TTC#1 - Looking for Others in the Same Boat PART TWO THE SEQUEL WHERE WE ALL GET OUR BABIES???!

[MocktailMe]

www.mumsnet.com/talk/conception/5093665-ttc-1-no-previous-pregnancies-cycle-6-looking-for-others-in-the-same-boat?page=40&reply=144772936

Hi everyone!

I can't quite believe it but after a while year we only went and filled the last thread.

I'll tag you all below so that you can find me!

If anyone silently reading along wants to keep following - here's the place. If anyone wants to read the fertility journey for the last year have a look through the last thread.

Those strip tests take SO LONG to go really dark. So I would try not to worry too much about that! You may also be a few days off as you were not tracking ovulation! Progression definitely looks good 🙏

I think the difference between 13dpo and 15dpo looks about right. And I was the same around that time with the clear blue being 1-2 weeks, didn't get the 2-3 until about 20dpo.
It is an anxious time at the start and most of it is a waiting game, but you have no bleeding which is amazing (and remember some bleeding can be completely normal), and I know it's so hard but try not to focus too much on the line progressions, so many factors come into play with it!

Oh and remember the tests dry darker so only compare with photos you took in the time frame, I really worried myself with that

@MocktailMe just catching up - well this is a plot twist!

I’m a PSYCHOTIC tester so understand how agonising it is. I was also up at 4am pissing on sticks with FMU and tested every single day till I had my 6 week scan at the epu. I stuck them all to a piece of paper with a glue stick to compare.

What sort of helped me was thinking no amount of testing will impact the outcome so it’s just a waiting game to see what’s going to happen.

Everything crossed 🤞

I’d definitely get bloods if you can as squinting at lines can be quite inaccurate.

Thank you ladies I really appreciate everyone's support and responses!

It's a relief to hear the 1-2 at this stage isn't necessarily a problem.

I can attend EPU and have bloods done I just need to call, I've just been putting it off. I know that at this very early stage even if it is ectopic there is almost zero risk of rupture - it's too small. So I sort of feel I would rather wait and see for a week or so. If the HCG drops and my tests fade/I start bleeding I can attend EPU. If things continue to progress and I go next week then I'll be much closer to a 6 week scan, rather than left in beta limbo for two more weeks. Since only a scan can tell me for sure I think id maybe rather retain some hope. Im not sure what's best really.

@MocktailMe honestly take it day by day.

I really struggled with anxiety this pregnancy and time just went so slowly but unfortunately the only way to get through it is to get through it. You’ll be feeling all the feelings!

You could always speak to Tommy’s who have a helpline with midwife’s who might be able to give some tips post eptopic about what your options are.

Sending you big hugs xxx

I've spoken to EPU this afternoon.

Given that last time my HCG had a normal rise in the blood tests, we've agreed to skip them this time - last time it offered false hope.

I've got a scan booked on the 24th which feels forever away you're so right about time moving slowly... In the meantime she said if I have any pain or bleeding to come in to see them asap.

Honestly so far this pregnancy actually has zero red flags - all is textbook fine I think. I know this tube was clear on the HSG too. But I really just can't get it out of my head that it will end the same way. I still have so much trauma from the surgery and everything. Obviously I care deeply about the baby already and will be heartbroken if I lose it, but my fear is more for myself and my own safety at the minute.

I've spoken to Tommy's last year and forgot about them actually so I might give them a ring again. Thank you!

@MocktailMe infertility trauma is real!

I’ve been waiting for something to go wrong all pregnancy even though there’s a much higher chance of things going right. It feels like you just get so used to bad news it becomes the new normal. I think we get used to things going wrong so it’s preparing for the worst.

The thing which helped me was knowing my mindset or anxiety won’t affect things and not trying to stay positive or not worry but accepting that it’s natural and normal to feel uncertain and worried. I saw it as saying hi to the elephant in the room.

Good you’ve got the scan booked and I’ll be thinking of you and praying for absolutely no dramas and an incredibly boring textbook pregnancy for you.

Think about the things you can control - like continuing to look after yourself and be kind to yourself ❤️

Thanks @CharLdn and everyone I appreciate it. I feel like such a downer not being excited like you expect people to be, but I told a friend yesterday (the first person I've told) and she said she thinks most people are like this in the first few weeks, whether they've had something go wrong before or not, as it is an anxious time. I had been feeling guilty for being so negative, it helps to remember that probably every woman panics around now (and the thousands of threads on here and Reddit do back that up!).

These are my FRER from today and yesterday. No dye stealer yet but I think I'm honestly looking for something to be a problem!!

@MocktailMe no squinters there! Given what you’ve been through I think it’s very normal not to be jumping for joy yet.

Even at 16 weeks I still feel nervous till the 20 week scan - I think post infertility trauma we all know hope is a dangerous zone.

dDefinitely keep on taking it day by day xx

Okay so I was just coming it catch up as been laying low. But wow, @MocktailMe this is amazinggg news I’m so pleased for you. It is quite cliche to say but you hear of so many people getting pregnant when not trying or just before IVF (I know you’ve had a cycle but still) I wonder if all those meds last cycle has helped somehow either reset or thicken your lining.. either way your pregnant!! Completely get the nerves, your friend is right everyone feels that way but with trauma it is going to be heavier and more consuming and there is nothing wrong with that. Do what you gotta do to get by, test, cry, literally anything your in survival mode at the moment. Hope for some happy news at your scan, I’ll be checking back in regularly now to see how things go for you. Sending you my
best wishes! Xx

@MocktailMetotally normal not to be excited yet. Honestly after everything you’ve gone through it might take a long time for you to feel excited, I feel like I’m only now at 30 weeks letting myself get excited. It’s a very anxious time at the beginning, particularly for you with your history of ectopic but once you get to that first scan and if all looks ok it will be such a huge weight off your shoulders. Until then just do whatever you have to do to stay sane, if that means taking millions of tests (like I did) then go for it! I have a good feeling for you this time though for what it’s worth, your tests are looking really good 🤍🤍

Horrible news. Started cramping and light light spotting went to a&e. Cervix was closed when usually in a miscarriage it is open. But HCG was low. Likely an early ectopic, hopefully self resolving. Tested this morning and the line is barely there. Which I suppose is better than it rising and rupturing. I just feel so empty.

Attached Thursdays test for comparison. I actually can't believe this has happened to me again.

@MocktailMe I am just so so sorry 💔 there really are no words, this is beyond unfair and you don’t deserve any of this. My heart is broken for you. Of course there is some solace in the fact that it didn’t rupture and you won’t need surgery but that doesn’t make it any easier or less painful. I’m sending you the biggest hug 🫂 xx

Oh @MocktailMe I'm so so sorry, it's so cruel and unfair you have to go through this again 💔 as @Waitingformiracle said there are no words, just sending you a big hug 💐

@MocktailMe thats just so awful and so so deeply beyond unfair sending big hugs xxx

Thanks ladies I appreciate the support.

Had repeat HCG done and it was showing less than 10 yesterday, so they're happy for me not to return now as it's so close to zero and dropped so quickly.

They can't say for sure if it's early resolving ectopic or a regular chemical - my cervix being closed indicates ectopic but as nothing could be seen on scan it remains inconclusive. Either way, HCG has dropped to probably close to zero now as my period has started aggressively today.

Quick turnaround but the doctor is fine for me to move to a FET this cycle, so I'll probably be able to have the transfer in around 3 weeks time. That gives me something positive to focus on and work towards.

@MocktailMesorry to hear you had an early loss again! It must feel surreal and horrendous, but I am glad to hear you have a fresh cycle coming up soon! Wishing you the best of luck for that one!!

How Is everyone else doing?

Thanks for checking in. It's been very very hard and I've had some pretty dark thoughts but I am trying to believe in a happy future. I'm only a few days away from transfer number two now, and my lining is looking good so far so everything crossed.

Hope you're doing okay @MocktailMe , have you had your transfer or is it coming up?

It's in two days time! I'm not loving being back on the drugs, but I am strangely glad I'm having so many side effects from them as I'm hoping that means they're doing everything right.

I know if it doesn't work this time it is going to be really really hard. I've taken over a week off work to try to make sure I'm in the best headspace possible and can relax, I do feel I've done everything I possibly can.

Hi @MocktailMe I can only imagine how challenging this time has been. What you have been through is so unfair. I have everything crossed for a successful transfer for you this time, you deserve it so much. Definitely a great idea to take the week off work, I actually did the same for my transfer and I of course cannot say that is why it worked but I do feel that being as relaxed as possible helped. Let us know how you get on, I will be thinking of you and holding so much hope for a happy outcome 🤍

Well I have a cautious update. I've had fainter lines since the evening of 3dp5dt (8dpo) and now I'm 6dp5dt and got something I can actually photograph. But I went back and looked at yours @Waitingformiracle and I don't think mine is anything as close to as dark. Time will tell, as ever. I am just praying this is my time at last.

@MocktailMe i can most definitely see that!! Cautiously optimistic for you 🤞🤞 Implantation can happen at different times so different peoples lines can look different on certain days, and 6dpt is only the equivalent of 11DPO, I think if we saw that line at 11DPO we’d be happy with it. Have you tested again this morning yet? Let us know how it is looking for you today. I have everything crossed for you 🤞🤞🤞 you deserve this so much

This morning's is attached and also one with 5dpt (top) 6dpt and 7dpt (this morning's, bottom). I really don't think there's much difference between the three. My first v v faint FRER was in the evening of 4dp5dt, so I haven't been a late implanter. I know there isn't any point worrying, as what will be will be, but I do wish they were a bit darker!

Cautious congratulations @MocktailMe 🥹 I see enough of a difference between the top and bottom tests. I have everything crossed for you, keep us updated!