Ignoring the LIES, DAMNED LIES, and STATISTICS: Fiesty & Fabulous 40+ers TTC

[xserialshopper]

Open to all 40+ers TTC.

We're friendly - not cliquey (sp?) and would love to know you{smile]

I'm gonna have strange dreams about compost, yams, vats of wine, probes and cats with torn ears. Always a pleasure catching up with you gals. never dull!! Nite x

Hi all sorry, I thought I had updated you guys. [dopey face] I had a scan on Wednesday morning (1.5 pints of water not allowed to the loo )and the sonographer thought it was a large ovarian cyst which is deteriorating. I hope that is all it is, and the fact is it deteriorating means it is on the way out.
She said this is only what it 'looks' like and it could be something else. Because of the size 4cm, she has to refer me back to the GP for a possible gynae appointment.
It is most definitely better than a possible ectopic - those things can kill you. I'm still alert to any pains or swellings, just in case.
What I find a bit odd is that I was bleeding from a cyst on the left ovary, when the left tube is blocked. How did the blood get out?

Oh Rowing, you poor thing. What a worrying time you are having and really annoying they can't conclusively say it IS a cyst. But, as you say, V.V. good it is not ectopic. Can you see your GP really soon.

Hi Twig thanks! We have a strange system where the practice has to give you an appointment within 48 hours, so if you phone on Monday, you must be offered an appointment on Wednesday. I would like to see the GP I who referred me for the scan, and she only works on Wednesday so I will phone on Monday.
There seems to be quite a bit of conflicting research on cysts and IVF, so not sure what will happen, it might depend on the individual clinic and their approach.

Rowing, at least it's not looking like ectopic, which is a relief, but it's a real shame you've still been left with questions rather than answers. Let us know how you get on with the GP. And my heart goes out to you having to give your cat another home. You really are going through the mill at the moment.

All of which makes me feel rather self-centered and idiotic for feeling so down and miserable. But it was one of those periods. In particular, I think it was one of those periods where something started but didn't stick around - I have the teariness and raging headache today which suggests that (I've only ever had this headache before in my life three times; after both miscarriages, and 3 months into my pregnancy, I guess because hormones were switching about).

And I know that it's bound to happen quite a bit because of having duff, ancient eggs, but I am heroically hacked off and miserable, and now have to face my step-brothers pregnant wife on Sunday and Be Nice. Fuck, fuck and fuck. I wish I could step off this rollercoaster and get on with doing some writing, but I can't, and that pisses me off too. A whole year more of this before I give up, and I'm not entirely sure I can do it.

Sorry to rant, but I can't really explain myself to anyone else. DP is being very kind and looking after me, but he's in this with me too, so I can't shout at him too much.

Anyway, hope you all have nice weekends, and if anyone has a cure for a painkiller-proof headache, let me know.

Oh VSF that must be so pants! I'm sorry you feel so poo. It will pass honestly, I think most people felt that way to begin with, but if it drags on a bit you get a bit more hardened to the whole thing.
On the other hand you might not need to toughen up, it might happen sooner rather than later.
I reckon getting on with things, like writing would be a great thing to do, don't let this take over your life.
Meeting pg women seems horrible in theory, but I generally find it isn't as bad when you actually meet them.
Hope it goes OK this weekend for you. Will be thinking of you on Sunday.
I bet you are feeling a lot better in a few days time.
Sending you a hug.

Hi All. Little Tab passed her 20 weeks' scan. Just starting to believe now. Might sign us up for the pregnant after mc thread.
Rowing Sorry about the cyst but, like you say, better than the other possibility. I have a giant fibroid on my womb that I try to pretend isn't there.
Does anyone else find this website very slow? My PC keeps crashing when I am trying to read posts.

VSF - Sorry you're down. Totally understand on all fronts. (Close friend who had baby same time as me last time is currently in labour with no.2). Big hugs xx

Rowing - hope my post didn't sound too dumb. Knew that eptopic was really bad, but didn't know if or how dangerous cysts were. Hope you get good news soon x

Rowing - so sorry, you must be going through a really horrible time. Your question about how the blood got through is interesting.. did you have an answer? If blood can get through then why not sperm?
Vonsudenfed - as people on here know from the past I have a major issue with visiting stepdaugher and her infant, which was born at the same time as my m/c LO was due. I totally understand how you feel about your brother's wife. It is horrible. For me it is one year later and i am still bitter and twisted ... oh dear. Really feel bad about it still. So I am not going to say something banal like "you'll get over it".

Agree GUB It gets easier. But you don't really "get over it" IMO

Hi everyone,
Juicy, I did understand what you meant, and an ectopic seems to be a lot worse than a cyst.
It's horrible how this whole TTC carry on really messes up the heads of fantastic, sane women.
I never thought I would feel like this about conceiving, and I never thought I would ever pay to have a baby via IVF. Well that's taught me hasn't it!

poor you rowing, and everyone else having a hard time. Been there, done that, as they say, but whilst I don't think it gets any easier you do get better at coping with it IYSWIM, but there comes a point where the fact that you are familiar with all the nasty and other emotions becomes depressing in and of itself.

And yep, it messes with your head. But still we carry on - and think of all those who came through the other side - waves merrily at Heron (anyone know what she had?), and sends happy vibes to cece herb and tabitha and no doubt others that I have forgotten.

Rowing - oh blimey, you poor thing, hope you can get some answers soon. Re the blood getting from ovary down blocked tube - apparently they aren't actually attached in the first place which makes it even more mysterious! Didn't someone post here recently about how it is possible to ovulate from both ovaries down just the one tube if one tube is missing/blocked?? I've got a biology degree and I can't make sense of that one I'm afraid Could it have been the disrupted hormones that caused womb bleeding rather than the actual ovary itself maybe?

VSF - sympathies. I had a similar-ish AF a couple of months back, it took me by surprise as it was actually early and hormonally hellish, so I was convinced it was a CP. The really annoying thing is that you don't ever find out one way or the other, I think I'd prefer to know.

Oh and know where folk are coming from re other people's pg announcements, grrrrrr. There were two announcements at toddler group yesterday, both really lovely ladies who I am very pleased for but it somehow really hacked me off for the whole day. And I don't even know them that well. I think it's seeing (younger ) people getting pg really easily without even trying that is so hard.

Having said that I'm always so pleased when any of us old birds manage it !!

Speaking of which - Tab - that's lovely news, brilliant. Go on, be a devil and join an AN thread!!

Sorry - I haven't caught up with everyone yet but I'll post this now before I accidentally delete it - big wave to everyone

AF has arrived today. Friend has had baby today. Oh live is full of sweet little ironies

oh crap crap crap Juicy xxx

Hi girls, just back from 4 days in snowy Switz where my folks live, very nice but they think I'm a bit odd for going slow on the wine and chocolates instead of the usual high cholesterol booze-fest, fortunately I'm still seasonably able to pass it off as a new year's resolution!

VSF, I completely get where you're coming from! My sis, who I love, has three stunning little girls, who I also love, but that doesn't stop me from locking myself in their loo to cry every time I go over there. (they must think I have galloping constipation ). How was the Being Nice To Step-Sis-in-Law thing today?

Thanks for the website Rowing. The amino acid supplements I've read about are (ready?) L-arginine, L-ornithine, L-lysine, L-glutamine, L-glycine, niacin, and GABA. Apparently taking them before bed can boost the amount of growth hormone we secrete by 20%, which in turn boosts all the fertility hormones. Even better if you go to bed at 10.30 latest, as I'm sure we all do .

Hi JL2, v bad luck with AF's timing - sometimes it feels like there's a conspiracy, doesn't it. One of my best friends told me she was pregant with twins the day AF arrived - and those twins are now my godchildren and she wonders why I'm emotional!

Eleveld, where are you? How are things? I'd love to know if you've found a donor, and how you're bearing up!

Hi ladies. I have no right to be on here venting as I'm such an irregular poster and am not around to offer support to others much but just feeling really awful today.

Have got 5 or 6 days of BDing coming up and tbh it just feels pointless. Really feeling it's not going to happen at my age and am just quickly running out of time. Cursing my stupidity for not having kids til in 40s. Managed it once and should have started again straight away but didn't. I am an idiot.

I don't want my LO to be an only one but am coming round to realising that it might be the way unfortunately.

I have been looking at the Mothercare catalogue which brought all this on. Looking at double buggies - why????????

On a lighter note. Want to BD from Thursday onwards but DH not around Friday. Is it possible you think for him to leave some sperm in the fridge for me and I do a turkey basting job? What do you think? Is it beyond the bounds of possibility>

Just thought, that won't work. The fridge is too cold of course. Stupid me.

I hope you don't mind if I pop in and say hello to all you lovely ladies and perhaps give some encouragement to those who are feeling peed off!
I am nearly 45, so one of the old oldies - had DD at 42 and ttc for no 2 for 2 years.
Fifi like you, and so many of us have felt, I kept wondering why do we do this each month when all we have to show is a lot of stress and heartache. I too thought (umpteen bloody times)that it was it was never going to happen and that I'd missed the boat. Eventually DH and I decided that this month was to be the last month, that we should count our blessings (and OMG we do,every day) for DD but that it was time to stop. I've lost count of how many times I've locked myself in a loo in floods of tears waiting for AF to put in an appearance but hey, as was it as it was only a matter of time anyway, what was the harm of doing a quick test just to confirm the inevitable, anything else was wishful thinking of a silly old bat but.. OMG.... BFP!!!!!!!!!! .. I know its early days and heartache may lay ahead, but my god there's always just a chance - for me this will be the last attempt no matter what happens, so fingers crossed its a sticky one!!!
Keep going ladies, there is always hope!!
Good luck everyone,

Really pleased for you wonamom! You are the same age as me so yes you have given me hope!

Hello everyone, and thanks for all the kind words and hugs, they are much appreciated. I am now feeling a bit more sanguine about the whole thing. So much so that I coped with the family meal pretty well, and even managed to offer SIL some of my baby stuff to borrow.

And I've also committed a quite substantial amount of money to my writing - sent off a cheque for a year's mentoring (from a real life author). This is my commitment to carrying on with life, since if I do get pregnant, it will mess this up quite considerably. So there.

coc - that sounds just like what I've had, and I'm pretty sure it was a CP too - I've had a few like this, so am starting to conclude that the problem is less with getting pregnant, than with keeping it. Does anyone have any idea what's the best strategy for that? Am about to start taking a shed-load of B-vitamins (giant yellow horse tablet) in the hope of improving the condition of my womb.

It's so good to hear from you all that I am not alone in the . It's such an irrational, hormonal thing; I'd love to be better than that, and I can be sometimes, but then it just takes over. grownupbabes that must be such a hard situation, I really feel for you. And juicylucy also. It always seems to hit like that, doesn't it. When I had my first m/c my friend was pregnant, due 8 weeks earlier. It honestly took me three months before I could look at her baby. Fortunately, she understood, or seemed to.

fifitot I could pretty much have written your post word for word - don't know why I waited so long after DD to try again, and it now looks like she might be an only child. Any improvement on the fridge idea? I'm afraid I have no idea how one goes about these things...

And wonamom - how fantastic to hear your story. The very best of luck with your pregnancy.

Hi everyone!!!
First of all - Wonamom, that's fantastic news, I'm very happy for you and for us to hear about your BFP!
Fifi are you OK, you sounded a bit hacked-off last night! I don't think there is much of a solution for the absence of your DH on Friday, unless you can find a willing 'stand-in' for him.
Sperm should stay alive for a couple of days at least, and if you take some chesty cough medicine containing gaufenesin (SP??) that should thin the CM and keep it non-hostile for longer.
VSF just going on what I have read the womb lining is often not a problem, it is the egg quality as you get older.
However, to tonify the uterus, you can take Evening Primrose and Raspberry Leaf either tea or capsules, both cause the womb to contract so shouldn't be taken after ovulation.
To improve egg quality I have read that co-enzyme Q10 can help, around 60-90mg a day and it takes about 3 months to make a difference. IVF patients are often advised to increase protein - look at bumpless's post about the amino acids at bedtime.
Thanks for that bump, do you what unit these should be taken in?
One caveat against the l-arginine is that it can aggravate herpes if you prone to coldsores (me) so I'm a bit concerned about that.
Holland and Barrett have quite a low dose amino acid tablet, it's only 60mg. Do you think it's worth taking it.
Of course I am always sound asleep by 10:30, so that would fit perfectly into my schedule.

Wonamum Great news and congratulations. Sticky vibes on their way to you in abundance. Here's to all of us over 40s. Stick with it everyone. I actually did give up in July when I lost #3. Look at me now.
Fifi When trying to prevent a pregnancy, we are always told that sperm can live in the body for at least 5 days.
Wow! I've managed to post a message without my PC crashing!

Yeah I'm Ok thanks rowingboat but this ttc is a big drag isn't it????

Will try the cough mixture stuff as well as getting some grapefruit juice. Really trying to max chances this month. OV tests every day from day 10, plus bding when I can (a stand in might be good, who should I get? Brad Pitt? Actually not my type, I quite like Ewan Macgregor - wonder if he's free?). Anyway fingers crossed - to all of us!