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Conception

When's the best time to get pregnant? Use our interactive ovulation calculator to work out when you're most fertile and most likely to conceive.

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Original poster

First Timers - slightly depressing question

87 replies

PrePG · 09/04/2008 16:43

Can you actually see yourself with a child?

I would absolutely love to have a baby, but I just have a hard time imagining that it will actually happen and that I'll be a mother one day

At first I thought we would have trouble getting pregnant, but when it happened on the first try, I was in complete shock. Now that I've miscarried, I've got this feeling once again that it just might never be us. am I just being negative???

OP posts:

herbgarden · 11/04/2008 22:31

Ok ladies......please don't shoot me down for intruding on your thread....- like mistlethrush I too have a ds (and am TTC#2).... but I nipped in to have a read and I thought I'd share some thing with you . One thing I've found interesting is that I didn't realise until I had DS how much people keep to themselves about the journey they had in TTC their babies. All those ladies in my ante natal had a completely different story...and amongst my friends (most of us in our late 30's) we have IVF success, several years of trying and success, a friend who had unexplained fertility and was told she probably wouldn't get pg and then left her dh, found herself with a new dh and then got pg straight away, friends who might have had one quickly have never been able to conceive #2 and friends who took years to conceive #1 and then at the drop of a hat got #2 oh and of course those who just seem fertile as fertile can be ...........So, please don't give up hope....I know lots of you have friends with kids but no-one ever really "fessed" up on what they'd gone through until they were out the other side....

If it's any consolation I always thought I was really maternal and then when I fell pg suddenly panicked and got the fear of god. When ds arrived I had some quite serious panic attacks for the first months feeling so totally overwhelmed by fear of looking after a small child. Once I'd managed to get my head round it, it was fine, but even my most unmaternal friends have surprised themselves by how they feel about it once their dc is here...

I am also ashamed to say that I am the irritating woman at the traffic lights who gets beeped - honestly you tell yourself you will never do these things but you do. I try to act like I'm so COOOL about things but I amuse myself with it now.

I may well start rambling here so I'm off and apologies if I've upset anyone...don't want to at all appear patronising but I just want to wish you all well and sprinkle some positivity this evening ......

carolyn1941 · 12/04/2008 08:16

Hi again. It is reassuring to hear some of other peoples ttc stories, as herbgarden is right - you do tend to look at people with the 2.4 kids and assume that it was easy for them. Spoke to a colleague of DP last night and they have just conceived #2. DP 'casually'asked him if they had been trying (we had assumed not) and he said "oh yeah, she had all these charts and stuff and told me when it was the right time!". We were both shocked then cos he said it had taken 3 months and his MW said that was really really quick. My point here is that we must try not to assume things about others IYSWIM.

I have had a rough few days as managed to convince myself I have PCOS. I'm not hairy but do seem to have some of the other symptoms. Have put on nearly a stone since coming off pill 4 months ago, never get a +ve on the OPK sticks and my temp chart is like the himalayas! I'm putting off going to doc's as yet. Too scary . Finding this thread very helpful so far...well done ladies!

Very sad to hear about the mc's and wishing better luck soon

herbaceous · 14/04/2008 11:06

Been thinking about this some more over the weekend. I met a friend on Friday who's been having terrible trouble - at least three goes at IVF, only one stuck, and that miscarried. She's now going abroad to have IVF with donor eggs.

With all this medical technology, though imperfect, it's so hard to know when to give up trying for your own, when to turn you attention to adoption, or to being childless, or really come to terms with your situation. There always seems to be another option to consider. If you can get impartial advice, that is...

Ready · 14/04/2008 11:22

You know, it's quite sad... so many couples struggle with conception - and yet it is rarely talked about. It's almost as if there is a stigma attached - I am very private, and so only a handful of people even know we are trying - and I even regret telling them sometimes, as the expectation is visible/audible all the time, and I am getting sick of saying "nope, not yet"... my poor Mum has stopped asking.

Speaking of Mum... a little anecdote, that might give you all a smile. Chatting to my Mum on the phone, she mentioned that she had been having odd cravings and her dp had said "you're not...you know?" and she laughed and said "no, unless my tubes have reconnected" ... I said "well, if you are preggers, you can stay in for the duration, and I will wear a padded belly, like Brie" - we had a good giggle... then I relayed this conversation to dh who said "oh, I thought your response would have been 'if you are preggers I might as well shoot myself now'" ... oh how well he knows me, because that is what I was thinking

mistlethrush · 14/04/2008 15:43

I have a friend who started IVF but gave up during the 1st cycle because it made her feel so awful. They applied to adopt, got accepted and told that it would be likely to be sometime over the next 18 months - only to be told 2 weeks later that there was a 7mo, could they take him asap! now very happy family. We would have tried for adoption if mp problems had reoccured.

NotSoNewAnymore · 14/04/2008 17:01

herb That is so true about the medical advancements in fertility and there always being another option to consider. I have a friend who is undergoing IVF, using donor eggs - it has all been a real struggle and she has been trying unsuccessfully for 2 years. When we talk about it - she says that she is exhausted and sometimes she just wishes that she knew when to stop, but she always has this nagging at the back of her mind that she hasn't tried EVERYTHING yet...

herbaceous · 14/04/2008 17:04

Another feeling is almost a negative one, rather than thinking 'I want children', it's 'I don't want to NOT have children', or have the option taken away.

Ready - Roffle. That's a good-y. If my mum was pregnant I'd fall over with shock - she's 73!

Original poster

PrePG · 14/04/2008 17:22

We haven't really discussed when we would abandon TTC and go the adoption route, but we're both open to adoption. I think I would consider it after a year of TTC with no luck.

OP posts:

Ready · 14/04/2008 17:56

Herby pmsl - that would be some shock at 73 ... my mum is 51 so, not impossible (except for the tubes) but highly unlikely.

Can I confess to having a totally irrational fear of IVF - the mere thought of the procedures brings me out in a cold sweat. I really don't know what I would do if that was the next step... I said recently that I had decided I would do it, for dh, but then I read something about the process and it put my right back to square one.

nomoremagnolia · 14/04/2008 18:10

sorry ready was that me who put you off?
I'll tell you first hand that it's not all that bad in a few weeks time. I think it's the thought of it that's worse than the actual doing it IYSWIM? (as it is with so many things we're scared of doing)

Ready · 14/04/2008 18:23

Don't you dare Nomore... I needed to know the process, I couldn't carry on with my head in the sand too much longer could I? I will certainly be looking to you to for what it really feels like. But I have always felt freaked out by it.

mistlethrush · 14/04/2008 21:44

Prepg - ds was 6 years down the line - and he was natural, despite nearly going down the IVF route twice. But I do think that is a really good idea to have a timescale/event cut-off agreed or at least discussed - we had decided that if mp came back we would stop trying and see if we could adopt. But, thankfully, we have a wonderful ds instead.

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