TTC#1 - Looking for Others in the Same Boat PART TWO THE SEQUEL WHERE WE ALL GET OUR BABIES???!

[MocktailMe]

www.mumsnet.com/talk/conception/5093665-ttc-1-no-previous-pregnancies-cycle-6-looking-for-others-in-the-same-boat?page=40&reply=144772936

Hi everyone!

I can't quite believe it but after a while year we only went and filled the last thread.

I'll tag you all below so that you can find me!

If anyone silently reading along wants to keep following - here's the place. If anyone wants to read the fertility journey for the last year have a look through the last thread.

Thank you @MocktailMe. Beta is all done and I should hear back between 1-3 🤞🤞 it was such a nice experience the nurse gave me the biggest hug, they really do all get so excited for their patients. Easy to forget sometimes that this is the whole point of it all. I didn’t mention that I had taken about 100 tests already 😅

@Waitingformiracle did you get the results? Hoping for good news and here either way xxx

@MocktailMe so sorry I totally blanked on updating you all! We got a good strong beta result 🥹 886 which they said is super for 11 days post transfer. I’m so thrilled. I’ve booked a private test for tomorrow just to see if it’s doubling, as my clinic doesn’t offer a second one. How are you doing?

That is AMAZINGLY high I would be so over the moon with that. Well into a normal range seems like a great number, and I expect you'll see a nice big jump from that tomorrow!

I'm alright, currently 12dpo no period yet but also BFN. My LP post surgery has been 13 days each time, so I'm due tomorrow.

Thank you @MocktailMe and thank you for thinking of me and checking in, I really appreciate it ❤️

I’m sorry to hear about your BFN. It’s just so disheartening each cycle when you’ve done everything right. Allow yourself these few days to feel sad and treat yourself to some nice things, and before you know it fertile week will be here again. That’s what I always do and I find it helps a bit

Thank you. It's obviously disappointing as this was yet another perfectly (OTT!) timed cycle where I know there's not a single thing more I could have done, and yet another negative. But, after my wobble with the referral I actually now feel a lot of relief knowing there's an IVF appointment coming for me. Your journey so far has given me a lot of hope for it.

Also what you said about how you have a lot of time where you can still try naturally during the process. It's reframed it for me as an extra thing we will be doing alongside our regular TTC journey - it doesn't actually mean closing the door to naturally trying at all, just pausing it for 2 cycles as far as I can tell! I can live with that a lot easier.

I think I'll feel better once this period actually starts as the waiting is agony.

Amazing news @Waitingformiracle, so happy to hear that! Such a good strong start to have.

Sorry to hear it's yet another BFN @MocktailMe. The last few days waiting for AF to arrive really are the worst! And always so frustrating when you know you've done everything 'right'. It sounds like you're in a pretty good headspace though. Still, try and make sure you do something nice for yourself if AF does arrive ♥️

@MocktailMe I’m really glad that I offer a bit of hope with my story, not that I am anywhere near out of the woods but the way I see it is even if this doesn’t work out I know that ivf can get me a positive test which is more than I’ve had in a long time. And yes absolutely, it’s just the cycle of the egg retrieval and then the cycle of the transfer (if doing frozen) that you can’t try naturally, so definitely just look at it as a supplement to your existing TTC plan. Plus if you did get a few embryos to bank, it’s an insurance policy for the future too which always appealed to me (although we didn’t get any to bank this time but we will hopefully get more in the future).

Thank you very much @Tater05 😊

Aww yay @Waitingformiracle one step closer ❤️

Sorry for BFN @MocktailMe all this waiting is what kills me too.

I’m currently in my wait - I only ovulated day 18 so think I should only have a 10 day wait…

I’ve got an appointment on the 8th Sept to discuss next steps but at this stage I’m leaning towards ivf sooner rather than later because I just don’t have the patience for another year of shagging and waiting in me.

It’s so frustrating when you’re throwing the kitchen sink at it to not get pregnant especially when you have been before. Our method now is to cover a wider window but it’s a long slog.

I hope you'll have more luck than me char, back to CD1 again here. It's okay though - I knew it was coming from my tests. I'm in agony today though why must it be painful as well??? The ultimate insult!!!

Totally with you on not having another year. I know I've not ACTUALLY been trying for 2 years as the last pregnancy had me out for 6 cycles total with the actual being pregnant and recovery, but it's still been two years since we started trying. I'm really hopeful for my first appointment with the clinic being in the next month. I really want to have done my first transfer by Christmas which I think is a reasonable timeframe???

We might well end up doing that around the same time which would be fab for the support - We've been in this together a long time now! Xxx

Fingers crossed for you @CharLdn🤞🤞I can completely relate about not wanting to do another year of shagging 🤣 I joked to my husband after the transfer being like god that was so much easier haha.

I’m sorry your CD 1 has arrived @MocktailMealthough once I get that late negative test I'm just ready for my period to arrive so I hope you’re at least glad to be moving onto the next cycle. It’s certainly reasonable to expect to do your first transfer by Christmas if your appointment is soon. For context I had my first consultation with the fertility doctor on May 8 and my transfer was August 7. I did go privately though, I’m not sure what you’re thinking but that does accelerate timelines

We are also going privately - we are allowed one free cycle on the NHS after one failed private cycle so if it doesn't work first time we will go NHS for the next round - although it would be great if we could get a frozen embryo banked for if we need another cycle.

2026 baby would be amazing after starting out in 2023! Honestly the period does suck but at least it's clarity, and like you I do my grieving in the two days before when I know I'm very likely out. This is why I can't just wait and see until my period - it would be too much of a gut punch if it was an unsuccessful cycle, I prefer to be eased into the bad news.

What's next for you now @Waitingformiracle ? Are you still with your clinic until 12 weeks?

I think you would definitely be able to work to that timeline then @MocktailMe!! If you don’t end up conceiving naturally in the meantime. It would be great to bank some embryos too. I wish we had been more successful in that regard but I’ll take what I can get. And I totally agree about being eased into the bad news. I would hate to spend 2 weeks thinking I might be pregnant only to be devastated with my period. I know some people also don’t test after transfer and wait until the blood test but I can’t imagine how hard that must be to hear it hasn’t worked so late on.

Next steps for me are they will scan me in my clinic at around 7 weeks and then if all looks ok they will discharge me to my obstetrician. I thought there would be more oversight by the clinic but that seems to be all I get!

@MocktailMe in this marathon together!

I do feel much better having the appointment on the horizon and it’s helped me to reframe it as two parts 1) try and get some freezer embryos then 2) transfer.

I’ve also been thinking about the opps to keep trying naturally too.

My cousin is now 13 weeks pregnant and she’d have been a week out from my original pregnancy so I also want something to happen before Xmas too.

For context I’m in a group of 12 cousins and 8/12 have kids - most babies and toddlers who will be there at Xmas so I really want to be doing something before then (not that my body gives a crap about timelines).

I’m going on holiday late Sept so I might try and start in Oct - with a few more natural cycles before.

So sorry for the radio silence, for some reason I wasn’t getting the email notifications !

Looks like I have missed a lot !

Congratulations @Waitingformiracle. I hope your scan goes well 💖

@MocktailMe I really hope your appointment brings some positive news and some next steps forward !

@CharLdn I hope your appointment in September goes well too. I too am one of many, many cousins all who are younger than me and have multiple babies to the point my Aunt now has 13 grandchildren 🤣 I always used to get so cross when another pregnancy was announced so I know that feeling all too well!

@KT199 @lavafield @Tater05 how are you all?

@KTB34 Thank you, almost 31 weeks, so it feels real and close now!
Are you about 40 weeks now so any day now?!! Hope all goes well! 🤞

@MocktailMe and @CharLdn The days of your first IVF appts are closer and closer, Hope it gives you something to look forward too! And trying in the new cycle is an extra bonus, you never know!

@Waitingformiracle hope you first scan goes well in a few weeks and you will see and hear your little bean, fingers crossed!

@lavafield amazing to hear, time passes so quickly doesn’t it.

I am 39 weeks tomorrow, we are very near the end now.

This has honestly been the most anxious time of my life, I have said to my Husband I cannot wait for the baby to actually be here as I feel like I can’t breathe at the moment. It’s a beautiful but very scary thing after loss, I don’t think it’s spoken about enough at all.

Today is also national rainbow baby day and can’t help feeling sad about our previous loss, in fact in often think about ‘what could have been’ every day.

I am thinking of every single one of you today 🌈

Thank you @KTB34 I’m really feeling it today.

I sit with a friend at coworking who’s pregnant after two losses and it just seems constant like our nervous systems are protecting us by thinking of everything that could go wrong.

Everything crossed for your next few weeks and hopefully this will be a distant memory in a few years time.

I really do think infertility’s mental affects are way more impactful than you realise and it’s just not spoken about because so many lucky people have no problems.

Thank you @KTB34and to you. I’m sure you will breathe a huge sigh of relief when you are holding your rainbow baby in your arms. I too think about my baby I lost every single day. It’s funny I thought finally getting a positive test again might heal me, but if anything it’s just made me really sad for my first baby and think about her more.

Thinking of everyone today too 🌈 may we all hold babies in our arms very soon xx

@CharLdn thank you ! I definitely agree, the brain just doesn’t want to switch off! Hope you’re ok today!

@Waitingformiracle sending love 💖💖💖

@CharLdnit really has such a huge impact on people and I totally agree it’s not talked about nearly enough. I read somewhere once that studies have shown the level of stress people feel with infertility is similar to the level of stress people living with cancer face. I think it stays with people forever too, even when they eventually have families.

@Waitingformiracle I believe that! How are you feeling at the moment? Any symptoms yet?

I’m 8dpo so full on symptom spotting mode and have had more discharge/fatigue so am definitely peak symptom spotting!

I feel for you @CharLdn I think 7-12dpo might be my LEAST favourite time of the entire cycle!!! Every month I swear I won't do it, and every month I'm making notes again I'm driving myself generally crazy!!!

I swear I don't have the energy for this cycle but it's only CD4 so I'm sure I will gear up again soon. This period has been horrific and I'm actually covered in spots like a teenager with greasy skin and hair and generally look as shit as I feel! My periods have definitely got worse since the surgery in terms of pain but I actually think my PCOS being under better control has inadvertently given me stronger hormonal shifts during my (now shorter) cycles.

I feel so gross and ugly right now that I'm almost excited for ovulation as at least I'll get a nice hormone boost to stop me being such a spotty mess!!!!

Hey @KTB34 so nice to hear from you. Awh so close to the end. Please update us once you get a moment when they’ve arrived 🥲

I am doing okay - I hit 24 weeks yesterday (viability). I always think each mile stone will make me feel better, and it does kind of.. but once I get there I panic about getting to the next. So like now, I’m wanting to be at 28wks due to better survival rate ect. Pregnant after loss is actually one of the most mentally challenging things I’ve ever been through.

@Waitingformiracle How amazing🥹 congratulations. How was the follow up beta?

@MocktailMe I think IVF is a complete blessing to all us all. I can’t imagine a world where there isn’t accessible help for people who need/want it as it just would not be fair. I think regardless of the way you get pregnant or become a mother every path is beautiful. Don’t let family opinions about IVF put you off. We all know how badly you want to be a mum and your journey, whatever that may be, will be unique and special to you.

@CharLdn the 2WW is horrible every single time. But sometimes I think living in hope is better than being upset at the end of AF arrives so swings and roundabouts. Fingers crossed you get your two lines soon.

@CharLdnThe second half of the TWW is definitely peak symptom spotting time for sure. When will you test or will you wait for your period?

My main symptoms are insomnia and some light cramping, and very tired but that could be from the insomnia. The worst symptom of all is just the anxiety of worrying about not having enough symptoms and thinking something is wrong the whole time. I still really don’t believe I’m pregnant and feel like I’ll go for my scan and they’ll tell me there’s nothing there. We’ve booked a private scan for next Thursday so I just need to survive until then.

@KT199Thank you! My next beta was 2686 so had basically tripled which I’m hoping is a good sign. I can really relate to the anxiety of pregnancy after loss, I’m only so early but I just constantly think it’s all going to go wrong. Viability is a big mile stone so congratulations but I understand you probably won’t breathe easy until you have your baby in your arms. And then no doubt a whole new world of worry will begin, but it will be magic!

@MocktailMeI’m so sorry you’ve had such a horrible period, talk about adding insult to injury! Hope you were able to put the feet up this weekend and take care of yourself!