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Feeling deeply hurt by friends comment, AIBU?

73 replies

DreamInLavender · 15/03/2020 09:39

Friend is a GP surgery nurse. I am a PA, working for 4 consultants and managing the workload distribution of the clinic 2.5 days a week. I regularly give upsetting and devastating new to patients. I go above and beyond my job spec and I work really bloody hard. A lot of things just wouldn't work and would fall into chaos without my assistance.

I'm no front line doctor but I do my essential bit. Was having a chat to friend today about it all and I said something along the lines of 'worrying for us lot as NHS staff'. She giggled and said why me? I said because I work for the NHS too.. She said yes but you're not a vital team member and the system can cope without your job.

We quickly moved on the conversation but I still feel a bit cut up about what she said Sad I don't know why I'm being such a snowflake. But I have made sacrifices too and put patients first all the time. I have worked in private sector roles for double the cash and half the stress. But here I am, every time I think of leaving and go elsewhere, I just can't. I feel extremely needed and important. Maybe I'm just a fool. I lost my DD last year and returned to my job 3 weeks later - I had a message from some colleagues of support but also lots of reminders of them wondering when I'll return since they clinic needs me. I felt like I had to be there.

The job itself gives me flexibility to be with my DS and attend all of his bits and bobs, so there's that.

AIBU to think what she's said is really off and quite careless?

OP posts:
Moltenpink · 15/03/2020 09:43

Your friend is rude. It’s the same in any organisation though that the more frontline staff look down on people sorting out what goes on behind the scenes, it’s often jealousy I think.

Ohfrigginghellers · 15/03/2020 09:43

What a cow

Snorkelface · 15/03/2020 09:43

It's rude. If you weren't there doing your job everything you do would have to be absorbed by the rest of the team. And they'd do nothing but complain about it. Bet you wouldn't dream of saying 'Yes but you're just a nurse' would you. Ignore her. Be you and great and what you do.

katy91 · 15/03/2020 09:46

Even if it was true why would you say that to someone? She just wanted to put you down. I consider people who use put-down comments as toxic.

DreamInLavender · 15/03/2020 09:47

I just respect everyone and thankfully so do most people I know. Right down to our cleaners who are a godsend. This isn't the first rude comment I've had from people working in the NHS, I know a midwife through a colleague who was astounded I was Band 5 when nurses don't even start off there Hmm

OP posts:
CherryPavlova · 15/03/2020 09:53

Your friend is rude and doesn’t understand the NHS because she’s employed by a small group of GPs.

The people most likely to be working the hardest through this are morticians, path lab staff, site managers, call handlers, housekeeping staff, ambulance crews and anaesthetists.

The NHS can only work with good teamwork. Dressing leg ulcers doesn’t make you more important than the next person.

Seventytwoseventythree · 15/03/2020 09:55

Your friend is rude. I’m a doctor and can’t function without porters, domestics, secretaries, postal staff, caterers etc. I try to be kind and appreciate of all these people. Please don’t feel like everyone is looking down on you because not all of us are.

73Sunglasslover · 15/03/2020 09:58

I heard a story about a man who cleaned the offices in NASA. Someone asked him what he did for a job and he said 'help put people in space'. He was absolutely right. That's team working and without a team the 'headliners' go no-where and do nothing. She is wrong and showing herself to be a bit silly IMHO.

coffeeandbiscuittime · 15/03/2020 09:58

We need everyone to work together, yes your friend was rude.
Healthcare could not run with just medically trained staff , we need a team and by the sounds of it you are a valued part of the team.
We need to keep morale up across the board , this includes treating all co- workers with respect and valuing all.

Papergirl1968 · 15/03/2020 09:59

You’re a PA and I’m not dissing that role at all.
But regularly giving distressing and upsetting news to patients? I don’t wish to be rude but is that not beyond your remit and something a doctor should be doing?

Bluntness100 · 15/03/2020 10:01

Why are you giving distressing news to Patients? Shouldn’t that be the consultant or doctor? That sounds really concerning they are getting you to do it.

DreamInLavender · 15/03/2020 10:02

Paper Sadly, distressing news isn't always given in person or by a doctor. I won't go into too much detail but it is the reality of some departments within the NHS

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 15/03/2020 10:04

That’s beyond awful that consultants and doctors are getting their pas to give distressing news to patients, beyond shocking.

MrsWhisker · 15/03/2020 10:05

Your friend is a bitch. Why would she say that? Hurtful.

TooMuchBloodyChoice · 15/03/2020 10:15

Your friend is wrong and a good PA will be vital to consultants in the upcoming weeks.

However, either you’ve talked up your role or your consultants are giving you jobs beyond your remit. Unless you mean you literally write letters on behalf of the doctors with their medical updates? Because that isn’t the same thing at all as what you made it out to be.

SirVixofVixHall · 15/03/2020 10:19

Your friend was unkind, and rather stupid. All links in the chain are vital for the NHS to run properly, not just actual Doctors.

EyeDrops · 15/03/2020 10:24

Yes, your friend was rude. I'd be upset too.

Also, colleagues bugging you abotr returning to work within 3 weeks of losing your daughter?! I'm so sorry. That's awful of them. Flowers

Em308 · 15/03/2020 10:24

Just wanted to say I'm very sorry for the loss of your daughter 💗

Fatasfooook · 15/03/2020 10:26

Your friend is nasty

Lifeisabeach09 · 15/03/2020 10:26

She is completely rude and wrong!!!!
NHS admin staff keep things running and limit the chaos as well as support the HCPs with their roles--how can she not see this?!

Lifeisabeach09 · 15/03/2020 10:27

I say this as an HCP.

AngelaScandal · 15/03/2020 10:30

So sorry to read about your DD.

Your friend is no friend.

user1493413286 · 15/03/2020 10:34

I’m quite shocked at her stupidity; I work in children’s services and know full well that our admin/business support keep the cogs turning for me to do my job and without them my job becomes chaotic (this is felt every time someone leaves and they don’t replace them). My mum was a teacher and used to say the same about the admin staff there.
Maybe the admin staff at her GP surgery aren’t very good although I suspect it’s more that she just doesn’t see how much they help her behind the scenes which is quite sad

Rottnest · 15/03/2020 10:55

OP your friend is an arrogant fool. In any organisation employees form a chain, if one link in the chain is absent or damaged, the chain is incomplete and damaged. Feel proud of yourself!

Summercat · 15/03/2020 10:57


Oh wow that is harsh. .. And sooooo rude.

Your friend may be a vital member of the team (as a nurse,) but the admin and reception staff are also very important. I love the reception staff at my GP surgery. They all know me, my voice, my face, my name, and they often chat for a few minutes to me when I go to pick up a prescription or book a nurse appointment.

They have even said 'we don't mind going above and beyond for our favourite patients!' People can call me daft, but it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside when they say that!

The staff at GP surgeries are an integral part of running it. Your friend was really bloody rude. I have been put down in the workplace before (from someone who was middle management,) who introduced me as 'this is Poppy; she is just an admin assistant!' Blush

I did a lot - including liaising with customers, clients, the general public, total strangers, social services, the courts, and the council. And I did tons of filing, typing, archiving, photocopying, filing, creating new systems, ordering stock, doing wages etc..., And I also regularly cleaned the office and kitchen because they were too tight to hire a cleaner...

Yet I was 'just the admin assistant.' Hmm

Pretty ironic that he dismissed me as a nothing who does fuck-all, when he spent all day doing very little, ordering people about, and taking 2 hour lunches. In addition to regularly staying out of the office for 3 hours, (for a one hour meeting,) as he was doing bits of shopping, having his hair cut, going to the bookies, and visiting his 'fancy piece' for a crafty fuck. Hmm

I would be tempted to tell your friend she was very hurtful, but she sounds like the type to think you're being silly, and will dismiss you as not having a sense of humour....... Hmm

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