Parents move in with us or self isolate alone?

[MWestie]

Am so torn about this and would really appreciate others' viewpoints.

Mum and Dad are 80 and 90 and live 300 miles away. Mum is registered disabled and Dad is increasingly fragile.

I would like them to move down to stay with us (me, DH, DS12 and DD8) so that I can ensure they are looked after if the government announces, as it seems they will, that over 70s should self isolate. This would be my preference as I already worry about them so much.

However I don't know if they would be more at risk here than isolated in their own home? I'm assuming (perhaps wrongly) that schools will close at some point and home working encouraged wherever possible.

Is anyone else in a similar position, living far away from elderly relatives?

Can you guarantee that you will all isolate with them ? Nobody going out at all for 4 months. I feel the same way about my parents it’s so so hard

Do you have space eg spare bedroom and bathroom possibly even living room so they could still isolate within your house if needed? I'd seriously consider it with them being so far away from you as it's not like you can even pop in to visit! Your children are also old enough to understand the importance of keeping their distance from their grandparents and hygiene measures etc so hopefully you could still keep your parents safe with you.

No I can't guarantee that, as either myself or my husband will go out for food etc.

But if they self isolate alone they are relying on others to leave shopping outside door etc if they can. And the social impact of no contact with anyone else for possibly months?

I just want them here but worry am exposing them to more risk I trying to help.

Sorry Bogoffrain that you are in a similar position.

I want my dad to move in with us, but I know he’s probably safer self isolating at home. He lives 250 miles away so I can’t even pop round if he needs anything, but we have a small child who might be a disease vector.... it’s really hard.

Aria20, thank you, we do, but then I wonder if they had to self isolate from us, would it actually have been better for them to stay in their own house, rather than a single room/ensuite here if necessary. I think they'd really struggle with that.

Tulipstulips does he have any support locally at all? I worry about that side of things with my parents.

If/when the schools close, then I’ll give it 2 weeks and if we’re all still well (DH and I will both be working from home) I’ll try to get him to come down.

@MWestie all his family live nearby, actually. I hadn’t thought of that. Nieces and nephews and siblings - his siblings are all OAPs too so will presumably also be self isolating, but if he needed anything, he does have support. Thanks, that makes me feel better!

Do you realise nobody of your family can go out or back into the house while they are being isolated? You can bring the lurgy in.

I would leave them where they are, as difficult as it is 😕

That sounds feasible Tulipstulips, although I'm concerned that if the over 70s self isolation is announced with almost immediate effect, then it would be too late to wait the 2 weeks to bring them down. Events are changing so quickly in other countries, I think we will start to face that soon here too.

That's good he will have some support Tulipstulips

TheMotherofAllDilemmas that's just it, one of us would have to go out. I guess I'm wondering about those families who already have elderly relatives living with them, what will they do.

I worry about my mom, she is about 200miles away and finished 12months of chemo & radiotherapy last year. She is only late 50s but immunity is compromised.
I have two young children so I think they would be more danger to her.
It breaks my heart but I can’t have her being ill.

As to family in and out while they are down - you can - they are isolating without symptoms and if you maintain seperation - so in own rooms, keep distance in public areas etc then yes family members can go in and out but yes there is the potential risk that infection could be brought in. SO alot will depend on how big the house is! If you can house them seperatly say with just you going in and out tc - own telly etc then probably a sensible plan - if its a 3 up 2 down then unlikely to be helpful.

Chocolatedaim I am so sorry to hear that and my heart goes out to you and your mum. Instinct means we just want to gather our loved ones close but that may not always be in their best interests. I'm so torn about what to do.

My Dad is coming, hopefully tomorrow.
My Aunt is in a CH but I need to carry on working as long as possible (WFH already) so we can pay the top ups.
Adult DC will work as normal with extra precautions and if needed will isolate in one's flat.

I feel very lucky not to have small DC.

One of the DC has offered to move out for a bit to free up a bedroom for my Ddad 's ex SIL my other Aunt. They've butted heads for fifty years so that may get salty but I'm hoping one of my cousins takes her.

RB68 the house is big enough for them to have a room/ensuite to themselves, as we would move into the spare room, but that's it. So possibly not doable as if that's all they could have, they'd be better in their own whole house.

We were going to see our moms this coming weekend for Mother’s Day, but I don’t think we will...I don’t want to travel on trains and my daughters school is still open (but with many absences) it just feels selfish. But I’m so desperate to see my mom 💔💔

TheQueef is your dad in the over 70s expected to self isolate group? If he stays with you will you still be going out for food etc? That is what concerns me. At the moment I'm limiting social contract but am taking my daughter to school and going food shopping. If the govt announces everyone to limit this, schools to close stuff then I'd want my parents here, but is it still too risky? Or may be too late to get them? I'm pleased for you that you will have your dad with you.

Yeah he's 76 and not in top health and I've been self isolating for a while I'm immunosuppressed and have high risk.

If we can delay it for a few weeks we will lower our risk, burden and have a better treatment option.
not ruled out sedation with roast dinners if it lasts four months

From what I understand over 70s do not have to isolate from everyone completely, so as long as you and your family remained in good health it might work.

Matt Hancock said on Andew Marr's show today that it was fine to go in to help elderly people AS LONG as you are symptom free.

My dad (83) is willing to stay indoors, thus dramatically limiting contact with the people he would usually see, but we will still visit him to take shopping etc, and he has occasional carers going in. If we develop symptoms we will have to stay away and implement Plan B.

I toyed with the idea of inviting him to stay here but I know he'd prefer to be in his own home with all his things around him to keep him occupied. He would get terribly bored here and we don't have room to bring all his DVDs, CDs, files, papers etc. He spends hours every day organising his files!

TheQueef sorry to hear you've had to self isolate already, I'm glad that your dad will be able to join you soon.

I asked mine if they wanted to come live with us but they chose not to. They’re probably safer where they are and they have fantastic neighbours who’ll look after them.

LittlePearl that's really encouraging to hear and might work in our situation then. To be honest I think I'm looking at ways to make this work but don't want to ignore any risks.

To complicate matters they're in Scotland where the devolved govt states they will not advise self isolation for over 70s. It's all very confusing.

Meant to say LittlePearl that you must be relieved your dad is being so sensible and that you have plans in place if you need them.