for-vulnerable-people/guidance-on-social-distancing-for-everyone-in-the-uk-and-protecting-older-people-and-vulnerable-adults

Honestly, it is incredibly unlikely that this virus will kill you. It's your anxiety talking. This might help:

www.theguardian.com/society/2020/mar/16/coronavirus-health-anxiety?CMP=fb_gu&utm_medium=Social&utm_source=Facebook&fbclid=IwAR1EA_gaKljcB1vaLzpa4ZnZFusXToRFazfFnA22UEcunpSqyLcRlXOZb0k#Echobox=1584354192

I hope you are able to phone your health visitor/doctor and say you are suffering from severe anxiety and need help.
This time will pass, and the vast majority of us will survive.
Hugs.

plewase get some advice for your mental health u will not likely die-theres actually thousands of people recovering and most will only get mild symtoms

there is at stand 50 deaths out of 67 millions people keep looking at the positive not the ngative

Being a new mum is so scary at the best of times. Stay in for as much of the time as you can.

I'm a single parent, older than you and with asthma and I'm very anxious as well.

I’m so sorry you feel this way. It is awful but let’s not forget for most this is a mild disease and even with asthma if you take the right precautions you can stay fairly safe.

I was thinking the other day this self isolation is going to be like having a newborn baby. You don’t really leave the house and you don’t see beyond your sofa for weeks on end. You also face a lot of new anxieties and have to learn to accommodate them. This period of time Is good for the baby but hard on the mum.

I’m channelling what I learned as a new mum to get through this. You are having to get used to both new circumstances at once. It’s hard.

In terms of dying, yes the OP is probably overreacting.

However, chances of an asthmatic having to be hospitalised & stuck on a ventilator are greater.

On balance, she needs to keep calm, isolate as best she can & use the Internet to plug some of the gaps she refers to.

I think you’re being over sensitive because of all the hormones, don’t get me wrong it’s incredibly stressful and upsetting and the last thing you need when you’ve just had a baby is to be socially isolated! Doesn’t help at all! BUT you are not going to die, you need to get that out your head because you’ll drive yourself insane, even if you did get it you may need help and not be able to do anything for a week but you won’t die! Try to keep calm and take each day at a time! x

@LangSpartacusCleg

You're completely out of line. Her reaction is v normal for a postpartum woman.

My gorgeous girl is so blissfully unaware of all of this. So happy and content

When you feel panicked, take deep breaths and remember the above. Focus on the present.

@tollyfeeder safe, virtual ((((hugs)))) to you and your new baby.

I am so sorry that this lovely time for you has coincided with the crisis. But in a way, this is the ideal time, if there could be one, for it to happen. You and your baby would do a lot of snuggling down at home anyway in the early months. Allow yourself to rest with her, get loads of skin-to-skin contact, sing to her, breast-feeding if that works for you. remember everything in the world is brand new to her. She doesn't need the classes. She will be wowed by your kitchen tap, music from the radio, the tickle of her blanket and most of all, you!

You will need human contact and support. You can get it here and try Skyping family and friends too. The major scares will be over before she is crawling and you'll be out and about with her when you most need to be.

Also, contact the baby yoga teacher as she may well run classes by skype. Our local yoga teachers are all doing group skype sessions. It's not the same, but it's better than nothing, and you might get to 'meet' other local mums in the group session who you could chat with online and meet properly once the lockdown has shifted.

Untreated mental illness is as much of a risk to your families health as Coronavirus. You need to speak to your health visitor about all this.