30s TTC Inc: Rolling out BESH practice across our flagship monthly diffment projects - Blue Sky thinking for a paradigm shift vis-a-vis droids and wooden spoons.

[Muser]

We're getting serious this time BESHies. Welcome to the Palace, where the emphasis is on sophistication. Cast your eyes over the plush carpet, admire the oh-so-carefully worn leather armchairs with sidetables and little green lamps. We have the Bonds of the ages as barstaff, waiting to serve martinis and the finest champagne.

To your left you'll see the Pit, which hopefully we won't be needing much. To your right the Cave of Gloom, and straight ahead we have our special space for the 2WOOFL. You'll find beanbags and gym balls there, the walls have been specially painted to allow you to write your symptoms up and wipe them off if they disappear. It's all the rage for Blue Sky thinking these days. And there are donuts and coffee to keep you going as you try to shift that paradigm.

ladies, calm your selves re your pride at your babydaddy's small feets - it's only your feets that counts, it's somehow related to the size of your pelvis apparently.

So my big feets give me a Goddess of Willendorf birth-that-baby-in-5-painless-and-bloodless-minutes pelvis do they? Woohoo!

Absolutely scorps!

YAY!!!!! I will now refuse to believe anything to the contrary

(I have size 5 feet which seems somewhat small for my height and don't want to know this is going to cause me problems! TH is another one of those size 12 can't find shoes to fit types - can he give birth instead?)

The size of your feet is related to the size of your birth canal. But remember the size of babies can vary hugely.

I would second Gin's comment that giving birth is just one (or 2) days, you have your baybee for ever after that and the actual birth time, whether you had a good or bad experience, is such a small part that it doesn't seem too important in context.

My sister says giving birth is just like doing a really, really big poo.

Granted she is two tipples short of a piss-up but I choose to believe her (specially cos I have tiny little 5.5 feet, which is not large, for a stately woman of 5 foot 8...)

Blind ignorance is a happy state my friendz!

I also have size 5.5 feet and labour was absolutely fine (no "ring of fire" here!) so don't panic!

If I murder a friend who is all over Twitter and FB moaning about how crap motherhood is, how much she regrets it and how other women should never have kids, should I go for 'provocation' or 'severe mental distress' as my defence?

Awww, am watching a programme I recorded about Fatherhood during and after WWII and there's one old gent talking about how his first daughter was killed in the blitz, then his wife had 2 late mcs due to the war stress and he lost a leg when fighting and ended up in a mental ward after the 2nd mc cos he couldn't handle the grief and even when he was released, no babies came along again... until in 1957, when they both in their 40s, they had a daughter, who dotes on them both today. Talk about never giving up hope! Made me sniffle, so it did

Yes, Scorps. Find her. Kill her. Lovely story re the war man by the way. Sniff.

Back to the feet thing - I always had a big bum and hips for a skinny wench plus the accompanying large feet. Why, this is getting better all the time! (What about height? I am nearly 5 ft 8).

Pencilgirl, how do you balance?

Score, ground glass in her nightly bottle of WKD, I would. I mean, of COURSE it's a drag sometimes. But to parade it about in that vulgar fashion? And to say she REGRETS her children?! Ground glass is too good for her. Just break it into chunks.

My only consolation with These People is that stupidity is often Its Own Reward

Aries, I have no effing idea! They are tiny little plump things. And you factor in my hips, and the fact that altogether I resemble - not entirely unpleasantly - a galleon in full sale, the whole thing begins to represent a miracle of evolutionary engineering.

Talking of hips, my shape being what it is, I fully expect to eject my progeny in the manner of, as I think Scarlett O'Hara once remarked, a greased pig.

sale SAIL!

Don't kill self. Mixing up your homophones isn't that big a deal. Or how will you produce the said progeny?

Um yes. Err. Right. The thing is, I thought I was immune to menkulism, but listen to this: I have had nagging pains in my womble, early sore boobs and I just had a rummage and have spots of bright red blood, which I have never had before. I am on day 24 of a usual 29-32 day cycle. Might it just be my body messin wi' ma heid?

MrA is now away for three days. It's probably best.

Murray has just won, so that's good.

BossFriend takes a SIZE 3 shoe! Okay, so she's 5ft 2, but it's ridiculous. I'm constantly winding her up about Chinese foot binding, asking her how her step-sister Cinderella is doing these days, etc., etc.

Moaning friend's son is a 14 year old boy, in her defence. But she's one of the few RL people who knows I'm TTC so why whine to me about motherhood being shite?

PISCES !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What day did you Ov, my spring-birthdayed friend? Could be Ye Famous Implantation Bleed, could be bastard early spotting (am erring on positive former).

Oh completely forgot I'd left work early to watch the Murray match . I fell in with a Bad Crowd on FB

Oh Aries my duck, that DOES sound a departure from the norm doesn't it, and we all know what departures from the norm to do the head... Do you chart your cycles enough to know how unusual this is? Cos it is about the right time for the fabled implant bleed but it did me no good AT ALL knowing about that biz, and I am reluctant to inflate your menkul. I wish you weren't alone though, worrying about MrA AND your Wimbledon Common .

HairyAiry this sounds interesting, very interesting.....but I do not want to add fuel to fire of menkul!!

How is the palace? I have skim read back....wet look leggings???what IS that? And a birth canal/foot size correlation??

And the homophones? So IS a big deal. I think BigBangers should write lines.

Ooooh, Aries, that sounds interesting. Shall try not to fuel the menkul, but will stay hopeful.

When are we allowed to yell POAS at Lorry?

I haven't yet had a chance to say this:

PENCIL!!!!!!!!!!!!! I missed you

Ocky have you ever taken anyfink for your short LP?

Well, went with Mum today to get Nan's death cert. Funeral directors tomorrow. It's happy happy go go here I tell you. Oh, and am so addled I put my mobile on top of Dad's car whilst strapping minipot in (our car is in garage having more things fixed than left alone) and then forgot I'd put it there. He drove off and it shot off, and got run over. Brilliant.

I'm exhausted, and have done next to nuffink today. In bed. My lovely bigfooted husband has gone out for Haagen Daaz and then it's an episode of Grey's and bed for me.

Cass hope all goes OK with the funeral directors and all that kind of stuff. It always seems to me that all the practicalities are the last thing you want to have to be dealing with when someone dies, but they all seem to need doing at once. So hope everything goes as smoothly as possible.

As for the short LP, I take agnus castus and vit B6 thanks to the wise advice of Polly. Not that it seems to be doing anything (am ignoring the non-arrival of droid as it's bound to happen before I go to bed so LP won't be any longer than normal). I'm wondering whether I should be heading to the GP to see if there's anything they can do but am worried they'd just say I've not been ttc long enough and to come back when it's a year (this is cycle 7). All advice happily received!

Ah, they were the two I was going to suggest, they seem to have brought ov forward from day 18 to day 15/6 for me, whilst keeping my cycle the same length overall.... mind me asking how old you are? They say 6 months here if you're over 35... thanks for kind thoughts re other stuff.

31 on Friday which is why I wonder whether they'll just tell me to go away. I haven't had to go to the new GP since we moved last summer so have no idea whether they're friendly or not, or how easy it is to get an appointment.