Mid Thirties First time TCC

[donttrythisathome]

Anyone feel like joining this bus??

I'm 36, TCC 1, never wanted children and now have done a complete u-turn!

TCC 1, Cycle 2, UCL 28-33ish, CD12

Oh I'm sorry, but pmsl at the list! julia I am in no way laughing at the loss of your pet, but just just to see your cat ratio as (1 dead) has made me chuckle.

Sick c*w, I know - apologies!

Am going to re-think SND - Cam doesn't really do that does she? And to compare myself to her - how vain!! (In my defence I blame my friend).

laurie does this make you feel more humble?

PMSL!!! Yep that's more like it. My God, its like looking in a mirror (minus the fag). I'm sticking with Cam as my SND!

(still chuckling............)

Hello I arrived back from US trip this morning and, it would seem, still with child. Quite a shock as I was convinced that either something would happen or that it was all a (not so entertaining) dream.
Told the two lots of friends out there who seemed to think that it's excellent news and that me and him indoors 'will love it an be great parents'. Bally fools.

laurielou no worries about laughing at dead pet. If we can't laugh at those sort of things then we're all doomed, n'est pas?

House is literally a building site and I'm a bit jetlagged so will update on pendulum swings later, for those that are even vaguely interested.

I see that I've missed some over-excitement and an utter gabfest whilst I've been gone.

BTW house is about to be painted varying shades of cream and pretentious brand magnolia. LOL, who's the bally fool?!

Hey Julia - glad to hear still "with child" (how elegantly put - we'd say up the duff round these parts but then that's sarf london for you) How was the trip? Looking forward to pendulum stories.

donttry - yahboosucks to waiting, don't these Drs understand?

Have great mental pics of you lot now btw! Esp laurielou smokin' a fag.

I am sat here PMSL at some of the messages in this thread and realized that I only posted once, then buggered off - how rude

Am interested to know (tell me to sod off for being so nosey if you like ) why you are TTC now for the first time. Is it due to a deliberate timing choice, fertility issues, weren't in a suitable relationship, ambivalence, a reluctant partner or some other reason?

I had a reluctant spouse and while I respected his reasons for wanting to wait, it's been really hard watching all of our friends start their families, included couples that hadn't even met in the timeframe that we've been discussing it. (I too know how that feels Cosmosis). We're not actually trying until June (I think) but I am hoping that it'll happen fairly quickly as I worry that I'll feel resentful towards him if we end up having fertility problems, particularly as he's now saying he wishes he hadn't waited for so long. Grrrrr, bloody men.

On the plus side though, we do have one much adored, though pukey Cat who likes to wee on the kitchen floor and generally cover our furniture in fur, so am probably ready for the constant barrage of cleaning up after a little 'un. Other points in our favour are matte off-white walls of the unscrubbable variety throughout our house, glossy white kitchen cabinets that show every single sticky fingerprint and lots of child unfriendly furniture - pointy corners and glass, so seem like ideal candidates for kiddies.

Though conventional widsom would have it that one should treat one's body as a temple in the run up to TTC. I am taking the opportunity to make sure that I drink plenty of G&T's (Tanqueray please) and wine to wash the folic acid down with, as it'll be a looooong time before I'll get the chance again once PG, though DH bless him, says he'll go cold turkey with me to lessen the blow

Aerie for me it was never wanting any. Also I only met the right man 4 years ago. Changed my mind roughly a year ago, but have had to drag DP along with me kicking creaming and bleeding pleading.

Still ambivalent though, especially when I'm trying to get to sleep.

Whoops screaming , not creaming...although lots of that will be expected soon...

LOL - I was going to say, the kicking is OK as long as there's plenty of creaming

PMSL at 'creaming'. DH asked what was the matter!

Aerie, for my part I definitely didn't want any (ishooos with being the eldest child of a parent with mental health problems and having to bring up my siblings) and it was only in my late twenties that I thought that I might change my mind. I've been with my husband for 11 years and been married for 5 of those. He always said he didn't want any either so when I changed my mind I just went along with him because I wasn't really that sure.

In the meantime ALL of my friends (bar the terminally (and purposfully) single and gay ones) now have children and some are even onto number three. Anyhow, somehow my maternal instincts have kicked in (well kind of) over the past couple of years but DH was sticking to his guns. Until NYE this year when he declared he was ready. And now I'm the one who is scared!

Oh, and he's still surprised that his super sperm didn't do the trick first time round. Men eh!

LOL at that Pistachio. Very similar story here - I never wanted children until a few years ago when I changed my mind and convinced a slightly sceptical DH to agree - We've been together 14 years and married for 5 next month.

When I was pregnant DH was terrified. Then after coming round to the idea I lost it and we're now committed to trying again - I just panic its too late at 35.

Haha, Liskey, cross-post on the other thread. For the benefit of the ladies on here, I've just realised I'm on CD10 and am trying to think of ways to get jiggy without putting too much pressure on DH.

BIL has been staying with us for two months now (long story) but is away for the rest of the week, so I've been saying to DH 'best take advantage of having the house to ourselves' etc etc HOWEVER DH has just spotted the Zita West and Toni Wechsler books I ordered from Amazon and which arrived today. Suspicions aroused and not much else I fear. Damn!

Frankly I'm too scared to open them as I'm sure I'll find out I've been doing everything wrong.

LOL at x-posts.

Oh dear Pistachio - its very hard to be seductive when he's suspcious of your motives! Its not "just" his body your after!

I'm on CD12 today and I usually OV around CD14/15 I think, so DH has now sloped off downstairs and stuck the TV on - bah humbug!

At least you BIL is away - yor DH might realise his only chance is to jump on you while the coast is clear

What are the books? I've got the Taking control of your fertility one - DH hates me temping as the thermomter wakes him up every time (as I take my temp at around 5am).

Hitting The Gin PistachioLemon Cats: 2, Walls: white wash plans, Gin: wino and banned blue cheese, SND: Dawn French until I can think of someone more appropriate
Skihorse Cats: 0 (2 dogs and a horse accepted as substitutes) Walls: , Gin: Bompay Sapphire if you don't mind
VeryAnnieMary Cats: 0 (in denial), Walls: F&B off-white, Gin: twice a day, medicinally, SND: Tamsin Greig in an off-the-wall comedy
donttrythisathome Cats: 0, Walls: white-ish, Gin: Wino, actually, since you ask...SND: Caroline Aherne like in the Royle Family
laurilou Cats:1/2?? Parents have one who I love but makes me sneeze, Walls: cream , Gin: Southern Comfort instead please, SND: Cameron Diaz
Cosmosis Cats: 2, Walls: , Gin: wine-and-gin cocktails
Liskey Cats: , Walls: Cream, Gin:?
Geekylass Cats: 1 (elderly), Walls: manky, Gin:?
wildfig Cats: 0 (pregnant dog), Walls: under decoration, Gin: Gordon's, SND: Caroline Quentin
Aerie Cats: ?, Walls: ?, Gin: ?
SkaterGrrrl Cats: ?, Walls: ?, Gin: ?
makingafamily Cats: 2, Walls: white, Gin: another wino
Lots33: Cats: ? ( plus dogs and rural idyll), Walls: ?, Gin: ?

On The Pendulum Julia1969 Cats: 0 (1 dead), Walls: ?, No Gin, two sips of bubbly
DawnAS Cats: ?, Walls: ?, No Gin
Joolsiam Cats: 2, Walls cream, No Gin

Back On The Gin Mentors kidowner Cats: 0 (5 kids, ducks and geese and a donkey instead), Walls: white (respect!), Gin: (almost definitely)
mylovelymonster Cats: 0 (one actual child, one on the way), Walls: (probably), Gin: ?

12-16 weeks? To spunk in a pot? FFS. In related-ish news - ie, jazz mags - I saw my first ever copy of Playboy today. My other half, who is a press snapper, had a (very innocent, fully clothed) portrait of a writer in the German issue. Was pleased to see that Germans seem to prefer the natural breast, the landing strip bikini wax, and lots and lots of cars. Sad to say, both OH and I got most excited about the pristine Mark I Golf GTi featured in the motoring section, rather than the pouty bimbo cavorting on the sand ("That looks painful,' he observed. 'And photoshopped.' He won some brownie points by saying, "You could be in here..' but then spoiled it by adding, 'They obviously go for curvier girls in German Playboy...').

We've left things this late because we tend to spend most of our time with OH's mates, none of whom have even managed to settle down with a girlfriend yet, let alone have kids. It does make you 'forget' that time is a-rollin' on and you're not 25 any more. My best friend from uni is gay and doesn't want children, but interestingly, my male college friends are all 2+ kids up while my girlfriends are mainly still single/struggling with the glass ceiling. Am generally quite happy to hang out in Bachelor Central, but what does freak me out though is that OH's friends are now talking about finding 20 something girlfriends (as 30 something idiot men tend to imagine they can), who will no doubt shell out babies like peas while my withered old ovaries end up feeling like Madge from Dame Edna Everage.

Also, we're both freelancers and there is NEVER a good time to take a year off when you're self-employed, even if everyone else you work for gets endless maternity leave/pay and is never there when you need decisions making. (Today's bee/bonnet)

PS pistachiolemon totally sympathise about the need for stealth jiggery. I think part of the problem is that sex-to-make-a-baby equates with THE BABY in men's minds, and they're confused by the dual messages their brains are receiving: the usual hanky-panky mental images, but overlaid with a subconscious layer of wailing and nappies and having to sell the car to get a Ford Galaxy. Like, if they do it well enough, there will be a baby at the bottom of the bed within minutes, a la The Sims. My OH has got used to showing his burning passion for me through the medium of fixing my computer and doing all the grisly chores I hate, so suddenly having to revert to performing on demand is spooking the poor man.

Can you be brave and read the Zita West and do a precis for us? I flicked through it in Waterstones last year and felt so thoroughly told off - not enough sex: bad! coffee: bad! stress: bad! - that I put it back and picked up a travel guide to the US instead.

Wildfig, you have just summed up my first thoughts about the Zita West book. I plucked up the courage to have a quick peek and she's terrified me before even reaching chapter one! (Liskey, it's called Zita West's Guide to Getting Pregnant).

If I get any further with it then I'm more than happy to do a book review, although I suspect it will be along the lines of BMI, diet, relaxation, gourmet sex (lots of and well timed) blah blah blah!

Oh, and Wildfig, I know what you meant about there never being a good time - my DH also works for himself and I'm retraining, am in the middle of taking exams, and won't be getting any maternity leave either. Gah! Why didn't I do this while I actually had a job? That would have been eminently more sensible.

And hee hee hee at the 'photoshopped' comment - are you sure your DH isn't related to my DH? That sounds exactly like something he would say!

OMG. Bigamy revealed through internet chatroom shocker.

Put me down for Gin - I'm a Bombay Blue or Damson Gin for choice (Plus like real cider and German wine)

And so the hilarity continues.....

aerie I just didn't want children! All my straight friends have kids & obviously loved them but were also kind of jealous of our fab holiday & easy going lifestyle.

My gay pals used to be my allies in fab hols, but even they're now letting the side down & talking marriage & kids!

DP has always wanted kids & would've been happy if I'd got PG on our first date - oh, not that I put out quite that easily!! . We've been together uh, (counting on fingers)coming up for 13 years. Blimey!!

I do worry that I'l get PG & then think "oh no, this isn't what I want" but everyone assures me that wouldn't happen..........

I also worry that I won't get PG - who will provide me with entertainment & lifts to the supermarket when I'm ancient?

I seem to worry a lot............

So, here's to trying.

Anyway, always one to look on the bright side, I can indulge in alcohol this weekend when I go on a friend's stag do. Yep, looks like its beer, curry & strippers all the way for me!

When I was younger I was a tad on the "mental" side and actually asked for my bits to be removed - thankfully the doctor just wrote "nutter" in my notes and sent me away with Prozac.

Because I was a tad unstable my mates were also table-dancing slags and to date we're all rushing towards 40 and I'm the only one attached... never mind at this stage. On a note of seriousness - I think we were all trying so hard to get a good education and career that we didn't stop to think about this stuff.

Anyway I dated a bunch of nobs and just last year found my toyboy - whom back then was only 22 so I thought it would be the last thing on his mind...

My role model mummy is Kerry Katona.

As for "books" - is anyone else trying reverse psychology on their body? The longer I remain un-knocked-up the more I crave cocktails, fags, stress, no sex and maybe some smack!

My only reason for leaving it so late is that I think starting a family will be nice when I'm grown up. I'm 34 and 'being grown up' hasn't happened yet. I assumed I'd really want to have a baby at some point but I'm also afraid of leaving it too late and regretting it. Can totally relate to laurilou's worrying both ways!

My reverse psychology was a very tight very expensive pair of jeans. I assumed that after I bought them I'd get knocked up immediately and onoy get to wear them once.

I've already worn them 6 times.

Gin of choice is Tanquery too - though to be honest, Waitrose's own is good enough for weekdays. I do love Fevertree tonic though for special occasions....

Enjoy the weekend gals - I'm away back in the home country, so see you all (so to speak) on Mon).

Still waiting for AF after all.....oooherrrr....wshere's the smack ski?!

My reason for leaving it late is a reluctant DH. TBH I was ready 5 years ago (although seeing as that was at nearly 30 that is probably still classed as lateish!), but he, alhough he's always wanted children, just took a lot of persuading. We have a hobby that takes up most of our spare time and most of our social life revolves around it as well, and it will be difficult to carry on at the same level with kids in tow - so we both feel like we will lose a lot of our freedom I suppose. I guess for us girls it's easier to accept that because you tend to have that nagging biological clock talking to you, but for men it's a lot more cut and dried - they can be fertile for the rest of their lives, there's no cut off, therefore no hurry.

Anyhow, on another note, I may struggle with the old A-Game at the right time this month, as DH has just announced he would like to go camping next weekend. Lovely, we both really like camping, it's bank holiday weekend so we get 3 days away. However, Monday is very possibly O day. Our tent is not condusive to much bedroom activity. DH has said he doesn't want to know when the critical time is, for fear of not performing. So what to do....... other than hope I ovulate late

Hey laurielou, you know I worried that I would get pregnant and then think 'This isn't what I want!' and then when I saw the positive test my reaction genuinely was 'Oh shit!'!

I know that I'm only 6 weeks along and I haven't completely accepted the reality I don't think. I wouldn't say that I've thought 'this isn't what I want' but I have said out loud 'this was a mistake'. I think if you think and live our kind of style, it's natural to have a freak-out. Years ago a 'friend' once said to me 'you'll never have kids, you're too selfish' which I thought was a strange thing to say because choosing to live your life the way you want, is surely your right, huh? And I would argue that there is something fundamentally selfish about having children.

I'm 39 years old and racing towards 40 this summer and I've never so much as sensed this so-called biological clock.
Having said that I'm kind of 'immune' to time in general whether it be literal, metaphysical or biological.
I've ignored it and it has, kind of, gone away!

Having talked about it with my best friend whilst I was away (she has three kids and is now divorced and single), we agreed that the most important thing is to not let motherhood define you so you don't become 'a. n. other mother' (or 'a.n. (m)other'!) just that you are who you are but happen to have kids.

I have to confess, I had wine or champagne four nights out of the six that I was away over the past week but will lay off now for a bit. Well, I might have one glass at the weekend.

Gotta maintain some semblance of normality, huh?

That's reassuring julia, thanks.

I met up with a friend last week who is 6 months PG, & obviously sporting a nice round bump. She STILL cannot believe it. Every time her & DH go shopping, they look at baby stuff, he suggests they buy it & she refuses. Consequently she has absolutely nothing! She said buying stuff makes it seem real & in her mind its still all crazy talk. Bless!