30s TTC. It was the BESHt of times,it was the worst of times, it was the age of rummaging in gussets, drinking gin.....

[ginhag]

C'mon in BESHes to the beach bar...sprawl on comfy sofas while you wiggle your toes in the sand and watch a glorious sunset....and drink brightly coloured cocktails with sparklers in. Cos we're classy,innit.

I've got Adam and joe in as barmen, and we have a rather nice Cave of Gloom in the corner for those 'whyyyyyy meeeeeeee???' moments. We have a reggae sound system playing mob barley's greatest hits. It's a sunshine paradise!

Newcomers welcome,as long as they drag along a bucket of black humour and a vast amount of gin. And please note,some of us have been here so long we have forgotten the real world almost entirely.

Now,who's getting the next round in?

The GBRP has worked well for me today Cass, thanks for the BESHpiration. I've also been looking at yoga today, going to join a class round the corner on Thursday.

Muse, just forget you POASd, join Tag and I in the GBRP

I'm off to SWI now (TMI?), so leaving a lingering smooch for Scorps mwaaahh

get shaggin', Lyre.

Not sure if that will help any. But I know that when I was driving to the docs and had a little wobble of nerves, I thought of you lot behind me.

We've been working out timings of cupwanking, and as we have to abstain for 3 days prior, going to wait until after this weekend, as it is potentially my peak time.

Cass/Tagine you are confusing me with the name changing! How did the repression plan work out today?

Drink always helps... definitely.

Stress is a really difficult one. The longer we tried, the more stressed I got - we all know stress ain't good for us in any respect, but how the fuck can you stop the stress when you have no control over the cause of it? Although it is true that I got diffed this time when I decided it was never going to happen and we were going to chuck it all in and move to Cornwall instead. Was it sods law, or was it cos I stopped worrying? Not that that helps. Sorry.

Or was it because I'd had my 3 months of magic needles and chinese herbs? Who knows... Prolly a combination of all things!

Ta muchly, gorgeous Lycrashorts Hope that crafty grope has put you in the mood for some prime SWI. GO WIN THAT BAYBEEEEE FOR THE SCORPIO MASSIIIIIIIVE!

I used to do yoga. Ashtanga yoga - yoga for people who are too stressy to go OMMM. Defeating the object much? Now there is literally nowhere in the apartment I can really throw my mat down and get bending my limbs around my head. The fact that the place is crammed with mostly my furniture/crap is irrelevant. I must learn to not be so anxious. I can relax - I am a inveterate lazyarse - but must stop stressing. Can't join in the repression plan cos my family is seemingly the only white, middle-class family in Britain that don't do repression. Just this last weekend my Mum's reaction to my Dad winding her up was 'go fuck yourself, cunt face'. She inadvertently added to the hilarity by flipping him the bird but used her first finger, not middle. Nice try, Mater!

(Disclaimer: my Mum is a delicate, silver-haired, bird-like woman of great sophistication, taste and learning. Just with a potty mouth. At least I've not inherited that )

Very belated congratulations to Cho, I missed the excitement of your diffedness. Tis making me smile lots. Hope the menkul stays at a manageable level.

Hooray for Polly's scan, long may the phone not ring.

Glad doctor was sensible M'dear, that's efficient sounding on the blood tests.

So sorry things aren't good with your nan Tagerole. I know what you mean about longing for it to be over for her sake, but hating feeling like that at the same time. (Or at least I remember feeling like that, so hope I'm not putting words into your mouth). Hugs.

Loving your Ma's potty mouth Scorps My mum got road rage and gave someone the bird... in the exact same way your Ma did!

I am bored. TG is going to bed in a huff, there is feck all on television and I'm not tired to my afternoon's kip. Ho hum.

Nekkid babyoil Twister time, Polecat, m'dear?

Ooh you read my mind, you little saucepot.

Do you think Lyra is actually doing it? Like, right now? (did you get cameras in there Scorps?)

Ssssshhhh, it's just getting to the good bit

Morning ladeez

Polly yey for a real baybee!! Great noos on scan. Will have a look at pics from home as in work & selfishly they block that stuff. Have everyfink (apart from legs) crossed for the letter version....

meds glad your GP appt went well. My boyf found it less stressful to wank-in-a-pot at the hospital. He couldn't cope with the hair raising drive to the hospital after the event to drop off sample within timescale. Also a close friend works at the hospital & has told many tales of harrassed looking men asking for directions to fertility clinic clutching a little pot to their chest. I also believe the hospital had a better stash of porn .

cho sounds like you've made up your mind about scan. Just as well as no words of wisdom from me! I can put case forward for early & 12 week scan. I do however have a very good feeling about this one for you.

scorps, poor scorps how's the headache now? Sorry for your distress at the TTC mallarkey. Good BESHpiration story about your non-friend friend though.

Despite my crazy ramblings on here I don't really feel too stressed about it. The boyf doesn't do stress, neither does he drink at all. So where the feck is my baybee?

lyra hope you had a productive secksy time. We also did the deed, so fingers crossed.

gin if you're lurking I hope you're OK. Pliz to come & regale us with amoosing tales.

Laydeez, a word on the menkuls if I may....

I'm sure being calm and relaxed about it does help, but if you ain't, you ain't, and I'm sure trying to be calm makes you think about it more => more menkuls. Our diffage came after about 6 months of thoroughly bad timing, in which them precious few SWI days coincided with one of being sick, away with work, or otherwise incapacitated - so I was really not fucking relaxed about it at all. That's not to say go ahead and flap yourselves to diffage, I s'pose what I'm saying is don't worry about worrying () - hmm maybe that makes some kind of double-negative, self-cancelling-ness which'll make us all lovely & relaxed & serene. I reckons while these things can help, they're like all guidelines (drink less, take whatever vitamins, do it every 2.3 days, etc) in that it can help but it's just not an exact science so you never fucking now. (FWIW Our diffage also took one shag that month* (with very unlikely timing at that) and we didn't give up anything on the boozes/caffeine/whatever else front either)

that is really not intended as smuggery* so I really hope it doesn't come across as such - more to give heart to those BESHes whose fellas don't go three times a night (or indeed week).

**I was on month 15, so that's hardly anything to be smug about, eh?

As for scans, my 7 week scan calmed me down for about 10 minutes, after which I found something to worry about again - ditto my 12 week one. I'm now 14 weeks and still fucking worrying that something is/will be wrong. This game is just a whole world of fecking menkul!

Scorps, I left you a snog at 22.21. If you think it was "getting to the good bit" at 00.55, then your expectations of my sex life are ever so slightly overrated. I reckon I was asleep by 11pm!

Re: stress - the only biological effect I can see that having is over production of cortisol, and I don't know what the evidence is for the effect of that on diffage, if any. Also, and I think I've said this before, women get pregnant in the most dire of circumstances - war, famine, grinding poverty, all of which sound pretty fucking stressful to me. So how much effect can it really have?

I'm an inveterate worrier, so if I'm not worrying about barrenness, I will always find plenty of other things to worry about - e.g. I spent years worrying about why I didn't want a baybee. So have decided there's no point in me worrying about my worrying!

Waves at Mas - 14 weeks, that has flown by. Hope you're feeling well. Must be a bit tricky making plans from so far away?

Sexytime at approx. 10.30, asleep for 11pm, Lyra? What did you do for the other 29 mins, hurhur

I had sexes at the weekend. Oved late Monday night. Bloody TYF wouldn't sex me up after my headache went on Mon. cos he was 'tired' and 'wouldn't enjoy it'. Amazingly, screeching 'what's enjoyment got to do with making a baby?' at him didn't inflame his ardour. So have only had 2 possible-win shags this cycle. Will take inspiration from MassiveWeeSmell's one-hit wonder baby.

Seems like Lou and Ly are basically my cycle chums this month Quality company.

Also, re: stress - there was a huge surge of pregnancies in the USA right after 9/11, which Docs realised were all conceived in the week afterwards, so those babies were won during time of massive stress and grief.

And plenty of - most? - women are big worriers (I'm looking at YOU, Mum) and have babies. I just wish idiot Docs wouldn't semi-reprimand you for waiting to TTC when you're a crone and scaremonger about infertility, increased disability risks and AC in one breath then tell you to not worry about it all the next

Morning all

Day 2 of the GBRP Lyra Last night's repression meant I got all my clothes cupboards cleared out and 2 binbags of tat cleared out, now everything is back in there all nicely folded. GO repression!

What shall I do today? I'm thinking maybe some obsessive exercise, which will also helpfully have the effect of lard reduction...

Anyone else for the GBRP??

Ocky that's exactly it.

Medee we had to book the Gizzing-in-a-pot-slot 6 weeks in advance!! Luckily the appointed hour comes just after our holiday and also just after my fertile time, so we can shag next week on holiday, get back, few days well earned rest then pot at the ready for drive-thru-rush-hour-clutching-test-pot antics (vaguely preferable to wank-in-hospital-toilet / lay-by antics)

Did I mention I'm GOING ON HOLIDAY???

In other exciting news, am waiting in for delivery of new curtains to go with new wallpaper in lounge. Suburban, moi ? Then off to see Nan this afternoon, see how she's doing.

Oh bugger, was tagine again then, sorry. Keep forgetting to check which one's in there. Call me anything you can cook in a pot

LancashireHotPot I think I shall join you in the GBRP. I am going to do lots of work and put all thoughts of POAS out of my head.

This talk of food is making me hungry though. I need to start eating breakfast again.

Tag can you come and sort my house out next? I don't even know where to start. Scorps my house would bring you out in hives... it is both dirty AND untidy. In fact, it would probably hospitalise you. I promise I will clean it up good and proper if you make it down this way for a visit!

Good point Scropy - why do the medical profession heap on the stress about age/state of eggs/lack of fertility and then tell us stress is bad. Bastards.

Tag where are you going on holiday? I am soooo desperate for some sun. I haven't been abroad since 2003 or 4. I can't even remember. I took TG to Spain to visit a friend and he spent the whole of the first week moaning that it was too hot and he got heat rash (it was only the beginning of May). TG hates the sun (pah!) and would rather sit in the house with curtains drawn and windows bolted shut, so we end up staying in this country. Which is beautiful and all but I need sun and heat.

Hope your nan is doing better today Tag. Lyra when is the next scan for your dad? Is it tomorrow?

To add to what Mas said, I got duffed this time during a very dry month. I think we did it once on the Tues night when I thought I might be ov'ing early, but then didn't. Once on the Sat morning and then ov'd sometime on Monday. And then once for fun (?!?) on the Tuesday morning, so I reckon that was too late and it was the Saturday one that did it. Again, not trying to be smug, just hoped it would help you feel better if you are not shagging with military precision every day/every other day. The first week of the 2woofl I really didn't give it any thought - I had already assumed it would not work and was busy making plans to move to Cornwall. It was when coffee started tasting weird on 10dpo that I really knew I was duffed, even though I'd got a negative that morning. And I am still as menkul now as I was then... didn't expect that!

Anyway, enough of this chitchat, we need more booze and more violence. Karate chops to the necks and pints of gin sling for all!

Pooface, don't worry about your housekeeping. When I say I only care about cleanliness not tidiness, I don't mean I live in some sort of spooky serial killer OCD house, just that it's acceptable enough to not alert the attention of Kim & Aggie. Just make sure all areas where we'll be having hot lesbotic writhings are well-dusted and I'll be fine.

Must say, when we're discussing stress and fertility, every babywin success story I hear about does seem to be the classic 'we weren't thinking/worrying about it that month', whether it's going on holiday or having so much on at home/work that TTC was low-priority or just giving up, so it DOES actually prove the whole 'relax and it'll happen thing'. Or, more precisely, 'a watched pot never boils'. The diff stories of both Poo and Wee actually shows this. You two are saying that it was a stressful month with not the best or most sexings in it BUT you were too busy worrying about other things to worry about TTC. Hence, babywin!

Which means that I shall never win as I have thought obsessively about having children since I was @25 (fantasising about pregnancy, looking after babies, raising kids, names, what they'd look like - thought about it virtually every day for over a decade ). Feel like I want it so much that the force of my need is actually repelling it

We're only staying in this country - New Forest. Good for mini and dog, etc. Have lots of long walks, pub lunches and nerdy excursions planned for the boys - national motor museum, aviation museum, motorbike museum, blah blah, at which point I shall point out how tolerant I've been and demand a morning's massage and facial somewhere

But I hear you about the sun. Thinking of going to Fuertaventura after my exams are over for the year (late October) - we've not been abroad since having mini and if I do over manage differment we won't go again for a couple years so it would seem A Good Time.

Thanks to the duffers differs for the encouraging words about stress and/or lack of shagging employed in successful months. Actually now I think of it, my norks are hurty, I'm emotional and knackered, perhaps I am diffed? It's only day 11 and I haven't had sex or ovulated since the droid, but hey... minor details tis them

See Scorps, this is the brilliance of the GBRP. You can trick the menkul into looking t'other way, thus letting the baybees flood in, Tetley stylee, PLUS you have all that free time to clean to your hygienic heart's content! win win!

Going to send you my address for uplifting book if ok...

Argh, am tagine AGAIN. FFS Windows, remember!

But I fucking hate cleaning! For some reason, youse lot are confusing me being a bit fixated with hygiene with me enjoying cleaning. I'm more of a hand-washing OCD loon than anything else.

And I'm depressed - doing housework, which I loathe more than anything else on earth, will NOT cheer me up. When I'm down, I struggle with making myself do the things I enjoy, never mind boring crap.

BLAHBLAHBLAHBOOHOOHOO, someone punch me!

Just a flyby - v v v Busy and Important.

TagCassStewpot - have a great shagathon holiday in the New Forest. Tis very lovely.

I must gear myself up to SWI. Extreme busyness, tiredness and money worries are not conducive to passion but needs must . Anyone any tips?

My house is starting to repulse even me. I've got ants in the kitchen ffs. The horrid little bastards are everywhere. How do I get rid of them. How? HOW? Shall I go and ask in Good Housekeeping ?