TTC#1 - Looking for Others in the Same Boat PART TWO THE SEQUEL WHERE WE ALL GET OUR BABIES???!

[MocktailMe]

www.mumsnet.com/talk/conception/5093665-ttc-1-no-previous-pregnancies-cycle-6-looking-for-others-in-the-same-boat?page=40&reply=144772936

Hi everyone!

I can't quite believe it but after a while year we only went and filled the last thread.

I'll tag you all below so that you can find me!

If anyone silently reading along wants to keep following - here's the place. If anyone wants to read the fertility journey for the last year have a look through the last thread.

@Waitingformiracle I’m trying to wait to test till Thursday as my cycles are so regular 25-28 days so I should get my period tomorrow.

I’m taking my temperature which so far hasn’t been that helpful. Pre ovulation it’s normally 36.3-4 and post it’s 36.6-9 and now it’s about 36.5 so in the middle.

I’ve had milky discharge which I’ve only ever had before when pregnant… and I’m super bloated and have had loss of appetite which is unusual for my luteal phase. I have just got my hopes up so many times I know it’s just a case of sitting and waiting for now…

TBH I’ll probably test tomorrow but last time I had a very convincing indent so I’m sceptical.

I’ll have everything crossed for you for a BFP 🤞 all of your signs sound very promising. Keep us posted if you test!

Any sign of your period @CharLdn ? Hoping for positive news xx

@MocktailMe got period today :( but am not feeling too bad about it as I’ve got a trip booked to Australia next year so I’m telling myself it would have cut into then…

Also I have my consultant appointment on the 8th Sept so now looking towards that as the focus. I’m leaning towards cracking on with IVF to get that started as a proactive next step.

I was also super stressed & obsessive this month so hoping to try and chill out a bit this month and focus on sleep, steps and a bit less screen time this cycle.

Unfortunately I’ve also been stress eating post miscarriage and my BMI is now 29.5 - so I need to get that down pre ivf too.

I’m feeling a bit annoyed I got my hopes up again, but this is all (more data) about my body and tells me my temperature tells me everything I need to know!

I'm sorry to hear that :(((

The 8th isn't too far away now, it would be brilliant if you can get your referral agreed then. Then you can join me in the boat of waiting (Im!!)patiently for the first appointment. Depending on area you hopefully won't be looking at too long of a wait - and from the sounds of it your consultant had been quite keen to go the IVF route before too?

@MocktailMe yes we’re pretty much ready to go with ivf - they said we could get an appointment in September last week to start so we’ve had referrals, all tests and the overseas check done.

They just need to do the funding application and we’re good to go. My husbands Australian so we’ll need to pay 1600 quid.

I just want to ask my consultant if he thinks we should crack on with ivf or try naturally for another 6 months, what he’s seen in terms of people conceiving post miscarriage if it took them ages the first time. Also if it’s going to make a differences ages 36 or 37…

I’m feeling MUCH better mentally this week. My focus for this month is 10,000 steps a day and sleep and reducing stress. I work for myself so I’m trying to do the bare minimum and kind of chill out a bit more.

I just need to remind myself when I’m in the out of despair it’s amazing the difference a week can make. I also don’t mind period week as it doesn’t have the pressure of sex week or the two week wait which I find stresses me out.

AND I’ve got 3 weeks till I go to Portugal for a week and then Crete for a week so trying to look ahead to that.

From what @Waitingformiracle said before I think if you look at IVF as being two 'missed' natural cycles, within a wider time frame then you wouldn't be losing those 6 months to try in either way... I don't know how much of a difference 36 to 37 specifically would make but over 35 is the number they usually use so I would presume the further from 35 you get it all starts to become a tiny bit less likely as time moves on. Will be interesting to see if he thinks that difference is significant or not (I'm no doctor but I can't see it would be!). Hopefully they will be able to give you answers to make a decision feeling totally informed.

I'm getting frustrated as I still haven't received a letter or anything from this clinic. I think I'm going to ring them tomorrow as I've started to worry about it now. I'm now CD8 with zero fertile signs and really struggling to care enough to try this cycle. Really don't see why this one would be any different. Idk I think I'm depressed again, just having a bad few weeks can't stop crying, finding it hard to do anything or see the point in stuff. Hopefully I'll come out the other side soon.

@CharLdnI’m sorry your period arrived, but hope that having your appointments coming up feels like a positive step forward! I’m no doctor but I can’t see how there would be a world of difference between 36 and 37, I think depending on how your AMH is but of course your consultant will be able to give you their opinion. But yes as @MocktailMesaid there are many months of trying naturally in between. In the months you are actively doing treatment you do need to be around for monitoring etc so it all depends how it fits in with your travel plans. The month of your egg retrieval they will start you on the injections on maybe cycle day 3, and they give you a lot of scans to see how follicles are growing etc. I think I did the injections for 9 days but some people can do them for 12-14 days it all depends how you respond. And then the retrieval itself you need a few days for recovery etc. After that it will all depend if you are freezing embryos, if you are doing the genetic testing etc. in terms of timing. But I then had like 2 cycles in between my retrieval and transfer because we froze embryos and had to wait for the results of our testing. And then when my period arrived after that second cycle we started our frozen transfer cycle.

Very exciting about your upcoming holidays to Portugal and Crete, it’s always so nice to have something to look forward to like that and hopefully some sun and relaxation will be just what the doctor ordered.

@MocktailMeI’m so sorry you’re feeling depressed. It’s completely understandable with everything you’ve been through, it’s really not good for anyone and I often say to my husband that I don’t know how people are expected to just carry on with their lives when all of this is going on. I don’t know if you’ve ever spoken to someone but I went to a therapist after my loss and I definitely found it helped. I had to stop going though because she was located in the hospital where it all happened and it was just too triggering for me. I tried to find another person but everyone just said they were booked up and then I sort of gave up, but I do think it can help a lot. I hope the clinic get back to you soon because you don’t need that added stress on top of everything else. Sending hugs 🫂

I've just called the clinic. They said we should get initial contact within 48 hours of them recieving a letter and I said it's been 24 days and she says there is no record of me, my partner or the letter.

I'm so unbelievably frustrated. The NHS may well have saved my life earlier this year, but it seems anything less than life or death emergency they are just completely incompetent. I received my copy of the letter in the post, the IVF clinic says they usually accept referrals via email so I'm not sure if that's where this has gone wrong.

The problem is she also sent them my various test results (it says in the letter) and I don't have copies of those. The receptionist advised that as we are self-funded I can forward the email version of the letter on as they don't require proof of NHS funding (which I've done) but as I can't send over any results of testing this is going to add yet another delay. Delay after delay after delay. I can't even bear to ring my consultants office to complain about this and chase her to send those results over, I've spoken to that secretary so many times she sounds visibly irritated whenever I say my name now.

But if the NHS don't send over those tests I'll have to get them all done again privately. I hate this.

Ugh that is so so frustrating @MocktailMeI’m sorry!!!

@MocktailMe FFS that’s SO frustrating :(

@Waitingformiracle @CharLdn honestly! Obviously this is no reflection on the clinic, who were extremely helpful and have already replied to acknowledge the letter I've forwarded on and confirmed our contact details etc.

I am hopeful they will be able to contact the consultant themselves and get these test results so for now I'm not going to chase it up myself. I just don't have the energy to!

I'm so glad I called the clinic though. I'd been told to expect up to 6 weeks wait so in a way it's good I was too impatient! But I am obviously very annoyed at the wasted four weeks. I'm so depressed right now that having had this moving could have really given me a lifeline to focus on. But im trying not to dwell, at least the ball will hopefully get rolling now.

@MocktailMe I really empathise with the depression last week I was in the pit of despair.

What helped me was realising that grief isn’t linear and also going to reddit for advice - I wrote this note on my phone:

I’ve just asked chat gpt for reddit advice on fertility and they said taking the attitude of it being like in a boxing ring - when you take a hit you need time to recover and that’s a very helpful way of looking at things.

Remind yourself all your shitty feelings are completely valid.

Try little experiments every time despair shows up - see what helps/what doesn’t help

Infertility is trauma and grief and you’re not failing by struggling

I'm not failing by struggling with depression during this experience - Mental wellness isn't about the absence of negative feelings, it's about having feelings that are proportional and appropriate for the situation. If you're dealing with a crappy situation, you need to let yourself off the hook for feeling crappy about it.

Thank you so much - I've just saved that to my own phone!

The boxing ring analogy rings so true. It does feel like being in a ring, taking hits.

Sometimes I feel like I've come out of all of this relatively well, that I'm doing well. Then I think about how I've let my world dwindle to such a small handful of people, permanently reduced my hours at work and still feel too tired, how I feel anxious in groups, cities, anywhere busy, how I can't handle sex easily anymore, how I wake up sweating heart racing every single night multiple times, have flashbacks. Etc etc etc. The signs are all there showing how much this has affected me already. I probably do need to be a bit kinder to myself.

Thank you for sharing that note.

@MocktailMe it’s rough I’ve definitely lost a lot of my positivity and optimism in this journey.

What has helped me now is knowing how up and down it is when I’m in a down bit I know it will get better and I just need to ride it out.

Last month I felt like I went absolutely full obsessive so this month I’m really trying to look after myself better. Annoyingly my focus on 10,000 steps a day and sleep is making my mood better too.

I think I might also ban myself from research and fertility podcasts as I think I know everything now anyway…

I think that's probably for the best you know. I don't consume any fertility media at all (bar this chat!) as I already know everything I need to and probably more and think it just keeps my focus on it too much.

My plan this month is the same as every month - daily CD10-20. What really kills me is that each month I have no idea if there's literally any point whatsoever - I might not be ovulating the correct side so my chance might just be zero.

No ovulation tests etc I don't need them anyway, I can pinpoint my own and I bet you can too at this point!

I did used to feel there were more ups and downs I just feel like ever since losing the last baby and having the surgery that cut my future chances in half I can't find any optimism. The IVF does give me hope though. Til I get that I'll just keep on keeping on!

It's good that getting your steps in and sleep is working. Even on my saddest days I make the time to go outdoors and walk - it really is a lifeline! We are entering the most beautiful time of year (in my opinion!) too so it's a good time to get outdoors.

Hi @MocktailMe @CharLdn how are you both feeling today?

Been thinking about you both since your last posts! Keep trying to remain positive (easier said than done)! You both have things to look forward to over the coming months. One step closer to getting answers and hopefully meeting your babies 🌈

The internet is rife with so much ‘advice’, it can be very consuming. I try not to watch too many videos etc as you start to question everything.

Keep being persistent!

Thanks so much @KTB34

I really hope everything is going well your end!! Keep us posted the good news really keeps me positive x

@MocktailMe you’re welcome 🥹 have you had any updates from the clinic ?

I am well, I am now overdue by a couple of days. I’ve clearly created too much of a comfy space for him lol

Nothing yet, but didn't expect anything over the weekend. Hopefully this week.

Wow, your baby is going to be one of the oldest in his school year by ticking over into September. How amazing, by the end of this week you should have him in your arms.

The first birth from the thread 🧵!!!

@MocktailMe it’s a good job that you followed it up! The system is a mess. After our MC I asked to be referred to a gynaecologist for follow up and guess what, that referral is still pending. I’ve managed to grow a whole human in that time 🙄

I’ve been losing my mucus plug since Saturday and had the ‘bloody’ show this morning so I hope it won’t be much longer now x

@KTB34 The very best of luck to you and hope you won’t have to wait too much longer. We will be so excited to hear when your baby boy has arrived!

@MocktailMe I hope you hear back from them today and hope you are doing ok this week after challenging week last week. I really find none of this is linear and it’s so up and down.

@CharLdn The boxing ring analogy is so so true. Also totally think sometimes stepping back from all the information and giving yourself a bit of a break from it all does a lot for our mental health. Fertility can become so all consuming and I started to find I was literally spending all of my time on Reddit or looking things up and I wasn’t enjoying my life anymore, sometimes just deleting a few apps off the phone and having a bit of a detox from it all can do a lot. Well done on upping your steps and it’s a great focus and goal to have each day, plus I don’t know about you but I find walking really clears my head especially with some nice music or a (non fertility related) podcast

Thanks @KTB34 @Waitingformiracle its definitely a long road so doing whatever we need to stay sane is so important ❤️

How are you feeling @Waitingformiracle have your symptoms kicked in?

@KTB34 it must be a whole other ballgame counting down to B day!

@MocktailMe good luck with chasing the clinic - I’m now in waiting mode again before my appointment next Monday but feeling OK mentally this week. Helps not being luteal.

@CharLdn I’ve had pretty bad nausea now for the last week. I didn’t have this at all with my first pregnancy so it’s a new experience for me but oddly reassuring. I’m actually off work because we were supposed to be on holidays right now, however our clinic cautioned against it before our first scan so we had to cancel the trip. As it turns out I wouldn’t have been feeling great anyway. I’ve had some brown spotting which has been a bit scary. I also had this early on last time so I’m hoping it’s just something that happens to me but every time I go to the bathroom I’m worried I’ll see more. Going for an early private scan on Thursday so anxiously awaiting that 🤞

@Waitingformiracle thank you 💙

@CharLdn it definitely is, a waiting game now !