TTC#1 - Looking for Others in the Same Boat PART TWO THE SEQUEL WHERE WE ALL GET OUR BABIES???!

[MocktailMe]

www.mumsnet.com/talk/conception/5093665-ttc-1-no-previous-pregnancies-cycle-6-looking-for-others-in-the-same-boat?page=40&reply=144772936

Hi everyone!

I can't quite believe it but after a while year we only went and filled the last thread.

I'll tag you all below so that you can find me!

If anyone silently reading along wants to keep following - here's the place. If anyone wants to read the fertility journey for the last year have a look through the last thread.

How are we all doing ladies? @MocktailMe are you in TWW?

I’m currently CD 23 - I should get my period on the weekend.

I’m trying not to symptom spot but am still taking my temperature…

I’m trying to tell myself I won’t be dissapointed in this cycle because I can drink on holiday.

I’ve got accupuncture tomorrow and superstitiously last time I had accupuncture during the implantation window I got pregnant so I’m hoping she can poke something into place if it’s there…

Yes - CD 28 and I haven't started testing yet. Not sure when I ovulated as had EWCM from CD17-21, so somewhere in that window!

I've never done acupuncture - does it hurt??? Hopefully it will do the trick again but as you say if not it just means a few drinks abroad!!

Hi ladies!! I was only thinking of everyone today and wondering how everyone is getting on. @CharLdn @MocktailMe always so nice to be in the later end of the TWW so the wait isn’t so agonising. I’ll have everything crossed for BFPs for you 🙏🙏 I swear by acupuncture and I actually did it the morning of my transfer and again afterwards and I always wonder if it could have contributed to it working

@MocktailMe it doesn’t hurt and I’m not sure if it does anything but my Accupuncturist is actually the nicest person I know - and she’s a bit like a therapist but doesn’t probe to talk about my childhood lol.

She’s very reassuring and knowledgeable and I always feel better having been. She also said with miscarriages her experience has been if there isn’t anything wrong most people conceive again within 6 months so 🤞

You’re being good not testing I’m going to try as a personal challenge not to test this month. Tbh last time my temperature told me everything I needed to know so I’m trying to trust that.

we had sex every other day days 10-20 and I think I ovulated day 16/17 so I’m about 7dpo. I’ve come back to more of a place of trust the process and acceptance now which is good too.

I think even if it scientifically doesn't 'do' something it's still good to do things that feel good. Many years ago I had reflexology done as part of my treatment for anorexia - it used to honestly make me feel like I was wrapped in a fluffy cloud, I loved it! I was very lucky that it was funded for me as part of my treatment, as I think it's probably very expensive? They were clear it wouldn't cure me, but could help me mentally and it really did!

I have been surprisingly good haha as usually I'm ripping open the tests at 6dpo 🤣 I think I might test when I wake up as it will then be 8/9 dpo so might be worth doing. I just feel like it likely won't work this month and kind of sliding into the mindset that the upcoming IVF cycle is the only thing worth trying (true or not!) so it's been easier to step away from the tests!

I think the temping not testing is a good strategy! At least it will give you an idea of whether it's a cycle to get excited over! I hope it will be!

@Waitingformiracle thank you for the positive vibes! It would be so lovely if it was a BFP!

HI ladies. Sorry for disappearing. DH was deployed for a bit and it just took a lot out of me both for obvious reasons and because it interrupted our TTC journey. Glad to see everyone is still progressing in one way or another. Sending baby dust to those in the TWW.

DH returned in the last day of my window so I’m assuming I’m out this month but excited to finally get back to consistently trying.

Hey @PearOpal great to have you back and happy to hear your husband's home! The last day may well have been enough! Let's hope, but if not you've got a whole fresh cycle where you'll get loads more tries in :)

I’m sorry to hear you’ve been having a difficult time @PearOpal 😢 glad your DH has returned and as @MocktailMesaid that last day may have been perfect, you never know!!

ahhh it’s alright! TTC is exhausting but we all get to continue at our own pace. @Waitingformiracle & @MocktailMe how’re you all getting along?

@MocktailMe I did one test in the end but then my period came bang on time. I’m feeling low today but I need to just remind myself it’s OK to be sad, and only 5 more cycles to go before we stop. I just feel like we’re trying everything and nothings working.

Also I started talking to a friend who’s just started trying like 3 months in and it sounds like there’s a high chance she’s pregnant this cycle so it’s very hard not to be bitter. She wasn’t even tracking her body just going off the app. (Meanwhile I’m doing EVERYTHING). I really want to try to ‘just relax’ and stop thinking about it but it’s hard.

Welcome back @PearOpal ! Good to have you back on the roller coaster 🎢 ❤️

@CharLdn ahhhh mate I feel you. I work with many women who get pregnant by 'accident' (I'm not sure I even believe this is possible any more 🤣) and it's so hard and unfair! I have to keep reminding myself pregnancy isn't a lottery. There isn't only one baby available for everyone I know each month - someone else getting pregnant doesn't mean the baby went to them this time. But even thinking about it makes me mad, the world really isn't fair!

I've finally tested this morning at 11dpo (the first test - who even am I?) and it stayed as stark white as before I dipped it. I know, I know, 11dpo doesn't mean I'm 100% out - but it's so unlikely now it may as well mean that! We have our first tests at the IVF clinic next week, and thank God, because without that on the horizon I think I would be feeling very desperate. I still am, actually, but I'm trying to remind myself it's not the be-all and end-all.

@MocktailMe yes perspective is so important.

My latest paranoia is my age (36.5) means I’m too old even though my amh is 30 so it’s not like I’m running out of eggs.

I’m trying to remember that how I feel is drastically affected by where I am in my cycle so while this week is always hard thangs should get better.

I’m also hoping that my holidays will have some magic effect albeit I’m missing out on days 8-14 because I’m away. But I’ve been ovulating a bit later anyway…

The horrors persist but so do we!

You are so right. We are both at an EXTREMELY hormonal time in the cycle - it really affects how you see stuff!

The last two cycles you have been ovulating later - for me days 8-14 are pretty much irrelevant, hopefully you stick to this pattern and it won't matter at all.

Regarding age, it's so hard as I feel the crushing pressure of the clock every single day. I may be 32, but I'm in an area where most women my age have a tween at least. If it weren't for the tubes I didn't know were damaged i'd be one of them myself. I'm sure if I lived in London no one would think anything of my age as a FTM, but the cultural expectation is so tough. Biologically though, things look good for you, and I was unknowingly barely fertile when I was still in my teens. So really, age isn't such a important decider!

Had our first trip to the IVF clinic. I don't know how I feel now. I thought I'd be so hopeful and buzzing afterwards but instead I just feel like it's such a long, arduous road ahead. The nurse was a bit condescending about me not currently taking pre-natels. I have been trying for a baby for two years now. I don't expect to fall pregnant, so, yeah I have let it slip. I'm trying to not let my whole life revolve around TTC. I know I should be taking them but I wasn't expecting to be told off day one.

She struggled to take my blood (everyone always does) and was a bit snippy about whether I keep myself hydrated (I do! It's always hard to get the blood!).

I'm now unreasonably worried that I'll be told I can't have IVF (bad mum already, doesn't drink enough water, doesn't take pre-natels, can't seem to totally quit nicotine, although NOT smoking!) or that even if I can it's going to be months of being judged and found wanting.

Something about medical settings brings out my inner sulky teenager I swear.

@Waitingformiracle please, if you have any good experiences to share with me, now is the time...

Hi @MocktailMeI’m so sorry to hear about your experience. It sounds like that nurse had a terrible bedside manner!! It is such a huge step to decide to go through IVF and is so daunting for couples, these clinics should be making everything easier on us not making us feel worse. You still have plenty of time to start taking pre-natals. Some women don’t even know they are pregnant and certainly aren’t taking any and only start on their folic acid once they find out! I also always have the same problem with my bloods and the last time I got them done the nurse asked me the same thing about hydration to which I smugly answered that I had already drank a litre of water.

As hard as it is, try not to let one poor bedside manner ruin your excitement about the prospect of getting pregnant. Today you are one step closer to your baby! When my clinic p*ssed me off I used to just think ok I don’t care as long as they give me a baby, and I would just try and focus on that. You took a big step today and should be proud of yourself for that!!

Did you find there was lots of lifestyle questions etc. I'm panicking now, my partner is much heavier than he'd like to be. There's so much I'm worried about right now.

I do keep reminding myself it was only one nurse one visit, and if we get a bit further in and really don't like the vibe there are other clinics, but I just feel so overwhelmed and scared now.

You are right that so long as I get my baby I can tolerate any of it, I think I've just convinced myself I'm going to be told they won't treat me now but that's probably just my anxiety talking.

You can absolutely also change clinics if you are not happy!! You shouldn’t have to tolerate poor treatment. We got a lot of lifestyle questions at the very beginning yes, just the usual ones about smoking, drinking, exercise etc. I would expect that it will just be the first appointment that you get those kinds of questions if it’s anything like my experience. I think it’s very natural to worry about everything. Try not to worry about your partners weight, it’s the sperm parameters that matter for men and really not a huge amount else (the lucky things). If you feel like you want to get into some better habits in preparation for IVF then it’s not too late, but honestly I was no saint in the lead up to mine. I drank wine, coffee, ate takeaways, didn’t exercise as much as I should. I tried to make some simple changes to improve my health where I could but I also didn’t go crazy! As far as I know there are only two reasons why a clinic won’t treat someone and that is 1. If they are over a certain age and 2. If they are over a certain BMI. It doesn’t sound like you fall into either of those categories. My gut is that this was just one snooty nurse and everything will be absolutely fine 🤍

@MocktailMe I'm so sorry you experienced that at your first appointment. That nurse has an awful bedside manner, you're doing your best and looking for reassurance and she starts berating you about taking pre-natals (which gets damn hard after so long!!), what a way to kick someone when they're already down. I can't pretend to know what starting the IVF process is like but I do know how hard it is to feel like you're running out of hope, please don't let this experience define your next steps. Like @Waitingformiracle said you can change clinics, or it might have just been that one nurse at your current one and hopefully you never have her again.

They always struggle to take my blood too and I've not once had them get frustrated at me for it, what on earth!
I really don't think they'll be judging you for anything, and if they are that's on them - they're supposed to be there to help and support their patients. Sending a virtual hug and positive vibes ❤

Thanks so much ladies 💞

I feel a bit better today. If the true blocks are age and BMI then we are in. I don't drink, my partner has limited himself for a long time now to drinking 2 beers twice a week only (and actually hasn't had a drop for a few weeks now anyway ahead of his sperm test). We do have healthy home cooked meals, but my partner also snacks a lot. I'm an ex-smoker (haven't touched one for over a year now) and I still use a combination of nicotine gum and a vape. We won't lie about those things and I am hopeful that this was just one rocky start (probably amplified in my brain as it was just prior to an internal examination which always puts my walls up!).

I'm back on the pre-natels now, it's an easy enough thing to do, but I know you ladies understand the mental struggle of continuing to take them after losing babies and keeping it up for 2 long years!

Time to reframe my brain again I think. They're doing a job (which I'm paying them to do) which is to get me a baby. It's not personal!

@MocktailMeit sounds like you and your partner lead a very healthy lifestyle!! I don’t think you have anything to be worrying about! And I completely understand about the prenatals. I can’t tell you how many times I just said what’s the point and didn’t bother taking mine for a while when I was feeling down. I really focused on taking them in the lead up to ivf but otherwise I definitely dipped in and out. Oh my husband also took a men’s one, he was very forgetful about taking it but I figured some is better than none so maybe you could see about your partner taking one of those!

You guys have got this 💪❤️

Thanks so much @Waitingformiracle it really really helps to hear from someone on the other side. I think we just get through this consultation, talk through all the factors and then we will be onto the stage we are anxious to get to...creating our embryos ❤️

I hope everything is well with you and the baby!

That sounds like a great plan @MocktailMe!!

And thank you. All seems to be well but it’s so nerve wracking just having blind faith that things are ok in there. I actually have my NIPT / NT this Friday and so I’ll get a scan for that, and will be 10 weeks on Saturday so hopefully all is looking ok!

@MocktailMe Sounds like the nurse you had was just being a bit awkward with you for nothing.. I find sometimes people get that way and actually it’s nothing at all to do with you it’s all them. Not that it’s okay, but you could have caught them on a bad day ect. Hopefully this person isn’t setting the tone for your full experience, which I don’t think they will.

It is unfair to comment on prenatals ect especially when the only thing the NHS actually recommends is Vitamin D and Folic Acid. But well done you for being the bigger person and starting them again!

I think there must be some (limited) evidence in relation to the health and lifestyle choices people make, but I’m not sure I believe it is 100% relevant. The way society has changed.. women historically were told drinking Guinness in pregnancy was fine due to iron content and smoking was promoted for weight loss ect.. yes a lot of research has helped with this but ultimately people living the unhealthiest lifestyles of all still used to get pregnant and there was no COQ10 available. Do what you feel is enough and manageable.. don’t stress over small things if you can avoid.

The first appointment is a huge milestone to be celebrated. You’ve now actually started the journey which hopefully leads to your baby!!! I’m sat living in hope over here for you 🫶

I’m into my third trimester now which is crazy.. I’m hopeful we will hear of some more positive tests before the end of the year for this thread 🤞

@MocktailMe Hope it was a one off unpleasant encounter at the clinic and won't be repeated but of course this is so disturbing! I hope at least they are doing their job properly and your test results will come back quickly, and the journey will roll smoothly!
To be honest, I also found that the first booking appt with midwives was also mainly questions about the lifestyle 🙄

Also, on the topic of age, please don't let this add an additional stress! Also @CharLdn , I did worry about my age so much too, even with good AMH, and I am older than you are ladies.. It is all really individual and each of us has their own pace. It does help living in an area where it is totally normal to see FTMs in late 30s or 40s, but societal pressure can be hard, j agree!

@Waitingformiracle Hope your NIPT goes well, good luck! We did it and it was such a relief! Also to see the baby jump on scan at 10 weeks was precious, and it was nice to find out the gender early too!

I am almost there now, just a few weeks left. I do have risk factors that will mean delivery brought forward to 38 weeks, but I feel I am being well looked after!

@MocktailMe im sorry that happened but I’m glad you’re feeling better about it. Your journey is your own and no one has the right to make you feel so judged in such a vulnerable place. I hope your next appointments are smoother and that this was a one off.

@Waitingformiracle hoping all goes well during your follow up!

@lavafield so glad you’re doing well and feeling properly cared for