Assisted conception (and the bits in between!) - part 3 - all welcome

[Caitni]

Right ladies, time for a new thread.

And a big welcome to everyone . Here's to many more success stories and healthy pregnancies!

MamaChris yes, unfortunately I think 13dpo results do count. I'm so sorry, I really was hoping for a full 50% or better result for our group. How are you handling it? Huge hugs and I'm thinking of you. Just ride those emotional waves as they come.

xx

MamaChris - so sorry it seems to be bad news this month.

Duplo _sound like good news for you! well done!!!!

I'm hving a very tough day. I think the hormones have slumped and I can't stop crying. I feel like such a fraud. I went to party last night, which was alright, but today I feel like a fake because I should have been feeling sorry for myself instead of covering up all the grief. I am greiving today. I feel like a failure and I know it's such the hormonal efect but I can't snap out of it. DH not being sympathetic as he thought I was "over it". Floods of hot angry tearskeep coming my way. Really really want big silent hugs, the ones where you know the person feels your pain.

Oh no MamaChris, you must have been so disappointed. Although I believe that there is still a chance that you tested too early, what test did you do? I tried 3 different brands of test yesterday, 2 (1st Response and Clearblue) came back faintly positive, but the 3rd (internet cheapie) came back negative. Really hoping you've just tested too early.

Dp has contracted what looks like swineflue. Argh, the 1st positive test in years and then he goes and does that. Have quarantined him to the spare bedroom and took dd out to enjoy the sunshine. Still feeling like AF may start any minute. Please stay away!!

So sorry you're having such a tough day KC11. I don't think it's reasonable of your dh to "get over it" within a few days, it's such a difficult and disappointing time for you, especially as your cycle went so well. I think men often deal with those things in a different way and try to distance themselves from their emotions which can be very hard for us when we need to be consoled. Do you have anyone else you could turn to for consolation, a good friend maybe or your mum? Allow yourself time to grieve, it's very important to process your emotions properly before you pick yourself up again and move on. Sending you a virtual ((hug)) which I know is a very poor substitute for the real thing.

meant to say I don't think it's reasonable of your dh to expect you to "get over it"

Fantastic news Duplo, I'm rooting for you. Sorry to Mamachris and Islegrin.
And KC11 don't be hard on yourself, your cycle went so well, you were bound to build up all your expectations . . it's just the nature of the beast. The only good thing about being a low responder is getting to keep your expectations in check all the time - and I'd swap any day and have a better chance - so go easy on yourself. I think its harder if you really believed it might happen, and you had every reason too.

Now Duplo as a fellow low-responder I have been meaning to ask you more about GIFT, and now you are pulling a positive I am extrememly interested. Can you outline the basics and why its supposed to be good for low responders?

(((KC11))) I had a relapse today of emotion, felt on the edge of tears all day (Sunday) after being "fine" since Wednesday. I felt much the same way you do, I've been trying not to burden my DH with it too much because he's still trying to get off the rollercoaster too, plus I wanted him to mostly enjoy his sports day (football, racing, etc). It does help take his mind off of everything

But I've wanted to be close, cuddle and needed consoling all day. The thought crossed my mind about the sudden departure of all of those hormone supplements and whether that might cause a temporary low on top of just plain disappointment. Not sure if it makes you feel any better to know I experienced the same thing today. I finally let it all go when I was driving to and from the grocery store - cranked up the music and just let it out. Plus I called my best friend, she's always very sensible and told me not to fight it so hard, just let it be. (Ride the emotional waves, is what I say - but now it was my turn to surf!)

Just remember - you have a wonderful DH that loves you very much, even when he doesn't quite understand how you are feeling. Plus you have parents and other family that love you very much too. We all have lots to be thankful for, even in this very disappointing time.

I hope that helps, a little.
xx

My God, so much is happening to you all. So sorry to MamaChris and Islegrin and KC11 - it must be so hard right now :-( But am really hoping for Duplo.

Thank you Gingerwine for the welcome :-) I feel like I can really join you all now as I injected Gonal-F for the first time this morning. Fingers crossed in 2 weeks time I'll be in for EC. I'm not new to emotinoal rollercoaster of AC but this is my first IVF - both dreading it and excited too. Is anyone else out there who'll be joining me??
x

Morning girls.

Mamachris - So sorry you've had BFNs. It's such an anticlimax after the potential exitement. Rollercoaster is such a good word for this whole thing. Look after yourself.

Islegrin - Sorry you've not had good news either. It sounds wise to let out the sadness. A good cry will do you no harm. I'm sure all those hormonal changes aren't helpful either.

The good thing is that both of you responded well and once you have come to terms with this cycle not working you can plan with that knowledge in mind. Huge hugs to you both.

Bluebell - Nice to hear from you. I'm not sure what I would do. Maybe try naturally til Jan and then one last shot at IVF. It sounds like that will double your chances from the stats your Dr gave you. We have been told our chances of success with IVF are about 5-10 % also and we are giving it a go if that helps. Although I do keep thinking what a lot of money to spend on something that is 90-95% likely to fail. But then if we don't try we will never know how we will respond and would always be wondering "what if". HTH

KC11 - Sending a big hug to you, knowing its not quite the same as a RL one! I know just what you mean about a silent hug full of sentiment. Good for you for going to the party and getting on with things and of course you will still be getting to grips with the disappointment. I'm sure your DH will be there for you. Men are funny creatures though and don't always 'get' how women work. Especailly when full of hormones!!

Duplo - Wow! My DH was wondering why I was so excited while reading MN! I think false postives are very unlikely aren't they. I so hope this is a definate BFP for you. Have you tested again today?

Ladies - just checking in to see how you are all doing. Sorry to hear about the BFN's, I am really sorry.

Duplo -- good news for you. take care of yourself, Sorry to hear that DH has swine flu. Typical !!

We are fine. Can't believe Louis is nearly a month old. I am struggling with emotions and quite down, think it is because I am not taking my HRT and need to get that sorted. Although am still trying to do something called breastfeeding, but due to the PCOS, its more miss than hit.

Got the 6wk check in a couple of weeks time, got lots to discuss, hysterectomy and also smear to check the progress of the borderline cells I had prior to the IVF.. never rains but pours..

sending everyone huge hugs, will try and post a photo on here, if i EVER work out how

Poor Islegrin. It seems we've had the same drop in hormones. I take some comfort in that actually. I am working today and have emailed all the women who knew I was having the second IVF. I've asked them all not to talk to me about it as they'll only upset me and so far none of them have referred to it. I hope you're feeling better today. I saw a man this morning walking on crutches who had clearly lost most of one leg. I realised that I am being pretty selfish really. He will never get his leg back and he was still carryingon with life. Made me feel quite cross with myself.

Will you keep trying Islegrin?

Does anyone know if hypnotherapy can help with infertility?

Welcome nanoo. Hope you'll enjoy it on here. Good luck with your injections and the cycle generally. You mentioned gonal f. Is that the follicle stimulating one? Are you based in London or further afield?

Hi there ladies. I'm so sorry to hear of the BFNs KC11, Mamachris and Islegrin, I was really hoping that there would be a some great news from your cycles. My thoughts are with you as you deal with the disappointments. I had one very low day, and then was fine for a few days, then felt down in the dumps for what seemed like forever. I struggle most witht he uncertainty, I think - if someone was able to tell me that I would never have children I'd find it a lot easier to deal with than the hope and continual rollercoaster. It's very difficult, and I hope you're all do okay getting through these tough days.

However I'm also thrilled with your test results, Duplo. they sound most promising!! Have you done another test yet?

As for me, I decided to step away from the computer for a while. I was also trying to take a bit of a break from preganacies and babies full stop, but it's impossible, I'm surrounded at the moment! We've set the wheels in motion to start looking in donor eggs however - had a good (frank) chat with my specialist and will see what happens next. And start doing lots of research!

KC11 was sorry to hear youre low. I would say try to let yourself wallow for a day or two, your reaction is completely normal and you wont feel like this for ever. Be gentle on your dh, I think that men hate seeing you in pain so by saying ?get over it? believe it or not they believe they are being helpful! Ask him for a big hug, tell him what you need so he knows what to do to help you. I agree that seeing other peoples struggles helps put things in perspective. Did anyone see that bbc programme last week ?wounded???? now that made me count my blessings with total gratitude.

Islegrin and mamachris ? hugs to you, Im so sorry to hear the news.

Duplo ? a tentative for your bfp!! Have you tested again? Poor dh with swine flu? what a good idea to quarantine him, hope it stays away from you.

Duplo and Gingerwine thanks for your advice ladies! Have agreed that we will go for an iui November and then our 2nd (and final) shot at ivf in Jan. Going into it with a positive frame of mind. Someone asked about hypnotherapy ? well I did lots of self hyp when I conceived my ds and am convinced that it helps, so now that Im reminded of that, will definitely do some in November and January!

NPA good luck with your research and enjoy your break.

Nanoo welcome, and best of luck for your cycle. How are you getting on with the injections? Are you on short protocol?

Apologies if Ive missed anyone, still trying to catch up with the posts.

Thanks Bluebell. I think an IUI in Nov sounds like a good plan. Gives you something to aim for.

Morning Islegrin. Hope you are feeling alright today.

Duplo hope you are felling good and that today's blood test goes well (it is today isn't it?)

Hello everyone else. Big wave to all of you.

hello Ladies, and sorry for neglecting you. I needed to take some time offline to sort out my head.

First Duplo I'm over the moon!!!!! WHOOOO WHOOO WHOOO for your BFP!!!!! This is fantastic, and I'm so delighted to see a goal scored from the low responder corner.

Islegrin , KC11 , MamaChris (Hi! we haven't 'met' yet) I'm so sorry. I was so hoping it was going to work for you. Don't beat yourselves up about being blue and showing it. I cried most days for 6 weeks after the last IVF failed - I think sometimes you just need to feel what you feel.

Flibberty [waves]! Good luck beating the baby blues. I'm sure the mixture of hormones, lack of sleep and all the extra responsibility isn't a picnic, even though you've wanted it for so long. I hope your DH is doing a good job of spoiling you! Thanks for dropping in with news of little Louis (cute name!).

LL I bet you're relieved that you've got all your moves over for a while! Have you dared to start getting the nursery ready yet?

So following two really tough months attempting to come to terms with 3 failed IVFs, but not being sure donor eggs was for us, we have decided to look into one more attempt, but not conventional IVF. I am finally reconciled to that not being for me. We have an appointment with Create in 2 weeks, to talk about mild IVF. Since I'm such a low responder it seems pointless to bung my body full of the maximum drug doses for no result. We'll see what they say. But anyway, whether we try this or not, if I'm not pregnant by Xmas we're going on a donor list...

Duplo , thanks for the tip about Inconceivable. I've read it now and it does reinforce my instinct to get my body as healthy and unstressed as possible. Although I can't work out whether she was just insanely lucky!

Hi Ladies - thanks for all of your well wishes. I was still feeling anxious and "on the edge" Monday morning so I called the doc to see what might help. I'm now convinced it was hormone withdrawl rather than genuine sadness, because by Monday evening I was MUCH better. I slept all the way through the night, but woke up at 3:30 with DH and couldn't go back to sleep - but still, that is improvement and I feel fine today. KC I hope you've seen marked improvement in the moods as well.

I excercised this morning and I'm getting back on my weight loss obsession instead of IVF obsession. I have my post-IVF-failure meeting with doc tomorrow afternoon, and DH will go too - to discuss the new plan. (fingers crossed for mid nov!!!) In any event I start the evil BC pills tomorrow for IVF #2.

Duplo still waiting to hear BFP confirmation! My thoughts have been with you for days!!!

Bumpless glad to see you back and with a plan in hand. Best to you!

Thank you guys for being so welcoming [grin to all] - it's great to have your support. To answer your questions - I'm on something called Long Day 2 - and I started FSH injections on Monday (that's the Gonal-F I mentioned). If things go to plan EC will be around 12th Oct. It's great to know you'll be here along the way - thank you :-)

Dying to hear from Duplo...? Any news? Really hope all's going well.

Islegrin, great to hear you're feeling better (don't get TOO obsessed with that weight loss - give yourself some time to have fun too!! - and also weight loss won't help your fertility!). What are BC pills? That's amazing you might be allowed to start another cycle so soon :-)

Birth Control pills - to stop my system from making folls for a month, then they start thickening lining meds - for frozen embryo transfer (FET).

Off to work out for a bit!

DUPLO blood test was officially Tuesday, right? Do tell, is it for real??

KC11 I sure hope you are coming out of the hormonal slump, it's so much better on the upswing than the downswing!

LL are you putting your feet up and resting or are you nesting in your new home?

Caitni still traveling?

Nanoo if I can manage it, losing a stone would certainly help out - so I'm going to give it a go. I think in my case losing weight would help ttc - and it's approved by FC, so I'm alright - actually, I'm happy again! Better than alright. Best of luck for mid October, we'll be here with info and opinions. It's not so bad, just seems scary the first time through it all. Just take it one step at a time.

I'm on the uphill climb of the rollercoaster again! Anyone want to join me???

Talk with my doc went well - she and everyone else were suprised at the BFN, and we discussed what we could do to better our chances. She gives us really good chances for the FET, they just had 8 of 9 FET go positive this week!!! She wants me to do some blood tests for some non-stick problems just in case, and we're off on our next cycle - transfer scheduled for first week in November!!! Just happens that my mum and aunty will be here, so that'll be fun/exciting/weird!

sorry in advance as this will be a me post today, cannot manage anything more at the moment. Things are not going well here. For the first few days the lines on my pg tests were getting stronger and I even got a few symptoms so I allowed myself to daydream a bit. One day I took dd out for a walk and she took her doll out in a pram and told everyone this was her "baby brother james" and I was so happy that I would be giving her a real baby brother or sister soon. Then the last 3 days the line hasn't gone stronger at all, actually I think it was slightly lighter this morning. I went for the blood test this morning and they called me at 5 to say that my levels were a bit too low at 167 and to come back on sat. This would not worry me too much on its own but together with the diminishing line and also no pg symptoms today I feel I know where this is leading. I guess it's positive that I have made it this far at least, but I'm so so low today. I'm not sure I'll be able to go through this again.

duplo my heart goes out to you! Even as I saw that you were the last to post, I actually crossed both fingers and said please let her still be positive!!! I'm so saddened for you that's just complete and total shite! I'm so sorry you have to go through this uncertainty and crap! I wish there was something I could do. (and I know you won't even read this for days because you've got to get away from here for a bit) For what it's worth, I'm with you and I know it will be hard to even think about doing this again. Just give yourself permission to feel like shite for a while - however long it takes. Take good care of yourself!

Hang in there duplo.