Opinions on telling people that you are trying for a baby

[Juststartingttc]

Hi everyone. I have just started TTC as of a couple of days ago. At the moment only me and my partner know we are trying for a baby. I am quite excited that we are actually trying and so is he (to say the least). I am wondering if people usually tell close relatives or friends that they are TTC. At the moment I'm torn between telling people, specifically our parents and perhaps one or two close friends, or just not saying anything until we have some actual news to share (as in actually being pregnant).

@YaWeeFurryBastard I'd wouldn't disclose really personal details about sex or things that my DH or I would be embarrassed about. I would certainly talk in more general terms, like about how it's hard to keep the magic alive when your focused on your ovulation schedule. Things that are a very normal part of TTC and people shouldn't feel ashamed about. I'm the first TTC in my close group so the girls ask me questions about this kind of stuff anyway, out of curiosity I guess, I figure forewarned is forearmed!

We didn't tell anyone but tbh I got pregnant as soon as we started trying!

Baby 2 was a surprise.

I think it's a bit weird to "announce" it tbh but then I can't really relate as like I say I just got pregnant immediately.

Some things need to remain between couples this is one of those times.

We never told anyone else. It's private and personal. IMO

I don't see a problem with telling people if you want to. I've had not particularly close friends and colleagues tell me the same.

I didn't tell anyone when we were ttc though as I wanted to keep it private. Also didn't do a pregnancy announcement really - just sent a text to friends and told closer relatives on the phone after 1st scan. I did tell my dad a bit earlier on as dh was going away with work and I was worried I'd be alone if anything happened with the pregnancy while he was away.

Definitely don't share it

I feel this way too and thankfully so does everyone else around me! Some people literally can’t keep anything to themselves 🙄 and have no idea what it means to be an oversharer.

Telling people you are hoping to get pregnant is nothing to do with your sex life! Well,that's news to me! In the 80s I worked in an infertility clinic, quite a few people came in, wondering why they hadn't got pregnant,and they were virgins.Actually my (2nd) DH did say to my 3 DKs we were hoping to have a baby (he didn't have any,) sitting round the dinner table one day youngest DS who was about 8, asked "well,are you going to have a baby". DH, very matter of fact told him we were working on it. I had 2 miscarriages at 6 weeks, I hadn't told anyone apart from DH and the GP that I was pregnant,so there was no need to tell people I wasn't.

I didn't tell anybody. I'm not sure why anyone would feel the need to. I also didn't shout from the rooftops either when I had my first scan. So many things could happen go wrong.

No one needs to know. The pressure and disappointment is enough just the two of you.

I was 41 when I had my last baby, amniocentesis at 20 weeks,so I didn't tell anyone I was pregnant until I had had the all clear at 5 months.

I still find it weird that that is people's focus! When I think of a family member TTC, my mind doesn't go to them in bed together (because.. that's odd) but rather the prospect of a new baby, a new family member! Perhaps I'm unusual🤔

Sooooo glad there is a fellow human out there that feels like this can and should be shared. 🙏🙏🙏

Some of these comments are wild.

There's so much shame around sex (for conception or otherwise) and miscarriage... no wonder people end up turning to forums.

Women need to speak to each other about their experiences.

Announcing you are trying for a baby is hardly educational is it? I'm all for people not shaming and learning. But this is not that sort of situation at all.

No way. That is an excitement category for my husband and I only.

And it’s nothing to do with shame about sex @Sara1988

Oh this is exactly my thought process! It's such a weird TMI thing to share

It has nothing to do with "shame" about having sex. FGS.

I wish I hadn't.

Well I wish my friends had spoken about it so I had more information going in myself.

Many people online seems very scientific with tracking, ovulation, fertility tests etc etc. But people around me in real life seem to get pregnant at the drop of a hat . I know this because they say how quick it was when announcing their pregnancy. None of the above faffing for these people. All they did was shag as much as possible. Sometimes not even THAT much. Just super fertile I guess.
There's nothing useful this group can share except for well-meaning advice on 'when' to have sex that only makes you feel worse.

But if you struggled to conceive and have a similar friend group I can see how shared experiences can be useful.

In 2024 we have the internet so thankfully nobody has to rely on their friends for information. Also, so many people are childfree, or not there yet if you're the first one to want kids so again. As useful as a chocolate teapot.

I wouldn't. I won't detail any plans for anything at all to friends, family until things are confirmed. That way, if things don't go to plan, you deal with it yourself without others asking about it and having to explain each time.

I got pregnant and and told my mum straight away, then lost the baby, after that it took a year and a half to conceive again(didnt announce I was pregnant until after 12 week scan). When ttc it was constant pressure and chat about my infertility and when it would finally happen etc and it was very stressful! Next pregnancy I didn't tell her we were ttc and waited until 12 week scan. It's completely up to you, but personally I wouldn't tell people.

It's so weird to tell people!

What you think you're saying: 'we are trying for a baby - it's so exciting. We are so in love'

But what you're also saying is 'we are having sex a lot right now and not using protection'

Ok... thanks for letting us all know. Good luck with the orgasms and fingers crossed for those swimmers.

Why do people need to know that you're trying to conceive?

On a practical note if you tell people you set a clock ticking and if you don't conceive quickly or take a break or change your mind you'll have people asking or wondering.

Just tell them when you're pregnant.

I know I wouldn’t but that is solely based on personalities and I barely talk about my sex life.

However I have a few very close friends and we talk about all sorts. And so dropping it in at a girls night or when we are catching up about life could happen.

I have had friends mention they are trying to me, and there isn’t much to say really.

I wouldn’t tell family but that again goes down to my family dynamics.