TTC #1 no previous pregnancies cycle #6 - looking for others in the same boat!

[MocktailMe]

Hi all.

As per the title, TTC first baby, I've never had a confirmed pregnancy before. I'm 31, bf is 27.

Been trying to conceive 9 months, but due to PCOS only 6 cycles.

This year I've lost weight, and my cycles since January have varied from 28 days to 38 days. Had PCOS confirmed, and currently waiting for an appointment with gynaecologist to see if I need further assistance. Appointment is taking its sweet time so for now doing it the old fashioned way still with plenty of hope (at least some days, not so much others!!!).

I'm currently on cycle day number 28, negative tests, no signs of a period in sight, CM up to my eyeballs and a whole heap of doubt over when ovulation occured!!

If you are :

TTC #1
A woman who has never been pregnant
Pissing on sticks at an ALARMING rate
Potentially with PCOS but healthy ovaries welcome 😁

Then PLEASE join my thread, so in need of buddies in a similar boat! ⛵

No offence to those TTC #2 or more, genuinley ❤️ just hoping to speak to people who also have no idea what pregnancy would feel like, and who also maybe have the fear they CANNOT ever get pregnant ❤️

All totally relatable! Sometimes I feel exactly the same way, anger, resentment, makes me wonder if I am a total bitch for having such thoughts. Totally agree on some parents acting as if they belong to a special club and we are on the other side not understanding anything ! 🤷‍♀️

Thanks lava, I worried even sending that that it makes me sound like such a cow and you ladies have been so supportive of me always moaning!!!

Is anyone trying anything new this cycle?

Hi everyone,

I totally relate to all this. I’m finding myself just being so antisocial at the moment, I don’t want to see my friends (who are all pregnant or have babies) and as soon as someone starts talking about their kids at work I walk off. I switch between crying and anger on a daily basis. Sending you all lots of love and sorry we are all in this shitty situation, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.

I am on 6 DPO and used to find myself secretly hopeful but I really don’t these days, it’s just draining by the time you get to cycle 12.

However, we may be starting IVF soon which I am starting to come to terms with. If all goes to plan then it will be the period after this next one that everything begins. Starting to feel a bit hopeful that we are starting something new and I’m just praying this works.

Hey @toomanybfns sounds like we are on exactly the same page.

I tell you something - should I ever be lucky enough to get my longed for baby I'm already certain I won't be rubbing it down people's throats. No social media posts (I wouldn't post my baby on SM anyway personally) but also no pregnancy announcement posts, no scan photos etc. Nor waving them under everyone's nose at work (something I've had to suffer more times than I can count), no banging on endlessly about pregnancy and babies and making it the only topic of conversation with people. For someone who chooses to be childless I can only imagine how dull this stuff must be, and to those of us struggling it's a constant reminder of pain. I want a baby to have the family of my dreams - I don't and won't need external validation for it - I'd be happy to just be pregnant, I wouldn't need to force my co workers to take interest, and I'd hope I can be a good enough friend that I wouldn't dismiss their lives as being trivial for not including a child.

Isn't it funny how we all likely started out not wanting to have IVF and all end up desperate for it? It's such a scary prospect, but something about handing the problem over to someone else and letting them try to fix it for a bit is so very appealing. The success rates are good - theres every reason to be hopeful and you are allowed to be excited. I'll be bouncing up and down when it's my turn i think!

I know what you mean about not feeling hopeful during a 2 WW anymore, as in my brain i dont either. My heart betrays me though, no matter how certain I feel that there is no reason for hope, it latches on and burns regardless, which only makes it harder for a failure.

@MocktailMe I completely understand. I really feel like friends and colleagues think their lives are more important because they have kids. It's so hard when it's all that we want but don't have. It's so so hard, and there is no judgment here we are all in the same boat!

@ToomanyBFNs I hope that the prospect of IVF is giving you some renewed hope. I'm sure it's a bit daunting but hopefully exciting too, the success rate seems very good and hopefully if it doesn't happen for you in the next two cycles you will have success with the IVF in the not too distant future!

Totally relatable feelings, I don't think I've felt sad or heartbroken at any point during this. I more likely feel fed up, a bit of jealousy, and it makes me feel childish but sometimes I feel like it's just not fair. I try not to dwell on it for too long, I've been trying to make myself so busy with work that I don't have time to think about it too much. And I feel quite fortunate that I'm self employed and wfh so I don't have to deal with people rubbing it in all the time. It's hard enough sometimes when everyone's posting announcements on social media, I can't imagine how grating it would get with that amount in person. I think what we should take from this is that all of our feelings are valid! We're not wishing ill on other people and it is hard to watch people have what we so badly want, especially when it comes so easily for them.

To those of you starting out on the IVF journey I hope it gives you a new sense of hope. I've recently seen a lot of people on here saying it's still normal to conceive naturally in the second year of trying. Hopefully having it taken out of your hands is just what you need ✨

Well said @Tater05!!

Morning guys,

So, I can’t quite believe I’m writing this but this morning I got a BFP. I’m 11 DPO and decided to test this morning, which is odd because I haven’t been testing the last few cycles as I just find the BFNs too depressing.

I’m in total shock as it’s our 12 cycle of trying. Also bloody terrified as I hope it sticks… I’ve never got to this point before.

I’m so sorry it this is triggering but I just wanted to share the news with you all. I’d really given up hope and I can’t believe this has happened.

I’m hoping the line is good for this stage (I have attached a photo) but, as I said, I’ve not been here before so I really don’t know.

@ToomanyBFNs oh my god congratulations!! 🥳

So delighted for you. I think that line looks really good for 12DPO. Those tests are less sensitive too so they won't be as dark as some of the more sensitive ones!

Not triggering at all for me personally, it gives me a lot of hope!! I hope it's a long and uneventful pregnancy for you 🙌❤️

It actually also gives me a lot of hope to see a successful positive test after a year of natural trying!

I am so pleased for you you must be in complete shock! What do you think was different this month if anything, and what prompted you to test (especially early test)?

Also the line looks pretty clear and obvious to me - definitely not a squinter that's a proper positive.

Omg - @ToomanyBFNs amazing!!!! Everything crossed for you 🤞 yay for positive news ❤️

@ToomanyBFNs soo happy for you!! 👏 Amazing, the line does look really good, keep testing to see how it progresses, but fingers crossed it sticks and you have a healthy pregnancy! It does give us hope!! Sometimes it just does take that long to see your first BFP!

Congratulations @ToomanyBFNs

Catching up on an eventful month here!!!

@MocktailMe sounds rough with the chemical but hopefully a sign things are moving forward and I hope you’ve been able to take care of yourself ❤️

I’ve still been using Mira to track my hormones which I’m finding really helpful to track LH levels and it basically gives you numbers which I like.

I was away on a riding holiday in Morroco (side note this was INCREDIBLE) and I almost didn’t book it in case I was pregnant so I’m so happy I did!!!

Anyway did a test last night my lh levels were 5.8 and this morning they were 15 - so definite surge - we DTD this morning so great timing! (I am day 15).

What I’m saying in a long winded way is that this is helping me actually know when I ovulate rather than guessing - I also had a rise in temp today plus discharge last night. So it’s helping me feel better knowing.

I think previously we were going for it to early in my cycle so I’m going to try and do 3-4 days this week to catch ovulation 🤞

Hope you’re all hanging in there!!

pic from my trip!!! (Which I definitely couldn’t have gone on while pregnant!)

Thank you so much guys - I really appreciate it!

So I only tested because I check my temperature every day and it had gone up the last three days. I don’t have any symptoms and I even had cramps last night which I thought was my period coming. I genuinely have felt more pregnant on all the months I haven’t been pregnant 😂.

In terms of doing things differently, I had been drinking grapefruit juice and taking evening primrose oil in the run up to ovulation in a bid to try and increase EWCM (I don’t tend to get loads) but if I’m totally honest I didn’t notice a massive difference. I have no idea if that helped though…

I ovulated day 14 per temp chart, had the peak on 13. We dtd on day 10, 12 and 14. Also 15 and 16 but that was more because it was the weekend than I think it had a drastic impact.

Wishing you guys all the best and hoping you all get your BFPs soon. All I can say is keep at it! Maybe sometimes it just does take people longer…

@CharLdn thanks for your kind words. I'm doing okay and this month I'll likely be testing a bit later than usual as scared of the same disappointment again. Your trip sounds amazing and the photos look great!!! Definitely an experience you could not have had if you were pregnant!! I'm glad you had a great time and took your mind off things.

Not the same as my budget is somewhat smaller but I have treated myself this month to a very expensive new tablet - for months I have been putting money aside sensibly ahead of my anticipated maternity leave!!!! But I'm sick of doing that now, and have decided I will simply spend my (admittedly limited) money - I'll have 9 months to save up if the time ever comes.

The Mira sounds like it's working well - I'm honestly tempted myself I think if nothing by Christmas I may treat myself.

@ToomanyBFNs sounds like good timing! It's so hard to say why any of that worked, as I'm sure you've DTD at the same time many months previously! Maybe for some of us it really does just take a bit longer. I've heard cramps early on is a common symptom, but I also would have simply thought it was period cramping as usual! So happy for you!

Congratulations! Really happy for you xx

How is everyone doing?

I think I'm approaching ovulation currently. For the last week we have religiously DTD every day or every other day and will continue for the next week as well. I'm sick of kicking myself for poor timings eg. Nothing for three days, then every day for 3 days only to discover I ovulated in the middle of the dry 3!!

Should I get my period this cycle and not be pregnant then I've got clear results from my swab tests and will be able to book my HSG. So either way, this time next month I'll either be pregnant, or I'll be not pregnant, knowing I did all I could, and have just had my procedure.

My partners sperm test is in November, so if we don't catch after the HSG, then at least another hurdle will be lined up ready to jump!

If that's all okay, then there's no reason I couldn't be prescribed clomid by the end of the year. Really trying to feel okay at the moment.

Hi @MocktailMe sounds like you are doing absolutely everything you can and DTD frequently is definitely the best approach. I tried to do the whole no tracking thing this month but I caved and ended up testing, I am way too much of a control freak it turns out haha. I'm using the Mira monitor I know others on here are using it. For the first time since my loss my hormones seem to be following the right pattern which is good, and ovulation is confirmed as being 4 days ago. My husband visited a urologist yesterday, he has a very bad varicocele and needs to have a procedure to remove it. He said it should drastically improve our chances in most cases but he can't give any guarantees. In a way I'm feeling better knowing we have a plan but also feeling kind of bummed that this might take a while. The doctor also wants him to get his DNA fragmentation tested, and I'm worried about the results. If the fragmentation is high it means even if I manage to get pregnant there is a high chance of a loss. So good and bad news. I am also due to have a hycosy either in October or November depending on availability. So I'm a bit like you in that at least I know we are taking steps in the right direction, but still don't feel any closer to being pregnant. Oh and one of my best friend's had a baby this week, the third close close friend to have a baby in the space of 3 months. I was meant to be joining them in November so it's hurting a lot. Hope everyone is keeping well and staying strong 💪❤️

Hey @Waitingformiracle bad news on the varicocele, but excellent news that the op to remove it should drastically increase your chances! With that and your hycosy lined up I would say you stand a very good chance of a BFP for Christmas. Everything crossed for you as I know the loss you have had.

I've had the most blazing positive on an OPK I've ever seen today, the test line darker than the control. I've already DTD this morning, and will again tomorrow morning so everything crossed now.

@MocktailMe thank you so much. Being pregnant by Christmas is definitely my ultimate goal, but I'm trying to keep expectations low as I just feel so let down each month.

That is so great that you caught such a high LH peak! And you've got your timing really well. I'll have fingers and toes crossed for you 🤞🤞

Yes absolutely. I already have in my head that I want to be pregnant this Christmas and it's hard not to let the expectation mount!

I DTD around 8am this morning and got the blazing peak around 5pm. Do you think that will be okay with DTD again at 8am tomorrow ISH? I can't tonight again as working and hoping this morning was enough but not sure.

@MocktailMe yes I think tomorrow morning would be perfect. I have read that you ovulate between 8 and 20 hours after your peak LH, and the egg hangs around for about 24 hours to be fertilised. So if you DTD this morning you'd probably still be well covered but tomorrow morning would be really good timing too!

It should be okay then. We will go again Tuesday morning to catch all possible times. So glad we did DTD this morning, makes me really pleased we kept up with every day/every other day as the aim was to never miss ovulation, but so glad I caught this peak as if I hadn't we wouldn't have gone again til Tuesday. This morning may be enough but I'd rather take every chance possible!

@MocktailMe yeah it's so comforting to have DTD every few days because you've got all your bases covered then. Honestly I don't think we would have the energy to do it so often with work and things but this month we started around CD8 so I feel like I was well covered when I ovulated earlier than expected!