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[sorkycake]

Yeah... well we have luxuries like Sky and mobiles, but they are our luxuries... we live on about £600 a month after all our bills have been paid, that covers anything we need clothing, fuel or food-wise, and our 'spending money'...

any thoughts ladies

do i stay here for xmas with my family in my own home where i will be most comfy @ 8 months +1 wk
or go to hull to spend xmas with his parents and risk giving birth up there

Again I suppose its all about choice and what you're prepared to do without and your financial commitments. You can be just as broke bringing home 5k a months as 2k a month if you having higher housing costs/bills/debts/hp etc.

Stay at home Tink!!!!!!

Aw - I suppose I do agree Playing. I wanted to be married, and to be living where we're living... I wouldn't have wanted to be having dc's where we were living before... I suppose we're just a bit unconventional when it comes to the house, and as you say not really from choice - if we had more money we'd have a few more nice things!

Playing and LBOT- i had the same mindset as both of you until i fell pg with ds just before my 20th birthday!! then we had to spend the majority of our 'wedding fund' on baby items, and we had a small reception wedding when ds was 7mths old, then we didn'tplan anymore dc's for a good few years, but got caught with dd just after we got married...

we were EXTREMELY lucky for things to happen at just the right time's for us, DH's promotions, buying the house... we can afford for me to be a SAHM like i always wanted.... so i'm one of those that couldn't choose to begin with but we had the choice this time round and feel its the right time for us to complete our little family!!

Tink,

I don't think you are being silly at all! If it was me I'd be exactly the same. My family live large distances away. I would not really even want to be that far away even with my own family!! Could they come down to you?

Sorry Tink - got distracted. Definitely stay at home. You don't need the hassle when you're going to be tired/exhausted etc, and don't need the uncertainty of being that far from home. Look after yourself, and put yourself first!

i'd say stay at home too tink... maybe have an 'early xmas' in november or in the new year after babytink's arrived...

Its not a case of being right or wrong. Its all about personal choice. I have chosen my path which is generally a compromise between having "enough" to have kids it and having as much as I would like! To some people I am reckless because I don't own a house to others I am overly sensible!

cheers ladies you are all on my wave length an early or late xmas is a great idea

yeah... i guess we all have our 'ideal' situation, some people work hard and get it all, others dont have the option to as things happen unplanned, but as long as we are all happy in our choices then thats all that matters- in my ideal world i'd live in a big 4 bed house in the country, DH would be on twice his wage, and we'd be a few years older... but it didn't happen that way... still i'm happy!! more than happy, i have 2 beautiful happy children and a lovely hubby and i wouldn't have it any other way now!!

we ahve an early xmas each year with DH's mum and step-dad (they live in london)... and its lots of fun, they come end nov/early dec to drop off the kids, i cook a spectacular meal and we have crackers and present giving, they give half to the kids then and half away to 'send to santa' for xmas day, its fab and at least we get to see them!!

I suppose what I was saying earlier on is that it is surprising how you can manage on less. When I was pg with dd I told everyone I'd 'have to' go back to work full-time when she was 6 months old. When reality hit, priorities changed, and I took the whole year off, and now only work part-time for a few hours a week. We couldn't maintain our previous lifestyle after our income was halved, but looked at ways of reducing all our costs to make sure we 'choose' rather than feel 'forced' in terms of my work, how many children we'd have etc. It has been a real eye-opener for me. We 'wasted' so much money on things like buying lunch at work, drinks from petrol station, magazines, newspapers etc - I can now easily manage on a tight budget without dd missing out. Speaking of which, think she is waking up so I'd better go and play with. Sorry - don't want to come across all serious on this lovely thread - just want to shine a little light of hope for anyone who feels that times are going to be hard. It is possible to manage!

does my post about 'ideals' just sound the same as the last few i've said on the subject!! i'm going in circles!!

right i'm just going to put the kids tea on, they want cheese and ham pasta, so that wont take me too long!! (lucky me!!)

It is totally a personal choice. Some might say 'ooo 25/6 is young to have a baby', while others would think it was 'getting on a bit'. At the end of the day everyone is entitled to their view point, but you can't please everyone. As long as we all feel happy with our own decisions that is all that matters. I am sure I have said this before, but am quite a big believer in fate, and I think things have a way of working themselves out and happening at the right time.

Tink - yes I agree with the other girls. Don't travel far from home so near EDD if you don't feel comfortable with it.

Exactly glask. In an idea world I would not be working, would have a nice 4 bed detached house with land, have a big garden with veggie patch, a few chickens and a couple of pigs, oh and a handful of children. But unless my numbers come up on Sat thats not going to happen . However, I am perfectly happy with my choices and what life has thrown at me and despite spending several years too ill to work in my early 20's I wouldn't change a thing. It has made me who I am and brought DH and I even closer together. I honestly cannot wait to start our family, the waiting has done be good as it is really wanted, I find myself randomly smiling quite a lot at the moment!

HappyN - that is good to hear re: being able to manage. Gives me hope!

Here Here Cosmo.

Aww that is lovely Playing. I am feeling the same - it is all very exciting...bit scary at the same time tho

TBH Cosmo, right now I think I am more scared of not being able to get pg then being pg!

I agree happy- its strange how as soon as you have kids some thing just dont seem important anymore!! we were 20 & 22yo when ds arrived, all our friends were still living at home and going out on the lash every weekend, and instantly it wasn't important to be doing that anymore!! We only have 2 friends (a couple who met through us and are now married with a 5mth dd) who have moved out of home and have kids!! the rest are still doing the same as they did at 20-22yo...

Evening everyone.

I had dd when I was 33 I am 34 now but will be 35 by the time the new baby comes along. I have been with my current partner for just under 7 years. We saved for 5 years to buy our first home and then we started a family. When we bought we were careful and worked out the max we could afford to pay back if one of us was out of work. This made the starting a family easier as we had already planned financially for one person being out of work iyswim.

Before I met DP I was with another man for 10 years. I met him when I was 17 and we split just before I was 27. I thought he and I were going to be together for ever. We moved in together when I was 20 and decided to start a family. I got pg when I was 21 and he changed overnight. He started to drink heavily and became violent. During one attack I lost the baby. I had to have a D&C and was in hospital for quiet a while with depression. This was the worst day of my life but it did give me the strength to leave.

I am sad I lost a baby but glad that I am not tied to a man who didn't love me iyswim. DP and I do argue but I know that he would never hurt me, he would rather die first. And we both know that we love each other very much.

I often wonder wish I had met DP when I was 17 but then I think that maybe I wasn't ready then, and that I actually met him at the right time in my life......

exactly LB!! i am a massive beliver in fate- it all happens for a reason!! wether its good or bad at the time, it makes us who we are!!

i met my dh via the internet 8 years ago i replied to his dating ad on a dating website
we got our first home where we are now five years ago. we married in 2003. i was 27 when i had dd1 which is the age that i have always said that i wanted my first child. i am 30 now which is the age that i wanted dc2.
when trying for both just felt the right time.
money is tight now as i had to stop work after dd1 was born was working in farnborough and getting train there everyday and always wanted to be a stay @ home mum.
we only just have enough money to get by.
i have never been happier