Feisty & Fabulous at 40+ - the continuing adventures of TTC

[fruitbowl]

Erm hope this will do as a continuation thread. Hello to anyone new to the thread. All welcome... xx

I usually get as angry as you when AF arrives Cats. I totally sympathise with you and know how it feels to really resent other people's pregnancies. I know it sounds bitter too.

However you are 42 and have a bit of time I think. I didn't have my DD until I was 43 so don't give up.

I on the otherhand turn 46 soon and am pretty much giving up. I think I ov'd today so had my last BD tonight (not sex generally but last attempt at having a baby sex iyswim) but not expecting or hoping for anything really.

It's shit isn't it.

Oh ladies - life TTC can be such a pile of crap but isn't it a relief that we can share our hurts on here?

Rowing - I'm so sorry about your BFN. It sounds like a tiny part of you might have been expecting it but it still doesn't stop it hurting like mad does it? Take time to look after yourself. I know I'm late but I'm still joining the virtual "give rowing a hug" scrum x

Fifi and the other ladies considering stopping TTC - it's such an impossible decision isn't it? I guess that feeling of incompleteness never really goes but you learn to live with it. I had counselling after my MMC last year and we talked alot about grief including grieving for the loss of the dream family you imagined. These are real losses we are dealing so no wonder it's hard. Who could deny us an extra bar or two of choc or whatever it takes to get us through it.

Gosh, sorry getting all a bit philosophical but just to say I'm with you, Catsmother and everyone on here who battles (often silently in RL) with these strong emotions.

Life is demanding much of us as we go through all this. Thank god for the support on here. Here's a hug, smile or vat of green n blacks to anyone that needs em xx

Fifi, I'm actually 45 in November (but obviously my profile is out of date !)

I think part of all this is that the old cliches "age is just a number" and "you're as old as you feel" etc etc are a load of old shite in our situation - even though I don't really feel old, and am still perfectly fit, slim and energetic, and believe I look younger than I am - yet all of a sudden, having to deal with "this" brings you up with a short sharp shock and despite what you feel, all of a sudden there is irrefutable evidence that you are getting old. It's the 1st time ever I have had to face up to my mortality I suppose ......

... and just to add insult to flipping (ironic) injury, Mother Nature has seen fit to plague me with a light smattering of spots on a near permanent basis for the last few months - as if I was a teenager (ho hum).

Catsmother I'm 45 in October and its such a relief to hear you say all those things - I share every one of those feelings - and hate everyone of them too - ttc again has made me very age aware and I have to admit that I often envy younger women - I didn't expect to feel like this as I grow older and don't like it! Its good to share on here I actually feel more normal about my feelings and a little less guilty - thankyou x

Sorry cats - so you're as old as me! Maybe we need an old gits thread!

As for the spots - I have just got some on my nose!!!! What's that all about!

Hi everyone,
Fruit, thank you sweetie, I was all squished in the scrum, so that cheered me up.
Cats I sympathise with you. We have been trying for years and I used to feel like crying when I walked home through the park. I would see loads of new mums or pg women and feel so jealous and so angry at myself.
I ended up using EFT www.emofree.com/freevideos.aspx and it did help me to feel less wretched when I met pg women or thought about it. It looks nuts, but it did work for me. I just thought I would share that in case it helped any one of you feel less pain.
I also notice more breast pain before AF, and I think I must have higher progesterone than I used to, which seems kind of logical as I know oestrogen drops gradually as you grow older?! Just a theory.

well I have been lurking here for a while unsure of what to say - except so very sorry to hear your sad news Rowing and that so many of us are feeling so down. I guess we all of us know when we embark on this crazy quest in our 40s that the odds are not in our favour, so we tell oursleves we'll just see what happens, which of course is not humanly possible - as soon as we're actively trying the concept of success and failure is introduced.It's just so very hard to stay positive month after month. I don't really have anything helpful to say other than we have a friend visiting tonight, who is 35 and whose mum turns 83 this year. She's off hiking this weekend. And it just reminded me that one woman's 47 is another's 35... just like one woman's 83 is another's 70.

Fifi ..... I dunno what the spots are all about. My skin is appalling lately (amybe it's stress ?). Actually, my nose is just about the only place that's escaped the little beasts, but I get them on my jaw line which is a really attractive look (not).

Rowing .... thanks for the link. I will take a look. I'm sorry for sounding like a petulant brat yesterday - I know that I have it easier than lots of people. Re: the breast pain, maybe you're right, sounds logical but I don't want to think about oestrogen dropping and have stuck my fingers in my ears ! Perhaps they were sore because I kept grabbing them every 5 mins to see if they were sore IYWIM !

Thank you Haraslou! Thankfully, we all have each other for support, which is fantastic!
Cats, I'm not sure about that, but if there is a reason, then I suppose there is a way round, perhaps raising the oestrogen levels via herbal medicine or something. I am taking agnus castus now, to get back into a normal cycle, but I think that evening primrose promotes oestrogen and a healthy endometrium, so perhaps that would help.
Not that I am qualified, so if you grow five inches and your hair turns green, it's not my fault.

Actually, I've been thinking and I don't know if EPO influence oestrogen, but soy I think does.
Have you had blood tests cats, to see how your hormone levels are?

Well this is where I drive myself nuts - just humour me - every month I have this pre-af af and every month she disappears again for a day sometimes a week before arriving proper and every month I get caught up in the "could it have been implantation bleeding" saga - so here we are again - this morning 2 bright red wipes with 2 clots (sorry tmi ) and nothing since. I have had 8 pregnancies since I was 23 and only ever bled during the miscarriages, I have never experienced implantation bleeding so why do I put myself through it . Sorry about the rant it really is just me giving myself a good talking too but I know deep down I'll still hold out hope until she arrives proper
xx

Aww Dixie, I know how you feel .... I'm really sorry. Sounds like many of us are driving ourselves nuts. I'm fast coming to the conclusion that perhaps before TTC our bodies did all sorts of strange things we simply never noticed - because we weren't looking.

Last month, I had ovulation bleeding at CD15, just a couple of little spots - yet I have only ever noticed this before about 4 times in 30 years (but nothing escapes my notice now !) Like you, I've also had bleeding which has disappeared for 2 or 3 days and I think it's damn near impossible not to hope until there is absolutely no mistaking it.

Rowing - I've not had my hormone levels tested but am probably going to have to bite the bullet and see my doctor aren't I ? Thing is ...... I'm petrified of what he might say .......

I am steering clear of testing my hormones. It's bound to be bad news at my age I think so don't want to put myself through it.

Agreed. At the moment, I am kind of working (well, trying to) on the basis that not knowing means there's still some hope, whereas really knowing, might mean that all hope is confirmed gone. I don't know how long you can sustain that though ..... I know some people "want" to know in the end so if there's no hope they can get on with the rest of their life.

I know what you mean about the testing I am so in the "I'd rather not know" camp. I don't know if any of you use other forums (am I allowed to mention that )but I post on Bounty too and one of my questions about natural conception has resulted in an answer I just have to share with you;

"i conceived for the first time in my life at the grand old age of 44, then again at 48, im 49 now and have a gorgous dd who is 5 months, in between time i had 3 mc and a termination as the baby had turners syndrome,
good luck to you all and keep trying.its fun.
yvonne x"

So you never know while we're "at it"
perhaps there is always hope

xx

Sheesh! 48! And a nice healthy baby at the end of it though.

I would have given up after the first mc though at my age but I'm such a defeatist. Well done Yvonne.

44 and 48! Blimey, there's hope for us yet although like Fifi I don't know I could have carried on after 3 mc. Anyway, keep the good stories coming.

Well, I'm now officially unemployed after a short and sweet redundancy process. Given that DH still has a job and that my commute was a nightmare, I have decided to take the summer off and am hoping that the lack of stress and my efforts to drink more (water) might pay off. It is interesting what Rowing said about evening primrose as I know I had been taking it for ages for PMT when I conceived DD.

Anyway, I think a few of us are heading back into 2 weeks of symptom spotting so good luck and baby dust to all.

That sounds a bit of a mixed blessing Rock. It will be be nice to have a holiday though.
Have you got anything planned or a bit of loafing?
How old is your DD? Is she around during the day?
I'm kind of planning for the next round of IVF, but it all seems so far away (August). That really will be the last time, because it's just too expensive for us, but I'm trying to think positively.
Was looking up affirmations last night, but didn't have a lot of time. Has anyone ever used them?
I'm a bit of a pessimist when it comes to big things, because I think I can't cope with getting my hopes up. However, I think I might need to be a bit more positive, because I was sooo negative the last time. I don't think it was my fault as such for the failure, but it can't help to think a bit more positively.

Nothing much planned, an overseas trip to visit DH's family but mainly loafing I think. Like you I'm trying to keep positive - although in my case on the job front as well - DH's job is not completely secure but I really don't want to rush into anything. DD is nearly two and has been in nursery full time but I'm gradually going to reduce her days and we'll be able to spend more time together.

Certainly can't do any harm to think positively but try not to play mind games with yourself - we're all different and I know exactly what you mean about getting hopes up. I know I had negative thoughts when I conceived late last year and I still wonder if the outcome would have been different if I'd been positive from the start. I know that rationally it wouldn't and that's the problem with negative thoughts - they start to take you to places you really shouldn't go.

Hi Rowingboat - Im sorry to read recent events.

I can understand being a bit of a pessimist after nearly 4 years trying and three miscarriages and turning 40!!! My acupuncturist has introduced me to EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) and it has balanced me out.

If you go onto youtube and enter EFT there is a good one from a guy called magnustapping and it gives you all the basic steps.

Best of luck for August - will lurk and see how you get on

Hi Amelied, thank you!
Sorry to hear about the three miscarriages, that must have been so painful. Do you think time helps with these things?
Have you used EFT much?
I don't know if this is of any help to anyone, but a lot of sites recommended a high protein diet for conception, so I took amino acid tablets and co enzyme Q10 and ate more protein in the lead up to the IVF and the eggs did seem to be OK, despite my being 42. It's certainly something I will repeat. Unfortunately there's no way to know whether it worked unless you do IVF and they can see the eggs, but if it helps us older ladies to increase the egg quality then it must be worth a try.
Did it work on anything in particular?
I did it for a few things and it seemed to help, but haven't been using it for a while.
Rock, that will be nice if you can see more of your DD. She is at the age where you can go along to things and she will actually engage, as opposed to taking a tiny baby.
Definitely loafing.
Speaking of acupuncturists I am thinking of going along to one perhaps in July.
There is a fertility centre near me, where they do all sorts from herbal medicine to acupuncture and Mayan abdominal massage.
I was interested in the massage, because apparently they can tell you if things aren't in the right place - which I think is the case with me. Just out of curiosity, but it all adds up...

Hi Rowing

Time does help and Im trying to busy myself with other things but it is so hard to move on - I just long to hold my baby in my arms. I have HSG lined up at the end of July so hopefully that will help understand why I can't hold onto a baby beyond 8 weeks. I have been on Clomid for three months with no joy and have a further 3 months to take after HSG. I have been perscribed that because I am 40 and basically the function of it would be to speed up the process ie ovaries firing out more eggs than norm, or so they tell me!

Interesting to read about the high protein diet info.

I have used EFT - most days, even just to bring my mood up if I am having a bad day at the office. My acupuncturist is using it on a female client who has admitted to herself that she has a problem with alcohol and after a few sessions and private sessions at home herself, hasnt drank in 2 months now. It is used to re-align your thought process; it does look strange if someone walks in on you though .

I am concentrating on getting my BMI down for the op so that has get me distracted and even help me in the long run.

I just wish I had a HUGE crystal ball to help us all...

Call me stupid, but I've been sitting on the clomid thread, wondering where you all were. I even asked where Rowing was, thought it was odd that you hadn't been on.

I'm so, so sorry to hear your sad news, Rowing, in fact, have been sitting at my desk nearly in tears as I've been catching up on what I've missed over the last 10 days or so. It's so bloody hard, and it's NOT FAIR, and I wish I could give every one of you a hug.

I'm in the middle of the two week wait, when self delusion is the name of the game. I fantasise about when this baby would be due, what maternity clothes I'd need, toy with names, ignore the PMT symptoms and hope that they're really symptomatic of pregnancy - then WHAMMO! AF arrives and I crash and burn.

I really hope we have some good news to share soon. Sending hugs and dust.

You are funny Kiwi, wondering where we were.
Go for it with the baby names, why not! It's nice to have a happy week or so and at least you are being positive, and will certainly be very well prepared.
Amelied, I must do the EFT more, feeling yuck today, with sore lower abdomen and kind of PMSy and anxious. I suppose the body has to recover from being totally over-stimulated. I wonder when AF is due???
Can I join the 'where is AF?' club please?