Mid 30's TTC--Gin Palace Two: Spawn of the BESH

[SarahAbroad]

Hey all...

Hope this thread name is okay...just moved the Gin Palace around the corner before we ran out of space!

See you soon. The bar's open!

ski Does that happen every time you uncross your legs? Cos you might want to get that looked at...

Sweet Jesus - creaking ...grim

Stretching

Clots....just grim...

Ski my best mate said of first born: "I literally cocked my leg and POP - out she came. It was like having a big poo"
She has wonderful childbearing hips.

Having said that, she just had number two, (labour 6hrs total). I asked her if it smarted much. Weirdly, she wasn't so upbeat about the procedure this time....

Is it just me, or does Vag not make you PYL everytime you see the word on screen? think its to do with the general content of our chatting. I always think of lady flowers!

Can we start calling Vag "Foofanoo" instead?!

It can't be like having a big poo as poo is small and soft - babies full of bones esp the head which is of course big and round and not poo shaped at all.

Plus when have you ever heard of anyone having stitches cos they had a big poo.

Pants - Who's round? It must be drinkies time.

Btw - there's a thread about 5 down from us (I name no names for fear of the wrath of Mumrahnet) which is making me v . How the fuck do people manage to get preggers just because someone has waggled their willy near them? When we're all discussing the preseed, BOD, temping, weeing on OPKs...So unfair.

Milkybars Boozes are on me & the cocktail cabinet is open. Nice Tanqueray for you, Choos. Large gin fizz for me. What's everyone else having?

yah... maybe she was doing that "saving me from the 'orrible troof" thing.

You're quite right. Maybe I could sell the house to pay for a C section privately when the time comes. They could suck out some of the 4 stone extra weight while they were there: 2 existing (wine) and obvious 2 more (fluid and baby shit)

erm.. Can I have a Hendricks please? I've heard I'm allowed Gin again. As long as I don't drink the bottle in one sitting...

Since we're on the subject of childbirth (WHY?, HOW?) I read something recently about a woman who took her vibrator into the delivery room and masturbated herself through birth. Seem to remember she got a big slagging off for it - not sure how anything makes things more inappropriate when you've got your legs in stirrups and half a dozen people having a look....

ideal I'm with you. Shower a bastards! I don't like anyone in the world at the moment, 'cept you lot. Oh.. and OH obviously... for now!

Youve got to admire that women!:

nightie: check!
massive knickers: check!
most massive pads ever: check!
baby clothes and nappies: check!
fuck off massive purple veiny vibrator: check!

ginpud belated good weekend, sounds lovely.

I've calmed a little bit. GP said by the time the last couple she referred to gynae had an appointment she was up-diffed. So now I'm in no rush for an appointment.

Sorry for the flouncing.

creaking pelvis - 'kin hell, I was doing OK until then.

Plus, I hadn't actually thought about giving birth to bones - ow, ow and ow again.

Not sure I'm cut out for this, despite my child-bearing hips. Except they aren't bearing children, are they?

Fuck (sorry, sweary Mary today) bring back teenage angst, it was so much easier to get mardy with Morissey in my bedroom.

On a similar topic (that whole orgasmic birth thing, I mean) I was reading a novel on the train today with a sex scene that went thusly "His lips fastened over the nipple he?d teased, and he began suckling like an infant, the pull of his mouth hard and strong."

Which put me right off the idea, really. I don't ever want to look down at my partner and think, oh, just like a baby, then.

Vibrator & childbirth - there can't be many places where those 2 words are mentioned in the same sentence

Its always a bit of a horror of mine that I get run over & killed & mum has to sort out my belongings & finds my goody drawer.

Ah, that reminds me, the boyf's dad was helping his step-daughter move house when he dropped one of the drawers & her vibrator fell out. How she can sit across the dinner table from him for Sunday lunch is beyond me.

pmsl @ your book ideal

HURRY UP WEEKEND HURRY HURRY!

Mani is also the guy in Blackbooks...very nice name.

laurielou Some friends moved all my stuff for me about 5 years ago. They opened a drawer and "assumed" it was a plug-in vibrator and spent all day tittering. One of them finally raised the subject, I stomped off to the bedroom and produced... "curling tongs". Eejits.

When I say curling tongs, I mean those bright pink spiral things they had on big brother a few years back. Who in their RIGHT MIND would masterbate with such a thing?

Scared for life when I first met MIL and she asked me to put her dry cleaning on her bed and beside her bed was the biggest rampant bunny!!

So wrong - my drinking was of a professional standard when she lived close to us. She's an hour away now and my drinking is probably more amateur or recreational now.

extremesitting We have been at the thought that a child conceived around this time might have the dame birthday as Hitler. Not a great omen, is it?

Needchoos you clearly don't have the pooing issues that I do

Longwee PSML at the vibrator woman. 'Whatever gets you through it' is my thought on the matter! I guess it the vibrations would be a bit like an inner TENS and a vib could help get the vag-muscles nice and big and toned. But I preseume it was a clit-stimulator thing, as, um, otherwise how could the baby come out if the rampant rabbit was at work?

I've put waaaay too much thought into that, haven't I?

I am a boyish midget, so I'm buggered on the child-bearing hips things, aren't I? Fricksticks. Every woman in my family gives birth at 8 months for precisely this reason. And every one of them has hassle with Drs, explaining that their due date WON'T be the one he/she is telling them

Grrrrr, have just found out that saliva kills off sperm. There goes my fave prelude to sex...

(TMI?)

My drinking has increased dramatically since a) all friends have got knocked up and b) am left to hang out with women over fifty who could give a flying duck about reproducing and are boozing their way through hot flushes and mental rants. Wine stealing barstewards...

Scorpette Hitler reborn OR Damian of the Omen. I wouldn't say no to anything at this stage.

I was equally devastated about the saliva. No booze, no drugs, no fags, no saliva. Considering that we will probably never get to enjoy any of the above after producing - it really does take the pish that we can't 'ave 'em whilst we're trying!

Of course I have been having the drink and fags. I never claimed to be perfect.

sitting well, as the others know, I am the paragon of virtue here in the BESH lair - don't drink, smoke, take drugs or even eat food that's bad for you. But not getting any O S for a bit? It is indeed taking the fucking piss! (And TYF is the master, believe me ) And straight after the fertile-time holiday next week, we're going to his parents' place in Devon for a week. He will of course have to make it up to me, but will his parents think he has lockjaw and rush him off to the Doctors?

Oh christ, have turned into an even bigger pervert than usual - must be close to ovulation, wahey!