TTC#1 - Looking for Others in the Same Boat PART TWO THE SEQUEL WHERE WE ALL GET OUR BABIES???!

[MocktailMe]

www.mumsnet.com/talk/conception/5093665-ttc-1-no-previous-pregnancies-cycle-6-looking-for-others-in-the-same-boat?page=40&reply=144772936

Hi everyone!

I can't quite believe it but after a while year we only went and filled the last thread.

I'll tag you all below so that you can find me!

If anyone silently reading along wants to keep following - here's the place. If anyone wants to read the fertility journey for the last year have a look through the last thread.

How are things looking @Waitingformiracle? Been thinking of you!

Good luck to those coming into or in the TWW 🤞

Thanks for checking in @KT199!! Things are looking good I think, naturally I’ve been testing like a crazy person but here are my lines up to today which is 7days post transfer / 12 DPO (I have zero chill as you can see 🤣). Hoping this is a good sign. My blood draw is on Monday which will check my betas so just anxiously waiting for that!

@Waitingformiracle that’s a BFP!!!!!! Good luck with the bloods 🤞

I actually spoke to the ACU people today to see if we’re still on the IVF list and apparently we’re still eligible. So this is giving me hope as a back up plan.

Ahhh @Waitingformiracle this is what we like to see!!! Huge congratulations, I hope the bloods go well.

@CharLdn it's good to know you're still eligible and have that as an option, but let's hope you won't need it! Have you had your LH peak yet?

@Tater05 not yet I’m day 16 and still waiting but got EWCM… temps still low. the month I got preggo I ovulated later so I think that my body’s just doing its thing…

How are you getting on?

@CharLdn it’s great that you still have the IVF as a back up plan, I found it just felt like a positive step even having it there in the back pocket if we needed it. I think sometimes in this process you just need to feel something is moving forward because everything is so slow. Fingers crossed for you this month though and hopefully you won’t need the IVF but great to know you could if you needed to 🤞🤞

@CharLdn me too, I didn't ovulate until day 21 the month it worked. I wonder if it gives the egg that bit longer to mature. Just means sex week is longer 😅

I'm doing well thanks, 7 weeks today and things seem to be going ok. I have an early scan booked for next week so I'm apprehensively looking forward to that, keeping myself guarded though.

Congrats @Waitingformiracle how lovely to see 🥹. I’m sure official test day will be nerve wracking still waiting for the beta numbers but not as nerve wracking if you didn’t test beforehand at all. Did you tell your husband?

@CharLdn It must be reassuring there are still ways and means of trying if natural doesn’t happen in the near future, but I also understand it may also be scary.

@Tater05 Good luck for the early scan, it’s amazing seeing your baby on the screen for the first time. But it is definitely a nerve wracking time and I found the scans didn’t really provide much reassurance beyond a day or two but I do think that was mostly due to my own past experiences.

My consultant has finally contacted the IVF clinic to request an appointment on our behalf. Now we wait for the date 🤞

Can't remember if I said, but I was right to be suspicious about the EWCM CD11-13. It never fully dried up and then I had a huge peak of EWCM CD20 - then it finally switched to creamy. So I think I'm around 8dpo and it's negative today. It's hard to keep having hope honestly. It just feels really really unfair that I still don't have a baby or a pregnancy after two years now.

@MocktailMe that’s a positive step that the appointment has been requested. Like I said to Char above, I think mentally once you have that first appointment it just feels like ok I am
doing something positive that’s moving us in the right direction. Well done for catching your later surge too. 8DPO is still very early, don’t count yourself out yet. It’s all so unfair and I completely feel you, 2 years is a really long time we just hit the 2 year mark as well. I hope this will be the year for us all 🤞

@Tater05 thanks for your well wishes and the very best of luck for your scan I hope all goes well!

@KT199 thank you ☺️ hopefully all will go well. Yes my husband knew from my second test because I couldn’t keep it in haha. He’s very excited but also guarded after everything that happened the first time, so we are just taking it day by day. I’m testing like a maniac but it’s the only thing that brings me any comfort at the moment, at least until I get my bloods done on Monday!

Two years is just so long isn't it! It's hard because people who started trying when I did have their babies now...and they're actually turning to toddlers and I still don't even have a bump :(

I feel mixed feelings around the IVF. Obviously I want the baby, and I want the baby enough to do the IVF but the process sounds so horrible and in a way it feels like im giving up to take this route? I hope this doesn't come across as rude as obviously you've done the IVF and brilliantly so far it has worked. Realistically if it gets me to where you are now I know it's worth it, but it does make me feel like I've failed to be taking it. I think I still feel 'damaged' after losing the last baby and my tube and likely that's influencing this - I was so happy and bizarrely proud that my HSG came back clear, but it seems like that one must still be damaged anyway as it isn't working. Feels like my body has failed me a bit.

Sorry for all the negativity. I think once I actually have the appointment they will hopefully alleviate my fears around the process and I'll feel better about it.

@MocktailMe everything you're saying is totally valid. Struggling with fertility is just absolutely shit. I lost a few close family members over a short period of time a few years ago and to be honest the grief I was starting to feel after not being able to get pregnant for so long was very similar to that, and I don't think I'll fully stop feeling it until I'm holding my baby. None of us expected to go through all of this when we started.

I'm not the best person to comment about IVF but I was starting to wrap my head around the idea that we might have to do it, and I get where you're coming from. It's an overwhelming thing to think about going through, but you're not 'damaged', if anything you'll be stronger for having gone through it. I hope your appointment helps when you have it, I suppose it's more unknowns at the moment but hopefully once they've guided you through the process it will feel a bit more manageable.

Thanks for the well wishes on the scan - I had it this morning and it went really well. Measuring exactly 7 weeks with a strong heartbeat, as good as I could have hoped for so I'm feeling very grateful and relieved today. Still cautiously optimistic though. And the support on this thread getting to this point has been amazing ♥️

Thanks @Tater05 I really appreciate your message. I know you ladies get it.

Amazing news on the scan! I'm so pleased it went well, and won't feel too long now until the next one. Another hurdle passed 💕

Congratulations @Tater05 that’s wonderful news ☺️

@Tater05 Happy to hear the first scan went well, indeed the first milestone ✔️ . Will your next one be a 12 week scan or are you doing earlier private ones too?
One step at a time of course! Hope you are enjoying your pregnancy and not worrying too much! No sickness?
@Waitingformiracle Such a relief that the tests are progressing so far, good luck with the bloods on Monday too! 🤞
@MocktailMe Your feelings are totally valid. Two years does seem like an eternity and I can only imagine how I would drive myself crazy, especially with the age pressure not on my side!
I hope when the ball starts rolling on the IVF route you will feel a bit more uplifted. And who knows, you can still keep trying naturally, right?!
The good thing is you still have your eggs, so a little intervention doesn't mean your body has failed you! X

@Tater05 that’s great yay ❤️

@MocktailMe I really feel your pain I had a big wobble this week it’s all so long and boring and so deeply unfair. They say that 55% of people going through infertility experience depression and I really get why.

We’re currently deciding wether or not to go down the ivf route and have a consultant appointment booked for the 8th Sept - I just want to know if because we got pregnant it’s worth carrying on trying naturally for longer or to just crack on… I’m 36 and just feel like I’m not getting any younger but also ivf does feel big and scary.

@CharLdn yes it feels terrifying right now! Even though I'm sure once I get going it will feel okay.

It's the not knowing if it's worth continuing that's so hard I agree. I know that probably half these months - maybe more - are totally pointless as will be ovulating the wrong side and I don't even know which ones are the right ones! The only way to find out is private scans but realistically it's easier to just try every month regardless.

Boring actually sums it up. I've googled everything worth googling 24 times now! 24 cycles! And still I'm googling symptoms as though something new will crop up. No one in RL even asks me about TTC anymore - after last time it's become a big forbidden topic. The last time someone mentioned it was to express complete shock I was still trying after I could have died last time. Put that way it does sound crazy but here I am!

@MocktailMe I wouldn’t see doing IVF as giving up or failing. I more see it as brave and a sign of how strong someone is to go through that. I’ll proudly tell my kids how they were conceived because they will know how much they were wanted. The way I see it, I got pregnant naturally and carried that baby for 18 weeks and my body failed me then, so conceiving naturally doesn’t really give me the comfort it once did. Honestly my only regret about IVF is not starting it sooner. But that’s just my personal experience and it is of course a deeply personal decision. It’s obviously not a walk in the park, but after all you’ve been through I think you’d be well able. I certainly found that it wasn’t half as hard as losing my baby and the struggles of infertility. Anyway I just wanted to make you feel better about it if you do choose to do it, that it’s not some terrible thing that you should be ashamed about doing. It’s amazing and millions of children are born from it every year.

@Waitingformiracle thank you so much it helps a lot to hear that from you given it's all such recent and ongoing experience for you.

I would never hide IVF from my potential baby and I wouldn't be ashamed to say I was doing it either to other people exactly - it's more an internal thing like accepting there's something 'wrong' with me and admitting in a more final sense that I do require help for this.

But I also feel so deeply what you're saying - nothing will be as hard as losing another baby. Sometimes I think about what if this was 1970 and there was no IVF option and my heart freezes with the fear of knowing right now id be out of routes and hope. Thinking that makes it pretty clear to me that internal struggles or not I'll be taking this opportunity, because I know if it didn't exist everything would be much darker.

Another (!) problem with TTC this long is it gives you far too much time to overthink everything! I didn't have these wobbles six months ago if I'd started then I wouldn't have had the time to worry about it all!

I hope you're feeling okay. All the love sent for Mondays blood test given those sticks I have everything crossed for a lovely high number xxx

@MocktailMe and that’s such a valid feeling to feel, like doing it is accepting defeat I totally get that. I didn’t take any offense whatsoever in what you said btw in case it came across like that, I just wanted to allay your worries a bit if I can having been through it. I was really putting off starting it and I remember the thing that gave me the final push was I went to talk to my parents and I kind of told them (feeling like such a failure) that we might need to do IVF and they were like that is BRILLIANT why are you holding off why not start now? And I was so taken aback, I thought they’d be sort of ashamed or something. But they were so encouraging and I think I sort of needed to hear someone make it into not a big deal? Like my dad was pretty much like stop overthinking it just do it and after that I just went for it. The other thing I would say is that the process is SO slow with plenty of months to try naturally in between. So starting the process doesn’t mean you stop trying naturally, and my friend just got pregnant naturally in the middle of the process as she was about to start doing stims for her egg retrieval!

@Waitingformiracle wise words!
@MocktailMe my consultant said it’s the fastest and most effective way of getting pregnant.

My apprehension with TTC ‘naturally’ is that it’s a lot of effort and personal responsibility (obsessively timed sex/ 10,000 supplements, daily testing) is I’m worried it will take ANOTHER 18 months to get pregnant and at my age it’s only a 12% chance per cycle.

I also think with IVF - I’m not too scared about the jabs it’s more the hope/disappointment cycles around numbers of eggs embryos etc. But the attractive thing for me about ivf is there’s a clear process and timeline plus about a 30% chance each cycle.

No one wants to have to do IVF and it’s so frustrating our bodies haven’t done what we need to do but it is the next best chance to get what we want. Many feelings can exist at the same time and we need to give ourselves grace we’ve got this far ❤️

You are not alone in feeling all the feelings it’s a bloody long slog!

@Waitingformiracle your parents sound amazing. I think that's what I'm missing IRL - my family (who were amazing around my surgery and recovery etc) have all said things like hopefully it won't come to IVF etc! I know they won't mean anything by it but I think it's built it up in my head to be this thing to avoid at all costs rather than the miracle it is!

I agree with you @CharLdn the needles are scary but the least scary on balance! I can cope with physical pain.

Will be rooting for you tomorrow @Waitingformiracle please let us know :) xxx

@MocktailMe I’m get that. They might also just think that that’s the right thing to be saying and I’m sure if you did end up doing it they would be supportive. And you have all of us to cheer you on no matter what you decide to do! And thank you so much, I’m going in shortly so I’ll let you all know 🙏 x

I know - I'm really glad I started this thread last year - don't know what I would have done without you all!!!

Hoping you've had good news this morning xxxx