TTC after loss part 5

[Ella31]

Just continuing our old thread. I've added anyone who has asked to stay on here. As always, anyone who is trying after a loss is welcome to join and those who have been lucky since are welcome to encourage those who are still waiting for their rainbow (if you want to stay of course )

Also for the next thread, I'm going to let someone else take over creating the new one if people don't mind. I've a lot on at the moment with tests and I'm back to work in the next few weeks after my bereavement leave with my boys. So if anyone would like to take the mantle, feel free.

Im 2dpo today and have another ultrasound on Wednesday to see if follicle has burst followed by pdg blood test.

@Onthedouble123
@DonnaWhat
@moosey89
@Bellebg
@Lovedatforme
@Ncl31
@PearlCat
@LucyCL
@CadoAvo
@ThelastRolo20
@Figtree11

@Ella31 I’m so sorry to read what you have been through. You are incredibly strong. I am wishing the very best for you xx

Aw thank you. It's been a long journey. How are you today? I hope this group is helping. Everyone on here is amazing

@Ella31 you’ve got this, and going from strength to strength. Keeping you (and everyone going through early days of pregnancy) in my thoughts. I hope you have some mini goals to focus your mind on to drown out the worry but I know that’s easier said than done.

@Ella31 I’m doing OK thanks. Back in the quagmire of should I quit TTC / or push ahead with all of the risk it entails. I don’t think I’ll ever have an answer. I’ve started taking folic acid though!

Sending you all hugs. It’s such an anxious time isn’t it.

I’ve been quiet on here but almost 6 weeks now and have a scan booked in for Thursday 29th. I’ve managed to keep fairly calm so far but feeling so worried now that it’s getting closer.

Our early scan was when we first knew things may not be progressing as planned last time around (ended in MMC) so keeping everything crossed.

Hope you’re all doing ok x

It's such a hard decision, only you can decide. I'm just sorry your experiences of late have been so hard. Peace of mind is so hard to get when you are ttc. Reach out anytime. I mean it.

That's a good gestation for a scan, remember what you've always told me - this is a completely new pregnancy and the odds are in your favour ❤️ I'm sure it feels like a lifetime between now and then but it'll come round xx

Thanks so much @ThelastRolo20 how are you now? How far are you?

I'm doing okay thank you. Had another episode of brown discharge last week but the EPU kindly squeezed me in and all was fine with the baby.

I'm 19 weeks today! I have my 20 week scan next Tuesday x

19 weeks. I can't believe it. You are almost half way there. That's great with the scan.

My mum bled 3 times with me and i lived to tell the tale :)

That is one amazing positive tale!❤

Wow congratulations @ThelastRolo20 i remember you from earlier threads xx nearly halfway !!

Thanks @ApplesNest and everyone else that replied to me yesterday x
I spoke with my partner last night and today with one of my colleagues and I feel a bit better today. My colleague did confirm my suspicions that one of our colleagues is expecting number 2 but it's made me more optimistic than pessimistic. Her daughter is 11 months older than mine. I've got time.
I have been feeling the pressure of time as it's a year ago that I cried in the soft play with friends because I was unable to ttc. I was feeling like nothing had changed in a year but a lot has changed really. A year ago I was on high dose lithium with risks of birth defects. I'm off the lithium and stable. It was around April that I was in a position to safely stop contraception, I'm also stable off contraception as i was also on it for my mental health. I'm going to prioritise my mental health over the next few months. I'm prone to seasonal changes in mood and August is prime time for it to go south when as it links to the daylight hours rather than the weather. I was feeling pretty bleak yesterday and like I was heading into a dark depression. I'm going to up the self care and potentially bring some appointments forward and go from there.

@Ella31 thank you - I know, nearly half way!

@worldwidetravel2017 ah that's good to know, thankfully it's never been fresh blood and never any associated pain so I've never been in full panic mode but always good to hear positive stories :)

@CurlyWurly1991 yes! I remember you too - thank you. I think closing the door on TTC is so incredibly complicated and hard. The what ifs never go I don't think - I haven't read all the updates, what's your current thinking? 🙂 Xx

@ThelastRolo20 I can’t believe you’re nearly at 20 weeks! It’s so good to hear. I hope you’re managing to relax into it a little bit now, notwithstanding the bleeding. If it’s any comfort I bled all the way through my pregnancy with my son and because it was my first pregnancy I never really thought anything of it, which feels unthinkable now.

@Superscientist you have overcome so much to get to this point. From an outsider’s perspective it sounds like you’ve come a long way and there’s a lot to be proud of. I hope your plan of action works well. Not the same thing I know but I try and look at how far I’ve come since my lowest point earlier this year - on the face of it I’m in a worse position now but to still be hanging on and feeling ok a good amount of the time is I think something to hold on to.

@CurlyWurly1991 I recognise your name, I think you gave me some useful advice after my last loss. Good to ‘see’ you again!

@Ella31 Hope you are feeling ok today

@HerbaceousPerennial thank you ❤️ yes I think I'm settling into it a bit more now. Georgie is very excited to become a big sister which has piled the pressure on for this pregnancy to work out but I have to believe it will!

How are you getting on? Xx

@ThelastRolo20 I seem to change my mind on an hourly basis about TTC so who knows where we’re at. I think DH is much less keen than I am, he doesn’t have the same hormonal push I guess (I’m 38). I am taking folic acid just in case. But suspect from our conversation today that he is not up for a risk of another MMC and surgery or worse. It was really hard to watch me go through all that, I think.

@CurlyWurly1991 that sounds so tough - it is harder when they don't have the same hormonal drive we do. Would therapy help both of you work through how you're feeling? X

@CurlyWurly1991 I empathise - it is tough. My DH said last night that he wants us to stop TTC until after a big holiday we have planned in October as he’s worried about my health if I were to MC on holiday. I’m trying to be understanding of his position, but I feel so desperate to be pregnant again after the loss and so scared that we’ll lose our last opportunity (I’ve just turned 41 and, while I was quite blasé TTC at 40, 41 feels like a game changer).

@MaudePie one of my friends miscarried her first pregnancy when on holiday. She said whilst it wasn't nice, it was actually healing for her to be away somewhere nice, just the 2 of them, to process it.

I'm currently 6dpo and have the most stinking cold. I usually try to avoid decongestants TTC but I actually cannot breathe without them. Feels like this is me out for this month 😭

@ThelastRolo20 thank you, I am sure that therapy is helpful in these situations. I did actually have some counselling after the first loss to determine whether I wanted to continue TTC, and it was quite helpful. Then I found I was pregnant again and lost it. I guess I could start up again, DH probably not keen though. I suppose what I’m grappling with is uncertainty and risk, it feels much safer not to go there even though I do want to. I feel extremely fortunate to already have a lovely 10 year old DD, who was conceived with no issue when I was 27.

@MaudePie I totally understand where your DH is coming from. I guess a lot of things come into the mix when deciding about timing, and that sense of panic with increasing age is real - I totally feel you there! I would probably keep up TTC and the holiday, because so little is in our control and it would be such a shame not to have the break if you aren’t lucky and conceive beforehand.

At 38 I do notice my periods changing and hormones less balanced, I think some women are lucky with their fertility well into their 40s and others decline sooner. We tried for a year during which we had the MMCs about cycle 7 and 9 I think . I feel like we gave it a good shot.

Fingers crossed @moosey89 how are you feeling?

@Ella31 ugh I feel horrible - can't breathe through my nose, eyes are streaming... And I just can't imagine this being a good thing for implantation as my body is a bit busy fighting this bug off! I just want the end of the month to come now.

I'm also desperate for next weekend to get here as I'm going to visit my best friend in Wales - she's just got home from hospital yesterday. She was involved in a hit and run when she was out jogging near her home middle of last week, has a neck fracture and a brain bleed so had surgery to stabilise her neck. She will be fine but it is so shocking when something like that happens to someone close to you. She got hit from behind and the person just drove off, who does that??

Cautiously sharing this.

AF was expected a couple of days ago. I’ve been experiencing cramps, tiredness and tender boobs so I thought I’d test again. My test showed vfl at first. Thought it was an evap line. Ended up doing five more tests. All the same, faint line. This morning’s test showed a darker line. I’m 14 dpo. DP and I want more evidence. I’m getting a digital test. I’m going to test with FRER too. I’m starting to worry as I don’t want to get my hopes up too high and just worried this might not stick.