Feisty & Fabulous at 40+ - the continuing adventures of TTC

[fruitbowl]

Erm hope this will do as a continuation thread. Hello to anyone new to the thread. All welcome... xx

Hello everybody - hope you don't mind me butting in. I've been lurking for a couple of weeks now as I am a fully signed up member of the TTC Forties Club!

I've finally got over my lurking when I saw the recent posts about people's attitudes to 40s mums - makes me crazy. To state what should be obvious, it's entirely natural for a woman to continue having babies until we can't - we've been doing it for millenia! Our mums' generation was the first NOT to - anyone who only had two children in their 20s before that either had something wrong or their legs crossed! I'm sure we can all share stories about our grans - one of mine had her last at 39, and my DH's grans had one at 42 and 44 and the other had their last at 45.

Anyway, off the soapbox. Been ttc for six weeks now, just turned 42. Might be too late, might be too overweight, but DH is v. impressed with BD schedule (!).

Hi all - turn your back for a minute and the thread gets really busy!

Spent last week with nausea, sore boobs etc but not over excited as I usually get like that in the run up to AF. Cycles have been back to normal for the last 5 months so got optimistic when AF didn't arrive on time. Left it a couple of days, tested and as usual BFN. So like Angifi looks like no ovulation this month . Still waiting for AF but could be another epic wait.

I had thought things were looking up with cycle returning to normal but this plus the news that DH is only producing 2/3rds the normal amount of sperm has brought me down a lot. Plus no AF, means no Hycosy test, which means no next appointment at fertility clinic. So it looks like it will all have to wait until we move to Staffordshire in the new year and hope we get a GP who will refer us again. *rse

Like most people this is the only place I have to discuss ttc so being able to moan is a lifesaver.

Anybody got any good news? Anything will do -

Isn't it a shame that we all feel the same way about discussing having children at 40. It should be something to share with close friends and family not dread their opinions and disapprovals. I agree with madb, I want a child so much that i know that it will be loved and cherished. I know at 40 and with my DH having a VR next week the changes are slim but there is still a chance. I had my two boys then I was 20 and 21, they were still really wanted and loved but i feel I can give so much more to a child now I am older. Possibly (but not always) less stressed, have more time and realise what really matters.
So everyone should be proud of what they have or are trying to achieve.
Best of luck to all
(God I sound as if i'm starting a campaign)SORRY.

Hi - just realised my user name sounded like I was calling myself a 'mad b*&ch' which is SO not me!!! I'm mabh really!!!

I have just been getting depressed on the pregnancy board reading a thread about women whose doctors have been really angry with them for wanting to conceive. Is there something I'm missing?

Spiral, really sorry you're not feeling so good. Hope tomorrow's a bit perkier.

Sorry, Spiral you are feeling down. I can tell you what I tell myself all the time that is we are blessed with one beautiful and healthy child, let's enjoy her/him and if we are meant to have another one it will happen, no matter what. Its true that I notice pregnant women at every turn these days but I have taught myself to notice families with one child also and believe me I have come to know so many of them and they are happy and lovely families. I am 42+4. I know that another pregnancy may or may not happen. DH and I have decided that we will try only naturally and that too until the end of this year (well, we'll see about that). I have stopped (kind of )obsessing about it and I am trying to focus on my DD.
Luckywebby, at 40, you needn't be concerned about what people think because I personally know atleast 20 women (from work) who have had babies between 37 and 40. I think its after 42 that female fertility sees a sharp decline. I am taking good care of my health, doing the needful, hopefully around the right time and leaving the rest in God's hand. Good luck to everybody.

Hi everyone,
Mabh that thread sounds extremely annoying.
I'm sure there are doctors who tell you off for TTC, just as there are doctors who tell you to stop breastfeeding a young baby or write off patients symptoms as nothing and are later shocked to learn the patient had a heart attack.
And what do we do with doctors like that. Ignore them and chose to see a different doctor.
I must admit I don't really mention TTC to a lot of people, but that's because we are struggling, not because we are in any way defensive about our right to have another child.
It isn't up to anybody else and nobody can stop us [except my rubbish body], so there!
Good to see so many people on here!
Hi Tetley, sorry you are having no luck so far, but tomorrow is another day!
Thank you Summer for your kind words, you really cheered me up!

Hi Pat,
crossposted with you! It sounds as if you are adopting a very healthy attitude. Good for you!
Lucky I forgot to say, it would be very easy to step in when Thomas (this week) comes along, but you sound as if you are taking a good approach and 'being there' in a supportive capacity. It will be lovely to have a little one to hold though.
I was holding the 6 month old son of one of my nusery mates and he was so gorgeous.
Spoke to one of my 'in the know' friends today about the failed IVF and felt tears welling up. I do feel OK, but not feeling very hopeful, it's hard all this isn't it!
Why can't we just all have a baby delivered (by post) next week and that's that! Wouldn't it be divine!

Hello everyone, just popping on very quickly. Hugs to Rowing - don't cry!

Hi everyone. Welcome to babybarrister and mabh.

Interesting conversation about feeling a stigma at TTC at 40 plus. I remember all the hoo ha in the media a while ago about the risks to older mothers and their children after the Royal College issued a statement. The College talked about a small increased risk but most the media blew it out of all proportion. Hardly helpful.

I also feel a sense of "embarassement/secrecy" about TTC. It's partly I'm naturally private and don't tell anyone so I don't get all the questions. But also a lot of DH's side of the family would be hideously judgemental and think we're mad to TTC our first at our age, especially when DH's children are in their late teens. I can just imagine them saying "well what did she expect at her age" if they knew about my m/c. I'm at some of the comments you've encountered.

kiwi - are you charting in C or F? I'm around 36.7 C pre o/v, dipping to 36.4 at o/v and then rising to 37.1 C afterwards. I read some typical ranges somewhere - I'll try to dig them out.

Hope you're having a better day today rowing and the sun is shining in your neck of the woods.

FLS, I'm reading in C, then converting it to F, as that's what my photocopied chart is in. I'll convert them back tonight and let you know - this will be interesting. The whole 'I'm charting low' thing could be entirely in my mind.

I've decided all the people at work are poos. (This is the sort of thing that goes through my mind when I've got pmt, which doesn't bode well for a bfp!) But they are, and I'm feeling weepy. (Damn! Intolerance or self-pity arrives on schedule, always a week before AF is due.) So I'm feeling rather pouty and sorry for myself, in the fairly certain knowledge that it's hormonal and will pass - but sad that it also means that I won't get the result I want.

[TFLS hands Kiwi a large bar of chocolate and makes soothing noises.] How about booking yourself in for a massage as a treat?

I originally used an ear thermometer. It must have been wrongly calibrated because it religiously gave me readings 2.4C below a cheapie Basal one off Amazon and had me worrying that I either had an underactive thyroid or was dead

hi everyone this is my first post i have a short 26 day cycle and had a day 19 prog result of 49 have been feeling sick the last couple of days and my temp has remained high since ovulation except for a small dip on day 20 was feeling quite positive as we've been trying for a year now but did a test today and got a BFN so confused as too what my bodies up too my day 3 results were also good this month i don't know what to do any help

Rowing, I can imagine how hard it could be to talk. You are very brave. I wish you all the best for Nov.

Kiwi, glad to know that I am not the only one who gets weepy before AF. I start crying at the drop of a hat and my mind digs up even the remotest things from the past to give me a reason to cry or to be angry. Its so unfair. I hate being like that but can barely control myself.

Waaah, Pat and Kiwi can we all sit on a step and wail. That would make me feel much better. Oh, unless you aren't actually premenstrual Pat, in which case, I'll make a note in my diary to meet up on the step with you just before AF arrives (of course she may not, fingers crossed for both of you)
Met lovely friend again, it's a nightmare, she's is the main person I have told and now whenever I see her I feel like crying. She must think I don't like her.
Earoma that is an interesting name! What day are you on now? I couldn't quite tell from your post, but if you aren't actually due AF your HCG levels may not be high enough for a postive test.
I'm not your woman for temping, so can't really comment on that side of things.
Kiwi and Pat you know about temps, what do you reckon.
Well so much for the au naturale TTC attempt, DP is sooo ill. He has been in bed all sweaty and pale for the past two days and is now on penicillin, that should finish off his swimmers. Oh well, probably best to have a break.
I could feel the desperation and the cold sweat started as I thought OV was drawing nigh. It certainly doesn't go away.
Best of luck to us all this month (I may have an immaculate conception or perhaps the blood test was wrong [deluded face])

Quick question for you, ladies. AF came early this month and it was a very short blast (about 3 days). It stopped very abruptly (no brown stuff - sorry TMI Also I had no cramps at all and needed no pain relief which is very odd for me.

The thing is - my temp is still up over 37 every morning and has been since I ovulated.

What is going on. I did a HPT a couple of days ago cos I couldn't understand why my temp was still up but it was a definite BFN.

Any ideas??

Hi all, just poppin in to say hello really, CD6 here so no action yet!
On the continuing subject of peoples attitudes, it was so lovely to meet with Summersky in RL and talk about it all without worrying. If anyone can meet up I'd thoroughly recommend it
For those who temp - can you do ear temp, or does it have to be oral? I am tempted to have a go, not because it will change anything (am also going to do the OPK again this month) but I do like a good spreadsheet/graph [geek face]
There was link through a couple of pages back to a site called 'egg meets sperm' - I'm going to try what they recommend this month.
Rowing there's always some people who bring the emotions to the fore aren't there, I saw a friend today who had her DS the day I had the MC - it was so lovely to have a cuddle of her DS, I want another one!!
Am thinking of renaming where i live 'babyland' - someone else announced pg yesterday. Or maybe i should move............

I think the idea of meeting up with people is great. Anyone live near Devon.
If you do let me know....could do with a good chat with someone apart from my DH.
I agree with ddilemma...some people do bring out the emotions in you. My DS girlfriend is getting bigger by the day (now 29 weeks) and everytime I see her i either want to blubber or scream. Nothing to do with her just the situation but you try explaining that to an 18 year old. I have to take her to her midwifes appointment next week as my son is still away and she insists I go in with her. Nice in some ways but again heart breaking in others.
Best of luck to everyone.X

AF was due today so i did the test i know i should have really waited until i'm tecnically overdue but i really couldn't wait everything was so different this month i guess i just hoped for the best

Ddilema, if you want to start charting and temping I suggest you have a look at Fertily Friend (website).It is great - it runs you through the whole thing, and I love that it is all stored on the computer and accessed from anywhere at any time! Also, if you haven't read the Toni Weschler book "Taking Charge of your Fertility", it is a wonderful resource too.
You really should use a basal temperature thermometer, and do it orally or vaginally(there's no way I could manage that!).
My temps are really low, compared to when I was charting before I had Charlie. This mornings was 36.2! I guess that is the effect of breastfeeding.
I think I got myself into a big tailspin over the "I think I ovulated" thing.I actually think I probably didn't and all that grapefruit juice gave me lots of cervical fluid and sucked me into thinking it was the real deal! I am now 17dpo (if we believe in O) and no Af and definately no bfp, and wanning symptoms (also a coincidence I think). I'll know for sure on Tuesday as I had a blood test yesterday, checking for a whole lot of stuff, including hcg.
I asked my doctor if having another baby, a 6th, would be a bad idea in terms of the toll on my body and he joked that it will be more of a toll when I am 60! He is very supportive, loves babies and is very sad he could only have two, said he'd like a couple more "but it wasn't to be".He also thought that fertilty wasn't an issue as I have good proven fertilty and didn't think taking 7 months post a reversal was a very long last time. I guess the only thing he brought up as a concern was Downs, but I already knew that and it doesn't worry me. It could happen at any age (of the mother), and chances are higher, but they are still "a chance" not a definate.
Earoma, are you sure of your O date? Maybe it was a late implanter so it isn't showing on a preg test yet? If your temperature is remaining high then that it a great sign. Good Luck!

hi ladies i know i'm only 38 so don't technically qualify for your club lol but i feel i have so much more in common with you ladies. been ttc no 3 DS 15 DD 13 for a year now and AF came this morning after a promising month, feeling very low but also guilty because i already have two wonderful children and a fantastic DP and do i really have the right to be upset when work mate no 11 discloses she's pregnant yes thats right 11 in the last year thought it was something in the water but i never been so hydrated and still not pregnant trying to put on a brave face for DP but not really doing too well

Right I'm going to work at earoma's and live next door to ddilemma. Sounds like I should be up the duff in no time!

Seriously earoma - ll in a year is some going. Welcome, lovely to have you on board.

rowing - hope your DP is feeling better. It's probably good that you're not bottling things up and I'm sure your friend understands. [TFLS makes mental note to check for paranoid threads that my best friend cries everytime she sees me!]

hippychick - do you think it might not have been AF proper? When was your cycle due to finish - could be worth testing then?

ddilemma - I'm another fan of Fertility Friend and the Toni Weschler book. I've read that you meant to temp orally or vaginally but not use ear readings. Not sure why given hospitals use them. You are also meant to use a Basal Body thermometer which you can get cheaply off Amazon.

angifi - your doctor sounds lovely.

I'm desperately hoping I'm pregnant as it would excuse my doughnut brain last night.

Was feeling out of sorts when I went for my acupuncture session. Came out feeling completely zonked and drove home vaguely aware that someone was wrong with the car. Made mental note to check tyres when got home but completely forgot and took it out again to pick up DH from the station. Again became aware that something was really wrong but in my fog carried on driving to the station (in my defence I was feeling really ill by now). Hence greeted DH off train with completely knackered tyre (and probably damaged the wheel as I'd driven on it for so long). Hence 1 hour in a dark car park trying to change the tyre before coming home to the burnt chicken I'd left in the oven.... Bless DH, he saw the funny side.

yes thefatladysings 11 since last august one even had the cheek to have twins and two others came back from matenity leave preggers again lol theres four left in the dept to go and seven now on leave we've never been so short staffed i have my i'm really pleased for you and not the slightest bit jealous face down to a fine art now

I'm with TFLS never mind moving DD if everyone is getting BFP stay put and we should all move in too! I tried the ear thermometer and it was useless. New one I stick under my arm and I seem to get better temps - not a fan of things in other places before I wake up though they say it's better for acuracy. Great to meet up - we'll do it again soon, how's it going with this is the mnth?

Tricky for me yesterday as pregnant neighbour had hung out baby washing in readiness for the birth - seeing all those tiny things on the line - even though they are the wrong colour for me.

Spiral so sorry to hear it's all a bit messy for you at the moment. Have you thought of sending DH for TCM I read that it does wonders (can't remember where I read it) also pycnogenol. I suspect you know all this though. Vita Wests book had a section on it. Must get it out of the library again.

Rowing Hope DP is on the mend, it has been the same in our house one or other is ill at OV time or worse, away. I no longer accept get lag as an excuse. I don't want my baby in the post. I loved the feeling of being pregnant, all those jiggly feelings in the tummy - it's just the getting it out!

Hippy I agree with TFLS test again, fingers crossed.