TTC after loss part 5

[Ella31]

Just continuing our old thread. I've added anyone who has asked to stay on here. As always, anyone who is trying after a loss is welcome to join and those who have been lucky since are welcome to encourage those who are still waiting for their rainbow (if you want to stay of course )

Also for the next thread, I'm going to let someone else take over creating the new one if people don't mind. I've a lot on at the moment with tests and I'm back to work in the next few weeks after my bereavement leave with my boys. So if anyone would like to take the mantle, feel free.

Im 2dpo today and have another ultrasound on Wednesday to see if follicle has burst followed by pdg blood test.

@Onthedouble123
@DonnaWhat
@moosey89
@Bellebg
@Lovedatforme
@Ncl31
@PearlCat
@LucyCL
@CadoAvo
@ThelastRolo20
@Figtree11

@Figtree11 definitely! It was hard enough to decide to TTC in the first place given the big age gap, financial etc. If we had a crystal ball it would all be so much easier wouldn’t it…

@moosey89 hello! I remember you too. Thanks for the heads up, I didn’t realise that about the clock resetting… because my periods are so irregular I was wondering about medicated cycles (letrozole etc). The two cycles I got pregnant were regular length cycles and I was on a ton of supplements, herbs etc. I can’t really be arsed with all that. I don’t know whether it’s in me to just ‘not try not prevent’ but I think the TTC sent me a bit loopy last time.

TTC has always been a difficult decision for me. I have a 50% of severe depression and psychosis due to my bipolar and had a 10 week stay in a mother and baby unit. My daughter has multiple food allergies and severe silent reflux. I get hyperemesis in pregnancy. I had counselling with my HV when we were trying to decide whether to go for a second mostly to process all the crap we went through in the 3 years from conception to my daughter being 2. Friends have compared that time to the series of unfortunate events books. It was one thing after another. We went with the well if we do decide to try again what do we need to do? So I changed my meds that went ok. I started folic acid and that felt ok. I had a month off the lithium but on contraception and felt ok. So I stopped the contraception that felt ok. It wasn't one big decision but lots of smaller ones that I could take on good days. I guess I would say is what one thing could you do this week to test the waters on how you feel about TTC? It can be super tiny.

Hello, I also recognise you from another thread 👋 good luck whatever you decide to do 😊

1DPO today 😀

Was initially expecting ovulation on Friday however didn't get an LH rise until Saturday and think ovulation happened yesterday so officially back in the tww 🤞🏼

Bloods today hopefully I get some answers xx

I am feeling a bit wobbly this morning. I should be having my dating scan today. I feel in limbo no longer pregnant but also still waiting to start again. My HCG was 150 on Saturday and they expect it will be normal levels by my next bloods this Saturday then we can start planning what to do next

@Superscientist goodness you really have been through a lot… thank you for your wise words. I think that is great advice and I will have a think.

@CadoAvo hello again 👋 best of luck with this cycle!!

@Superscientist just seen your second post… I’m so sorry to hear this. I hope you are OK. It really does take time and please be kind to yourself xx

@CadoAvo have my fingers crossed for you this cycle!

@Superscientist sorry you’re feeling wobbly today. Limbo land is just horrible

I’m getting quite fed up of my constant mood changes. Yesterday I had a good day, managed to not think about TTC too much after my rubbish day on Saturday. Now I’m back to feeling fed up! CD36 and nothing!

Thank you @CurlyWurly1991 . I think things will feel easier once I have less reminders. Last week I had 2 appointments to cancel and a trip to the epu. This week it's the scan day and another trip to the epu. Next week I'm hoping will be the first week without reminders.

I know what you mean, it's so hard to not think about the loss. I do feel like time has helped my overall feelings however If I hadn't lost my first in April then I'd be 27 weeks now, which seems unbelievable really as it feels like time goes so fast when you're not pregnant. I sometimes wonder what my bump would look like, what sex the baby was etc.

My would be due date in November might be hard but we are going to book a holiday to Morocco for early Nov so that should help I reckon. We haven't managed to get away this year yet as was waiting to see what would happen with ttc etc

@Beanie14 great. What bloods are you getting done? Great start anyway.

@CadoAvo booking holidays has helped me too with the due dates…. First loss EDD has just passed and the second is early Nov. We are going on holiday just before that one. However the holidays we had booked caused me some stress last time
I was pregnant as I get a lot of first trimester nausea, anxiety etc. The earliest we will start TTC again (if at all) will be early oct because of the holiday we have booked.

@CurlyWurly1991 it's definitely worth asking the question anyway, just tell them the fact you've been trying for a year and have irregular cycles. They may not ask about the miscarriages, you never know! And I get what you mean, it's a lot. We don't have the choice but to plan as we do home artificial insemination, I think if I was in a couple that regularly had sex and didn't have any issues in that regard then I'd be going down the "not preventing" route right now for a break x

@moosey89 we do self insemination as well - I totally hear you!

@CurlyWurly1991 yeah you fully understand them 😂 I hate it when people say stuff like "just don't track it and see what happens" - yeah I can tell you that outcome thanks haha

@moosey89 yep, I’m going to try and just look out for EWCM as an indicator. BBT and OPKs send me crazy.

Sorry. Today is a hard day for you. I hope your hcg goes down soon and you can begin to recover. Be good to yourself

Thanks again for the lovely welcome, everyone! Such a warm and supportive thread.

@Figtree11 I’ve been training 3 months now, though that’s more park runs during the week and slightly longer runs during the weekend. Apparently if you run half of the intended race distance in training, you can run the rest, though I think it’s more psychological. Some people don’t train much and still get through the entire race distance.

It’s really hard seeing pregnant friends and seeing their journey play out while TTC. It’s incredibly brave of you to see them as I’m the opposite. Friends of DP told us they were pregnant on the day we got a BFN in front of a group of people, I wanted to run away, hide and scream.

The feelings of conflict of being happy for them and sadness for us not being pregnant is rubbish. However, I’d like to think we’re in this novel where our stories are yet to be written. We’re extra special, the writer is giving us more thought and care.

@Superscientist I’m so sorry you’re going through this right now. Time and waiting is frustrating. I wish I could offer something helpful - just be gentle with yourself and continue to acknowledge how you’re feeling.

I think that's a beautiful way to put it. The best is definitely yet to come.

I got an early scan booked for September 5th. I'll be 7 weeks 2 days. I'm terrified tbh. This is baby number 5 in 2 years. 2 miscarriages, a still birth and a neonatal death in 18 months respectively. Something has to come right at this stage hopefully.

@Ella31 We're all rooting for you! Did you get your second HCG results?
Pregnancy after loss is terrifying. I'm 6 weeks tomorrow and woke up today with a feeling of panic that something was wrong and I was going to loose this one too... Time is going so slow...

I'm a week behind you. 5 today. It's a roller coaster isn't it? Hope you feel better today. I'm still waiting on the second hcg results.

I wish you lots of good luck! ❤ I know it might be hard to trust your body however it is the only way for you to reconnect yourself to this new pregnancy. x

After a week of being super super anxious, I have decided to let go and trust my body. There is nothing I can do and everything is beyond my control so I find it easier to let go finally. Yes, the anxiety will still be with you however please enjoy this new pregnancy and be positive.💖