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Conception

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Original poster

First Timers - slightly depressing question

87 replies

PrePG · 09/04/2008 16:43

Can you actually see yourself with a child?

I would absolutely love to have a baby, but I just have a hard time imagining that it will actually happen and that I'll be a mother one day

At first I thought we would have trouble getting pregnant, but when it happened on the first try, I was in complete shock. Now that I've miscarried, I've got this feeling once again that it just might never be us. am I just being negative???

OP posts:
londonlottie · 10/04/2008 11:29

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herbaceous · 10/04/2008 11:36

I know! I probably sound like a right old git, but surely making a child's life so totally centred around them isn't good preparation for when they get older, and the world doesn't in fact revolve around them. Being bored, and working out how to entertain yourself, is a valuable skill...

Having said that, when/if child comes along, I'll probably start a blog about its every nappy.

Katelyn · 10/04/2008 11:38

yes - i miscaarried and was very dissapointed, more for my Husband - i felt a complete failure that i would never be able to carry his child.

I'm no 5.5 months pregnant, enjoying every minute - this was our first try after the miscarriage.

Good luck.

GryffinGirl · 10/04/2008 11:59

Oh I know how you feel OP. I can't ever imagine myself with a baby the the moment. We have been TTC for 17 months. DH has very low sperm count and we have a referal to a specialist. I can't imagine ever being in a position to take part in threads where people talk about their DC's and sometimes I do get down, but so far I have remained pretty positive.

I also worry about being the boasting mother with the precious first baby. I have a couple of friends with DC's and was ROFL at one friend who told me that she massages her DC's feet with lavender oil every night before bed to "stimulate subconcious learning while sleeping" because DC is "very bright". DC is seven months!

herbaceous · 10/04/2008 12:10

Funny how all PFBs are 'very bright'. Not sure how that works on the bell-shaped curve of averages...

rattling · 10/04/2008 12:16

I am first born. I think first borns probably are far more intelligent - and tell little brother and sister that at every opportunity

londonlottie · 10/04/2008 12:22

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londonlottie · 10/04/2008 12:22

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NotSoNewAnymore · 10/04/2008 12:44

This thread has really struck a cord with me - I completely understand the OP and all the of the following posts!

We also thought we would have problems conceiving our first DC, as my DH has health issues that could have impacted his fertility. In the end we fell pregnant quite quickly (4 months) but unfortunately I miscarried at 10 weeks.

I wonder now if it is meant to be - I just cannot picture myself with a child and wonder if this will impact our future TTC or any future pregnancies.

After I miscarried, I felt like I had been allowed a glimpse into the motherhood 'club' but was forced leave. I wonder if I will ever get back in...

That Hypnotherapy CD sounds really interesting - am off to google it now!

sarah76 · 10/04/2008 15:02

rattling and Lottie, as another first-born, I would like to agree with your assertion that we are in fact fabulously bright and intelligent.

I was behind this woman once, and at every single stop light she would turn around and coo at the baby in the backalways missing the light change. I finally just honked at her, despite the 'baby on boardplease be patient' signage. Don't really understand those signs--is it an excuse to drive like a moron? For feck's sake, pull over if you need to attend to the baby, don't try to do it while driving!

(hoping Sod's law says I will soon be driving like a moron, cooing to a baby in the back)

herbaceous · 10/04/2008 15:04

I want to get some stickers printed up, in the same yellow diamond shape as those BoB atrocities, to stick on offenders' rear windows, reading 'so what', or 'What do you want? A medal for shagging?', but this could be seen as acting in a bitter and twisted manner.

londonlottie · 10/04/2008 15:06

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NotSoNewAnymore · 10/04/2008 15:57

I also hate those baby signs and often think about funny alternatives (Particularly like Herby's!)

I think mine should read: 'Absolutely, Definitely no baby on board THIS car'

I am sure I read somewhere that the signs were introduced after a baby was left to die in a wrecked car...the rescue services had no idea that the baby was in the car (because the car was so badly mangled and the driver was unconcious) so they introduced the signs (In Australia if I remember correctly) to avoid a repeat incident! I am sure it was an urban legend though....

herbaceous · 10/04/2008 16:06

I particularly hate the gag-inducing 'cheeky monkey on board' or 'little princess...'

I might put up a bit of lined notebook paper saying 'raddled barren old hag on board. Please pass quietly'.

Original poster
PrePG · 10/04/2008 16:11

Oooh, can I join the first-born intelligent club??? Apparently, I'm the smart one, but my brothers' the fertile one how's that for a trade-off

NSNA WOW, about the BOB signs. I had no idea! It always seemed like such a novelty item, I didn't realize there was any reasoning behind them. Interesting...

And btw I so agree with you RE: feeling like you had a glimpse into 'the club' I feel the same and now I feel slightly angry with myself for letting myself get caught up in it.

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herbaceous · 10/04/2008 16:25

I think the 'baby trapped in wreck' story might be a spot of post-hoc rationalisation. Do they take them out of the back windscreen with the PFBs aren't in the car, to stop emergency services searching in vain in dangerous wreck? Hmmm?

Playingthewaitinggame · 10/04/2008 16:53

This is an interesting thread. I am a bigger fraud on here than you lot as I am not even ttcing yet . So not only am I not a Mum, I'm not even trying to be a Mum till Sept! How sad am I??! But I am desperately broody, DH and I have been together just under 10 years (married for 4) but have had to sort out our finances first even though we have wanted to start a family ever since we got married. I can def imagine myself pg (I frequently day dream about it), I can imagine me pushing a baby in a pram but me actually being its mother is something that I find hard to imagine. Lottering on here has also convinced me that it will take ages to get pg!

MollieMooma · 10/04/2008 17:13

OMG I am so glad I found this thread today of all days! I've been feeling particularly low the last few days. We have been ttc#1 for 2 years in June, we got pg Dec 07 had mm/c Jan 08 so only pg for like 5 minutes! Now on 3rd cycle since m/c and beginning to feel like it's gonna take another 2 years! You lot have so cheered me up, LOL at the BoB signs, precocious parents etc.
So agree with the "it will never happen", "can't imagine being pg" feelings, didn't really have long enough to get my head round it last time.

So thank you girls so much for putting a smile on my face for the first time today, it was much needed

tryingnottoobsess · 10/04/2008 17:30

ha ha, just come back to this thread after a day away, and it has moved onto another subject that totally twists my melon - parents that suddenly have NO other topic of conversation than every burp, fart and night feed of their child.... You'd think they lobotomise during labour the way some people are.

It's things like that which make me think I'm not cut out for parenting. And my dislike of all that brightly coloured plastic crap. And cute bunnies on everything. I love sleep. And uninterrupted reading. And my god-daughter cries every time I see her (literally since birth).

I've always felt this way, BUT, last year a switch flipped (like the other posters said) and this crazy new part of me would chew my right arm off to have a lovely soft skinned, gurgling, baby-smelling (IYKWIM) bubba.

Rant over. And thanks for sharing everyone, I feel like you get it.

And thanks for the name of the CD London Lottie, anything is worth a shot.

carolyn1941 · 10/04/2008 17:39

Hi...I too have had the 'switch'. I never wanted children until suddenly something switched on as you say. We have been ttc for 3 months and yes, I often feel like a fraud even for being on mumsnet. I struggle to imagine myself as a mother often, but kind of feel in the back of my mind, that I will know what to do when (if) it happens. Totally agree that a month ttc feels like a year! Getting REALLY REALLY annoyed with idiotic 16 yr olds who get pg by accident and we are trying everything to get pg and can't. I guess this is normal??? I reckon I might also have to google the CD (I already bought a book LOL)

Just as an interesting aside, I too am a first born, and the 'clever' one, my younger sis is the fertile, maternal one! (2 dc by age 25) How odd, there is a pattern emerging!

Original poster
PrePG · 10/04/2008 17:46

Uh,oh, confession time... When I was about 10 weeks pg, I was visiting my family in New York and - egged on by my mom of course - I bought a few items of maternity clothing. Even though I knew it was still really early on and I didn't need them yet, everything was really cheap and well, you know...

Anyway - for certain members of my family, I tried the clothes on and stuffed the elastic bit with stuff so it looked like I was PG. My point with this confession is I can actually picture myself pregnant. I saw me "pregnant" and I was really cute!

OP posts:
MollieMooma · 10/04/2008 18:32

PrePg When we first found out we were pg I put a cushion up my top! How sad is that, I didn't even show dh!!! So glad there are people out there as nutty as me!

MollieMooma · 10/04/2008 18:34

Oh also I am first born and apparently I wasn't "clever" enough to just do A'levels so I had to do them combined with a secretarial course (according to my dear mother) My sister got less and lower scored A'Levels than me and she was "clever" enough to do just them! Definate trend appearing!

londonlottie · 10/04/2008 18:39

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Ready · 10/04/2008 19:34

?at the end of the day I'd rather be with the right man with no children? ? SO true.

Dh and me got together when we were 17, and yet, here we are, having left it until we were ready (hence my name) for babies? but it seems that they are not quite ready for us. Yet.

I am, by nature, a ridiculously positive person ? but when it comes to the thought of getting pregnant, I cannot imagine it. That scares me. I am optimistic about every aspect of life ordinarily, so why not with conception? I guess the answer lies in being in cycle 20 and still nothing.

I do sometimes feel a bit of a fraud here on MN, but in general, if I ever venture out into the wider community, most of them are super welcoming. We are entitled to be here. There?s a little corner, just for us

PMSL at ?WELL DONE FREDDY? ? I have a list of things that I WILL NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES do/utter/think when I have a baby.

Sorry, but those BoB signs are not for the emergency services? they have to check the vehicle, and the presence or lack of a sign should not affect the way they do their job. I?m pretty sure it is an urban legend

Oh? and I am a first born ? quick someone tell us they are not a first born? spooky trend that I don?t like the sound of