30s TTC Inc: Rolling out BESH practice across our flagship monthly diffment projects - Blue Sky thinking for a paradigm shift vis-a-vis droids and wooden spoons.

[Muser]

We're getting serious this time BESHies. Welcome to the Palace, where the emphasis is on sophistication. Cast your eyes over the plush carpet, admire the oh-so-carefully worn leather armchairs with sidetables and little green lamps. We have the Bonds of the ages as barstaff, waiting to serve martinis and the finest champagne.

To your left you'll see the Pit, which hopefully we won't be needing much. To your right the Cave of Gloom, and straight ahead we have our special space for the 2WOOFL. You'll find beanbags and gym balls there, the walls have been specially painted to allow you to write your symptoms up and wipe them off if they disappear. It's all the rage for Blue Sky thinking these days. And there are donuts and coffee to keep you going as you try to shift that paradigm.

I am having severe house envy at LLL. What do people do that means they can spend £350k on their first house?! What are we doing wrong?!

ski has laid her baybee

oh yeah, that was quick!

Is she ok? She had a C-section didn't she? Was it because of the pre-eclampsia? Is it called Julian?

Muse, you know what else is a positive symptom? Constant bitchslapping from BESHes who know everything's gonna be fine

Seriously, we understand why you're fretting but it's awful seeing you so worried. Wish there was something other we can do except always be here for you HUGGGGG!

Yay for ski! Have given congrats in Deli; just hope she's doing okay.

Have just had 'where's my baybeeeee' crying jag in TYF's arms. Poor man. Am going to go to bed in a min listening to my Zita West pre-conception CD. If nothing else, it really sends me off to the Land of Nod like no-one's business!

Hooray for Ski - congratulations if you're reading this at some point.

Muser hope the time between now and Monday goes quickly and you get lots of reassurance then. And that the work stress goes away.

Interesting acupuncture link Polly (15 weeks, really? Already? Did you speed up time or something?). I don't understand why something being a placebo effect is necessarily negative - if it's doing no harm and having positive results then who cares whether it's a 'real' effect or not. Not trying to argue acupuncture is all down to placebo, I really don't know enough to tell.

(I realise the same argument can be made for homeopathy which I wouldn't touch with a barge pole, but I think what annoys me there is some of the stuff that gets spouted about why it supposedly works that makes absolutely no sense - it's water ffs).

Polly and Cass I'm not sure I can do outright lying to persuade them to do blood tests and stuff, but I can try and work out how vague I can be without actually being untruthful. So ttc since last year doesn't have to specify exactly when last year right? I'm kind of hoping that if I cite wonky cycles with short LP they'll be sympathetic and do the bloods (which involves needles - just what I always wanted...). First have to psych myself up to actually phone up and make an appointment.

Morning. Popped in last night to see if ski had, errr, popped. Saw your post muse... I must've sent that mail to you last night at the same time you wrote that! How weird...we are the same person....

Really hope work is not so stressy today and that you manage to have a nice weekend...and of course that mon is ok.

Am so sorry that Lyra, scorps n Aries all have the blues... You will get there my loveliez. And we will have ourselves that mega beshmeet picnic avec bebes. I love that image

I wanted to let you all know that I'm out of here for a bit (dunno how long.) Like muse I am a bit of a teary mess at the mo, and am so wound up about scan,and everything else (scan booked for 9am tues) that I can't even post most of the time at the mo. Am not so worried about ectopic now as nothing has pointed to that so far, but nothing can stop me going on a menkul trip about the missed miscarriage. And a) I don't want to go on about it all the time and b) most of the time I am so strung out and exhausted that I can't even write.

Sooooo. Am sure I won't be away long. Hope you get the pres Lyra... it's only small and is not a diamond

smooches, headbutts, tequila etc.

Morning. Am feeling a tiny bit more rational this morning. Think I know what to do with my work nightmare. And I finally persuaded MrM to book us a holiday. It's hard to say no to a woman who is weeping and pregnant .

So in September we will be spending a week in a small hotel on a little Greek island I've never heard of. The beach is on the doorstep and there are many tavernas to frequent. Bliss.

Morning musilicious

Glad T' menkul has subsided. i'm going to see midwife in a minute....is only initial info session but I am fearful she'll take one look at me, raise an eyebrow and claim it is all in my head......

Morning all,

Ski fab news. Will head over to the deli for proper congrats.

muse glad you're feeling a little better this morning. Holiday sounds gorgeous. Can I come?

gin I'm so sorry you're in the depths of menkaldom. I still have a good feeling about your diffment, although I realise that doesn't really help. I hope Tues comes around quickly for you & gives you the reassurance you want. Head butts to you.

Lyra pliz do not feel guilty about your feelings for diff work colleague. There is one girl who sits a gazillion miles away from me in the office who is diffed, & I'm sure she can feel my glare. I can't help it.

WARNING Self indulgent rambling alert.

droid arrived this morning. Pliz to ignore old post where I said I've kind of come to terms with diffment never happening to me, coz I haven't. I feel crap. Worse than crap. Thing is I don't allow myself to give into feelings of crap - that may help in the long run. So, I got up, droid arrived, got washed & dressed & came straight into work without breaking stride (oh, apologised to the boyf who told me off for saying sorry, but his poor face.....). Now I've stopped I can't stop crying - not a good look sitting at my desk. Apologies, but women crying in work is one of my pet hates. I think coz I work in such a male dominated office I don't want to be seen as the typical female (unless it involves the guys not allowing me to buy my own drinks at the pub .

Its not helping that I'm approaching yet another birthday. I'm just getting older & older, & its getting more & more unlikely to happen. I've taken 3 months of Clomid already.

I've decided I'm not taking Clomid this month. You're meant to take it from day 2 & the way I feel right now I just can't face another month of temping, timed SWI, grapefruit juice, folic acid etc etc. I just can't. I think I just need some time out. Don't get me wrong, I still hope to have teh secks, but just whenever we feel like it & without thinking of it in relation to when I ov. I'm also going to ring the FC clinic again, as quite frankly I think I've been their ideal patient - just accepted what they've said, wandered off clutching 6 mths of Clomid & left them alone. I need answers. I need to know what the fuck is wrong with me. Coz clearly something is.

To top it all we've been invited to friend's tomorrow for food & football. Besides the fact I hate football (but to be fair I hate everything at the moment) they have 3 wonderful kids, no doubt other friends will be invited too, with toddlers & a new born, & I'm crying thinking about it. I know I'll go though, as I said earlier I'm too hard on myself & insist on keeping going & not giving into being a snivveling mess in my dressing gown all day. What I'm trying to prove, I don't know.

Anyway, I hope no-one has actually bothered to read this as its long, depressing & boring. Just helps me a little to write it down.

Hope everyone else is OK, x

Shit, that was a bit long . Sorry.

Great News, PatMusetard...beach holiday sounds dreamy. I am not sure what to do about a holiday this year. Want to go away, but not do much, but , I find the days on holiday drag without booze, and soft drinks dont cut it , so I would probably need to try for somewhere with a spa or something so there are things to do, but nothing strenuous .

I do however realise that I am in a very luxuriuos position to have such troubles , and that I am not doing my reputation any good by bemaoning the lack of booze at 8.30 in the morning!

Good luck today SaltySeaman , fnaar!

Hello Gins I will be menkulling on your behalf until Tuesday morning , but everything will be fine...rub that uterus widdershins, girl!

Sorry, cross post Laurie.

Laurie, I can't tell you the number of times that I have been in that exact same position...trying to breeze past it, but then masssive fat sobs just well up from your depths. Especially with Clomid.

Why not talk to your clinic about sacking the Clomid altogether, and getting on with alternative treatments. You've been in this game long enough, and you could explain that you are concerned about taking too much Clomid, especially as you probably be prescribed to take it, or something similar if you do go on to IUI or IVF?

You could also explain that you have had enough of Clomid, and if I remember correctly, they are just giving it to you in the absence of anything else, without any specific clinical reason?

aries she is fine from what I can tell. c-section was i assume becuase induction did not work, but don't know details. and no, his real name is not Julian

drop kick to lorrytoilet

oh Lou, I am so sorry to hear the droid has arrived, and I can totally understand why you feel so low and want to jack in all the trying

We don't have to do anything today, lovelies. We can just sit, and cry, and wait for it to pass. I've put some Twirls in there ready. And duvets. And old videos. And I see the bar is stocked. I've got Grease, Dirty Dancing and Pretty Woman. That should get us through to lunchtime, when our personal chef arrives. Any orders?

Seriously ladies. You can sit and cry, or rant, or leave for a bit. It's all ok cos we've got your backs.

Thanks ladeez. Really. Big thanks. I know its not the BESH thing but you're all fab & I heart you.

Laurie that is all just crap and frustrating and unfair and you are totally allowed to let loose and tell us all about it, tis what the Palace is for. Sending you a bag of strength and tequila for today.

I heart Casserole.

gin we're all menkulling with you right now, and willing Tuesday to come round and give you assurance. Hang in there lovey.

Oh Laurie my love, I am so sorry. It really is bloody soul destroying. I think sacking the Clomid is a great idea, like you say you've tried it for 3 months and no joy, why waste any longer on it if there are other options? Also, it makes you feel crap and that you do not need. Having a month off of the charting/timing etc sounds good too, I did that quite a few times when it all got too much. Be kind to yourself lovely and if you don't want to go tomorrow, don't. Feign illness and stay under the duvet with a good book or dvd, and lots of choc. I will refrain from sending hugs and snogs, as do not want to cause you to cry more at work. So have a dead arm and a pint of tequila.

Muse I am glad you have figured out work prob and are feeling a little better today. I am v of your holiday. And Ginsters I am relieved you have appt for scan. I hope the weekend passes quickly and the scan helps put your mind at rest.

Gin, we are all here for you, sending you love, de-menkulling reassurance and wishing we could do anything to take the worry away. And the same goes for other new-diff-menkullers out there (you know who you are, gals xx). If you need to come on here every 5 mins and have a waaaaaah about it all, then do that. It's not boring, self-indulgent or any of the things you might worry it is. I feel like wrapping you up in a blanket and carrying you round on my back like a papoose all day, but it might be difficult at work

And Lozza, hugest loves and reassurances to you too. I feel v and v or you. It does sound like you've been pretty much fobbed off. Your age and length of TTC should have them running around doing every test and offering every service under the sun, not slinging you a few packs of Clomid and shooing you out (Am sure it wasn't that casual, but they're clearly not doing enough).

You say you don't like to give in to Teh Sad, but that's not good for you in the long-run. A right good wallow and weep could make you feel a lot better. I feel a lot better for having a big cry and cuddle with TYF last night (NB please cry and cuddle with your mister, not TYF ). There's no shame in crying and being vulnerable. Christ's sake, this TTC is a soul-crushing game. So give yourself a break! Again, just wish there was something we could do to make it all groovy.

And Occie, you don't need to lie or come up with lots of reasons for your Docs. Just be firm and insistent. You are a woman of a certain age who's been TTC for quite a while with no luck, which is enough to require testing. If one Doc fobs you off, like the first Doc I saw did, go to another one. They won't be offended or hurt; they're professionals. If you've been trying for over 6 months, then they can't really say no to testing and you have, so don't worry. And they won't tell you doom and gloom stuff when you go to see them, so don't worry again. Just be assertive and go for it

Lots of lowness at the mo. Stewpot's idea of a duvet day with treats and old girly films sounds just the ticket!

Love you all xxxx (I think it's needed today)

Lozza You poor, poor love. It's just so shit. Have this giant vat of gin and this hanky. Would you like a semi-naked man to comfort you? Cho's advice, I suspect, is very good. She is a Wise Woman.

Gin & Muse menkul away, my cherubs. Or not, as you choose. It's all good. I know that nothing will help the anxiety, but if you'd like to join me in sitting cross-legged and saying om...? No? No dodgy hippiedom for you DHBs? Ok, fine.

Pliz may I come and sit in the Pit, too? Even though I'm not despairing, the comfort food and videos sound lovely. Well done, Cass.

Temp is stable at the elevated value of 36.8. Today is day 36/38, when spotting traditionally starts (usu in evening). Slightly dreading the arrival of the droid, but am supressing it, as it is a lovely day and I am going away overnight on Saturday.

Occie - if you were symptom free, and just not conceiving, your GP might legitimately send you away for another 6 months, but with your cycle, I think you should get seeing them asap.

gin my lovely, menkul away, that's what we are here for.

can someone remind me what DHBs is, pliz?

I am wearing my most pristine white knicks, in order to do gusset watch.