TTC after loss part 5

[Ella31]

Just continuing our old thread. I've added anyone who has asked to stay on here. As always, anyone who is trying after a loss is welcome to join and those who have been lucky since are welcome to encourage those who are still waiting for their rainbow (if you want to stay of course )

Also for the next thread, I'm going to let someone else take over creating the new one if people don't mind. I've a lot on at the moment with tests and I'm back to work in the next few weeks after my bereavement leave with my boys. So if anyone would like to take the mantle, feel free.

Im 2dpo today and have another ultrasound on Wednesday to see if follicle has burst followed by pdg blood test.

@Onthedouble123
@DonnaWhat
@moosey89
@Bellebg
@Lovedatforme
@Ncl31
@PearlCat
@LucyCL
@CadoAvo
@ThelastRolo20
@Figtree11

Welcome @MaudePie and @ApplesNest ,sorry you're here too. Well done for taking care of yourself @ApplesNest , it's such a hard important thing to do, don't forget it when you get to rainbows. @Ella31 I really think those tests look fine, I'd try to take as few as you can they're so erratic and they can fuel the headspin! I'd agree that 1-2 for 14dpo is totally fine too, there can be a big gap between ovulation and conception.

I've had a tough day, I had to go back to the EPU for a blood test and then to the crematorium to collect my baby's ashes. However I spoke to my bereavement midwife yesterday and she said they think likely cause of miscarriage was problems with her cord, which is enormously reassuring that a) they found something (so I don't spend forever wondering how I could have prevented it and b) it's not especially likely to happen again.

@HerbaceousPerennial yeah I'm a research scientist in a drug discovery company. I'm bipolar and did a PhD which was pretty bad for my mental health and I had a hard time after having my daughter so mental wellbeing is a full time job for me! It's taken a lot of therapy over the years to get to a place where I can cope with life without spiraling into depression or mania.
I'm feeling pretty low and flat today. My work is taking a bit more concentration than I have so it's not as distracting as it has been.
I have started bleeding again. I'm not sure if it's my period and I'm hormonal or it's the miscarriage. I wasn't expecting my period so quickly. I'm at the epu tomorrow for more bloods so I'll ask them.

@Ella31 i know it’s so hard, but I really don’t think you need to worry with how those tests look, they look fine to me. I try not to do the weeks indicator tests till much later to save the worry, once I know it’s been a couple of weeks from finding out I then do one

@HerbaceousPerennial that’s exactly what I’m doing, testing once a week. Did one today, and of course BFN. Have been feeling a bit queasy the last few days so wondering if hormones are at play & if I’ll be ovulating soon/have done already. I find it easiest to kind of bury my head in the sand and live in hope for a while than have a 2WW and look at BFN tests too often

@Superscientist i struggle to find the concentration to read anymore, love that idea of reading children’s books! I tried counselling through my EPU and didn’t get on with it, but maybe I’ll revisit it privately instead one day

@MrsS11 im sorry you are having a bad day. It’s really such a horrible journey to be on. Last time I went back to the EPU for a blood test just a few weeks ago I found it really tough to hold it together

So I got my first hcg blood back. 12dpo I was 77, second blood done today at 14dpo. My concern now is for my hcg to double from Wednesday to today it would 77 plus 77 which 153. The 2-3 weeks indicator requires 153 to be 2-3 and it was only 1-2 today for me which tells me my bloods obviously didn't double sigh😪

You can't compare the HCG in blood to the HCG in urine, it's comparing apples with oranges. You need to hold tight and wait for the blood results to be able to compare it. I know how stressful pregnancy after loss is, I would strongly recommend stepping away from the pregnancy tests and use the blood tests as they are meant to be a quantitative measure, whereas home pregnancy tests are not. Xx

@Ella31 moosey is spot on, you can't compare them, and what shows up in urine really varies by individuals. I am hopeful for you ❤️

Thanks ladies. I need to give my head a good wobble too. This is harder than I thought.

@Ella31 we're all here for you. It's such an anxiety inducing situation - all you can do is take it one day at a time. Big hugs xx

Hello everyone,
I hope it’s ok to join. I’m 6dpo TTC our second although it would be my 5th pregnancy. I had a MMC in early April, then two CPs at the end of May and end of June, making three back to back losses. I got thrown last cycle by not having a positive test at all because I thought we were just in a cycle of recurrent losses.

My GP has done blood tests for blood clotting disorders which is apparently “borderline”. They can’t tell me what exactly till I speak to them on Tuesday (already been waiting 2 weeks) but the receptionist seemed to suggest it was “positive but only just”.

So yeah I’m in the depths of another TWW and looking for some company!

I can't say this is what is going on @RoseannesMamma but they thought my dad had anti phospholipid after a stroke. It also causes miscarriages. There are 3 phospholipids and the levels fluctuate for lots of reasons and usually to be diagnosed with any regarding phospholipids you need two raised tests a few months apart. My dad had a post op infection and they think this was the cause of the raised phospholipids. They lost his original blood tests and when they repeated them years later they were unremarkable. There are other things that work similarly they can be raised for multiple reasons and it's only when they are raised over a period of time that it is then a concern.

@Ella31 also your bloods don't need to actually double. I think it's double every 48-72 hours. Mine was less than double if you remember. I can't remember the exact raise for mine but it was 60% minimum increase they'd want to see. Xx

Welcome @RoseannesMamma I’m sorry for your losses. I hope the TWW goes quickly for you & you get some answers on your results on Tuesday

@Figtree11 I have been getting books from the library so I don't feel guilty about wasting money if I don't get into them. I have read a few of the Jacqueline Wilson and Terry Pratchett's young adult fiction. The simpler language makes them easier to follow if you don't have much brain power and there's fewer unexpected emotional story lines. Favourites have been baby love (teen pregnancy set in the 60s - my mum and 13yo niece both loved this too!) and love Frankie (young girl falling in love with a girl that used to bully her) by Jacqueline Wilson and Tiffany aching series by Terry Pratchett.

I recently had some counselling with my hv. It was a new service and she had only just qualified. I was her first client. It was helpful to have that link back to being a mum. I was struggling at the time to manage life and mine and my daughters health needs. It felt less pressured to be fixed too and was more on processing life. I had a mentor during my PhD and it felt a bit more like that than some of the other counselling and therapy I have had before. I think it definitely comes down to finding the right person for the moment!

@Ella31 I missed all these, so just catching up now. I honestly think your tests look fine! It's so so early. I had no increase in darkness 9 to 10dpo, which worried me, but then a big jump 11 dpo (all First Response 6 days early so much more sensitive). My lines on standard (not early) tests were all v light, but I stopped testing when l saw the First Response increase and got a positive on an early digital (negative on a "from day of missed period" digi, but it was several days too early, annoyed at myself for doing that one). I stopped testing because it wasn't doing me any good. Also echo what others said, with twins, your levels will have been higher.

It is really hard. I have booked an early scan, and it set me off thinking about all the scans before definite confirmation of mmc (I had 3, due to dates confusion as I'd not had periods whilst breastfeeding so my LMP was 3 years ago..). I took myself for a walk. Told myself to take it day by day. And try to remember that, as long as no bleeding/symptoms, all I can do is assume that all is well. There is no point worrying it's not... it wouldn't make it any less sad if it does go wrong, and it would ruin the present moment. I'm not managing this all the time, but it's my goal

Sorry if that's all garbled, with family and typing quickly.

I hope you can relax soon x

Hope everyone is doing ok. Period has finally properly started. Hoping for a better cycle this month

@Ella31 im so sorry for all the stress you are going through. If anecdotes help at all, I’ve had three pregnancies (two resulting in my DDs and my recent MMC) and never had strong lines with any of them (nor any line progression). Your tests look great and I have my fingers crossed for you x

Thank you @Superscientist , from having a look on Dr Google it seems like this is what it may be pointing towards but I’d need another blood test 12 weeks after my first which is around October. Then the results take 3 weeks! Which is about the time I was due with the first MC and I honestly thought I’d be pregnant again!

@Figtree11 Thank you ☺️ I do hope so! I get quite impatient waiting for answers, I just want them to find the problem and sort it right now!!

So helpful thank you. Fingers crossed for both of us.

Welcome and so sorry for your losses. I hope you get some answers on yoir bloods and you can get it sorted. Xx

I'm so sorry for your loss and for the day you have had. Such a tough thing to do. Have you had a proper follow up yet regarding your baby? I remember going into the post mortem results for my twin sons, it's very overwhelming.

If you need any help or just a shoulder to vent to, please don't hesitate. I remember being so overwhelmed, I found it tough to compose questions or what I should be asking. I know it's no consolidation but I remember when we laid my boys to rest in November there was a sense of peace. The grief of course takes time.xxx

And you could never prevent things like this, it's out of your control, I hope you know that. I blamed myself for a long time when I realised my first twin had died, and would be stillborn, we had to hope for his brother who died 4 days later in the NICU and I felt like I was neglecting him because we had to focus on the baby who at that time was still alive. The guilt was awful. But I realised there was nothing to be done for either of them. You are your baby's mother and always will be, their first and last and I hope time will bring you some peace with this.

@Ella31 welcome to insomnia club 😆

Hi all, hope everyone has been OK. I haven't been on in a bit, and alot to catch up on, just seen your news @Ella31 I'm sorry about the uncertainty around it, but gentle congratulations, your test looks great to me. How have you been feeling? x

I am feeling blue today - saw a pregnant friend. Why can’t TTC be straight forward for all of us

Hi @Figtree11 sorry it was tough, hope you have something nice planned this weekend or can curl up with a movie. Any signs of ovulation yet?
I caved and tested, bfn. So just need to wait on af now next week and onto the next one x

It's hard. I remember last summer we had gone to soft play with some NCT friends who both had their seconds with them and we bumped into another friend we hadn't seen for a while. The life catch up basically involved an update of babies and pregnancy. We and the friend both ended up in tears. The friend had her first via IVF and wasn't in a position to do IVF again and nature wasn't being kind. I wasn't even in a position to conceive as I was on meds that cause birth defects. It was hard but it made me realise the importance of being open. It was nice to know I wasn't alone in finding announcements hard and finding conception complicated.
I try and be compassionate too as although I know a person might be pregnant now but I don't necessarily know their journey to get that positive test.

The other thing I would say is look after yourself. It's ok if you are feeling a bit vulnerable to give yourself a bit of breathing space. Shorter meet ups or short notice cancellation if you feel wobbly.

If it is any comfort. My family friend had a lot of miscarriages I think in double digits. She had a lot to battle, her womb was heart shaped and if the embryo implanted in the wrong bit it didn't have the room to grow. She developed epilepsy and she also had a blood clotting condition too that caused some of the miscarriages. She now was two children. It took a long time to get her first as it took time to get the treatment right but I think there is about 2 years between them.

It is ok to be sad and feel defeated. Take your time, look after your wellbeing when you need but keep glimmers of fight and hope. You are stronger than anyone could imagine, you are here, present in the world when you are hurting. I hope your day gets better x