Emmsy's onwards & upwards part four.... more BFP's please!!

[MummyLovesSadie]

Just trying on Barbie's shoes for size as we are desperate for a new thread & needs must...... blimey aren't your feel small!!

Moon when I found out about my MMC my Mum and Dad were staying with us. We had just told them the day before that I was 11 weeks pregnant. DH and I sat in that hospital carpark trying to figure out how we could tell them

In the end DH told them, and they told everyone else in the family. And he rang my boss. These first few days you need to worry just about you and DP. It is so hard, because you still feel pregnant, but all I can say is, it does get easier. Cry and scream as much as you need to, and come on here whenever you need a hug, or hairstrokes as cupcake says.

i think i'm going to bed. thank you for your kind words and thoughts, you are the best and i wouldnt be without you all. night night xxxxx

night night moon try and have a good sleep xx

Night night Moon x x

Night moon - so sorry to hear your news. Take care of yourself and your dp.

Night moon xxxx

sorry moon.....the time difference meant i had to give up refreshing the page and go to bed. I have checked back this morning as soon as i could...sorry again

Wow you lot were very chatty last night....ouch for epi shaves ill stick to my razor thanks girls...in the salon i used to have waxing and even a spot of lazer but nothing beats the venus razor oh and your hair grows in 3 stages.....barbie gets out all of her old beauty therapy notes.....yes anagen, catagen and telogen. Although roughtly speaking the telogen stage is when the hair sheds..
Its best to epi during the catagen stage which is only 10 days compared to the 1000 days of anagen.....phew, are you girls keeping up?

You will never know what stage your hair is at though, much like a few of our cycles!....thats why it feels like you need to shave nearly everyday, there is always some hair at the anagen stage so its a never ending cycle.

As you were.......

curlee cycle buddy, still no af here, cd 28 and usually something, but it is still early so dont be surprised if you see a very pmt induced barbie back on this thread later!

neeko where was i when your cycle messed up? serves me right for going awol! i hope it resolves soon and ends up with a bfp!

Off to work soon, and then the gym after, ill be back to check on moon and all you other lovely people tonight....hope you all have a nice sunny day xxxx

Morning Barbie! Moon thinking of you and your DP this morning. I hope you managed to get a bit of sleep last night.

I've done 5 tests now and all came up a faint-medium positive, I was hoping for the line to go a bit darker by now. I slept on a towel last night as I was that convinced my AF was about to start. Did a posh digital Clear Blue test this morning and I'm pleased to say it came up positive within about 20 seconds. The conceptor indictor thingy said 2-3 weeks. (at this point last time it still said 1-2 weeks, and I actually ovulated 1 week and 6 days ago). Maybe I haven't made it up after all!

Thinking of you Moon. We'll be around if you need to talk, or rant, or you just need a hug

Morning cycle bud Barbie, hope the EW stays away for a long time (say nine months or so). I have fingers and everything crossed for you. I'm not due till Thursday, or Saturday based on last months cycle!

gracie you make me smile . I'm going to make you a big banner for your livingroom that says Gracie is up the duff!!

Moon - I can't think of anything to say that hasn't already been said - just know that I am thinking of you.

Wishing good luck to everyone symptom spotting

Moon you poor soul, im so so sorry you have had to go through this again... Its awful. Im at work all week.. Any advice or support you need just shout. Going through this once is bad enough, more than once is numbing and soul destroying but you can recover and you can keep hoping. Im proof of that and so is mermaid,blue and jools... We are all here for you hon... Lots of love xxxxxxxx

Oops morning ladies! So sad about Moon forgot to say hi to you!

Jools how ya doing sweetie? Are the clouds lifting now? xx

Barbie sounds chirpy!

Glad to hear Gracie is off work for a bit, & its all still dawning on you!

Curly your cycle has really confused me love!

Good morning 4Ever - clouds are starting to lift slowly, but its been a bad few days - here is the short version, but its pretty long - good to get it out though and please don't feel you have to read or respond

Lots of body image issues because the weight loss has stalled and I can't exercise much because of lower back problems, leading to me thinking I shouldn't TTC till I've lost more, then worrying that I'm leaving it to late. Add to that DP moaning on Saturday that our sex life is crap and I'm never interested - I'd gone to bed early cos I was shattered FFS and he woke me up so I told him to get lost. I told him that the female libido was cyclical and AF had just finished, so I naturally wouldn't be that interested - he told me I'm talking rubbish He did ask me to start instigating BD though, so I shall be doing so from tomorrow as EWCM has arrived

DP hates the heat and was an arse all weekend, just lying on the sofa being miserable - I was running round like a mad thing trying to clean the house etc and also give myself time to indulge in some gardening and reading VM's book in the sun, then he started moaning about having to cook - cooking is HIS job and I'd been sorting the house out all day. I started wondering if I really wanted to have a child with this man . We did make up last night - I was really upset and tearful again about life, the universe and everything else and he did try to make me feel better - he just doesn't understand the due date thing and how crap it makes me feel to realise a colleague had her LO on Friday (and is coming in to show him off next week). I don't like my job any more - I want to scream to everyone that I should be on maternity leave right now and cuddling a little angel

Then the kids further down the street started really really annoying me and doubts returned about whether I was really cut out to be a parent - am desperate to have a baby but am not sure about teenagers - not sure if I have the patience, wondering about how prepared I really am to give up sitting in the garden quietly with a book and a glass of Pimms etc etc.

I've sort of ended up tied in knots with wondering what I really want / what I can have / what the implications are etc etc - not helped by the fact that DP's job is coming to an end soon and we'll have no spare cash, so he is a bit worried we can't afford to do this - cue another argument because we HAVE to do this before my eggs shrivel up and die

and breathe !!!!!!

Oh jools that does sound like a bad few days!!
As I'm sure everyone will tell you... all perfectly natural things to be feeling! If any of us thought about whether we're ready for teenagers we'd run screaming... but I guess you just take it all one step at a time...
And if I thought for long enough about whether DH and I have the money or the space or the patience for kids, I'd be shutting down my hoo-ha (to use a Gabby-from-Desperate-Housewives phrase!) forever!
Hugs for you lovely! xxx

Moon I too hope you got some sleep last night and I'm sooo glad your DP will be at home with you. In the 2 weeks I was off work my BF stayed with me; I know if I had been alone I would have gone insane. Hugs for you too xxx

Barbie! Loving all the hair cycle knowledge! I never knew that! And hooray for gracie being off work too- enjoy the sunshine and nurture that little bean

Morning to everyone else!

It is 2 weeks today til we fly to France...I have just realised that I will either be getting AF or a BFP for holiday...

Ahhhh Jools honey! No wonder you feel shitty, all this is building up, and one thing layers over another til you feel like an erupting volcano huh? Chuck, hormones and edd's into the mix and my golly no wonder you feel down, but glad you are getting it all out. Sometimes you just need to vent, then breath, like you say...

Right, point by point, the body issue thing, I relate, I put on nearly 2stone in 2yrsdue to all this, from a 10 to a 14, been skinny forever & my tummy is now a big bulge & cellulite galore on legs & bum . I get upset, but know its 4PGs, confused body, comfort eating, & wierdly contentness from marriage. I will worry about losing it after I have my baby (whenever that will be), you should do the same. or just do what you can manage but dont get caught up in the stress of it. Im lucky with DH but know where to draw the line with tmi. Science, hormones etc baffle them. He trys his bestest to understand, but its like the offside rule. Somethings we dont need to know. When men dont understand they get defensive... Also, dont forget he is feeling it too, he has lost babies too. They just show it in diff ways, his sulking may not even be a conscious thing, but it all filters through in diff ways. Its COMPLETELY natural to snipe and pick at the closest too us when stressed. It shows the love. Its also completely natural to doubt ourselves if this is the right thing etc. As for the work thing, how very wierd, Id just drafted a post about the very same thing, here it is;

*Oh how wierd hormones/emotions can be.. One minute all is well, next min, the heavily PG girl sitting next to me (also in massive open plan office) is talking about maternity leave & birth stories with manager & im turned into head spinning monster... Grrrrrrrr. Huff. I want maternity leave, in fact I need it cos of all oth redundancies on my floor they wanna move me to west end office & my plan is be PG so I can't commute! I love what I do but dont wanna travel. Sorry - randomness, thought id share tho...

On the same page there then hon! Sooo, I wanted to read, and I wanted to respond. Its all normal valid stuff you are feeling, and when you need to vent we are here to listen..

Sending you a hug and lots of love xxxxxxxxx

Oh jools normal normal normal, I've done all these emotions too. When we were deciding to go for no.2 we did a pros and cons list, cos life is very comfortable with 1, but at the end of the day we wanted another baby more than anything. Go with your heart on this one not your head, and remember it's not children you can't afford it's your old lifestyle. Also if you hadn't have had the mc's you would deal with all this crap a lot better, I know after my 2 mc's things I could just deal with suddenly became so much harder. It does get easier though, you're still in the taking each day as it come stage, and stop being so hard on yourself lady. Lecture over

Hi moon thinking of you xxx

moon I've only just been able to check in and am so to read this. Life is so shite sometimes - is definitly nothing you have done - just life really doesn't seem fair sometimes am really so so sad having seen your post xxx

jools So sorry you felling like that. TTC combined with hormones is such an emotional thing to go through. I kind of know what you mean about feeling at the same time unsure that I am ready to be a parent and also that time is running out. I have a small theory that my brain has coped with the mc by making me look at people with screaming babies and thinking 'rather you than me' but at the same time I have huge waves of desperation to be PG and to have a baby Really hope you start to feel better soon and we are always here to vent to xxx

Gracie I did so many tests when I was PG before... just to check - you have made me smile

Jools I'm not surprised you have been feeling rotten. Everything sounds a bit shit and you are not getting the support you need from DP, and often men just can't cope with us when we are down. If they can't find a practical fix it solution, then they back away. He is probably so worried about failing you, that he forgets about what you are feeling.

I got the same way with DH recently - like when he decided being away on a football weekend was appropriate for our EDD. What turned it around was me deciding that I was going to take control back, not of him, but of how I feel. So I organised lots of stuff for that weekend. Amazingly, once I was less dependant on his support, he decided that he didn't want to be gone for the EDD. Things are fine now but for a while we were really getting caught in this guilt cycle and I felt really hurt.

Anyway I guess what I am saying is that you are a strong lady and you will get through this. You have lost lots of weight, and you will lose more when you are taking the baby for those long walks in the Spring. Do what you can to stay healthy, organise some things so that you can get back to the Jools that you were before this awful time. And know that there are a lot of people on here who really care about you honey

Coming rather late to this, but am so sorry moon. Please don't blame yourself, life just gives us a bum deal sometimes, but it won't last forever.

Jools too, sad to hear things have been getting on top of you, sounds like a crap few days; but it will get better. If only men could experience the hormonal soup we have to live in, they'd be snivelling, shrivelling wrecks. You are a strong lady

4ever just wanted to give you a virtual hug too. You are another strong lady and I just know it will come right for you in the end.

Finally, sounds like you have a sticky bean there Gracie - congratulations!

Going to Hull to stay with a friend over night as need to escape. Sorry not had chance to read or reply to yesterday's or todays messages. I'll be back.

See you soon gracie take care

hope you are ok gracie jools 4ever curly et al have said it all for me so to sum up

1. I was a nice 8 now I am weighing in at 11 stone It is all in my legs and I feel awful, have always been proud of my body till now.

1. Body has also let me down so I hate it even more.

3.we sniped at each other all weekend and it is all to do with missing babies and mens ability to cope so very differently to us.

4.And honey you are not meant to like teenagers even your own when you have them

5.It is never the right time to have a baby and now with the added horror of things going wrong it is amplified a million times.

1. we feel like we are running out of time which when added to the mix has turned us into slightly dented upset and fragile women that just for once would like to stop feeling so vulnerable and really yearn just to change a heaving nappy at 2 in the morning with beautific smiles fixed on our faces.

moon thinking of you todayxx

barbie omg I am looking a my hair in a whole new light

moon - just logged on to your awful sad news. Please don't give up hoping, as 4ever says alot of us have had more than 1 mc and its a testiment to the human spirit that we're all still here ttc, ttstay pg, and in Vjay's case waddling into the third trimester. You will get your baby, just be kind to yourself, let your DP look after you and bugger the world.

Jools - I'm so feeling for you. FWIW I remember being in pizza shop when I was pg with DS and four 7 year olds came in being annoying and I was all "God what have I let myself in for". But thankfully we don't give birth to 7/13 year olds so we have time to love them by the time they get to 13 . Its the modern dillema as most women don't have babies 'til they're in their 30's so have gotten way used to long lies, disposable income, holidays, drinking pimms in the garden but mother nature is a canny old bird and all that pales into insignificance compared to the joy of creating a new life and nurturing it along .

barbie - hair cycles - doesn't this thread have enough to worry about 'cycle' wise?

gracie - so glad you got a strong +ve on digi one x

mermaid - hope your grubby pant seduction worked last night .

to all x

Hello all. Have a good trip Gracie Moon Thinking of you today. Hope you and DH are coping ok.

Jools thinking of you too. So sorry you are having a hard time. Hope the sun shines for you again soon.

Curly How's today's opk?

Hi to everyone else. Too much work to do today to catch up properly.

Mermaid I totally get the weight gain stuff (Almost a stone since Christmas ) It'll all be worth it in the end. Chin up, lovely lady!
In ten years time we'll all be on here moaning about how our DC think they are already teenagers! FWIW I work with teenagers everyday and they are all right really - just don't tell them I said that!