30s TTC - We Started TTC When the LAST Coalition Government Was In Power

[Muser]

BESH is BACK for Spring. Come in, admire the cocktail bar stylings I have created for you. It's all lowlights and smooth sounds, and there's a rehearsal room in back for the GLEE practice.

The barman are beautiful, the Pit has been well stocked with beanbags and gin. So roll up all you 30-something BESHies who stopped counting cycles sometime in the last century, and grab a martini.

Hola BESHies, how are you all on this beeyootiful sunny day? Gin sorry to feel you are so wiped out. Poor love, I hope the toof-hole is healing up ok and the pain is subsiding.

Scropy I am well impressed with your tales of dildocam - you are getting v brave these days, non? Next thing you'll be swanning in for your lap and saying you don't need a general. I hope you manage to get the secs soon - I stayed up for hours last night waiting for action. Gah.

Am v jealous of your BESH meet on Monday. Who is going? [jealous]

So, saw midwife today. She thinks my due date is 25 December. I know I said I wanted a christmas baybee but I didn't actually mean on that day. We didn't get off to a great start as I said I wanted a home birth this time, and she said 'you'll be popular...' I am thinking we should change BooTwo's name to something xmas related. Holly? Noel? Jesus?

Have a round of Dirty Girl Scouts on me. And pinches to the forearms for all.

Hello there MaryPoo! Gotta be Jesus - but let's hope MrPoo had more to do with than Joseph.

Well, at least you've given us ample warning so we can source some Myrrh in time for BooTwo's birth As well as those names, you could consider Ivy, Carol, Mary(Xmas), Beth(lehem), Robin (popular festive bird, innit), Rudolph... so many to choose from! Thank for the compliments - I realised yesterday that I am now a really seasoned BESH as thought of getting me rat aaaht for Docs is now about as much of a deal as them taking my pulse. If it all goes wrong for me, I'm going to buy some ping pong balls and work on a whole new career direction

Am glad I am now allowed to hang out behind the bike shed with all Teh Kewl Kidz like ATownCalledAlice *. I have rolled my school skirt into a micro mini, made my knee socks all slouchy, back-combed my (crimped) fringe to within an inch of its life and am currently applying lots of black eyeliner and Rimmel's Heather Shimmer lippy, to be really part of the in-crowd

Am also jealous of not being part of Big London BESH Meet. Am clearly not quite cool enough yet

*My friend's great Aunt was Jean Anderson, who was in that and Tenko. He's the person wot introduced me to TYF, awwww.

PS I feel for you in your time of great menkul, Aliceband, I really do. Literally feel for you, I mean I just hope you DO get a BFP so bastard much!

Polly does that make you a virgin? In all seriousness, mahoosive congrats on due date, makes it v real, no?

Beshfest! Beshfest! Woop woop woop

scruffy you're way cooler than me. You just don't live in thatLondon.

Just taking three minutes out from panicking/tearing hair out/wondering how I managed to get this fat just in time for summer to pat AliceCooper on the head and stroke Scorpy 's arse. Am lurking with intent and lust love.

Poosmell ain't been a virgin since we met, that I can assure you, hurhur

Thank you, Camel, you young saucepot; that's a real compliment coming from you. You ain't so shabby yourself

HeadInTheClouds, I was thinking that same thing about my mountain of blubber today, too Shall we become weight loss buddies? And by that, I mean just eat whatever we want but tell the other they look really thin

PS Me and TYF will be visiting That London some time in August, we have decided. And, and, may well be coming to Brizzle too! I may well become the first woman in history to get duffed by another woman, there'll be so much BESH-lovin' (or so I bloody hope!) We've decided not to go for a 'proper' holiday, but to take several trips to cool places. Bit worried about TYF being lonely and having nowt to do when I spend all my time in That London either in the shops or BESHing it up, good-style!

Sis-in-law just texted over her 12 week scan pic. Which was fairly shitty timing given it's 3 months since the ectopic. WHERE IS MY BABY? So fucking unfair.

A Christmas baby Poops! Awwwww, bless. I reckon Joseph (Hayzooos). Or Holly. Or Robin. Or ...or...or...no, am stuck now. It'll probably be a New Year's baby if the 25th is its due date.

God I'm hungry. But can't be arsed to cook. How can I be a mum when my culinary skills are so limited?

Oops, crossed posts Muse. Am so sorry.

that's crap timing, Muse, do you think she realised?

amusebouche Twats. There's not leaving you out and then there's rubbing it in...

scorpheadeffalump stoppit. You are both gorgy. Neither of you need to be cut out of your houses by firemen. Breathe and go have something nice to eat.

scorp pliz come to Londres, pliz! Although contemplating hols in August, so to let me know dates soon if poss? Then can try & make sure am here.

She didn't realise, and I did text earlier in the week to see if she'd had the scan yet. I don't want her to feel like she can't share stuff with me. T'other s-i-l didn't and it made me feel like a bitch. So they can't win either way.

Thanks for the reassurance, LittleDrommerBoy. Why, with my extendable washing rag and reaching stick, I only need carers to turn me over, treat my bed sores and order my food now

Getting TYF to commit to a time frame at the mo will be difficult as he is a daydream believer who lives in his own little world (a world where I am the most stunning and fascinating woman alive and also v slim, so I can't complain). Am impressed I've got him to agree on hols ideas 'so far' in advance Will be doing Devon chez ILs (WHAT JOY!) as per usual in the first week of Aug, but dunno when the Week of Trips will be. It'll be better to tell me your dates and I'll wangle my stuff round you!

Which is what I'll be saying when I corner you in the Ladies, fnarr fnarr!

still having the random twinges, now migrated to just behind my pubic bone - it is just a hernia, isn;t it?!

Reginald D Hunter is now in the Pit. If those gorgeous tones and dry sense of humour can't make me
spontaneously ovulate, fuck-else can.

M'dear - what random twinges?

Scorp will let you know when I pin TNB down. He is also being a bit ummmmmm about holiday dates.

I don't know, Humpalot, I'm not sure if it is implantation, or more likely menjulism.

Days past the happy eggy face?

Reginald D. Hunter mmmmmmmmmmmmm Funny men do it for me every time.

I find him a bit sexist (having seen a lot of his stand-up). but he is funny and sexalicious. And can we have Sarah Millican in as our resident comedian? She is a total BESH and is wickedly funny

Caramelbunny, let's just cut out the middleman and go on holiday together!

Madeeeeee, am so hoping it IS implantation. Everything crossed, you poor menkuller. You know you're not judged here I want you to win your baybee ASAP!

Is being redonkulously upset that Ronan Keating & wifey have split up a sign of updiff? WTF is that all about? I'm not a fan or owt.....

Also have some twinges in wombledon common area & a bit of FFJ yesterday - CD 20? Howat? So we SWI just to be on the safe side....

So that's me SWI on days 7, 10, 12, 15, 17, 19 & 21. Pliz, no more.

med implantation, implantation, implantation. If wishing it makes it so, then you've won!

gin glad you've managed to eat something. And so you haven't worked a full day this week, meh! I think you can be excused.

alice have a lovely weekend away & hope you find more sticks to pee on which give the correct result.

muse sorry about the rubbish timing of your SIL scan pics. There's always sommat to remind us, isn't there?

poo Christmas Day!!! Woo hoo. My fave uncle - Noel!! -is a Christmas Day baybee. I asked my mum if she was pissed off at her Christmas Day being all about the baybee & not presents & sweets when she was young - she said she was soooooo excited about having a real life doll to play with, she thought is was the best present ever!

Anyone seen on the news about woman having sextuplets? Hells teeth. Fertility expert was saying it would not be a result of IVF as they only put a "sensible" amount of eggs back. But it was most certainly a result of assisted conception. What? Like possibly Clomid? FUCKING HELL! And the deed is done for me for this month, I didn't have a scan to see how many juicy follicles I'd produced. Woah!!!

Paper-cuts & apple danishes all round (tis one of our 5 a day), x

Eek! Implantation possibilities! Am casting spells for you Medee. That rotten lot have forbidden me frmo scrying with the entrails of Persian kittens, but I do have a coupla ratty old squirrels that have been asking for trouble of late

Scorps let's do. Makes a fucking change from going to Fat Fighters and pretending to give a single solitary shit about whether Anchor Extra Light Squirty Cream contains three point two six Transgressions per can or whatthefuckever.

Muse you are, as ever, quite a lot less bitter and sour than I would be under similar circs. I have therefore baked this here honey and walnut tart with a vanilla mascarpone topping, which you may share with me, but no-one else

Poo for a xmas Baybee! I feel all sentimental.

Well. There you go. I'm meanwhile filling in a job application, thus keeping SO many irons in the fire I'm positively scorching my forearms. This is making me fret about having to put off diffular ambitions until I have (possibly) been in a new post for long enough to earn maternity benefits. And that of course is sending me further into a tailspin of anxiety. Why don't I get thin with stress? WHHHHYYYYYY?!?!?????? Please to envisage me face down on the floor, thumping the carpet and wailing.

Ps - I am so upset about Ronan & Yvonne. And I am extremely pretentious, so refuse to acknowledge slebs exist, as a general rule . But FFS. Can they not keep it in their fucking pants? And if they can't, can they not have the intelligence and wit to do it discreetly, and not shatter their families?