Assisted conception (and the bits in between!) - part 3 - all welcome

[Caitni]

Right ladies, time for a new thread.

And a big welcome to everyone . Here's to many more success stories and healthy pregnancies!

Bumpless you are doing great! I'm hoping, praying, wishing and crossing fingers for you and your 2 little embryos. You seem to be handling this like a pro, you are such a strong lady - hang in there, soon you will be bored and impatient on your tww!

Yes! I'm eager to get on with the next bit. The nurse called and said that I have to take downregging for an extra 3 days but they aren't changing the scan date or any other... don't know why, but I guess they know what they are doing.

I'm cramping and feeling some pain that I normally would associate with follicle development, but that is specifically NOT supposed to be happening (so it makes me doubt everything I thought I knew. Whatever, it is, whatever it is.

I'm starting to really wonder about the EC part of this whole thing. How big is the needle? Do they have ultrasound at the same time to guide or flouroscopy? How bad does it hurt afterwards? I put in for a couple of days off that week - so I'll try to take it easy. My boss is pretty good about this sort of thing, luckily. I was already getting paranoid about people seeing my half-naked self... silly, silly, silly - I KNOW! Oh well, I'll keep trying not to think of it and just keep bending.

Hi ladies
just checking in. Sorry not been on much to offer any moral support, but I finish work next week and my managers have been utterly crap about sorting any cover and its stressing me hugely. Plus for some reason people think NOW is a good time to start projects -- erm NO!

LL - sorry to hear about the CT. rolfing sounds good, yoga is also good and try and an osteopath. it is blummin' painful, I had it temporarily, and it went. fingers crossed it will for you. Hope you and the twinnies are doing ok?

bumpless - great news on the two eggs. Remember the mantra, it just takes one! - Stick on your PMA knickers and I will keep my fingers crossed for you

islegrin - You are sounding nervous, try not to get too freaked out by the medicalness(is there such a word) of it all. I have no experience of EC, but I know each person is different. There is a great natalhypnotherapy CD for IVF treatment which can help overcome some of the fear of it all and also help you prepare for EC, ET and post ET. I swore by it both times, lots of visualisation.

OAP - sorry to hear that this cycle isn't working for you. really hoped it was going to be the one for you. You do have an excellent attitude, just remember we are here for you, if you need us.

horton - hi welcome to the thread, yes it is a great thread, hence the reason I can't seem to leave. Once and IVFer, always an IVFer , I guess. Hope everything works out for you ok.

bluebell - fingers crossed for you. The whole thing is a nightmare of trying not to symptom spot and trying to figure out what is happening. It is such a freaky business.

ailz - sending you hugs, you sound like you need them sweetie.

Caitni - I have had loads of scans too. I had quite a few reassurance ones in the early days, guess cos I couldn't see pregnancy OR didn't feel like it. LOL about the cyclogest, I think you are aware of the stories about it dissolving my knickers! -- Boy was I glad to stop that stuff.

So, I am now in official waiting mode. 2 weeks and 4 days to go until my due date. Not sure WHERE the last 8 months have gone. Seems to have whizzed by. We had a scan last week and baby is a good size and just waiting to do all the right things.

Tomorrow the MW is coming around to do my Homebirth check. So, we are just waiting and waiting and waiting. my Gynae has advised me to have a hysterectomy after this baby, as we aren't planning anymore. he wants me to minimise my chances of a return of ovarian cancer. Can't say I am looking forward to that operation, but it wont happen for at least 12 months. having to consider that is all a bit final, we know we can;t afford anymore IVF after this one. But it seems like a great line through any more "possibility". But c'est la vie!

Right need to go and sort out my sunburn. Having spent the day in the midlands cavorting in a hippo lke way around a childrens farm, I now look like a sunburnt pig. Stupid me for NOT applying suncream

take care all and I hope you have a lovely sunday xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Bumpless ? really happy to hear they got 2 eggs and I hope you got a good phonecall on the way to London and the ET went smoothly - sending you good recovery vibes, rest as much as you can.

LL hope the wrist splints and codeine are doing the trick. Let us know how the rolfing went!

Caitni ? lol at the cylogest knicks! That stuff is evil to fabric and mood alike! Hope you got a good view at your scan ? I think its normal to scare yourself worrying about the little one, but I hope the scan put your mind at rest.

Hi Ailz ? don?t blame you for taking a break, will be doing that myself next week I think. Its all so intense that you need a bit of a breather from it sometimes. I get those questions too, seem to be more frequent now than before I had ds. ?When you having no.2?, oh god you don?t want an only child!, they are all selfish/spoilt/ little prince/ess s etc etc?. I did laugh at that womens? reaction when you told her.. oh! Can just imagine her face! Theres just no easy way to answer when you are trying your hardest is there? I just vague it out,? oh when we are ready.. ?.. have also started bringing the age thing into it, sometimes say, ?perhaps that ship has sailed given our ages we will have to see?? theres nothing much you can say to that other than,?oh no youre not too old?? which is encouraging rather than pitying if you know what I mean..?

Islegrin you are doing exactly what I was doing at beginning, and I agree its best to know as much as poss, knowledge is power and all that. You know the plastic probey thing they do the internal scans with? Well they use that but fit a needle inside it, so it guides them to the follicles. It hurts as much as a period does afterwards. Like everything in this process it is not as bad as you think it will be. As for being naked, well, you are covered up top half and have a big paper towel to cover your bits until theyre ready to start.. its amazing what you get used to isn?t it!

Flibbertywidget thanks for your good wishes, sounds like you are very near the start of maternity leave so if I were you I would let go now, leave them to sort it out and walk away into your motherhood time with a smile and a wave! Oh and I hope you have a really lovely homebirth, it really is the ideal if you can get one.

Well Im still in limbo Tested with hpt yesterday and got a negative (thanks for the number of days after et you can test info LL couldn?t resist ) but a couple of hours later AF started? gutted doesn?t even begin to cover it. Was just getting my head around that when it stopped.
Spent the rest of yesterday convincing myself it could be implantation bleed. Today tested again. Still negative but no sign of AF and headache etc has gone. I really don?t know what is going on but I do not feel pregnant. If AF stays away will go back to clinic for blood test tomorrow.

Bluebell goodness you must be all over the place at the moment. Hope AF stays away and you get to the clinic tomorrow. Do you know how soon they can give you a result after the blood test? FWIW, I'm with Lottie on this one, and would be testing tomorrow with the most expensive and snazzy test on the market.

Flibberty hasn't the time flown by! Are you expecting an early baby, on time or late? What happened last time? It sucks about the hysterectomy though, sorry you have the joy of that coming up. I found my broodiness and need to have another baby peaked when DD was between 1 and 2 years old, will a years' time be a difficult time for you to have this op?

Islegrin are you downregging with Buserelin? It gave me ovarian pains too, and like you, I really didn't understand why I had aching ovaries when downregging.

Ailz like you I've tried out a couple of lines on friends when they've asked if we are going to have any more children, and my favourite response is to say "Yes, we'd love more children". Have found that this works to close the conversation off hopefully without offending anyone, but without giving details about exactly why we don't have any more given DD is approaching 3.

Lottie sorry to hear about your carpel tunnel issue. For some reason I have rolfing and zorbing (where you go down a steep hill inside a big plastic ball) confused in my mind, so I had some very odd images in my head reading some of the messages! It does sound hideous though, hope the codeine gives some relief. I did find that all my pregnancy-related ailments like SPD, swollen feet, heartburn etc disappeared the second DD was born, so at least you can put a time limit on the pain, if this helps?

Bumpless good news about the eggs, hope all is well and you are reclining and comfy on the sofa somewhere. Not to worry about the cake, have made banana loaf and eaten most of it this weekend, so no more cake needed just yet!

I had a bit of an epiphany last week, after starting to bleed so early in the 2WW and have had a bit of a change in attitude forced upon me. I think it was feeling so much more positive and cheerful once the IVF drugs were out of my system really, it made me look back on the last couple of months and decide to pull myself together and be positive. The world is full of pregnant women and SILs with umpteen children, and I aim to be happy for them wholeheartedly, no point in moping about grumbling to myself.

DH and I had a lovely talk this weekend, and we are going to continue with IVF until further notice - he is happy to have another 10 goes if this is what I want (may need to rob a bank first). And both of us had thought the same thing - to try and schedule EC and ET for mid Dec just after my 40th, so we can have 3 embryos put back next time! In the meantime we spent the weekend taking DD camping for the first time, up at the top of Swaledale at Keld where the Pennine Way and Coast to Coast Walk cross paths - we had such a lovely time!

bluebell, don't want to buoy you up if you want to expect the worst but when I was newly pregnant, I honestly didn't feel like I was at all. I was convinced that it was all in my head. I also didn't get a positive until several days after my period was due and then it was faint enough to give me cause for wondering if I'd imagined it. Oddly, I found Sainsburys cheapie tests much better and stronger lines than some of the posher brands. I tried about six before I decided the madness had to stop!

Bluebell how horrid and scary for you. Good luck with keeping AF at bay and I hope the clinic test comes out on top, despite not feeling pregant...

Thanks everyone for your good wishes over the WE. We got the call when we were on the bus to the clinic to say that neither of our guys made it - one too immature to fertilise and the other just big fat didn't want to. So we went for a devastated walk round Regents Park and for breakfast (the lovely italian deli owner was a bit mystified about why I was sitting indoors wearing sunglasses, just have to hope he thought I was a celebrity). But a weird thing happened, after spending most of the day feeling terrible, I crashed out on the sofa and woke up around 6 feeling comnpletely different - very positive and actually, on some level, relieved. And I still do! Can't explain it at all - am I relieved that the cycle's over? Maybe the nasty hormones leaving my system, as OAP says? Do i feel like I've been let off the TTC hook after such a crash and burn? I don't really know. We have a meeting with the consultant this morning to discuss options and I think I'll ask to book in for the counselling service to sort out what I want/think/feel.

End of memememememe!

It's fantastic that the thread graduates (Flibberty, Caitni and LL) are still posting, it really wouldn't be the same without you and it makes all this stuff feel like much more of a continuum than it would otherwise. Flibberty , amazing how daft people can be - I agree that you should (if at all poss) wave an airy hand and leave your colleagues to their own devices, making it clear that the consequences will be their own as well! As if you don't have enough to think abot...

OAP I'm completely wowed by the way you're dealing with everything and intend to take a leaf out of your book. Your DH sounds like a rock, no wonder you married him! I really wish the cycle had worked for you, but I'm so glad that the two of you have found a way to face the unknown with such a positive bond. Go you!

Ailz we all need time out sometimes, hope you found it a relief to think about other things! I think I'll adopt Horton 's ''I'm rubbish at gettinbg pregnant + laugh' line - I never know what to say in these circs and since DH and I only got hitched 2 years ago we get asked a lot.

Got to zoom off to doc, will finish catching up later, waves to everyone

Bumpless ? so sorry to hear your news, I hope the follow up appointment today helps you with a way forward.
OAP I hope I am able to deal with this half as well as you.
I had test this morning. Negative. I?m not pregnant, it hasn?t worked.

Had big talk with dh last night, we have agreed to take a break, we have follow up appointment at end of Sept when we will decide if its worth another shot or not.
Im going to try to count my blessings, DS is seeming more and more like a little miracle so perhaps I need to focus on enjoying him, and OAP you?ve inspired me to look into booking a holiday for October.

Im glad we tried and I couldn?t have done it without your support.
xx

Bluebell so very sorry to hear it hasn't worked . Taking time out to grieve and think about your options is the best thing to do at this stage.

Bumpless I'm gutted for you that your two eggs didn't make it . I hope your app with the consultant goes well today and the counselling is a very good idea.

OAP you and your DH sound so strong, and you're dealing with this so well. Taking your DD camping for the first time must have been a good distraction, and a reminder of all the good things in life (and a reminder about the whole point of treatment). Lots of admiration for you from me. I also think it's a very clever idea about starting your next cycle of treatment! Your DH sounds like a wonderful partner to have in life

Lottie hope you're not in too much pain - I admit I had no idea what rolfing was but a quick look at wikipedia shows it's not at all what I was expecting! Not sure what I was expecting but it was more like OAP's zorbing than deep tissue massage . Scan on Saturday was brilliant and feeling much calmer. Finally feel like we're having a baby - was explaining to my mum, the font of all my pregnancy and baby knowledge, and she was reassuring me that after all the hoops we've had to jump through to get to this stage anxiety about miscarriage is completely and utterly normal. And then she said that if she could have had ultrasounds back in the 60s and 70s she'd have been having them on a weekly basis!

Flibberty two weeks to go - gosh! Exciting times. Hope you get the home birth you want. I'm really sorry to hear your doctor thinks a hysterecomy is the best long term strategy to make sure the cancer stays away. It's such a final thing...although you seem sure that two is the number of children you want I imagine it's still a very tough thing to contemplate. Still, you have at least a year to think and talk about it and, most importantly at the moment, you have only a short time before you meet your second child .

Hello to Islegrin Horton Ailz Roseca and everyone else.

bluebell I'm so sorry it didn't work! You must feel like you've been through the ringer. Take good care of yourself!

bumpless That's terrible that your little follies didn't fertilize - I'm so sorry for you as well. I'm amazed that you feel so placid, but don't fret if that doesn't last. You may get another wave of disappointment, or you may not. Either way, you still have a lot to look forward to! Does this mean that you will now look at egg donation?

Flibberty I was getting a bit freaked out, I have to admit. However I realized I had no idea what to expect, so I did a little googling... I for some reason always expected abdomenal entry for EC, now I know it accompanies the scan wand. Still a bit scared of that (which is unusual for me because I've had nerve blocks in my face without and sedation - 7 in needle). So I guess I'm trying to get more educated to reduce my fear. The trick is to not read horror stories online! I'm so sorry to hear you will probably be facing a hysterectomy at some point, but you have a lot to look forward to in a just a couple of weeks!!! I can't wait to hear all about your bouncing bundle of joy. Also, avoiding cancer is a very worthwhile goal, especially with one added to your family. Best of luck to you.
If you have time/inclination you may want to read the China Study, it centers on nutrition as a way to reduce the risks of cancer and returning cancer. (ok - not giving a commercial here)

OAP I've been thinking more about it - and I don't think I'm downregging at all, because I'm not on Busserelin just birth control pills. But I'm supposed to take them for 6 weeks straight (no placebos to allow for AF) so I actually might be growing follies, just preventing pg from the bc pills??? I have no idea, tbh. Then after 6 weeks they start stimming.

I just got a note in the mail that my doc's office is moving across the island - UGH. That's going to be a bit more inconvienent... but as DH says, we only have one more go with them, then we're moving on, either way.

LL and Caitni glad to hear your babies are still growing and happy! LL I hope you get your CTS sorted out to give you some relief, I have had twinges of it for the last couple of years - I know it effects everything you do!

Waves to Roseca, Ailz, Horton!

Hi Horton you seem to have same problem as me, ie no problem at all except cant get pregnant! we have been trying about 2 years now, got preggers first time last time and she is nearly 3 and a half. i tried being honest really as an experiment and it went quite badly. i laugh now! i needed to know!
good luck on 2ww Bluebell Roseca i have not tried your cupcakes yet, but i fully intend to do so next week and will update you! Last week i had to make a chocolate cake so keeping cupcakes for next time, cant do choc overload in one week!
Bumpless you cry all you want love. it is stress relief, dont be ashamed. i cry at ads. delighted about the follies, go girl.
LL thanks love. hope you are doing well too, you and all your crew! sorry about the carpal Tunnel though, ouch. one word of warning, the codeine can make you depressed. if you are not used to it. it happened to me years ago and i feel i should pass it on.

Islegrin EC is nothing to worry about before hand, as you will be KO thank god, it is lovely that way! afterwards yes it is painful, but i always prefer pain afterwards than at the time. you can take painkillers, and use hot water bottles or other heating devices, as you dont have embryos on board yet. as for the nakedness, if you plan to have a baby, which i am sure you do! you will have to let go of ALL dignity, you will get 'em out for anyone! wahooo! seriously.
flibberty you have every excuse to be busy, sorry manager is being crap. 2 weeks to go - ahh! when are you going to rest? you sound tired. can you sound tired on a thread? you have a little munchkin on the way and you need your energy. if you had £1 for every time someone said that eh? take it easy anyway. stop cleaning those skirting boards!
Thanks bluebell i have review meeting with consultant on thursday. i feel like it has been years since ivf. i am actually looking forward to getting started again. didnt think i would say that. you seem to be going through similar situation to me. i couldnt resist testing and all symptoms disappeared. it is so hard. best of luck, thinking of you x
onlyaphase i know how you feel. i had similar conversations and epiphany too. we are seriously considering going down the adoption route after much soul-searching. we will definitely adopt, just need to sort out where from and all the million other details. but will give ivf one more try first. always knew i would adopt, just now we may bring it forward a few years. we all need to stop, look clearly at things and ask if we are happy with the way things are going. otherwise we can become jaded and cynical. glad you are in a good place. camping sounds good, but my dh would freak out!
sorry bumpless i understand the relief, it really is a rollercoaster isnt it? that word could not suit anything better than this situation could it. here's to moving on and up x
hi to everyone else x

Bluebell I'm so sorry this cycle hasn't worked for you, I was really hoping it had and you'd just had an implantation bleed. Good luck with the follow up in Sept, keep an open mind until you hear what the consultant has to say.

Bumpless I was horrified to read your post, what a dreadful day for you. Will be interested to see what your consultant said yesterday. I do think there is a moment of great clarity of mind when your worst fears are realised, there is no point in being worried anymore, so one gets this uplift in mood.

Islegrin the best bit of EC is that when you are lying there chatting to the lovely staff (and they are always lovely) with a canula in your hand, blood pressure cuff on, pulseox thingy on your finger, monitors stuck all over you, getting a bit stressed.....you get a shot of the most amazing sedative and go to a happy place for 30 minutes. Just marvellous and I look forward to it every time. After the first time I said to DH that I could now understand drug addicts. NB don't make this joke to the staff in the theatre, they just look worried and check your notes.

Hi Ailz, yes exactly the same here apart from getting pregnant easily the first time (that took two years in this corner). It's amazing how frustrating having 'nothing wrong with you' can be, isn't it?

a big hug from me bumpless i was in the same situ 2 wks ago had very light bleeding just before my 2ww PT and on the day of test AF came to visit big style, glad to say though that after 1 and 3/4 wk AF left so no need to seek advice from RMU but will mention it on my follow up appt in a couple of weeks. I know exactly how you feel and amazingly after a couple of days i didnt feel too bad except when i go into work and see a colleague who is expecting her 2nd grrrrrrr. i have taken the attitude that hey it didnt work this time but you never know what is meant to be will be,

Ailz lol no worries about the cupcakes they arent actually my recipe it was an Anthony Worral Thompson one copied out of hello magazine ages ago but they do taste megalicious

bluebell big hugs to you too

lottie a friend of mine developed CPT during her pregnancy and it has gone now no symptoms, i dont know if she was on any painkillers or not but i do know that she had the casts on both wrists to help with the pain

HI TO EVERYONE ELSE HOPE YOU ARE ALL WELL

Hi folks, nice to see the thread so busy after a little quiet spell! Thanks for all your support, and sorry reading about my day on Saturday was the equivalent of a hide-behind-the-sofa horror for you LL (but it's kind of lovely for me to know that you care)

(((( Bluebell )))) I'm so so sorry that it didn't work! I was really hoping that despite all the bad vibe symptoms your little guy had stuck and was just taking its time to make its presence known... You sound like you're doing really well but I hope you'll give yourself lots of pampering and take it easy for a few days to recover emotionally as well as physically.

OAP I do agree about the lovely sedative you get before EC! I call it the '2 glasses of champagne' shot, you feel all buzzed and happy - but it also does make you talk shite, I remember burbling on to the lovely anaesthetist about whether she took some home to have before a night out, which at the time made perfect sense... Islegrin it's true that you do lose all dignity, but my clinic are very sensitive about it and wait till you're sparko to get the legs in the stirrups and expose all, and put you back together again before waking you up, so you can pretend it didn't happen. With ET though, you're awake and there are about 3 people all peering intently at the business end so you just have to make sure you've had a recent bikini wax and relax... I echo what others have said, your ovaries do ache afterwards for a few days and you do feel wobbly from the sedation for the rest of the day, but it's really not too bad. Don't beat yourself up for getting a bit freaked, especially with the mounting anticipation of doing a long protocol, I think it would be more weird if you didn't!

Caitni how brilliant that the scan reassured you. It must be terrifying to be pregnant and constantly fearing the worst - I hope that this will enable you to enjoy it more now. LL I bet if you divided the number of scans by the number of babies you have, it would come out as below average, so you could even argue for more if you feel you need them!

Flibberty , apols, I must have missed the post about needing a hysterectomy. You poor love, it's a very big op and with a young family not at all what you'd want to go through. When might it happen? I hope it's not too much of a cloud on what should be a wonderfully bright horizon (annoying colleagues notwithstanding) as you wait to meet your new baby. FWIW, a colleague of mine had one a few months ago, for similar reasons, and although it was a long recovery period she does say she's relieved that all the health scares are now well and truly behind her.

Ailz , great that you're feeling positive about another cycle. Good luck on Thursday for your review appt. I'm interested in your thoughts on adoption too. Since I'm in a reviewing my options phase I looked on the UK adoption website and found it very off-putting, basically very little chance of being able to adopt a young child if you're over 35 (which I am), and they want to match the ethnicity of the child to the adoptive parents - which I completely agree with - but it seemed like most of the children who needed homes were from black or mixed backgrounds, so I'd get ruled out on both counts. Maybe I'm just not in a very positive place at the moment though! I'm impressed that you've already thought through what you'll do next - I'm still all at sea.

My euphoric mood lasted all through Sat evening and Sunday and right up till our review appointment. I think you were right OAP and it was the result of my worst fears being realised which meant they'd happened and I wasnt clenched in anticipation any more. I'd been terribly stressed all through this cycle, busting into tears at scans and meetings, as I knew it was going badly even though I was trying to be positive, so it was a weight lifting - even though I'd been wanting to carry the weight iuswim. The doc was lovely and said that normally she'd advise against trying another cycle on the basis of this one, but since my previous one had yielded 3 good embies it was possible that we might get that result again. We agreed that if we wanted to try again, they would do day 1 scans to do antral follicle counts and only proceed if there were 4 or more present. I rather wish they'd done that this time rather than proceeding when I only had 2, but I know I'd have begged them to carry on on the grounds that next time I might have none if they'd suggested it at the time. She'd also given us some more info about donor eggs. If I was sensible that's what I would go for. Of course I got all upset and tearful again - I think it's going to take a while for me to be able to rationally weigh up the options I've got. DH and I have decided to give ourselves a couple of months before making any decisions this time. And I think I'll use the time to finally get fit and shed that extra stone I've been carrying around for the past few years!

Hi Bumpless it is interesting what your doc said about having another cycle if you want and/or donor eggs. I suppose it is the usual mix of time/money/emotional wear and tear/age that will determine which option you actually go for in the end. Very good news about the antral follicle counts they can do these days, that takes some of the guesswork out of it hopefully.

The key thing is to be able to live with any decision you actually make, and not wonder what would have happened if.....

Good luck anyway with the next couple of months - I'm about to restart the couch to 5K program again (was up to running 5K 3 times a week before I started this last cycle) if you want company on your keep fit kick.

Ailz hope your review appointment goes well tomorrow and you are able to start your 2nd cycle soon. Exciting!
Islegrin forgot to say the most important thing about EC, you are out of it while it happens! my clinic gave me a really strong sedative, so it was very much, lie down, catheter in back of hand, oxygen mask on, two deep breaths then N O T H I N G
When I woke up 45mins later was lying in recovery with dh beside me, felt very s p a c e d and lovely for a good hour afterwards. I do love drugs and agree with Bumpless,(who described the whole thing really well and lol at the burbling) if I were an anaesthetist I would be self prescribing
OAP hehehehee at your comment to theatre staff! Loved your description of their response and agree with you ? the drugs rock
Roseca ? try not to let yr colleague get to you, I know its hard, I have someone like that in my life too, everything that?s good in life seems to come easy to her and she has no sensitivity about other peoples struggles. Its not fair but I try not to get too caught up in her world and just focus on my stuff cos what else can you do? When is your review appt?
gingerwine how are things with you?

Ive had a rocky couple of days. Told those who knew we were ivfing the news which was harder than I thought it would be. We booked lovely holiday for Oct, recovered from a big fight over nothing with dh - he felt so bad about it he gave me lovely card, a spa day and spending money - proper apology Cant quite bring myself to throw away the scan pic of my embie yet. Still no af, just spotting, have stopped the evil pessaries now tho. We have over a month til review appt so will make the most of the breather.

Hi to Caitni, LL, Horton and everyone else!

Bumpless sounds like your review meeting gave you lots to think about and its great that they sounded positive about another cycle but its a good idea to take some time to recover from the past few weeks before making any decisions. Im going to give you back your advice to me Take it easy and give yourself time to recover emotionally as well as physically. hugs

bluebell my review appt is on 2nd September

Bluebell your DH sounds amazing! Almost worth the fight (just kidding). Sorry you're going through a rough patch, it's very very hard. Esp when you're waiting for AF to show up - somehow after that at least you're out of the cycle. I've still got my embie pic from the prev cycle - why not hang onto it, if throwing it away hurts? No harm done and you really don't need any more stress at the moment.

OAP I'm up for being getting fit buddies, fab! I was running 5k 1-2 times a week until I started stimming, but I swear a combo of drugs, comfort binging and self-pity has made me put on half a stone in 10 days and now I'm puffed going upstairs... What's the programme?

No progress yet on having a clue what I want to do next, in fact been feeling very and self-destructive. Until I noticed what appears to be EWCM ... anyone experienced this after an abandoned cycle? Have a mad hope that the follies that were too immature to be harvested are carrying on and will produce fantastic eggs, inclined to shag DH on the off-chance, but more likely to be a hiccup after the drugs, surely... Still, a bit of an indicator that I don't seem to be ready to give up yet!

hugs and waves
xx

Hello everybody

Back after a little break but was missing the thread so am back.

Hi Horton - this is such a lovely thread isn't it. I lurked on it a lot before posting and it often made me cry at how kind people can be. Funny how so many of us on here have secondary infertility as well isn't it?

Islegirl - last time I posted you and DH had only just had the IVF chat. Wow. Congrats on moving on to the next stage. I have absolutely everything crossed for you that this will be your cycle.

Ailz - hope your feeling better after your break. Are you starting your next cycle in September? Maybe we can be treatment buddies.

Bumpless - I'm so sorry that your two embies didn't make it but so pleased to hear about your calm epiphany.

OAP- what's your secret to such a positive outlook? I'm in awe.

Bluebell - that all sounds totally horrible and I'm so sorry you had to to through that. It's the added little tricks that your body throws in that are so hard to deal with isn't it? Hope you're doing ok.

Lottie and Caitni - so glad you're both on here. You're our beacons of hope. xx

Flibberty - can't wait to hear your big news.

Having a few shit days after af arriving yesterday on day 42!!. Thought I got a positive on tesco opk on day 21 (which would be about normal for me) so was delighted when had strange cramping 14 dpo which dind't materialise in to anything. Also had tiredness, increased cm, aversion to smells. Tested on 18 dpo the most hopeful I've ever been and got a glowing bfn. Still no af over weekend with symptoms increasing so started getting hopes up that the test was somehow wrong, only to be greeted with af last night. (did another test straight away in hope it was implantation but got another neg) Have had quite painful unexplained pain in side for the past few days as well so no idea what that could be. So after two months of good cycles after the ovarian drilling looks like it's all gone a bit haywire again.

Anyway, had FSH blood test today at hospital (results next week so feel quite nervous as AMH high - does that mean that my FSH are more likely to be as well do you think?) but they told me that could only start cycle at end of October now instead of mid Sep like they said before. the London clinic where I live have an open day next week and they're success rate is better than the hosp that I'm at so might see if I can swap to there. Has anyone else had experience with the London clinic and with swapping? Would I be able to just give them a copy of my notes do you think or would I have to start from scratch?

Hello to everyone else I haven't mentioned. Hope you're all well wherever you are. xx

Hi all!

Bumpless, so sorry to have your news, lots to think about for future options I guess. Good luck thinking them over, and coming up with the best decision for you.

Bluebell again I'm really sorry to hear your news, and I hope taking a break helps to clear your mind a bit. And post to confirm that you're taking your own advice!

Hi to summermagic too. I have no idea about swapping, sorry, but thought a high AMH level was a good thing, not a bad thing? From what I remember my specialist told me in the 20s is very good, and below 4 or so is not so good.

OAP and Bumpless I have been on a bit of a running kick lately myself - I went for a 35 minute run today and really enjoyed it, but as today is also the first day of stimming I will be easing off for the next couple of weeks. And given that I have mostly eaten cake today, I expect to see that half stone appearing on me too any day now!

Hi to everyone else too!