Feisty & Fabulous at 40+ more adventures of TTC

[gonepearshaped]

Actually now I feel guilty using up the last post of the thread - hope this will do as a continuation

Hi All,

I'm up in the middle of the night with raging cystitis that won't let me sit still or sleep.
Lots of congrats to be handed out - that's amazing news Greyhound how long were you on the waiting list? Sorry not to know but have you had IVF before? Isn't it lovely that some one is happy to donate eggs to give the gift of a child to a loving family.

I've looked into a clinic in Barcelona - it so happens we are going there at 1/2 term DH is at a conference and we're joining him - cheap hols. So I will hopefully make an appointment while we are there and see what they say. Not sure about the UK because of the waiting time plus cost. It would be different if they would use my eggs but as you said the stats won't let them.

Gumblossom That all sounds very very promising fingers and legs crossed for you.
TFLS Pineapple helps with implantation, its the bromelain but it sounds like you're past that now, just put the dentist off, I do haven't been for years and nothing has fallen out.
rowing have you been ill again, poor old you it's been constant - I really sympathise and know what it's like.
Having had a d&C my cycle is all out (don't know where I am) plus with stitches even if I did there's no way we would BD. Dr didn't tell me any of this - the worst is the pregnancy symptoms I got all hopeful for a couple of days till I read up about it on (thank heavens for) the internet.

Hi there ILGH Morning

Hi Ladies, Welcome to silver and Alfie!
Am now in the waiting game after a nice week of BD when we got the chance. Hoping for a result but we ladies are very persistent aren't we so we keep on going no matter what. Silver, if it feels like it could happen it just might, trust that wonderful feminine intutition we all have!
Just read a wonderful book called the Wise wound about menstruation - ok it sounds a bit tmi but I thought it was very interesting... as it gave a good perspective on the positive benefits of our monthly visitor.

Hi Ladies,
And thankyou for your lovely welcome. I have been scrolling through the pages trying to find out a little more about each of you but to be honest Im getting confused and Im still struggling with all the acronyms!! What does CD mean? Is it cycle day?
Think I will stick with this thread now although wondered whether I should be on assisted conception too. As I think I mentioned my huisband and I already have twin boys (4 years old at the end of May) who were conceived via IVF due to male factor infertility. Since their birth we have gone on to have 3 more cycles of IVF (2 x frozen and 1 x fresh) but these all failed (first FET resulted in a MC at 9 weeks). I still would desperately like another child (even though there are days when my boys drive me round the bend!!) but my husband is less keen to go through the rollercoaster that is fertility treatment all over again. I have made a few initial enquiries about treatment (whilst at the same time hoping for a miracle suprise pregnancy) and it seems that if we do go down the IVF route again we would be looking at donor eggs. In the past I have always responded very well to IVF and produced a large number of eggs which has meant we have always had fertilised eggs suitable to freeze. Ideally I would like to use my own eggs again and wondered if there might be any clinics that would accept me for treatment with my own eggs or whether realistically I would be best to have DE's. Roughly how long is the waiting list for DE's in this country? I believe that if we were to go abroad for treatment we would be likely to have less waiting time - is this correct and if so what clinic abroad can you recommend.
Italian - that is fantastic news that you have a donor - so pleased for you and wish you all the very best of luck in the world.
Sorry to ramble on here - husband just taken the boys to the shop so have a few moments spare. Usually do not get loads of time to go online so aplogies now if I go a bit quiet from time to time.
Speak soon ALFIEMAC
ps. Good to know that I am not the only one 40 plus and wanting another child - most my family, including my husband think Im bonkers!!!

Hi Gals, I used to post on here and have been lurking on and off! Seeing Spiral and Alfie ask about donor eggs I thought I might download all the stuff I've spent the last 6 months finding out, in case it's of use!

In the UK, the most common system is to egg-share, basically you pay for their IVF and they give you half their eggs. They have to be under 36 and various other parameters. This gives you about a 30% chance of a live birth. The exception is what Italiangreyhound has managed to pull off with an altruistic donor, when I think you get all the eggs and have less chance of intrinsic fertility issues, and success rates go up (yay IGH!). It costs around £5000, and depending on the clinic waiting lists are 4 months to 2+ years.

If you go to Spain or Greece, where some very good clinics are, you pay 4-5000Euros, and need two trips, one to have the consultation and freeze sperm, and one for the ET. Normally no waiting lists. For a caucasian match, the donors are almost certain to be Eastern European, and doing it for the money, but the care standards in these places are good. Fewer restrictions on the number of embies transferred, and younger donors, mean pregnancy rates around 60 - 70% (not the same as live births though).

If you go to Eastern Europe, the price comes right down to around 3000 Euros. Same donor pool and travel arrangements, no waiting. Potential issues with donor exploitation though.

All the European clinics have anonymous donors, all you get are basic physical details. Some UK clinics do their donor cycles via a European clinic (Bridge uses one in Czech, I think, and Create uses one in Cypress) to reduce waiting lists - the advantage is that they make the arrangements for you, but it costs more than going direct. If you're interested in Spain or Greece there's a fertility nurse running a co-ordination service for people coming from the UK for DE or OE IVF, you don't pay anything extra. I'm going via her - let me know if you want details.

If you go to South Africa, you get a donor database with photos, personality assessments, family medical and physical histories and everything! it costs around £3000 and you go for 10 days, so you need to factor in the costs of that. No waiting lists but you might have to wait for your donor to become available if you've picked a specific person.

America, same info as SA but prices off the scale, $10,000 or more!

Basicall, apart from US (high) and E Europe (low) they all come out approximately the same price, but with some of them you get a holiday thrown in!

We went for a clinic in Greece, using the IVF abroad nurse, because it seemed to offer the best combo for us.

Sorry this is so long, but I hope it's useful!

Hi Bumpless, I was wondering where you had gone. I'm glad to see you on here, can you stay for a bit?? It would be nice to catch up.
Gum I would love to interpret your chart, but I didn't really get on with temping, just could not remember, especially when DS was jumping up and down on me. Fingers crossed though, and great news about Charlie, little sweetie, glad to hear he is feeling a bit better. Make the most of those cuddles!
Summer thank you so much for your sympathy, you are a sweetheart! I think I missed the D&C episode, was that recent?
Alfie there is an assisted conception thread as well, which is very informative, but this is a nice, supportive thread for anyone over 40, so you could always join both.
I have also had IVF treatment, but unsuccessfully so far, my DS was free (thank goodness) but the next child is going to bankrupt us.
I have some frozen embryos, but really don't feel super-positive. Our plan b is to use donor embryos, which would cost us less and we had considered adoption anyway.
ILGH hmm, not sure what to suggest, how about something completely random, like astronomy or Chinese civilisation, plus something in physiology or similar?
Woodelf hope this is the month for you. It's a tough job, but someone has to do it!
I'm having a weird day, my nan died this morning, but I don't think it has actually penetrated yet. She was quite elderly and had been falling and had become quite frail so it's a blessing in some ways, but she was a lovely lady who used to take care of us every holiday time so has made a big impact. I didn't see much of her as she lives down South, but we did have a lovely holiday with her two years ago.

Hi all

rowingboat and ILoveGregoryHouse thanks for asking. She's an altruistic donor, not an egg sharer. I was open to either.

I don't think I take any hormones. A drug to shut down my cycle and then tablets to get my womb lining ready. Then pesseries at the time of the egg collection and transfer.

SummerSky Hi, we were on the waiting list for about a year. But I have heard of shorter UK waits (we were quoted 13 - 14 months but as the whole process takes about 2 months it will be 14 months from start to finish!).

It does not always take this long, various factors can make it take longer.

We tried IVF once before and I don't think they ever got my system under control completely. It had to be abandoned. We have a daughter from IUI and tried with IUI several times. We got eggs with Menpour but it did not work (except for dd obviously!) and we also had treatment with another drug which didn't seem to work so well for us.

We were told a lot of times that egg donation was either our best shot or only shot.

How is everyone doing?

ILoveGregoryHouse a midwife, sounds exciting. Does it take a long time to train?

ALFIEMAC people can conceive at 43 without problems. I am sure that sometimes we feel that age is the biggest factor but really some people seem to be able to do it so I would certainly look into using your own eggs first if that is an option.

IMO I think best advice is to get a list of clincis from HFEA website and see what clinics in your area would take you with your own eggs. Certainly I am sure some will. I mean I was being treated with own eggs for IUI at almost 43.

Anyway, long post, sorry.

Best wishes to all.

Rowingboat So sorry, we cross posted. I am so sorry to hear about yuor grandmother. As you say, sometimes it is a blessing but still hard.

All the best and hope you have some nice support around you for when it does all hit home but also remember the good times. My dad died a few years ago and the happy memories and nice things people said were very helfpul for me to remember him in a nice way.

All the best, [sad but gently smilie face]

Hi Bumpless at our clinic we don't get all the eggs. Each altruistic donor is matched to two recipient couples. That means you get a minimum of four eggs, but hopefully more. The cost is the same as for egg-sharer recipient. I think all the costs go in, so it costs £5,000 regardless of whether you have an altruistic or egg-sharer donor.

We are couple, so we will get the extra egg if there are an odd number and all the eggs if there are fewer than 8.

Don't know if all clinics do this.

SORRY, We are couple NUMBER ONE, so we will get the extra egg if there are an odd number and all the eggs if there are fewer than 8.

I just realised in my last post it looked like we get an extra egg for being a couple! Not the case, we are number 1 and last time when we tried we were number 2 and there were fewer than 8 eggs so we did not get any, and went back on the list.

Anyway, enough from me for one night!

Rowing, so sorry to hear about your nan. No matter the circumstances, it's always hard to lose a family member. x

Italian, delighted to hear your good news.

The ivf - I'm on microgynon, and booked in for a scan on 17th February. They're dropping the drugs off next Saturday - my God, they're expensive, but in reality, what price a baby?! I'd pay double that if it guaranteed a little brother or sister for ds. Rowing, don't go anywhere, I need you to be around for handholding!

We might all be 40+ and want a baby, but our circumstances are all so different, and I find it fascinating reading about everyone's situations, treatments and advice. I love it if I can help by sharing what I know, and I've learnt so much here - it's been absolutely invaluable. Not to mention the support and sympathy when I've been feeling sorry for myself. Heartfelt thanks to you all.

Hi, and thanks for the welcome. As long as I count in this group? We're not doing treatments anymore so another dc is unlikely. That's never going to stop me hoping though.

Rowing. Sorry for your loss. It's always hard even if expected.

Bumpless, thanks for the info. Really interesting. Kiwi so right, the stuff you can learn on here is amazing.

Midwifery course is a three year degree so reckoning a good 15-20 years left in me after qualifying before retiring. OMG I must be old talking about retiring! Have decided on Biology and Psychology A level on a one year fast track and if all goes well History and Philosophy next year.

Am on CD8. Better start the swi! Where's the wine?

Rowing it's good to see you too! Although would be even better if neither of us were still here, iukwim... So sorry to hear about your Nan. I hope you and family can find a good way to celebrate her life.

ItalianGH it's fascinating how clinics evolve systems to manage all the unpredictabilities of DE. Sounds logical to me and after last time surely you're due loads of luscious eggies!

SSB I so hear you about keeping on hoping. I always hope, no matter how many times I get told I'll never have a baby with my own eggs. Even now on the brink of a DE cycle I'm still wondering if at some point it'll happen! Complicated doublethink to stop me from despairing, but I'd rather do that...

ILGH your course sounds interesting. I'm a bit jealous - the thought of a new start is very appealing!

2 days to go before the first injection. Enjoying the last drug-free days, hopefully for 3 months if it all goes well!

Hi all. Just wanted to say that I've been keeping up to date with you all and your lives.

All ok with me.

Had some pink spotting (from the front) every time I had a bowel movement last week (sorry ladies - TMI! .

Anyway turned out that I had thrush very high up inside my vagina so had not had any symptoms. The thrush had inflammed the delicate tissue inside me and hence when I strained a bit I had slight spotting.

It was never heavy or painful. Since the GP had treated the thrush I've not seen any dreaded pink - so all good there.

Rowing So sorry for your loss. I also lost a close relative a few years ago, and I do remember how bloody awful it feels but it does get easier - promise

Good luck to the ladies that are about to start various treatments.

The over 40 preg thread has gone very quiet. I think it's cos many of us are still in the first trimester and there's been a few people drop out due to MC or MMC and I think were all just getting nervous.

Hi to The fat lady hope all is still going well with you.

Hi everyone,
thank you all for your lovely comments. It still hasn't really hit, but my parents came back to Edinburgh today and I met them from the train. I just feel so bad for my dad, but he was very stoic and quite cheery (we are very 'British' in that way).
It's so odd, the things you discover, apparently my nan bought a double plot years ago when her husband died, so it is all kind of organised in that sense. People just don't talk about these things do they! I had no idea she had had it all planned for so long.
I think having a baby is a bit like that, nobody tells you about it until you are just pregnant, it's kind of shrouded in mystery.
Hippy I can imagine the women on the over forties are trying to keep themselves busy until the first trimester is out of the way. Or just sleeping or feeling sick, or both.
Italian I hope you get a big stack of eggs. It doesn't sound too hard on your body either. I'm so glad the IVF is behind me - not that I'm trying to put you off Kiwi.

Kiwi I had no idea it was all happening so soon. Microgynon can make you feel a bit sicky and a bit tired. I highly recommend acupuncture for the symptoms of the drugs, it really helped my nausea the last time.
I got fed up after two back to back IVF cycles, but they weren't too bad really and I'm sure you will be fine.
Do you know the protocol/times scales involved?
ILGH that sounds like a plan, nothing like a few mid to long term goals to keep you bobbing along. I hope you don't give birth in the middle of an exam.
Bump I knooow, it's tough for us, but at least we get to hang with really nice people.
What are you plans now?
Silver are you 'tweaking' the TTC process with any herbs/supplements/timing?

rowingboat am I right in thinking you are scheduled for FET next month? You sound a bit resigned as if you don't think it will work. Is that because you have been through it a lot or am I getting mixed up. Chin up; my friend got pregnant with dd2 after very last frostie. She had a fresh cycle that produced dd1 but frozen for next one. It can be done.

I know what you mean about stiff upper lip British but sometimes it does help to let it out. Too much bottling it up does not help. I know lots of people who are a bit like that but it takes skill to let it all out safely, without losing it. The whole funeral thing for my dear dad was really unusual in that it was all part of the grieving, picking the right flowers and organising a little gathering. My sister and I spoke about what our dead meant to us at the funeral service. It was a very healing time.

Bumpless all the best for the first injection. It is going to be fine, I am sure, just keep your chin up. I am excited for you! . Does this mean we are really close are you injecting in two days time?

hippychick66 sorry to hear about the thrush; hope it is all fine now. Never understand why it is named after a bird or vice versa! Glad it is sorted and you kept your cool about it.

KiwiKat When are you actually going through egg collection? Roughly, just curious. We are hoping it will all be done by late March so we are really at the start ? I can?t remember how far in you are.

All the best, WAVES to all.

I CAN'T TYPE, that should read, my sister and I spoke about what our dear dad meant....

Hi Ladies, just checked in and wanted to offer hugs for Rowing; it's never easy is it? Life comes and goes and it's strange to say goodbye to a lived life when we are so focused on welcoming the next lives! All part of the cycle I suppose...?

Good luck for the egg collection Bumpless (soon to be Bumpty we hope!)

Hugs to all, must dash to pick up DS1 from nursery...

Hi everyone,

rowing really sorry about your nan.
I haven't had any grandparents left for 10 years now, it's sad to let go of that generation. Big hugs to you

Great news! italian greyhound and lots of good luck

kiwi good to hear things are happening with the ivf. It's really exciting!

hippy glad to hear the spotting was nothing too worrying.

ILGH so impressed with your plans (esp idea of midwifery - wow! i had really inspirational midwife for my home birth who i've never forgotten- it would be amazing to be a part of that in your daily life)Great that you're filling your head with noble ideas of study. All that's going round my head is "CD26 obsess obsess, dammit must get some work done, fish fingers for dd's tea again?" i kid you not!

Here af is due any day now and i'm trying really hard to think negatively as i was gutted when it came last month. I feel the same as i think a few of you said maybelast week . I'm pretty sure i probably could manage to get pregnant in the next year or 2 if we keep at it long enough (for want of a better phrase ). But I'm just depserate for dd to have a sibling that's not a huge lot older. People keep saying age difference doesn't matter and give me loads of examples of siblings who have 10 years between them and love each other to bits, but it's important to me that they would be more or less at a similar stage of childhood and would be able to play together in a meaningful way. Anyway, as i said - blah blah obsess blah.

right, bye all, back to work...!

Hi all. Must have missed the bit about you wanting to be a midwife ILGH. I had a fancy for that a while back but was put off by all the study I would need to do - didn't get much in the way of qualifications at school.

It would be such a rewarding job - how wonderful to see babies born every day. Good luck with it all.

Nothing to report here. Lots of discomfort in my nether regions but it's just the usual pulling pains as everything shifts around. Also cos I have endometriosis I have some scar tissue which hurts as it gets pulled about. Still I know it's all normal and nothing to worry about so just take paracetamol and have a hottie (no not my DH - haha).

Good luck to Italian - how wonderful to think that your doner is out there right now getting all geared up to donate.

RowingBoat, thanks for the message. I've stopped herbs too because, well basically I was taking loads in a self-prescribed and directionless kind of way. So....what would people really recommend, pre-ovulation and post ovulation. All my life I haven't ovulated, coupled with a short luteal phase, all unexplained ()which kind of means...what? Herbs and homeopathy I'm happy with. Tell me something that has worked

Oh rowing - so sorry to hear about your nan. Mine died years ago but I still chat to her often. Hope your family is doing OK.

Silver - haven't tried herbs but I have found acupuncture really helpful.

hippy you had me worried when I saw spotting in your post but glad it was nothing more serious. But poor you. I'm doing Ok at the moment. Permanently tired and cold and can't sleep, which is apparently hormone related, but not complaining (well only to DH who would say I never stop!)

ILGH - midwife course sounds fantastic. Wish I felt some strong sense of vocation - I think I lost mine years ago!

Tetley - hope the witch gets lost on route. Fingers crossed for you - you're not out until you're out (as has probably been said a million time on the TTC threads before!)

Bumpless - I know I'm tired but I just got your name (very dim emoticon needed ). Hope the first injection goes well.

Kiwi - it all seems to be happening really quickly which is great. Fingers crossed for you.

Italiangreyhound - great news re the donor. It seems there are lots of new starts happening here at the moment

Woodelf - fingers crossed for you.

Summersky - ouch! Cystitis is a real bummer. Loads of cranberry juice for you. Hope you're feeling better and thanks for the info re pineapple.

Gum - I had a look at your charts but I'm no charting expert and don't really feel knowledgeable enough to say anything useful. It might be worth posting it in a separate thead as there are tonnes of charting experts on this site?

Welcome Alfiemac - lovely to have you on board. I don't know much about assisted conception but there are clearly a lot of ladies on this thread who do!

Anyway, hope I haven't missed anyone out (apologies if I have but the grey cells are struggling). Love to all.

Evening all - am embarrassed to say that I have no idea of the schedule - I think I've blocked it out of my mind, because I didn't want to admit to myself that we'd ever get to this stage. We're right at the very beginning, and the scan is 17th Feb, then I start the injections, and that's all I can be certain of. Daft, aren't I!

Hope you're all having restful evenings, it cheers me so much to read how you're all doing.

Hi all

I did a pregnancy test before I started injecting. Of course I did, it?s just one of those things. Of course it was negative! Then my dh stuck me in both legs due to us having the wrong size needles!

It?s all go now and I am so excited.

hippychick66 Hope the endo pain is OK, not too long to go with it, hope everything goes well.

Yes, it is exciting that our lovely donor is gearing up for her part in all this.

SilverStuddedBlue Just curious if you have thought about adoption or if IUI would be an option again (I think you said that was the treatment you had to have your child - I had IUI too).

Bumpless all the best for first injection. Rooting for you! How many times have you done this before? You know each time is a new time so whatever the answer I really hope this time will be the ONE!

thefatladyscreams What is the deal with pineapple? I found a website (and remember hearing from my antenatal care years ago) that fresh pineapple has enzyme, bromelain, which is thought to help to soften the cervix and so bring on labour. It looks like you may need to eat about 7 to have an effect but I just thought I would mention it. I found a site at www.babycentre.co.uk/pregnancy/labourandbirth/planningyourbabysbirth/naturalbringonlabour/ Anyway; as I say you probably need to eat a lot to have any influence good or bad!

Waves and all to all

Hi everyone,

thank you all for being so kind. I think the funeral is next week, it is going to be a logistical nightmare because it is going to be in Essex.

Kiwi aaah I see. So what you are doing at the moment is downregging, which is getting rid of any cysts and any hormonal activity, they give you the scan to check the lining of your uterus is below 3mm, then it all starts up with the jabs.
My lining didn't thin enough, so I had an extra week of microgynon - the bliss!!!
Are you taking any supplements? I took co-enzyme Q10, I was taking 90mg and lots of protein - it helps the eggs grow, and folic acid about 800mg I think that's two standard tablets.
The protein was just trying to have at least one egg a day, usually two scrambled and a bit extra for dinner - got sick of meat after a month of that. There are protein shakes and bars, but I found them disgusting so just went with meat and eggs, oh and bean on toast.
There was a thing about taking DHEA to improve egg quality, but it is not not available in the UK, so you can only buy it from abroad. I took around 25-50mg.
Hope that helps a bit.

Bump are you having donor egg IVF? I'm sorry I can't seem to remember where you are exactly.

Italian thank you for your kind words. I do admit to feeling less than positive about the FET, not so much negative as slightly less than neutral. It is the two failed IVFs that have done it. I will get my positive head on nearer the time hopefully.

AlfieM My last IVF was just before I was 43 and I produced 10 eggs I can't remember how many fertilised, it was either all or most of them, of course a lot of that is down to your DH.
If you have reasonable results from your day 3 blood test and, possibly, your AMH test (my hossy used that) then you should be fine for own egg IVF.
The only thing is there is no guarantee that producing a lot means they are all good quality.
I wish I had gone for some kind of genetic testing for the my IVFs, but my clinics didn't offer the service. I think it might have been money well spent though.
Quite a few of the clinics abroad offer genetic testing which generally means it is more affordable.

Hippy glad to hear you are all sorted and no more spotting.

TFLS it is cold at the moment. It's been snowing here this morning!!! Too wet to lay though, thank goodness. Sent off for some thermal leggings yesterday.
Do you think having some chamomile tea and honey might help with the sleep?? I mean the proper flowers type not the floor sweepings in a teabag type??

Silver agnus castus is good at restoring ovulation in some cases, but I think you should probably get your hormone levels checked first. Do you have PCOS or anything similar? Clomid and letrazole (sp?) can work for PCOS.

Tetley fingers crossed AF doesn't arrive. We will have a six year gap if this next FET works. From my perspective, a lot of my friends have siblings close in age and I think they are quite restricted compared to me only having one preschooler. Often they can't come with us to do things because of the smaller one taking a nap at a certain time or just the general logistics of it all get on top of them. Not that they are all like that, but it's not so easy to get moving when they are all young. If you can get one into nursery I think it gives you a bit more quality time with the baby.
I'm so glad DS will be in school if I have a baby to take care of, give me the whole day to be cr*p. I'm bone idle though.