TTC May 2023 💝 Previous MC March 2023 (thread 4)

[Sez281]

I didn't realise the last thread was full ladies! Can't believe it took so little time but it's been a busy couple of months!

@Westy22
@Jadeypie
@xxcxdonxx
@SnookyPook
@Supertrooper101
@Hankthehonk
@HopeAndStrength
@DmcinT
@Paws4thought

If I've forgotten anybody I'm really sorry and please tag them...

For all of us who have recently got BFPs, all of those still trying and for all the lovely updates about new arrivals let's hope this lucky thread continues for us all 🙏🌈💝 xx

@Westy22 hope scan goes well this morning! 💗

@jt130593 so glad your boss is being so accommodating. It makes such a difference! I know what you mean too, after that initial intense grieving period you kind of want/need something else to focus on a bit but you can't always manage it. Phased return sounds perfect. Also sounds really hopeful for trying again and great that they will give you extra monitoring etc. You're right, I don't think there'd ever be an easy time to be pregnant again after loss, even if you waited 10 years!

All is well 🥰 baby measuring bang on 13+1 and due 4th November. It was being very awkward and didn't want to move so I was scanned whilst laying on my side and it finally stretched out 🥰 looks super long 🤣

@SnookyPook your right it makes such a difference! My partners manager has not been as understanding and accommodating and it has massively effected his grieving in my opinion.

@Westy22 ahhh such amazing news!! Congratulations 🌈 bet that was such a relief for you!
They really do look so long on that scan photo 😂

@Westy22 that’s amazing news. What a great scan pic too 🥰 So mad to think all that growing and stretching is going right now inside and you can’t feel it!

@Sez281 it frustrating, I am angry amongst all the other feelings and can’t stop with the ‘what ifs’. Not that they are helpful in anyway.

Even though I’ve been on this thread for so long, I’ve really enjoyed reading everyone’s updates so thought I’d add mine in @jt130593 .

I’m 38 and have a 5 and just turned 3yo. They were both conceived first go and at a time I didn’t even realise early scans were a thing! We decided to try for no.3 Dec 22 which was a chemical. I then fell pregnant in Jan 23 which was a mmc, I found out end of March. It took me 4 months to then fall pregnant in August which unfortunately also ended in MC end of Sept/early Oct. Had another chemical in Jan this year and found out I was pregnant with this one in March which does looks like it will go the same way unfortunately.

Hope that your first week back at work is going ok xx

@Westy22 aw lovely news 🥰 What a great scan pic too! They look super chilled and comfy in there 😄💗

@xxcxdonxx god what a journey you’ve been on! Sorry to hear about your losses.
I think I was quite naive when I fell pregnant first time, it’s only since going through that and joining a few baby loss groups that I’ve now heard about chemical pregnancies! Didn’t know they existed beforehand!

@Westy22 he/she looks so much 'older' than 13wks! Are you going to wait till your 20wk one for the gender or do a private one at 15 🙂 lol

Thank you guys 🥰 I panicked a bit when I posted the pic, I hope it didn't trigger anything with anyone. I got lost in the moment 🙈

@jt130593 lol I couldn't believe the legs 🤣 definitely taking after dad with those, feel like it looks long in general tho, I have a long body too so totally makes sense lol

@xxcxdonxx I find it bizarre that it looks like that and I can't feel anything yet. Those long legs are definitely going to let me know it's there soon enough 🤣

@SnookyPook it was very comfy, the amount of shaking I had to do because it didn't want to budge was quite funny thought she was gonna make me start star jumping 🤣🙈

@Supertrooper101 do you think? Maybe because its so stretched out lol we're not finding out , however there is another pic where I feel the nub would indicate its a boy 🤣 my sis is trying to make me find out secretly but I can't do that lol

@Westy22 it will be a boy, youve had it far too easy 🤣.. i remember you saying you wasnt havent the genetic testing etc didnt know you were holding out on that too.. as if your sis said that. Is she trying to imply your devious like that lol she will.proper be uploading your scan pic for a discussion on what it is lol

That’s ok @Westy22 I’m sad for myself but delighted for you guys 🥰 you have all been through so much and deserve to share your happiness!

@xxcxdonxx that's so sweet of you to say. It's been interesting reading everyone's back stories again and I must say, I hadn't realised that this would potentially be loss no.5 for you since Dec '22. That's an awful lot to go through. Have they offered you any additional support/bereavement midwife etc?

I'm so glad for you that you've got two healthy children but it doesn't take away that pain of feeling like your family isn't complete does it. And the repeated pain of getting your hopes up and then having to grieve again. It's exhausting. I hope you've got some great support around you. Hubby and I always liked the idea of a third when musing about the future but with everything that's happened now I really don't know if I have the mental capacity to go through TTC again at any point! I just want to focus on getting this one here safely and enjoying the family we've got I think. I can definitely see why at a certain point you would just want to draw a line under it all. Sending you big hugs. Are you at work this week? Hope you're doing ok. Will the next scan be next Monday? Xx

You really have been through an awful lot @xxcxdonxx I'm not surprised that you're angry!

😢 I hope this next week goes by fast for you then you can start the healing process properly, @SnookyPook makes a good point, I'd imagine they should definitely be referring you for extra support if you want it x

@Westy22 Awww that's a great scan pic, they really does look quite long, I reckon you'll definitely feel kicks early 😉

Thanks @SnookyPook it’s definitely taken its toll. I’ve not been offered anything and didn’t actually know there was any kind of service. Maybe next week I’ll be put in touch with someone.

Myself and dh are both one of three and I always liked the idea of that little gang. When it actually came round to it I was really on the fence as our hands are full with two so it did take us a while to decide. So it’s all these thoughts of what would have happened if we tried earlier swirling through my mind when in reality it might not have made any difference whatsoever. As much as I think we might need to, it’s a difficult one to let go of as we had a plan and I wanted to see it through.

I’m actually off work this week on AL just as pure coincidence so I’ve not had to speak to anyone in work but I’ll need to next week which I’m not looking forward to.

My scan was scheduled for Monday but it’s the bank holiday so they’ve moved it to the Tuesday instead xx

@xxcxdonxx if you are wanting some support, maybe try and push to get a bereavement midwife. I’m not sure exactly what the criteria is to be able to have one, but it’s definitely worth an ask!
Mine has been absolutely brilliant

@xxcxdonxx yes do ask. I asked if there was any support after my last loss as I was struggling and they referred me to the bereavement midwife. Like @jt130593 mine was fantastic. I had a session with her where I just talked through my losses and basically cried for an hour and she was so lovely and affirming. She also offered to refer me to a clinical psychologist for more in-depth support and I was on a waiting list for that when I fell pregnant again. It also meant that she then supported me through the early days of this new pregnancy. Should you fall pregnant again it is nice to have that extra support.

Aw yes that makes sense, especially if you were both 1 of 3. I can see why you'd feel that pull. I guess there is no need to make any finite decisions - especially in the midst of current grief. Focus on healing a bit and maybe just see how things evolve going forwards. You don't have to torment yourself with decisions right now.

Did work already know you were pregnant? They should actually cancel your leave and note this as pregnancy related absence. Pregnancy related issues are their own separate category and don't fall under sick leave. I must have had over a month off in total last year from my losses and my boss insisted on returning a couple of AL days that had fallen during one for the MCs.

Hope everyone else is ok this evening. I took the dog on a walk earlier and it was actually warm! So lovely to feel the sun!! Really hope we get a bit of good weather for a bit now.

@Westy22 what a beautiful scan! Actually made me laugh how chilled and spread out they are hahahha. Im voting boy too! We didn't find out with my son was a lovely surprise!! Xx

@xxcxdonxx it's awful what you have had to go through, I really hope you can get some support which could really help. I find rationalising what's happened or happening that kills me emotionally a.d mentally helps me cope xx

@SnookyPook I’ll definitely ask about that. I’m sure my work offer some kind of support service too so I’ll need to look into that.

No I hadn’t told anyone I was pregnant. They have been great last year with giving time off etc so I know it wouldn’t be any different this time round. I just didn’t want to tell them until I really had to. Part of me feels guilty about the time off, I know how irrational that is though.

That’s so true @Jadeypie , I think that this time as I was almost assuming it would end this way has helped me prepare for it. So at least it doesn’t feel like such a shock this time.

I am so ready to feel the sun on my face! I’m so fed up with how cold it has been.

@xxcxdonxx yeh that's true. People always say to me 'oh your the strongest person I know' I'm actually not I do cry I do have mini breaks downs but I just no what works for me to be able to just get on with things.

Seriously we are all due some vitimin D hahaha I've never really been one for the hot sun but as I'm getting older I crave it! Roll on summer smell of fresh grass and washing on the line ahhahaha xx

I know it is far too early to have any kind of symptoms (I’m only 4 or 5 dpo) but the last two days I absolutely cannot stop weeing 🙈 To the point where I’ve actually been to the doctors today to get tested for a water infection! I’m waking up multiple times in the night for the toilet and then not being able to get back to sleep
Trying my best not to read into things but it’s so hard isn’t it!
Never noticed this at this stage of my cycle before but then maybe this is just a new thing for me after the TFMR 🤷‍♀️

@jt130593 you will notice all kinds in the tww that you've never noticed before haha will question every little twinge, feelings, smell and you'll prob prod your boobs all the time aswell x

Afternoon guys! Bit of a different post... Just sharing in case it's helpful for those of you who are pregnant and wanting to return to work after Mat Leave... So, because I already have a 3yr old DS who is at nursery, they've obviously seen bump and basically told me that nursery places are like goldust at the mo and to pay my deposit for this baby asap as places are filling up fast. This seems absolute madness to me as I'm sure with my son I didn't enquire until he'd been born!! Although he was Lockdown cohort so maybe things were very different 3 years ago.

I know you're all still slightly behind me in your pregnancies and this might seem a mad thing to think about when still a bit anxious etc.. but I do recommend checking out your local options and if there is one you particularly like the look of, don't waste time speaking to them! To give an idea, our nursery have only been able to offer me:

Full day Tuesday, Weds/Fri pm for August 2025 start!! They currently have no 5 full day places until Sept 2027!!!!

I've paid the deposit to lock that in and am hopeful some additional hours may come up for which I'm now on a waiting list... Hopefully particularly as they know us...?! But, yeah... Don't just assume that places will be there when you need them. I think with changes to funding etc the demand on places has shot up massively! Not sure if this is likely to affect Ireland?! But, take this as your friendly alert!!

Hope everyone is doing ok. Xx

@SnookyPook wow that's crazy. I didn't even put my son in till he was 2 and he got a place straight away. Suppose with funding being available from a younger age ect then no wonder it's gone like that. I crnt believe I'll be putting in his forms for actual school this September it makes me feel sad haha.

It's mad they are full till 2027!! I crnt get my head around it ahha xx

Well I think I’m out this month!

AF is due around 09th/10th but today I’ve had the type of headache I normally get the day before my period and some mild cramps. Seems to be a bit early given my periods still a week away but maybe just my hormones aren’t back to normal after my TFMR.

Oh well, onto the next month!

@jt130593 don't count yourself out just yet! There's still a week to go and af hasn't showed up yet. I get it's so frustrating and trust me I wish we got symptoms that was a sure sign for either but pregnancy symptoms and af symptoms are identical so could go either way. Be great if orange nipples meant pregnancy because we wouldn't need to guess at all then hahahaha xx