TTC #2 taking longer than #1! (and long cycles)

[Lgn90]

Hi everyone - just looking for people in the same boat really.

Had my DS in late 2023. With him, I had a chemical pregnancy cycle 2 and then conceived him cycle 3 of trying (age 32). I've now just had a negative on cycle 3 of trying to conceive #2!

I do know logically it's not always going to take less time to conceive a second (especially as you're older) but I guess naively due to conceiving DS relatively easily and lots of friends falling pregnant first try with their seconds, I did expect to have been pregnant by now!

I felt very lucky first time round as I have always had long cycles (although I've had private scans and blood tests for PCOS apparently I don't have this - so reason for the long cycles is a bit of a mystery). I've been taking lots of supplements though and my cycles seem to have settled at 30-35 days (whereas longest before conceiving DS was up to 51 days).

I am 35 in a few months (so aware age is not on my side). My DH is a bit younger, he's 31. Wondering if it's too early to get fertility checks? We are lucky that we could afford privately them even if it's just for peace of mind at this stage?

I am also really beating myself up that we didn't start trying a bit earlier - seems like really frivolous reasons to delay trying in hindsight i.e. not having a Christmas baby and not potentially being pregnant for a holiday.

Just looking for others in the same boat or any positive stories!

Third cycle feels a bit early for testing and you are probably just comparing to before. But if you think it would help you mentally and you're willing to pay privately then that is a personal decision only you can make. You could set a target for checks ie. if it hasn't happened by 6 months. Takes the pressure off but also you know you have a fall back just in case.

Don't beat yourself up. Plenty of people (myself included) don't even start for number 1 until mid to late 30s. It's just life and you got to focus on your existing child.

You'll likely be fine but be kind to yourself if it takes a bit longer. It's often just a roll of the dice and nothing more complex that that. Good luck!

I’m not invalidating you at all OP please do not think that but I would personally wait until 6 months of ttc before considering a fertility check. I know it’s extremely hard to see negatives but 3 months of no luck is really common, it doesn’t mean anything is wrong. The advice I believe is 6 months before going to GP after 35 and 12 months for age 34 and younger.

Thank you both @AmberMaps @Cactus1008 !

It might be a little soon for testing as timeline still very much within the normal range. But I guess only you can decide what's right for you. Do you know when you're ovulating as it might be different now compared to when your cycles were even longer?

Hi @Upinthetreetops yes luckily I get good EWCM which has been reliable but I think this month I am going to start using ovulation tests and BBT just to make sure getting the timing right.

That's good you can see physical signs but I'd say thats a good plan to do ovulation tests and BBT just to double check.

@Lgn90just saw your post and wanted to reply as I'm quite similar to you. I had my DD end of 2023, conceived on cycle 3 of trying in 2023, but really the first actual cycle and I didn't know what I was doing the first month, the second month I had covid and then 3rd I got pregnant. I'm now trying for a second and on CD3 of cycle 4. I totally get what you say about expectations given getting pregnant the first time - why do our brains to this to us and have us all set up with false hope?!

I'm turning 33 so got pregnant first time around at 30 and all these things weigh on your mind for sure. Try not to beat yourself up about when you started again etc - i say that whilst trying not to have the exact same thoughts as I skipped a month so that I wouldn't be due over the date of my siblings wedding next year.

In 2023 I had really long cycles but this time around my cycles are getting shorter each time with cycle 3 being text book 28 days so I feel like I'm having to really try and monitor everything to find the right dates etc.

I've had 5 friends announce their pregnancies since I started trying again this year - whilst it's such lovely news for them, it's hard!

Hoping for luck for us for cycle 4! 💕

Hi @NavigatingLife ahh I’m sorry you’re in the same boat. My DH gave me some good advice which was imagine a friend told you they hadn’t conceived for 3 months - you’d say that’s completely normal timing and it WILL happen for you! So hard to feel like that sometimes though.

That’s brilliant your cycle length has come down too - but it’s hard when it’s not predictable!

Completely know what you mean about other pregnancy announcements too - especially when there’s excitement about their DC getting a sibling when you want it for yours so much!

@Lgn90that's great advice from your DH - sometimes (and only sometimes, don't want to give them too much credit!) they do say the right things at the right times 🤣

I'm going to try and not be so stressy this cycle in a way.. I feel like in 2023 I had no expectations so I was definitely kinder to myself! I've been on holiday this week so I've tried to relax down and hopefully stay relaxed for another 10ish days until I get my LH peak... and try not to think about the tww yet.

That being said, I'll go home this weekend and probs turn into a crazy woman again 🙈

Yes I’m similar in 2023 I was basically convinced I was infertile because my cycles were so long and so that I wouldn’t get pregnant naturally but I have to give it a go first! But this time had the expectation it would happen - maybe that mindset is the problem!

Hi, I have so many similarities to you its spooky! (Down to the ages!)

Im i think 10dpo and did a very negative test this morning, I really thought I stood a chance this month as I have been cramping for 4 days and I usually only cramp the day before, I already feel like I am out!

How are you getting on?

Hi @Apricotmuffino that’s so weird!!

I am having such a weird cycle - I can usually tell when ovulation is with EWCM but this month it was a bit different (I changed fertility supplements to the Wild nutrition ones which are supposedly better quality) but I think I’ve completely missed ovulation and it was later than I expected, I’ve had lots of BFNs but suppose there is still a miniscule chance I’ve tested too early as AF still hasn’t arrived!

You messaged a couple of days ago so you’ve probably had a definitive test now? Hoping it might be good news!!

Thats exactly the same as me, I had 10 days of ewcm, managed to convince myself that I was pregnant, but im not unfortunately, waiting for my period to arrive and feeling as grumpy as ever. It must have been a horrible indent, I looked at the review on the boots website and so many people said they had the same! Ahh gutted.

Ive ordered some ovulation tests that are due to arrive tomorrow, going to test next month as ive been so confused with my cycle this month and convinced myself I was pregnant wahhh

How are you getting on?

@Apricotmuffino Yes I am defo going to do the ovulation sticks this month! How long are your cycles usually? I’m on CD34 now :(

I am cd33, soooo close to you.

Ah it ranges, I would say on average 34 days but ive had the odd cycle at 42 days recently, I put it down to stress! How about you?

Poured myself a gin and tonic tonight feeling sorry for myself 🤣 I had stupidly convinced myself that all the ewcm and cramps ive been having for over a week now was pregnancy, I was like 90% sure, i feel so silly now!!

@Apricotmuffino this is crazy similar! I’d say my average is around 34 recently as well (which luckily is shorter than they used to be). Mine have been long ever since I first started my period though and back then they were more like every 8 weeks so I don’t think I can blame stress as I definitely wasn’t very stressed as a teenager!

Know exactly how you feel, in my first month ttc this time in the days leading up to being due I was getting up for a wee in the night which I never do normally which I was so sure was a telltale sign, I was quite shocked when I saw a negative

Omg this has been my symptom too this month, waking up for a wee every night which I did when I was pregnant with my little one!

I held my wee for hours again today and because im delusional - ha! - did another test, stark white, there is no chance. I am just so confused why ive had cramps for so long 🙃 I think in my head I am catastrophising and think something is wrong, and we won't be able to conceive again! It took 3 months, the first time round, first month a chemical and then another 2 cycles. We are on cycle 3 now so I dont know why im panicking so much, perhaps my age? I am nearly 35, not old I dont think, but everywhere you read says fertility declines at 35 so I am worrying!

Have you done a recent test?

It sounds like your body just has long cycles and that's your normal, its frustrating isn't it though having to wait longer each month.

@Apricotmuffino Gosh it is really crazy how similar our first and current experiences are! How old is your little boy or girl now? I keep thinking about age gap and school years etc now.

I think my panic is also to do with age and I'll turn 35 on 6th month of trying (so I've told my DH if we're not pregnant by then I don't want to celebrate and my present can be fertility tests!) I'm also about 5kg heavier than when I was conceiving DS and am in the overweight category on BMI - so that's weighing on my mind too (excuse the pun).

BFN again this morning. Can't remember if I said above but I did go to Randox last Weds for a progesterone test which did confirm I've ovulated so I guess the latest my period could be due would be about Fri/Sat (as progesterone level was 30 so don't think it could have only been day after ovulation), however I think it's more likely it's going to come in next couple of days - annoyingly/thankfully I don't really get any pre-period symptoms so can't tell, this is the first cycle

*first cycle that I've not predicted ovulation myself correctly!

@Apricotmuffino got my AF this morning which I'm quite happy about, as at least start of a new cycle!

I'm so sorry but this is so time deaf.

Hoping that people who actually struggled don't come across this thread.

@Lgn90my period has finally arrived.. 37 day cycle 😌 I dont usually ovulate until cd20 so that's nearly 3 weeks of waiting before we baby dance, and then another 2 weeks of waiting.

Ahh why is this process so slow 😟

My little girl is nearly 2.5! Thankfully she is keeping me busy, which is a nice distraction!

Ahhh @Apricotmuffino at least that cycle's over and onto the next one! And we've both had worse than 36/37 day cycles so that's something to be positive about

Im on day 5... argh its such a long wait, another 2 weeks!

Ive ordered some vitamins to try and balance my cycle, no idea if it will work bht going to give a whirl anyway

Aswangha and maca root, also taking omega 3,6,9 and when I remember the pregna care vitamins!

Are you taking any? I didnt know whether to take myoinsitol to help regulate my cycles but I have no diagnosis of pcos so not sure if it would be beneficial or not!

@Apricotmuffino I take the wild nutrition fertility supplements, coq10 and inositol! Basically with inositol, I didn’t take it after I stopped breastfeeding and my cycles were longer and I had way less EWCM. Maybe it was just my cycles re-adjusting but I’m crediting the inositol for shorter cycles and EWCM! I take the max dose which is 4mg per day