Looking for a hand hold 😢

[Ella31]

In the past two years I've lost 4 babies. 2 early mc but the most traumatic being my twin sons at 29 weeks - one was stillborn and my other died in my arms four days later. We had to grieve our baby while fighting for his critically I'll brother in the NICU. In the end we lost him too.

They were a perfect pregnancy, it was just an unfortunate twin condition that presented very late and its very rare and fatal.

I've no issues. Tests are normal and my twin pregnancy was so healthy until it wasn't.

I'm now on month three of trying again. I'm 6dpo and I'm getting lower back cramps as I do when my af is coming. I'm just so dejected at this point. I know many people go through things but I feel this has been so unfair. I was 6 weeks away from my planned c section. My babies were perfect. I feel like the universe hates me and going on these light cramps it looks like another period for me in a few days. It doesn't help that mothers day is Sunday. Sorry for the rant. Just needed a vent and cry.

Hi there, so so sorry for your losses. I can't begin to imagine what you went through and won't pretend to have any insights or experience, but here as a hand hold as couldn't just scroll past. Wishing you all the luck, if not this month, then soon. ❤️

Oh god! I'm so sorry about your babies.

6dpo is far too early to be getting period cramps, it'll just be your lining thickening up to receive a fertilised egg.

I really hope you don't have to wait too long to get your bfp.

Rant away! If anyone deserves a rant about how shite try is, it's you girl x

*how shite ttc is 🙄

Really sorry to hear this. What you’ve been through is horrendous, more than anyone deserves.

We’re also ttc at the moment and I understand to an extent how you feel, the symptom spotting and feelings of dejection just seems absolutely relentless. Everyone else seems to fall pregnant at the drop of a hat and go on to have healthy babies. Solidarity 💐 and I hope you get a positive soon x

Sending you a massive hug. You have every right to rant, cry, scream whatever you want to do. xx

@Alee36@Rosyposy26@YaWeeFurryBastard@overthinkersanonnymus

Thank you so much for your replies. I've done everything I can to stay busy. It doesn't help that I'm technically on maternity leave after my emergency section but have no children to take care off.

I hope all your journeys are going ok

That's really interesting , I assumed the cramps were af coming.

I’m so sorry. I can’t even begin to imagine what you must be going through. What are your sons called if you would like to talk about them a bit xx

I'm so sorry to read this, what a traumatic time you've had. I hope you're getting access to any help you need in dealing with such losses.

Sorry if this is not what you're looking for, but with multiple losses, you could be looking either at genetic/ chromosomal issues with the embryo/ baby, or potentially environment I.e. is your body attacking pregnancy, I.e. high nk cell activity. Have either of these things been looked at? Hope you're getting back to feeling ok x

No issues. My sons died from twin to twin transfusion syndrome- its a rare condition only identical twins can get and its completely random. Can happen to anyone. The other losses had no cause, very early mc - only 2 of those.

My twin pregnancy was excellent. Perfect scan day before this happened. I've no issues as I was tested. It was horrific bad luck with my twins. They were 3 pounds each. Looked perfect.

Thanks @Emilyx00 they were Adam and Dara. 3 pounds each and gorgeous.

Said I'd just add as I don't want to scare anyone with future pregnancies. What happened to my twins was an ultra rare condition that only Identical twins can get. It's not genetic, it is very bad luck but when it hits at third trimester nearly always fatal.

I'm very lucky that despite having two very early mc brfore my boys, I got pregnant quite quickly and I'm healthy test wise. All bloods perfect, hormones ect. But my heart is aching for my two boys and the hole they have left in our lives.

I’m so very sorry for your losses and hope you get your happy ever after BFP soon. Take all the time you need to grieve and look after yourself 🌺 ❤️
I can’t imagine the pain of losing your two babies after 2 early losses. I had a MMC between dcs 2&3. I still mark the due date (coincidentally the same day dc3 was then due) and bought a special ornament for the Christmas tree, which goes up every year.

Aw I'm so sorry for your loss, what a beautiful way to commemorate your little angel. Thank you I hope I won't be waiting too long.

I know you from another post and my heart aches for you, it truly does. I can't begin to imagine what the loss of your boys is like. And on top of that being on mat leave. Totally expect that you probably wouldn't want to return to work quickly after they passed but it must be so so hard for you.

Adam and Dara had the best mummy with you and I'm sure the one who passed in your arms could feel nothing but love and warmth from you.

I'll be thinking of you on Mother's Day. Do you have any plans? On one hand I'd suggest making a plan but also if you'd rather hide under the covers all day too I'd totally get that. Sending lots of love.

Hey @CadoAvo I absolutely remember you, how are you getting on?

Aw thank you. Yes I'm going to visit the boys resting place. I've loads of little pressies for them to make it look nice and my husband said he has something planned for us.

@Ella31 that sounds like a wonderful plan for Sunday! How are you feeling today?

I'm well thanks. Currently in the nail biting tww of cycle 2!

I’m so sorry

How exciting. How are you feeling this cycle? Im a bit better today, its incredible how intense this all is.

@Ella31 I'm so so sorry to read this,'I remember your name from previous threads. Very traumatic of course. Have you had counselling or anything? Might be worthwhile, or doing some therapeutic things for yourself like acupuncture and reflexology? ❤️

@Ella31 Hey lovely 👋🏼 I am so so sorry and sending so much love your way 🙏🏼 Let's hope you get your BFP soon ✨ as someone else has mentioned cramping at 6 dpo is usually way too early for Aunt Flo! Let's hope it's implantation cramps which can happen as early as 6 dpo 👏🏻✨🌈🥰

That's so sad, you will be able to tell the children you go on to have about your beautiful boys. Wishing you every success with trying again, it will happen xx

@Ella31 I'm not sure how I feel. Like I'm optimistic since it's only my 2nd cycle of ttc ever but keep having to remind myself that it could be negative and if it is that's okay. Had zero symptoms so far. Last month I felt like I could have had a few symptoms but turned out to be nothing. I'm staying strong and will test on Sunday which will be 11/12 DPO. My app says I'll be 11DPO but something tells me I ovulated the day before. We shall see.

I'm the same time line as you. I'll be 11 on Sunday

So sorry this happened to you.
I truly truly hope this cycle will be your lucky one ❤️