30s TTC - We Started TTC When the LAST Coalition Government Was In Power

[Muser]

BESH is BACK for Spring. Come in, admire the cocktail bar stylings I have created for you. It's all lowlights and smooth sounds, and there's a rehearsal room in back for the GLEE practice.

The barman are beautiful, the Pit has been well stocked with beanbags and gin. So roll up all you 30-something BESHies who stopped counting cycles sometime in the last century, and grab a martini.

I haz had dildocam! And I am excited to be able to join Cameltoe in the Backwards Womb club!

I had to wait 30 mins with my bladder screaming for mercy then I was put in the examination chair and prepared and then left for another 10 mins I'd seen 3 radiologists talking earlier - a middle-aged woman, a troll and Dr Sexy Von Silver Fox. Sadly, I got the troll. After about 3 weeks of him going on about heavy periods and me saying I didn't have heavy ones and him insisting I must do cos it says so on my notes and me saying that someone's made a mistake and I was having investigations due to period pains, blahblahblah (I always enjoy complete strangers telling you that you're wrong about your own body, don't you?), I was wombled overground and underground - firstly on me tum, and I am in bloody agony as he suddenly stuck the thingy in my rib to check my kidneys and I have a floating rib on the right-hand side. 'Oooh, why didn't you tell me you had a floating rib?', said he. I managed to restrain myself from replying that I wasn't aware of having any reproductive organs underneath my armpit. He kept up a constant mouth-fart of inane, partonising chitchat all the fucking time - I really wanted to say 'I have a bloody Masters Degree, so can it with the jibber jabber, Granddad'. but I didn't. Then I had to have dildocam proper, which was fine and didn't hurt at all, although the shape of it did remind of something I once saw in the locked cabinets in Coco De Mer . Was told I have a backwards womb, but everything looked very healthy and that I had a 'very ripe and juicy follicle' on my right ovary and I am indeed going to Ov in the next 24 hours (my gusset full of FFJ could've told him that - I didn't really need the lube on the dildocam ). THEN the absolute motherfucker said to me - with a wink - 'If I was you, I'd buy a nice bottle of wine tonight and seduce the old fella and make yourselves a baby!'. To which I said, giving him the Death Stare, 'I'm having this done because I'm failing to get pregnant and can't have unprotected sex as I'm having a laparoscopy on Monday, as we discussed'. He then mumbled an apology and finished. Then, he said 'oooh, a backwards womb and a floating rib - feel like I've hit the jackpot!' and then said bye and left. Erm, yeah, thanks for hiding your glee at finding a freak to gossip about later

So. Sorry for waffling a bit about it. Am pleased that it all looks normal and healthy and I am proper ovulating AND am Ovving both sides, hurrah. Now got to get the lap over and done with. Cold actually feels better today (famous last words!), so p'raps St Needles worked a miracle yesterday!

Well, enough about me, what's occurin' with the rest of you? Was looking forward to some top-quality BESH chat to catch up on whilst I was out!

Well glad to hear everything went well Scorpy, but mercy me he sounds like a cock! "Look Grandad, you have just stuck an implement up my fanjo. I'd rather you dispensed with the hilarious chit chat!"

Here's to the needles doing their thang.

xxx

Really glad all's fine and shiny Score, albeit backwards.

Cheers, peeps. He was a supreme knobber, waffling on and bloody on. I forgot to mention the bestest bit - he said if I had very bad endo (ie the kind that would mean game over for Teh Baybees) he would've been able to see it, but everything looked v healthy. Just need lap now to check out the bits he couldn't see (Carling Black Label Surgery - refreshes the parts other medical investigations can't get to). As TYF remarked, imagine that idiot breaking the news to some poor woman that she'll never be able to have kids: 'tell me, Love, if I say the word 'adoption', what does that mean to you?'. Or 'I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you're never going to get stretch marks on your stomach. The bad news is....' and so on.

scorp my womb is also backwards.

Great re dildocam...all sounds good. Seems you often get folks that won't STFU when examining intimate places,always seems to happen to me when getting breast lumps checked too...I think they are trying to put you at ease with 'banter'. But it tends to go the other way...

I am trying to ignore your last post. Nothing personal but it would completely explain what I was told about adhesions at scan...and then later told that an ultrasound rarely picks them up. Fuck.

in other news I am completely wiped out. Think the past 10 days had taken it's toll before tooth came out and now I'm just exhausted. And still scared of food. But as I haven't eaten for well over 24 hours I may have to give it a go soon...

How are we all, is anyone updiffed yet?

Good result from the dildocam, Scrofula although Dickhead Doctor sounds v annoying.

Only 6 days PO, i really want to POAS.

A friend has posted a baby pic on Facebook that is so cute I swear I just self-fertilised.

Welcome back havesomemaderiamedee. How was the course? No POAS yet, be strong!

Glad dildocam went ok Scorchio, despite wanker doc.

Dear god. My iPhone has learnt dildocam. Should I be ashamed?

Facebook baby pics will be the death of me. That and the OM telling me he had a dream where we had a baby. And we were so happy, and the baby was wearing a little green cardigan and laughed a lot

Gin, Waffle Troll Doc was only referring to mental-severe endometriosis scarring, which, as he pointed out, would be affecting me so badly I'd already know there was a serious prob. He did say other stuff about cysts showing up, which I ignored cos I didn't have any AND cos he wouldn't STFU (sorry). In other words, please to ignore, cos what he said ONLY concerned endo scars, not anything else a laydee could have wrong downstairs. So sorry if my post accidentally freaked or upset you

Now EAT SOMETHING! Try some soup or ice-cream, but please try and eat.

Step away from the piss-sticks, Medway! That way madness lies! (Welcome back! Baggsy a fondle!)

Muser - is it not a proper medical term, then?

HeaddyLemar, nuffink to say but get over here!

Yes yes yes BUT it was scarring she said she saw on me. Prob cos of erpcs. Oh balls. You're right is not worth thinking about,and gawd not your fault at all I've gone all wibbly.

Smooches to head....

it was really good, actually, my staff will see a new me tomorrow.

I know, I know, I won't but I really want to. My temp is fluctuating, hopefully just a product of staying in a hotel.

Shebangs that's hard, I have had to stop MrM saying "are you pregnant yet?"

He was only speaking about VERY SPECIFIC ENDOMETRIOSIS SYMPTOMS. The scarring from that is completely different from scarring due to other things. I was asking him loads of questions about did he see this and did he see that and he was saying that anomalies and/or scarring from other sources would be visible and it's just endo scars that are tricksy bastards. Endo scars are on the outside, whereas other scars, such as from ERPCS, are inside tubes, etc., which the scan would pick up, even if they were v mild and not much to worry about re: fertility - to be seen by a scan like that, the endo scars would have to be terrible, baby-failing ones, d'ya see?

Please don't worry about this - I know I'm not one to talk, big baby that I am, but my ishoos are completely different from yours. Concentrate on recovering from that toofypeg nightmare; as you said, all the stress and painkillers you've been necking must surely indicate an ironic win!

Cheers scorps. I'm not going to worry about it. However what Troll Man told you re other adhesions is very different to what consultant told me,ie adhesions are almost impossible to pick up on ultrasound. It is confusing when they all say different stuff. Am aware your situation is completely different to mine,it is still conflicting info tho which does my head in.

Bah. Is all a load of bollocks. And sorry cos it should be about your Dildocamarama not me! Anyway...

Don't think I'm gonna be diffed this month tho the irony would be proper comedic. Being so rough round ov time I'm not even sure a tired old egg would've been arsed to make an appearance.

And I still feel really shit. Just exhausted. Want my mum.

medee fingers crossed my lovely...

Despite the fact that your dildocammer(on) was a prize twat, I'm glad you got a clean bill of health scorps - must be reassuring on one level.

I have a backwards womb too. It means nowt.

gin! Should you feel so knackered? Is a trip to the GP something to consider for some blood tests? Your have to be alright luvver, I demand it.

gin you poor love. Try & eat sommat, it may help you feel better. Are you managing to sleep at all? All else fails my mum's advice to make you feel better - wash you face . Strangely, it does seem to work.

scorps glad dildocam was OK, even if doc was a complete cnut.

med I think I'm only about 3 DPO & had the sudden urge to POAS. Gawd knows why this month really.....

head I agree that Facebook baby pics will be the death of me too. Saw some of the new nephew (born Sun) on there. Sis-in-law with her 2 sons, adorable 3 year old & new baby. She said "I look terrible but the boys look great". Yeah, if you think Gwyneth Paltrow at a red carpet event looks terrible! Sis-in-law is IMAGE of Gwynny. However, before you all start picking up pitch forks she's also really, really nice & not a compliment seeker. Bah!

I'm feeling generally weirded out today. Don't ask me to explain, I can't. I feel a bit "butterfly-y" in the stomach - prolly just a result of coughing for a week - & nerves that the sexy time is done for this month & there's nuffink more I can do. I don't feel updiffed, but then have no idea WTF that feels like.

I'm rambling bollox now, time to go.........

Morning all.

Ginsterspasties you need to get some food into you, and some more rest, and some more liquid (quite possibly with an analgesic amouse bouche beforehand), and then some more food. You're running on empty my love and I'm a bit worried about you. In fact, I'm going to adopt a strategy of stalking you until you do. I really am quite annoying in that regard.

Scrappyscorpydoo I'm glad dildocam was informative. Have you ravished the lad yet? What does this mean, your babycastle is backwards, pliz?

Confiscates Medee's stix - you can have them back when you've put your new management strategies into action, pliz thankyou.

Headystuff I'm going to buy you a tiny green cardigan when the day comes, so I am.

Laurielou I feel like that too this week. Just not myself.

Have just cancelled what I was meant to be doing today. Am knackered. Going to lay low and do very small tasks I can't help but succeed in (like eat). SWIed again last night. Won't give any more info in case Bess ever relents and agreed to meet me .

Can't do IT tonight as have smear tomorrow afternoon (oh the joy). It's wrong that my very first thought this morning was "Oh thank fuck, we can't do it tonight" isn't it?!

Went to friends yesterday who have two children. The sight of minicaz running around with two other children nearly bent me double with a sudden gasping twinge of poignancy. I'd been doing quite well convincing myself that him being an only child would be as nice if not nicer (still think there's quite a lot going for it actually) but the sight of him running around with 2 others and just loving it was quite hard...

Oh! Keep meaning to day - kidney / whatever pain of last week is completely gone now, has been since weekend. So that's a relief.

Right. Onwards. More tea.

Backwards wombs? Eh? Great news on the otherwise healthy babycave, Scorps. Remember, trolls make you appreciate normal people all the more - otherwise we'd just be dull....!

gin how are you feeling today? hopefully a bit better. Enjoyed your pro-Bug ranting on the AIBU thread, by the way, good work on the insult-trading and Birkenstock throwing.

Ooooh, my backwards 'babycastle'/'babycave' (love 'em!) is in good company. Am not worried, so my Mum has same. Troll man was annoying but I guess it takes a cunt to know their way around a cunt VAG, I am composing a reply to the lovely mail you sent me; I hasn't forsaken you

Cunty, how are you doing, my old mucker? Can we get special backwards-womb badges made? Form a FB club?

I nivvah got my sexing! I felt too bleeeurgh due to cold getting worse and TYF felt shite cos he's coming down with it too. I shall be demanding rubbish feeling-ill rudeness this weekend instead.

RocktheCassbah, glad you got some prime SWIing in, not glad you feel so poo today. Please keep believing that you will have a no. 2 And TYF calls me Scrappy-Doo when I'm annoyed to make me laugh myself out of a temper, so found that version of my name v groovy

Grrr, am trying to get hospital to amend my notes, cos, as I said yesterday, some fucktard has written on them that all my investigations are for heavy periods. I have been telling Docs since I was 13 that despite having mental cramps I do not have heavy periods, in fact, they are quite light (which is why the cramps are worrying as they are so disproportionate to the blood flow. If I had bad cramps and loads of bleeding, it'd make sense). No-one seems able to amend them, even a Doc holding them in his hands and when I ask 'Well, why can't you amend them?' they fudge the issue and won't give me a straight answer. I think everyone's scared to change something once it's written down in case they get in trouble, but I do not want to have surgery when the Docs think they're looking for the wrong thing. I can sell the surgeon beforehand, but he or she will prolly forget that ans just consult the notes. And I've still got to go in at the crack of dawn on Monday so they can say if it's yay or nay depending on how bad the cold is by then. Sorry to go on, but it's so farkin frustrating!

sob

cass I haven't read the link from your link, but am already laughing at the thought of you knowing one of the sauna blokes. Sounds like an hysterically funny uncomfortable moment.

Ah, Tory Government. Gotta love 'em. They've put an immediate freeze on recruitment & its all kicked off. I've now got to fathom out business cases for one & all, TODAY, & not quite sure where to start!

Ho hum.

I've come to the conclusion that I'm still asleep & today is just a crazy Sue Ellen type dream.

We've had booklet given out to all staff - Cultural Awareness Guide. I'd like to quote some of the things....

An Atheist is a person who does not believe in the existence of God" - Noooooo

"Do not be embarrassed should you use common expressions such as "see you later" or "I might run into you", then realise they may relate to a person's impairment".

There is then a table of words we're not meant to use. Such as asthmatic. We have to say "a person who has asthma"

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

Ah the glorious public sector! I feel your pain!

So funny . I used to work in t'public sector so I feel your pain too!

Lolly - the first link off my link is ok, but you might want to save the sauna link for when you're at home!

Thanks for the messages of public sector support - tis a mad world, eh?

cass I haven't even attempted the sauna link. Not sure I will even at home