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Original poster

Opinions on telling people that you are trying for a baby

100 replies

Juststartingttc · 04/02/2024 00:50

Hi everyone. I have just started TTC as of a couple of days ago. At the moment only me and my partner know we are trying for a baby. I am quite excited that we are actually trying and so is he (to say the least). I am wondering if people usually tell close relatives or friends that they are TTC. At the moment I'm torn between telling people, specifically our parents and perhaps one or two close friends, or just not saying anything until we have some actual news to share (as in actually being pregnant).

OP posts:
NeedingAGoodNap · 04/02/2024 00:55

I personally wouldn’t tell anyone and I find it a little strange when people do. I think it’s a very personal and intimate thing. If you wouldn’t normally tell these people about your sexual activity with your partner I wouldn’t start now!

alifeinredroses · 04/02/2024 00:57

No. It will only lead to heartbreak if things don't go as planned and you have to keep fielding well-meaning questions from people.

Tarmacadamia · 04/02/2024 01:00

You'd basically be telling everyone that you're shagging lots without contraception. I can't imagine telling my family that, but I admit I'm a massive prude.

SandyY2K · 04/02/2024 01:02

No need to tell people.

As a pp said, your just broadcasting, that you're having sex without contraception.

DPotter · 04/02/2024 01:04

A big NO from me.

Do you really want Aunty Joan know your shagging and then asking you if you're pregnant yet. Way TMI

floppybit · 04/02/2024 01:10

I want to die when someone tells me they are trying for a baby as my weird brain starts imagining them frantically shagging and I can't unthink it!!

Corondel · 04/02/2024 01:13

It is utterly baffling to me that you would want to have a cosy chat about your sex live with your parents and Auntie Pat.

Mykingdom2024 · 04/02/2024 01:26

13 years ago my cousin’s wife told me on their wedding day that they were ‘trying’. Sadly for them they are still childless due to fertility issues.

MrsTerryPratchett · 04/02/2024 01:27

The rule for me is to only tell people who you will lean on for support in the case of miscarriage or infertility. For example my best friend told me because they were having issues. He wanted support. He didn't tell his dad, because he wasn't.

Outliers · 04/02/2024 01:29

It’s prudent not to say anything until you’ve had your 12week scan. Even when you’re pregnant things can go wrong.

a friend told me she was trying, it took several months but she got pregnant. Told us friends early only discover she had a blighted ovum and there was no baby at 12weeks.

galliverstravels · 04/02/2024 01:30

floppybit · 04/02/2024 01:10

I want to die when someone tells me they are trying for a baby as my weird brain starts imagining them frantically shagging and I can't unthink it!!

This made me laugh a lot. I picture exactly the same thing but your use of the word "frantically" had me in stitches.

AllTheChaos · 04/02/2024 01:30

Like others, I find it really weird to tell people you are having lots of unprotected sex. Seems a really strange and over sharing thing to do.

Aquamarine1029 · 04/02/2024 01:36

Way too much information. Why on earth would you share this?

m00ngirl · 04/02/2024 01:37

Only worth telling others insofar as it serves your needs - would def not do it just to share excitement as that excitement may turn in any direction.

Eg I told my parents we "would like to start a family in the near future" as it explained some other life decisions we made. But absolutely wouldn't be giving them or even people I'm very close to a running commentary as it can be (is, in my case) a bloody difficult journey and the last thing you need is people going "omg I bet you're pregnant" etc etc when you're anything but. Good luck x

Passingthethyme · 04/02/2024 01:42

No because either it'll happen soon in which case they know, or it won't in which case it'll stress you out uneccesarily with people knowing. I don't understand why you'd tell anyone anyway unless they are particularly close, like your mum, MIL, siblings or best friends

Awaywiththeferries123 · 04/02/2024 01:42

Absolutely not. You’ll be mithered with ‘Any news?’ and expectant looks. That gets very grating if it’s taking a while.

Then if it does take a while you’ll be getting all sorts of unsolicited advice telling to you relax etc.

Tell them when you’re pregnant, up to that keep it as your and your husband’s secret.

Daisyrobin123 · 04/02/2024 07:26

I'm ttc #2 and I've told one friend. It's been good to have her to lean on as support to be honest. She's currently pregnant and it took her quite a while to concieve. I wouldn't tell anyone else though as I know they'd just be asking for updates or expecting news every time we saw them.

I do think keeping it a secret until 12 weeks to share news (when you are pregnant) is very outdated advice. Yes, maybe don't tell the world but if the worst was to happen I'd want the support of my mum, OH's parents and a few close friends. I work in a school so sharing the news with everyone obviously wouldn't be a great idea (having to tell a class of children about a loss wouldn't be nice) but I'd want some people to know that I might not be feeling myself for a while. I know this wasn't your question, but someone else mentioned it and other new TTC'ers might be reading and think they should keep it hush hush until 12 weeks!

Maireas · 04/02/2024 07:37

I think it's very exciting and important to you, but not really to anyone else. Also, it may prompt constant questions. A pregnancy announcement is lovely for everyone, so maybe just wait until then?.

Leonarda89 · 04/02/2024 07:45

I have told my mum and closest friends, I am very close with them and tell them most things so it would feel strange to me to not tell them. It also means I can talk to them about any worries, ask questions etc rather than only having my partner to talk to (which I'm sure he is glad about to), means I don't have to explain things like not drinking and means I will have support if things are difficult. Some of my friends are also TTC so it's nice to be in it together. The people I have told are sensitive enough not to ask constantly if I'm pregnant etc. I think it's a completely personal thing and depends on you and your relationships with the people you choose to tell/not tell.

IggOrEgg · 04/02/2024 07:47

Awaywiththeferries123 · 04/02/2024 01:42

Absolutely not. You’ll be mithered with ‘Any news?’ and expectant looks. That gets very grating if it’s taking a while.

Then if it does take a while you’ll be getting all sorts of unsolicited advice telling to you relax etc.

Tell them when you’re pregnant, up to that keep it as your and your husband’s secret.

Agree with this!!
DH and I really struggled to conceive our son, took us 2+ years, and by the end I was being much more open about it because ignorant twats kept saying ‘oh you’d better get on with it!’ etc and I couldn’t listen to it anymore. We had told our families too in the last few months, for support more than anything else, it was bloody hard.

Goldensnitchupthejacksie · 04/02/2024 07:49

Absolutely bloody not.

WandaWonder · 04/02/2024 07:52

When I tell someone something even unintentionally I would be expecting 'something' in return so what would I hope to get with this?, 'I hope the sex works'

No we didn't tell people when we stopped contraception

carrotbagel · 04/02/2024 07:54

I'd only consider telling anyone if you struggle and have to go through procedures and stuff. And even then only if you need their support.

Hiddenvoice · 04/02/2024 07:55

I only told my parents and my in laws after years of unexplained infertility as the talk of grandchildren came up. I told my best friend after a while of failing ttc as she was pregnant and I was hoping for some advice.

I kept it quiet before then as it felt very much that I was sharing intimate details 😂

CatmumTTC · 04/02/2024 08:22

Depends how private a person you are. I have a tendency to over share and find it hard not to talk about it as it's such a big part of my life at the moment. I'm pretty open about it to friends. Only told one colleague at work (because she kept going on about her pregnancy). My friends knew I wanted to TTC before we even started because I was so broody! We've now been trying for 10 months. I think it's important if you are going through something like this to talk about it. And the more people share that TTC isn't always something that happens on month one or month three, the more prepared others will be when it's their time. And you're more likely to find others who found it hard if you speak about it too.