Feisty & Fabulous at 40+ - the continuing adventures of TTC

[fruitbowl]

Erm hope this will do as a continuation thread. Hello to anyone new to the thread. All welcome... xx

Hippychick Also linseed and leafy green veges!

I've signed up for the Christmas meet-up in London on 28th November. Is anyone else coming along? Can I persuade any of you out of towners to join us? I can offer a spare bed for the night, if that's helpful at all?

Hi ladies. Thought for sure I was out when my temp took a dive yesterday but it is up again today. I'm still feeling crappy (very tired,taste in my mouth,nausea here and there etc), so I'm off to get my iron levels tested today.
I haven't done a test this morning cos I am sick of squinting at what might be a line but really isn't! If I don't get AF in the next few days, and I still have temp above cover line, then I might do another test, but my cycle is not at all reliable due to the BF. I am pretty sure I did O as I had familiar O pain and EWCM, but I have trawled the internet and it appears that BF can really mess up your temps etc.If I continue to feel so tired I will see my doc.

So it all remains to be seen.

Ddilemma, sorry the old hag came for a visit.

wish I was wealthy, I'd pop over for the mumsnet chrissie party.It'd be great to meet you in RL.

Mornin Girls
Well I am on CD 12 and stupidly took an internet cheapie HPT yesderday and after staring at it for about 4 hours imagined that I saw a line so cracked open a FRER and it was a bust Gggrrhh. So the more fertile after MC thesis didn't work for me this month and temps took a dive this AM so she'll be here by Weds I guess. But never mind I guess I can relax from all the charting for a week and then it will be onwards to the OPKs and more symptom spotting.......

Love to you all xx

Hi DDilemma Yes Tuesday (tomorrow) is fine for me I prefer Bath but would like to do Chippenham as the parking is a lot easier and cheaper if that's OK. What time and where? I have school runs but am free otherwise.
Be really nice to meet up I don't talk to anyone about this apart from DH because of my age. All my old friends for some reason are single and only one has a DC and I certainly wouldn't talk to them about TTC2. I am quite a private person but I like the fact that we are all in the same boat here and for me it's a real lifeline, you lot really are the only ones I talk about it to.
Good you've got a regular cycle though and it's a good length - don't know where mine will be now hope it settles soon though, I'm also feeling sick a lot of the time but I think I've still got pregnancy hormones in me.
Kiwi it's lovely you want to meet up - sorry I never venture to London any more. We'll have to have a Christmas party on here! Love all your little throw in tips. My trouble is I'm taking so much stuff and drinking so much herbal tea there isn't enough time in the day to swallow it all!

Summer I know how you feel, with the supplements! I groan whenever I have to get all the pots and stuff out of the cupboard, gulp, gulp, gulp! And when one goes down sideways and sticks it's awful, and it sometimes comes back on you and you can taste a yucky herbal powder taste. [bleuch face]
Groo!
Oh well we should be in the peack of physical health with all of these supps and teas and whathaveyou.

Angi, I was exhausted when my DS was around 12 months and I was still bfing. The GP did send away my blood but it was all OK, however, an iron supplement might just give you that extra boost. I think often you can have low levels of someting, but what they call sub-clinical, which is where action is taken by the health service. See if you can obtain a print-out of your blood results, and then do a bit of googling.

Hi to all, I must remember to flip the thread before replying because I get all mixed-up trying to remember who posted what?? [confused face]

I agree with summersky. I don't talk to anyone about TTC at 40 except DH. It is nice to get concerns and hopes off your chest and get other people who are in the same situations point of view.
Thanks to all on the thread you are keeping me sane.

Hi Lucky, I'm glad to hear the thread is helping.
Do you think you will have much involvement with the baby, whilst your son's away? It could be lovely couldn't it!?
Angi I am wondering if the faint bfp could have been a chemical pg and that is why you also had symptoms. Did you say you were also doing OPKs to see if you have ovulated?
I'm just on for a whinge, am having a really fed-up day. I think my inital anger about the failure of the IVF is being replaced with a really negative sad feeling.
I have read it is normal to go through stages when grieving so I wonder if this is the next stage kicking in?
And it's a bit grey outside.
Hopefully, I will see some friends for a coffee tomorrow, which always helps.
Bit of a rubbish day, but I knew I ran this risk when I started and I would rather have tried and failed than not tried. Rough with smooth, but not enjoying it today. No!

aw Rowing i feel for you, I'm having a fairly down day - not helped by neighbour over road coming home with new bubba (good for her but it still hurts) - so it'll be great to have a whinge constructive chat with Summer tomorrow. Also feeling v v v determined today that actually I bloody do want another, even tho am old, so this is the month, and having indulged myself in gloom and farmville today, from tomorrow it's positive thoughts all the way!
Summer I should be in Chipp for about 11 if that's ok, how about Starbucks or the coffee place next to the pasty shop? Shall we carry OPKs or something?
x

Rowing it's only natural you should have a few bad days - we build our hopes up for this momentus thing to happen and then that chance is shattered BUT it's not the only chance and you have a great attitude. We've all got great hopes for foo foo and fluffy (still not keen on barry) I think we should all wear kilts and have Robert the Bruces' catch phrase or was it Robbie Burns.

Sorry it hasn't worked for you this mnth Muchlove

Hello babybarrister Have you looked at foresight preconception charity, they will check your deficencies if you have any and are a mine of information.

DD 11.00 is fine for me. I didn't know there was a starbucks there. I think I know the pastry shop it's just up from the old Woolworths. I will have a large red handbag and be loittering. I've never met anyone via the internet before, I feel very modern for once. Sorry you have had a rubbish day. Nice that we're not alone though.

Welcome babybarrister, I'm guessing you're new - but I've not been on here long so you might not be IYSWIM!

Anyway, if you are new you'll find they're a great bunch on this thread. I really enjoy checking in. I agree with all who said they haven't told anyone else. Not many people know about me ttc. Why am I so embarrassed to admit it? - it's my life for God's sake!

I was with a group of 3 other women recently (I was the oldest by about a year)and the others were discussing if they would have any more kids. One turned to the youngest of the four of us (a 34 year old) and said, "You're our last hope then - none of us will have any more."

Why didn't I speak up and say that actually I would very much like to have another baby. I think I was just too scared of the negative response and looks of disbelieve I would get. Also, I keep thinking that if we are unsuccessful then our friends etc need never know that we even tried.

Dilemma I went back and checked the last couple of periods and I've actually had 3 since coil removed they were LP 12, 14 and 11 so I'm going to be positive about it all.

Enjoy meeting up tomorrow - how strange to find out that you are actually real people after all

babybarrister welcome to the site, I'm fairly new as well but in the short time i've been on here i've found everyone to be really helpful and nice.
Rowing - I see DS GF about three or four times a week as she only lives about 10 minutes walk away. I find it quite difficult some days and other days I am ok. I'm sure when Thomas (that's the name at the moment) is born I will be more than involved but I find myslef trying to take a step back as I don't want to fall into the all to easy trap of treating him as if he was mine. I've said i'm here to help but not overpower.
Hippychick - I'm the same as you, as i mentioned before, i don't mention TTC to anyone. It's not that i'm embaressed about it, it's just that a lot of people don't understand the feeling that overpowers a woman when she wants a child irrespective of her age.Most see me with two grown up boys (18 and 20) and as getting my life back but I know that to me it's not loosing your fredom but gaining something that will make you complete.
Sorry i sound really deep don't I but I find I can vent my feeling on this thread without worrying what people think as everyone is like minded.

I totally agree with the attitudes of some when ttc if older and feel it is more the younger mums who are OMG but your old I dont think they realise if your 20 30 or 40 that you feel no different inside!
A good friend of mine had dd last year aged almost 47 and her attitude was great, made me feel that its ok and its my decision, my life, so bloody what!!
Also the docs/hosp were like pregnancy is very very common in your 40s i didnt feel old at all and even after my 2mc, it was me commenting on my old eggs they didnt seem2 think my age was a reason
however they did think it was my daughter having the scan as she was with me for moral support lol.

Morning all, just a quick one about attitudes - i live on a new estate so everyone mostly 20s 30s, speculation on 'who would be next to get pg' conversation with 1 who doesn't have kids yet - I wasn't even considered in the numbers by her! She was put right by my friend who told her about my mc, and her attitude has changed towards me, think she thinks I'm a bit odd now for wanting another at such an old age! You really don't feel any different - just that some of the other mums could be your child technically!!
Summer - Starbucks is just up from old Woolies site, I too will be carrying large red handbag
Have a good day all x

Hi all
Yes a very interesting subject of the 'stigma' surrounding us gals. I found the reaction of older family members the hardest to take. Infact my own father on hearing the news of my pregnancy said 'OH DEAR' !!! I was quite hurt actually, especially as I went on to MCarry the very next week. I think he has felt bad ever since. So I should imagine all the old aunts in the family have gathered round and blamed my age on the loss !!Hmmpf. The other uncomfortable thing is that nobody knew I was trying before and since the loss they all keep saying 'any news yet'? - 'do you think you'll have another try'? I feel a bit vunerable actually and only really feel content speaking to you ladies because we r in the same boat and that FLIPPING CLOCKS TICKING....... So I'm kind of at war in my own head - telling myself that if it doesn't happen again I can handle it and be happy with what I have (four wonderful kids).... but I really really want another chance and so I go on each month... And I find the best way to deal with the 'meanwells' is to tell them that we are undecided if we want to try and that usually shuts em up.
And you know what I think we are all pretty AMAZING we are the ones putting our bodies/minds through all this every month !!!! Love to you all xx

Morning All,

Am now feeling officially desperate watching the months go by and have made an appointment to see a fertility specialist privately. He's the brother of a friend of mine and I've met him few times socially. The thing is, I've always had a problem with male gyno's - find the thought of being examined by a bloke hideously embarrassing and have always managed to avoid it bar once when i was pregnant with dd. This is proof of how desperate i am!! I've run out of women i can see.(i'm also being a bit sneaky because he probably won't charge me)Unfortunately he's also v charming and a bit flirty, which makes it even worse for me. Anyway my appointments on thursday, let's hope it's just more blood tests!

Yes i know he's seen it all before...etc etc

Wow good luck Tetley - can understand your concern tho but remember its all for a good cause (he he)
Can you give us a heads-up on any info he gives you (hints or tips)could be useful.

xx

Yep I get a bit fed up with peoples attitude to my age, my DD is two and I STILL get asked was she planned - AT YOUR AGE?!!! yes she was!

I hesitate to tell anyone my age now, luckily I don't look it (too many years working and not seeing the sun for weeks on end keeps the wrinkles at bay!!!)

Good luck to everyone ttc and I agree with muchlove, it is AMAZING and wonderful

• and so encouraging to hear success stories.

So good to hear that I'm not the only person who feels this way. Someone at work (aged 28) said to me the other day, "That woman at the school's pregnant again and she's about 40!! or something like that - she shouldn't be pregnant - it's not right." I know she didn't mean to be horrid and if she knew I was frantically POAS every month she wouldn't have said it, but it made me mad as hell. The person she's talking about is 39 and her bosy obviously doesn't think 'it's not right'.

When I imagine being pregnant again (and believe me I do imagine it), I want it just as much as I did in my 30's, the need is just as real - OMG what if I manage it, have this one and then want another one at 50 - will I ever stop feeling broody. Friends say they couldn't go back to the start again and I say, "I wish I could switch it all off like that."

I so agree with the person who said you don't feel any different inside (unfortunately I'm so old I can't remember which one of you said it!) lol.

Good luck to you all, we are probably the best mummy's ever cos we want this so much End of mad ramblings by Hippie.

Her body - not her bosy !!!

Well ladies. Today a colleague at work was telling me about a lady in her street who became pregant....at 56!!!!!!!!!!!

No IVF. She had always though she couldn't have kids, never used contraception, thought was menopausal anyway but not feeling great. Eventually found she was pg, 5 months pregnant and counting!!!!

Apparently docs have said it's always possible until you are through the menopause but of course highly unusual.

If I hear anymore will let you all know.

Myself - am on 2 ww but feel af coming so out again this month I think and losing the will to carry on a bit now.

Don't lose the will Fifi. Even if AF comes, before you know it you'll be checking for ovulation and back on the old 2ww again.

Hang in there.

My AF came last week and I'm already getting excited about POAS soon!!

fifi you never know until AF arrives good and proper, i still got the AF feeling when i was prenant..
As for peoples attitudes when i had my mc my mum in shock said oh no well you didnt want it did you at your age took me a while to get over that!! Then a totally different attitude when my brothers childless gf of 44 declares that she would have a termination if she ever got pregnant, she says oh its the most wonderful thing in the world she dont know what shes missing Err HELLO!!

People are funny aren't they? It is interesting how pregnancy and babies seems to belong to the public realm - everyone has an opinion and feel they are obligated to share it! When my Dh had the reversal and I was already 40, we kept it really quiet.Only a couple of my closest friends knew we were ttc.I just didn't want anyone's negative opinion getting in the way.

I just hate the opinion that "it's not right" for people our age to have babies.Why not? As far as I can tell, we all really want the baby, it will be so loved, we have the benefit of wisdom and experience.There's none of that "I want my life back" and I need to find myself BS. And, yes, we will become elderly when our children are in their 30's, but so what, will it make us worse parents? I could be a younger,smoking,drinking,unhealthy parent who is more of a burden on my family.One of the things about having a baby in my forties is that DH and I feel obliged to take care of our health so that we can be there for Charlie. And anyway, parents of any age can die can't they?
So relax and never doubt that what you are doing is the right thing.If you are willing to do what you are doing to have a baby then I think you obviously already love that child immensely.

Okay, off my soapbox now!
As for me, no Af, no bfp, and likely probably no Ovulation!!I am pretty sure the breastfeeding has meant that i am annovulatory and really, I should have just stayed away from the temping,charting etc.I was just trying to "take charge of my fertilty"(thanks Ms Weschler), but it has left me kind of confused.
A good lesson to me!However I have paid for a VIP membership with fertility friend, so will carry on with it.Maybe I'll catch that egg somewhere along the way.

I had acupuncture yesterday, and I really needed it.It was so relaxing! I nearly had a car accident afterwards as I was so chilled out! Anyway she checked my pulse and was sure there was no pregnancy.

Good Luck everyone.