Assisted conception (and the bits in between!) - part 3 - all welcome

[Caitni]

Right ladies, time for a new thread.

And a big welcome to everyone . Here's to many more success stories and healthy pregnancies!

Hi ladies
late night checking

roseca -- sorry to hear about BFN. take some time for yourself, Ailz (I think it was Ailz) is right there is an emotional cycle with all of this and you will grieve and you need to go through that. Hugs for you

Bluebell fingers crossed for your embie

bumpless - I think you are right re your comments on how some people react and try to be inclusive. I hated it when any of my friends "excluded" me from being pregnant. I had no animosity toward them, of course I was always envious, but always happy too. It is a fine line to tread. I have felt it acutely in my pregnancy, a close work colleague had her 3rd miscarriage when I was 12 weeks pg. I was gutted for her and felt dreadful. I had to tell her that I knew how she felt, and all about my IVF so she didn't think I couldn't understand her situation. I know it only too well. But I have felt so bad for her when other people make a comment aboutme and my pg, as they don't realise what she is going through. Life can be shit at times.

LL - hope the holiday isn't stressful from start to finish and yes you are right, tis the calm before the storm

All fine here. no more a&e dashes or anything.

Hugs to anyone I have missed xxx

Hi everyone
LL sorry you are having holiday with these people. how awful having to witness such carnage. poor kids.
Bluebell hold in there, it only takes one embryo after all. a lot of docs actually think that you have a better chance with only one embryo. think positively, anything else wont help you at all. do all you can to relax and prepare yourself, sleep, keep warm, eat good food etc. deep cleansing breaths, that was my mums answer to everything and of course 'go for a walk' that would cure everthing for some reason. good luck x
Roseca hope you are doing ok today.
Bumpless i agree with you on the fact that we can be a bit sensitive to other peoples's very normal comments and think they are spiteful and insensitive when they are just having normal conversations about their children, my dh thinks that BBC are conspiring against us by having so many ads for PG tests! however, I have a 3 year old, so no one leaves me out of conversation, to a lot of mums, i look 'normal' and dont warrant any pitiful looks and squirming when babies are mentioned, like so many other women do. I am fine chatting about babies all day, in fact i think i do, when you are surrounded by them at playgroups and all! it is just that SOME people are actually rude and enjoy hurting other peoples feelings. it took me about a year to realise this. i forgive people and imagine that they just dont realise what they are saying, i will do this over and over again until it is pointed out to me that their behaviour is just unacceptable. a mum of 2 that i know and used to work with, will actually go out of her way to call me JUST to tell me about a distant cousin of hers who is pregnant, or a sister in law or a distant friend from her school. I will never meet these people so why should i be told about them? she then proceeded to discuss my problem with me (another day) and then spend a long time telling me about the baby that she thinks she will have next (they have no intention of having another baby - her husband told me he was not having any more kids under any circumstances) she said 'oh i think i will have a girl next and i will buy this outfit and this , oh isnt this dress cute' etc. sorry to all the people who have heard my ranting before! it is obviously still raw. i immediately thought she was being insensitive, but when i told someone else the conversation, they were disgusted and raging. it is just being mean, some people are mean. there are some people out there, who are in bad situations (bad marriage, bad financial situations, difficult kids, no social life - which she is) and they are jealous of others, so they take the one thing that we want in the world and lord it over us. it is a fact. sorry i am finished althoug i could go on forever. sorry. although i agree with you bumpless we are too sensitive absolutely, some people are just mean! it is hard to tell someones emotion from words on a page, so i have not written this in an angry voice in case anyone thinks i have! i just find it theraputic to rant about annoying people i know!

Hi, I hope you don't mind me visitng your thread, but I thought it would be a good place to ask my question; I'm seeing a consultant tomorrow about the possibility of assisted conception. I'm 40, have DD age 27 months, been TTC for 1yr and had 2 m/c's. I want to make sure I ask all the right questions - appt with consultant like gold dust! Any tips welcomed

Hi Londonlexi you are welcome.sorry to hear about your m/cs. it must be so hard. Glad you are soldiering on! we like people to soldier on, around here! congrats on your 27 month old too. you appear to have secondary infertility like myself and some others on this thread.
have you seen this consultant before? if not i would definitely ask him about the miscarriages and what his opinion is on what caused them, if anything. so you should be armed with as much evidence as you can, dates etc. that is what i would do anyway. ask him what he can do to prevent the miscarriage occuring again, since you are capable of becoming pregnant. - hormones, immune system etc. Good luck with it. i am not the expert and some other women will no doubt be able to help you too.

I feel a bit bad about ranting and hogging the thread above now. i get a bit hot-headed about this person, as you can probably tell. i have been thinking about it since and i wouldnt want people to think that i dont realise she has issues too. More than likely she wants another child and her husband does not. he says they cant afford it etc. so she is probably suffering too. i ask her about it and she says 'oh no, i dont want another one, just sometimes i think about it'. she is obviously fooling herself. but she still needs to be sensitive to other peoples feelings. that is her job as a friend. just as it is my job to comfort her when she argues with her husband or complains that she wants another one and he doesnt. i do comfort her, i do all the right things, i just wish she would return the sentiment. i am now officially finished moaning. sorry again.

Caitni thank you for your kind words and reassurance. It meant a lot to me yesterday knowing that if the embryologist was worried she would want a day 2 transfer. You were right about the speeding up then slowing down of the guts too... nice side effect

notprincessanne thanks, your vibes must be working got call this morning and our little embie now has
5 cells!
And is a grade 2

bumpless lol at minibluebell how cute is that! Its comforting to know Im not the only one with em.. how can I put this.. windy issues on cyclogest Your poor tummy, sounds like you have a heavy load of injections there, are you at the beginning of stimming or nearing the end?

ailz thanks am trying to relax a bit dh took day off yesterday but poor bloke got it in the neck from the evil hormonal mess I was! Today had more shiatsu and feel much much much better for it. Ds in nursery so am able to put my feet up a bit I love your mum, and shes right of course?

londonlottie your post made me cry! Thanks so much, Im so happy for you that both those little embies bedded in for the long haul fingers crossed my little one follows their example.

Welcome londonlexi you are in the right place for advice here. First of all Im really sorry to hear about your m/cs, that must be really tough to deal with. I hope your appointment goes well tomorrow - would guess that on first consultation they will do the basic stuff like take your history. If you haven?t already done so they will want to make arrangements for you to have blood tests and your dp to have sperm test ? you can arrange this through your GP to save money. Hth

Booked in for ET tomorrow. Will have to take ds with me as have no childcare and dh has already had two days off this week?will have to try to tire him out in the morning so he has a long nap (ds not dh)

Bluebell just wondering what you are going to do with ds tomorrow at ET? They dont allow children in the transfer room. just a warning in case you get a shock tomorrow! good luck with ET !

thanks londonlottie and ailz, luckily dh has got the day off tomorrow after all, very relieved tbh! looking forward to being reunited with the little icsibean now, at least it will be closer to send vibes to eh? After ET is there anything special I should be doing Ailz, what does Zita say? (did check out library but no sign of this book, had a sneaky read of some of it in bookshop but literally too penniless now to buy it!)
thanks

Hello ladies.

Bumpless - Thankyou for your advice about work and treatment. I am certainly looking at some part time work and if I can manage to juggle things around it that would be ideal. I am terrible at lying too and as I work in the medical world it might be harder to lie about ill health etc.. It's all a bit bad timing really as there may be a job available in the next few months. I guess we will just have to see what happens and play things by ear. We may still have a long way to go as we have not yet seen our consultant! Typical of me to worry about things that are not an issue yet!

Ailz - Thankyou for your solidarity about my tactless friend. I was fuming (privately)! In the end though I took the view that as she would be mortified if she knew what the situation was and didn't mean it to sound the way it did. Most people I'm sure only mean well and we can all be sensitive about difficult issues in life. Not sure about the amazingly tactless woman you know though! Some people are just plain thoughless!! Don't worry about ranting. I suspect you are right and she does have issues of her own. You sound like a good friend to have. Hopefully she realises that.

Londonlexi - Welcome. I only joined this thread very recently and have already found it really friendly and helpful. We also have our first appointment tomorrow. I am 37 and although I have 2 DS's from my first marriage, my DH and I would dearly love a child together. (My Ex had 4 year affair and left and they are now expecting their second child in 18 months to add to my woes!!) Like you I'm not sure what to expect but I was advised to take notes. All the best for tomorrow. We will have to compare our experiences.

Bluebell6 - Wishing you lots of luck for tomorrow. I really hope all goes well for you.

Big waves to everyone else.

Yes, good luck tomorrow Bluebell, will be thinking of you and wishing you all well

I'm trying to keep myself busy this week, lots of things to do and sort out and am making plans as Flibberty suggusted for next week as DH will be away on business I think. This 2WW lark isn't much fun - this is the fifth time I've had a 2WW after IVF, and I've had 2 negative cycles and 2 positive cycles and I know exactly what symptoms to look out for either way so am on tenterhooks waiting for them to show up or not. Ho hum, must keep busy!

I had my HCG shot yesterday for additional luteal support, and have been rewarded by shooting pains in my nether regions and ovaries all day. Still, at least I'm not all achy anymore thank goodness. Off to watch TV now, it is a shame Supersizers has finished as that was my favourite thing on TV recently, along with Mock the Week.

hi all

thanks ailz, bluebell londonlottie caitni and soz to anyone incase i forget them am up and down today emotionally last nite i just kept waking up in the middle of the night thinking about it and then started with the mini panic attacks not nice in the middle of the nite, have had things going through my mind such as maybe they got it wrong, maybe it was too early to tell whether i was or wasnt after all you get some ladies that still have AF visiting sometime into their third trimester i know very rare but it does happen doesnt it? anyway i think it was just me being silly and i know that i will be up and down but will ave to get on with it the best i can, walked into town at lunchtime today and there was so many ladies or youngsters (the latter pisses me off) with babies or preggers its like rub it in my face why dont you! there is a programme on bbc 3 right now bout being underage and pregnant on until 9pm it just sickens me but hey there you go am i going mad?????????

Oh dear Roseca. I don't think you are going mad. These things always seem to happen to me too. It's a bit hard to avoid all pregnant people especially when they are ganging up on you like that.

Sorry you are having a bit of a rollercoaster day. I suspect that is all quite normal under the circumstances. You are bound to need some time to deal with the disappointment, before you plan ahead.

Look after yourself.

GW

Hi all, and good luck today Bluebell if you read this before you head to ET.

AF arrived yesterday, in the middle of my first lecture! Timing! Sort of amusing really considering it's called 'the curse' in some circles . . . not too upset as I wasn't holding out much hope after we transfered to IUI.

Only problem is when I can start next cycle as DP is away a lot for work at moment . . . so it will be at least two months. . . just long enough to get all the hopes fired up again . . .

Probably going to sign off for a while and get my head around the rest of my life so good luck to all of you guys cycling - I think the thread is in line for some good news - and I hope to hear about lots of BFP when I come back . . . thanks for all the support, I will return, Sooty.

Hi there ladies - well I said that I would write again Monday but the technophobe in me was unable to work out why the site couldn't take more messages! i think we need a thread - whatever that is!
Well I've kept up with the treatment, and it's good to go with your gut - I started to make follicles and I had egg collection yesterday. The clinic told me that 2 out of the 3 harvested are great quality and I will be having them put bak 'in the oven' tomorrow. Now is the really rotten bit - 2 weeks wait before testing. Meethinks that there will be several clearblues before my time is up!

nessandellis all the best for your ET tomorrow, sounds like you will have two good ones to put back in.

Sooty thanks for your good wishes, sorry to hear af showed

roseca you are not going mad, you are very normal and just observant. I do think that pregnant women stalk ttcers, its some stupid cosmic joke.

Onlyaphase Im now on the 2ww with you? what day you testing?

ET went ok, took a lot longer than iui?s, because they poked around for a while with that catheter to get the embie in the right spot. All the while pressing the ultrasound scan thing on my very full bladder... god I was glad to get to the loo! Anyway now have one grade 2 embie back onboard the mothership. Hope it makes itself at home. Test day: 10 August.

what will I do til then????

Hi ladies

Bluebell6 - Glad to hear all went ok today. Lots of positive vibes to you and mini bluebell. You would think in this day and age the medical profession could shorten the 2WW wouldn't you? I hope you can keep busy to distract yourself.

Nessandellis - Good luck tomorrow. Two ETs in two days on this thread. We must be due a BFP soon.

Roseca - How are you today? Hope you are a bit brighter.

Well we've been for our first appointment and it was fine. Our consultant was very nice and advised us that our best option is probably ICSI. I thought this might be the case because of DHs sperm results. I had blood taken for my AMH and a scan to check for no obvious problems. That was fine so we will now be seeing the fertilty nurses for a detailed chat about the procedure. We have to wait for about 6 weeks for an appointment but once we have that we are all set for our first cycle. I'm not sure how I feel to be honest. It all feels a bit unreal. I suppose I never imagined having to go through all these things to get pregnant. I know I've got PMT too which is probably not helping. We are off for a meal out with my parents soon so I will check in later.

Hi TTCers (like that one Bluebell !)

Sooty I'm so sorry your fears were confirmed. Amazing that you can laugh about AF's bad timing too! Mine always, always turns up at the least convenient moment possible, even if it means arriving a week early or late to do it. Very best of luck for getting your life how you want it and hopefully see you back here for a fantastically successful cycle when you're ready!

Bluebell whoo whoo for the little embie! Fantastic that it's safe and sound on board. You asked what 2WW advice we'd gleaned - one thing is to stop using the hot water bottle as you don't want to cook the little minibluebell, and avoid getting too hot (hot baths etc) to keep everything optimum temp for cell division. And don't do too much strenuous exercise as this will get your blood taking oxygen to your muscles instead of your womb where you want it. The other thing I found really helpful was to do a relaxation every day - Zita West has a special 2WW CD which you might be able to get from a library, but tbh any relaxation technique would probably be good to avoid you stressing out. Good luck!

Ailz this 'friend' of yours sounds like she's got some serious issues! I think you're being incredibly understanding with her and it's not at all surprising that you need to rant! feel free. I wonder what would happen if one day you asked her to consider your feelings before indulging in her own therapy session at your expense... Probably wouldn't see it! I do know people like that and I agree that assuming that they're deeply flawed and unhappy is the only way to survive it without descending to the same level!

Gingerwine it all sounds very difficult! There probably isn't a right answer about when to go back to work vs IVF - although if the opportunity isn't coming up for a few months maybe you'll have a better picture by then (or even be pg! wouldn't that be great!). In your position I'd be inclined to go with what feels right at the time, and if you're part time you'll probably manage everything much better than me.

OAP hope that HGC shot does the trick. Is this in addition to pessaries or instead of? Seems to be the only jab I'm not on!

Ness Great news about your two embies! Really fantastic and you were right to hang on in there. Hope it all goes smoothly tomorrow.

I had my scan today - not going as well as last time, but not out of the game yet. 2 follies developing on my right ovary, and 2 teenie follies on the left that may or may not catch up. I'm determined to stay positive for the 2 minibumps, and I know it only takes one etc, but I can't deny wishing that I was responding better and had a bit more stats on my side. Meanwhile I start cyclogest tonight, so now up to 4 injections a day, may start leaking in rain and needing bilge pump. Next scan on Monday at which presumably they'll tell us if we're proceeding to EC or abandoning the cycle.

So now I think I'll go for a run and be terribly healthy and positive!

Hugs and waves

Oops, meant starting Cetrotide tonight not cyclogest...

Gingerwine our posts crossed - great that you've had a positive appointment and that they're taking you straight to ICSI rather than taking risks. I agree with it all feeling unreal - I remember that feeling too - suddenly it's official, I am infertile, it felt very odd. I still have moments when I wonder how all this happened!

Bumpless you have shamed me with your talk of going for a run today - I haven't done anything at all physical for ages, not since starting stims, and all I'm doing on the 2WW is eating. I do hope your follies pull their fingers out over the weekend and delight you on Monday at your scan.

Gingerwine glad you have made progress and have appointments etc lined up. I remember that wait to start the first cycle as well - the annoying thing is that I know I can't get pregnant on my own without IVF, but it just seems (anecdotally) that so many people do get pregnant in this 2 month lead up to IVF that I was convinced I'd be one of them. Anyway, fingers crossed for you both

Bluebell glad ET went well, hope you aren't as stiff and sore tomorrow as I was after all that waiting around with catheters etc just before ET. I'm due to test the day before you (9 August) so will keep you company during the 2WW too.

Nessandellis looks like you'll be joining us tomorrow on the 2WW as well - what is your testing date? I'm with you on the testing early, but can't this time because of the additional HCG shot, as I'd probably get a false positive until about 7 August anyway. So I'll have to be strong!

Roseca I completely agree that suddenly everyone is pregnant when you aren't. Horrible isn't it?

I found out today that my SIL is pregnant again. I'm hoping this is a good sign for DH and I in this cycle....our DD and SIL's DS were born less than a week apart, so it would be lovely if we could be pregnant again together and have more cousins of the same age. Can't bear to think about the alternative frankly, so am hoping I don't have too >>>

Bluebell hope ET went well, rest, rest, rest, rest, put you feet up, lie down for about 3 days if possible. i mean you dont need to be bed-ridden, but dont lift anything, lie around. no hot objects, ovens, cookers, kettles, irons etc. dont know why! but you probably dont need to be told twice do you?
Gingerwine glad you are taking the high road with the insensitive people, it is definitely the most healthy way. sorry to hear about your ex, that is doubly hard to deal with, him having his second. sometimes you wonder where the karma police are when you need them, dont you? it doesnt seem just. hang in there and your day will come.
Sooty hope you use your time well and sort your head out and your life out. i could probably do with it too. i wish you well.
Roseca it can seem like everyone is shoving their prenancies in our faces, especially when you are at your most vulnerable. this horrible feeling will pass, i promise you. it sounds like you are suffering the awful denial and anger at the moment. sounds a bit clinical, but it wont last. i went through it too, my dh suffered the denial more than i did. but i did the anger and self-pity beautifully. i hope you get past it soon, hugs to you. feel free to let us know what you are thinking and feeling at any time.
nessandellis good luck tomorrow and stay away from those clearblues, i am watching!
Thanks bumpless it felt good to rant alright. my dh says what you say, she sort of uses me for therapy, leaving me depleted and annoyed. i will give a wide berth i think. i havent seen her in a while, she texted me a couple of days ago as our daughters are friends, that is why it came back to me. it is forgotten now! Good luck with your follies, stay positive. I asked a question on her,'why are you taking cyclogest'? I panicked and then i read your next post, phew! what is cetrotide?

'onlyaphase' I hope that your dream comes true, dont put time pressures on yourself though, i did that and it gets you nowhere! it will happen in your own time. dont get down, deep breath. i think you sound like you are dealing with it very well.

I feel I can finally join you all on here. After what seems like an eternal age, I've finally started downregging .

First injection was on Wednesay. Got myself quite worked up about it beforehand but it wasn't as bad as I'd made myself believe it would be. I don't wake up wanting to do it though. E/C is timetabled for the 2nd of September, which seems like an age away. Do you have any tips on helping me create a good environment to produce lots of lovely eggs? I've heard about hot water bottles but am a bit vague on the details. When and for how long before E/C should I be doing this etc?

All the best

Glasto xx

Hey there OAP , no self-deprication allowed while on the 2WW, and especially no strenuous exercise, so don't beat yourself up about not running! Plenty of time for all that later. I'm trying to lose weight to get my BMI under 27 to improve my chances of responding, that's all - plus it's a great way to vent frustration! very much hoping that you manage to have synched babies with your SIL, and think you have the right attitude to be positive and hope for that, rather than descending into the 'she's got my baby' paranoia that we all know and love so much

Hi Ailz , cetrotide is the ovulation suppression drug I'm on, to stop the follies popping before they're ready to grab 'em.

Glasto nice to hear from you and glad you've got started! I don't have any tips specifically for downregging I'm afraid, apart from all the usual clean-living, healthy eating, lots of sleep stuff. But when you start stimming, the summary seems to be hot water bottles, a little extra protein with every meal adding up to about 200g extra a day, a good fertility multivitamin, and plenty of rest (ha! like we all know how easy that is to plan in ...) and lots of people, me included, swear by a good acupuncturist (sorry, can't remember if you're already doing that!) Hope the journey's a good one for ya.

I'm home alone this WE - DH has gone on a diving trip to Cornwall which I obviously had to pull out of. Weird, having lived alone for years, I'm now finding it very odd to have all this time to myself after only being married for 2. Might have to do some retail therapy in revenge for being left alone to cope with the batteries of drugs ...