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The Wagon rambles on - and my goodness so do we...yet another thread for TTC'ers and those waiting to TTC

997 replies

calsworld · 08/06/2008 21:56

Sorry, decided not to wait for a vote....hope its OK!

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calsworld · 09/06/2008 11:52

I love your name btw Gruffalo - it reminds of both the book and the song, which i used to sing in the playground at school ...

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Playingthewaitinggame · 09/06/2008 11:52

I know Gruffalo. The problem is our office is so small. There are 3 of us in the office and 2 sales guys who are in and out. Thats it. So I have 4 work colleagues, 3 of whom are men the other is a workaholic mum with one kid who likes nothing better than working all day then when she goes home she works every evening and most weekends, she couldn't stand maternity leave and went back to work after 3 months because she was bored. So, I think the feeling would be pretty unanimous (sp?), particularly as I plan to take the full 9 months and will only come back here if they will offer me part time hours. I'm not going to let it bother me, I'm not exactly not going to have kids just because it might upset work!! Still, i know I will not be popular.

calsworld · 09/06/2008 11:52

Sorky - playing definitly needs a shove....

Let me see if I can find the ejector seat button (otherwise known as NJ )

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NatalieJaneIsPregnantAgain · 09/06/2008 11:53

Sorky, I'll cover her head with a ermmmm pillow case, you get ready to shove OK?

One......
Two......

Three......

You can still GOF with two broken legs and a head that came off can't you?

Cals, it's sounding good sweetie

calsworld · 09/06/2008 11:55

Playing - you never know, they may well change when you actually get pregnant - people often do. I think initially people are a bit poo-poo about it because its such a huge commitment, but then when someone makes that leap, even the most sceptical can change heart and embrace your happiness and the fact that you're doing such an amazing thing!

God, that sounds cheesy doesn't it. Hope you know what I was trying to say!

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calsworld · 09/06/2008 11:56

x posted - LOL!

NJ - I know, it does sound quite good for me doesn't it

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NatalieJaneIsPregnantAgain · 09/06/2008 11:57
Playingthewaitinggame · 09/06/2008 12:15

Yeah I do Cal. I think you're right, I'm sure they'll come round to it, it will just be a shock for a while.

Thanks for the push guys, still I am releuctant to let go yet. It would not be a good thing if I got pg straight away, I know its not likely, but still it could happen. I dont know, think I might have to sit down with DH and our budget and work out the figures properly. He has already said its my decision when to try, he is happy to do it now or wait. I'm the one who is holding back because I am the one who controls the money. Bloody money, I hate it but its our own fault we are paying (literally) for when DH we ran up debts a few years ago when I was sick and couldn't work, so basically relyed on our credit cards/a loan for a while. In hindsight it was not a good plan, but when you suddenly loose an income and can't afford to live something in they way you had previously, something has to be sacrificed, so we choose the option of easy credit to tide us over. If we had know that I was to be ill for 3 years rather than a few months we may have made a different decision, but at the time you don't know. Its a lot less than it used to be but it will be a while before its completely cleared. So, affording to loose my salary almost completely when our outgoings are so high is a big deal for us. We cannot and will not run up debts again, so I need to be completely sure I can afford it first.

Playingthewaitinggame · 09/06/2008 12:17

God I sound boring don't I!

calsworld · 09/06/2008 12:25

You do. GOF like crazy and make babies - live life on the edge!!!

Course you don't sound boring - you don't need the extra stress of money when you're trying to get the most out of your maternity leave by spending lots of time having lunch with your mates doing nice things with your little one!

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Playingthewaitinggame · 09/06/2008 12:35

Exactly. Thats my opinion. I do not want to be on mat leave and have no money to go out! Mind you have just had a quick glance at the figures (I really am sad I have a copy of my budget at work) and it might actually be do-able a couple of months earlier than planned, it just doesn't leave the buffer I wanted in case of lots of time off work during pg/baby coming early etc etc. Still, as I have my brother living with me at the moment we do have a bit of extra money coming in that I haven't accounted for, so that helps, I was hoping to save most of it (minus the extra food costs etc of him living with us) and not spend it but I could use it to help in case of emergency. Hmm, I sound like I am talking myself into this!!

NatalieJaneIsPregnantAgain · 09/06/2008 12:41

Playing, IMO and E, money is always the problem, it doesn't matter if you are on £10,000 or £100,000 (find the thread on MN where someone was complaining about £150,000 a year not being enough, made me at first, but then she explained more or less exactly where she spent the money, and it all became clear!)

When we were TTC'ing DS1, DH was on something like £17,000 a year, I wasn't working due to having to leave my job, and then not wanting to start another when we were TTC'ing, we supplimented with credit cards, OD's and loans (same as you, worst way to do it!) we were renting then due to DH having a mortgage with his ex, who wouldn't sell, blah blah blah, eventually their old house sold at a loss so that meant more debt... anyway, we knew that all of the outgoings were under control, and we knew if we waited till we had no money probs, we'd be waiting forever. Over the years one by one we've got all the debt paid off, all but one of the credit cards have gone, and we pay whatever we use on the credit card at the end of the month (saves us carrying cash all the time), so there is never a huge ammount on it anyway. DH is earning nearly treble what he was when we first got together, money is still tight but we have enough for what we need and a few treats here and there. In fact looking back now, how the hell we survived on so little and still led the lives we had, jeez, it's anyone's guess!

Anyway, point being, (I'm getting there!!) if you wait till the loans/cards are paid off, there will be something else to consider, new car? Rising cost of living? Something could happen with your landlord and they need to sell etc. In prep for TTC'ing DS1, we moved from a flat to a house (still miss my lovely little house!) Bought a new car, had all the debts finances under control, I got pregnant, DS1 was born, 6 weeks later DH was made redundant, it was all cocked up again. There is always something, and whilst safeguarding as much as possible is never a bad thing, you do have to kind of weigh up safe guarding against living, and doing what you want to do, does that make any sense? This time the baby is due in January, in February our nice and low fixed rate is up on our mortgage, we know for a fact our mortgage providers at the moment aren't re-mortgaging to even existing customers, so we are more than likely to be up the creek without a paddle again, but we can't hang around and wait for it to happen.

Am I dragging you off that pimped up wagon yet?!

calsworld · 09/06/2008 13:39

Good effort NJ - and well said! One of my old work colleagues asked when I was going to have kids a few years ago, I said well, we want to get married first, finish off the house and sort our finances - then I think the time will be right...he replied pretty much same as you NJ, that when I've done those things, they'll be something else. He said DH and I would know when time was right for us and all other things we would manage.

He was right - we did get married first and worked to pay off some of our bills, but we certainly didn't get the house finished. It was good motivation to get some carpet for downstairs although it was bare floorboards for a month or so after DS was born - no great shakes!

Looks much better now though!

Just been on a lovely stroll but christ isn't it hot - is amazing how you it can go unnoticed when you're sat in an air conditioned office!

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happynappies · 09/06/2008 13:47

dd down, am back again... still haven't caught up properly though!! I figure by the time I've read up on the old thread this one will have moved on so much that I'll still be catching up...

Sorry to hear BB so down/anxious about ttc, and totally understand why here might not be the place for a little while, really hope you will come back when you're ready though.

LBOT and Moosma - did I read that AF has arrived? If so, am for you both, and have my fingers crossed for you for next time.

NJ - definitely read those links Sorky (can't get used to your new old name!!) has posted, and also try
this one - the one I mentioned before. Although I'm hoping against hope I'm pg this month, my experience with SPD is just one of the things that put me off for a long while while I got back to full fitness. I am still seeing a chiropractor 18 months on (again don't want to sound all doom and gloom - just really urging you to monitor it and if you think it hurts more than it should don't bravely try to struggle through because it WILL get worse. I was on crutches for 4 weeks after having dd... will stop waffling on - just really don't want you to go through what I went through - and mentioning it to mw doesn't always help. I mentioned it to mine umpteen times and she just brushed it off - "oh well, not long to go!" type comments. Apart from looking after your long-term health, it might also impact on your labour. There are certain positions which are definite no no's (like flat on your back with your legs in stirrups which I ended up in for nearly two hours which was what nearly paralysed me... grrr).

FF has changed my flipping ov date again, so now it is Sunday 1st June. It is quite disconcerting how it does that - it changed from Friday to Saturday to Sunday. Because it is the first month I've been temping I have no idea about my cycle - apart from the fact that it is usually 28 days start to finish. It still suggests I test on Friday 20th, so we'll see.

Hope everyone is enjoying the sunshine, one way or the other. I'm off to get my happy nappies out on the line!!

sorkycake · 09/06/2008 14:07

happynappies with both my boys I had a water birth at home and hired the pool for 3 weeks before I was due which I have to say was bloody bliss.

37c water just floating on a night, no weight to carry, joints all eased no pain.
I found I could sleep far better if I'd been in the pool as well.

The births were a doddle too, no pin either from labour or the spd and because the water holds you, you can birth in whatever position you like.

I agree with the others we decided to have kids but then got married first. We already had the house and debt from the wedding which we paid for ourselves etc. House to finish blah, blah. I took the 4 months paid leave off and went back full-time, pretty much. Hated it!
Had ds1 went off at 24 weeks pg with spd and loved spending the time with Dd. Went back for 20 hours.

It hit us hard at first but Martins site helped a great deal and we became a bit more savvy with the finances. Then I became unwell being away from the children and the childcare broke down. After hitting rock bottom we decided that as long as I could pay the mortgage Dh would take on all other costs.

So I went back 10 hours which is perfect for us as a family.

The thing is you can plan all you like but it could matter nought in the end. Here we are wondering how we'll afford no.4! We have to get a car, can't afford to move house so are buying next door!!!

This is going to make things tighter still but we have both agreed it is really worth it.

No matter how much you earn you'll generally either spend all of it or more imho.

Gimme a hand girls...... nnnngggh!

Playingthewaitinggame · 09/06/2008 14:31

Thanks everyone, you are all so fab here! I am well aware that we will never have "enough" money, we have already decided to rent instead of buy to bring forward having kids etc and we are renting a lovely 3 bed house, perfect for a family. I also know we will find a way to manage as well, I spose its just that it has taken till very recently to get our finances straight that the last thing I want to do is screw them up again. I know there will always be an element of unexpected bills/loses/upsets but I do want to minimise the chance of it happening.

I do think ttc now is doable, DH is on a very good wage for his age (he is 26 too) and it will only get better when he is fully qualified. I also know that even though DH is only part qualified there are tons of jobs for what he does so if he were made redundant it would be fairly easy to find a new job, but I think he is as safe as anyone can be where he is. The more I think about the more I think we can manage. Hmmm

Moosma · 09/06/2008 15:00

...

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee bump.

Hello Playing, er, did you fall off? [innocent]

Wasn't me

NatalieJaneIsPregnantAgain · 09/06/2008 16:08

Thanks for the link Happy Really appreciate it. And at what happened with you, hope I don't have that sort of situation to look forward to!

Would love a water birth, but don't think I'll be in labour long enough for it to fill And I can't labour in any other position but my back.

Keep shoving girls, she is losing her grip

GiraffeYoga · 09/06/2008 16:17

Afternoon Ladies

Anyone had a coil removed- any good/bad stories to pass on? (easy on any really bad details..!!)

Am having mine out on Wednesday..told to come at tail end of AF as cervix is already partly dilated... Also been told to take ibuprofen....

GY!

Playingthewaitinggame · 09/06/2008 16:47

Giraffe, think BB was on the coil. Seem to remember she had one massive cycle but then things settled down. Not sure though.

Thanks Moos. Gonna sit down with DH and talk it over tonight with the figures. He will do whatever I want but I need him to be in 100% agreement rather than just trying to please me. If by some mircale we got pg straight away I would hate there to be any resentment over the first 3 or so months when money will be tight or we will have to dip into savings. Will obviously keep you all posted.

lardylumps · 09/06/2008 16:54

afternoon ladies. I have not got a hope of catching up properly so Will just be skimming through.... I am 8po today and testing in 6 days time...... errrrrrrrrrrrr

Hope you are all well....

lardylumps · 09/06/2008 17:19

I hate this time of day I always get so lonely........ coooooowwwwwwwweeeeeeee, is there anybody there...................

Playingthewaitinggame · 09/06/2008 17:29

Hi LL, I'm here now. How you been?

glaskham · 09/06/2008 17:33

i'm here too...kids wanted to go to bed and watch a video!!! wuhoo!!!!

lardylumps · 09/06/2008 17:35

I am fine thanks playing. When are you having your Im off the wagon chat with dh? How exciting. I agree with the others you can never afford children but you always manage.... (even if you have to buy blue stripe food for a while..)

glaskham an early evening for you then....

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