Opinions on telling people that you are trying for a baby

[Juststartingttc]

Hi everyone. I have just started TTC as of a couple of days ago. At the moment only me and my partner know we are trying for a baby. I am quite excited that we are actually trying and so is he (to say the least). I am wondering if people usually tell close relatives or friends that they are TTC. At the moment I'm torn between telling people, specifically our parents and perhaps one or two close friends, or just not saying anything until we have some actual news to share (as in actually being pregnant).

I had 7 years of fertility treatments and ttced a few years before that, around 3,5 I think. It is normal for ttc to take up to a year. Do you really want to have questions if it has worked yet for a prolonged time? Are ypu ready for that? And all the advice that you'll get when it takes awhile. And the jabs at your husband that he needs to try better.

No, the first time anyone knew was after the first dating scan.

Good luck with your TTC OP

No don't do it! It can take up to a year for a couple with normal fertility to concieve. You only have to look on the fertility board to see people getting anxious after a few months because it is drilled into us that it's so easy to get pregnant and it will happen quickly. Do you really want the sad head tilts from friends and family a few months in?

I think having the support of trusted friends and family can be important in the TTC journey which can be long and stressful. Telling your best friend is different to telling a disinterested work colleague.

Totally agree that it may take a year. Keep that in mind and arrange some nights out with your DH and maybe some weekends away. Not with getting PG in mind but to enjoy some time together before you do get PG

Goodness no. Strange idea. When you’re expecting and you’ve had your 12 week scan then you tell close family and friends. Wider announcement at 20 weeks after that scan. It’s a life changing, amazing thing for you, a huge decision, it’s not that interesting to anyone else though. Also, if things don’t go smoothly, and you take ages to conceive or experience a loss it’s 1000X harder if you have to tell everyone about it. Enjoy it as an intimate secret with yourself and partner for now. It’ll be so much easier on yourself in the long run.

Wouldn't fancy everyone saying "well?" whenever they saw me.

that

I think it's weird to tell people. Aside from the obvious questions that people will inevitably keep asking, you're basically just telling your nearest and dearest that you're having a lot of sex 😂

Omg keep it to yourself, why would you even want to share this information with anyone?

Lots say not until 12 weeks but if there is a miscarriage who would you want support from? No harm telling them our letting it come out in conversation. I wouldn’t make it my FB stays though!

Im going to totally go against what everyone has said. I hope I don’t offend anyone by doing so. We are also trying and have been very open with those closest to us. Hell even my work mate knows and regularly messages me asking how things are 🤣. Tbh I needed support and to talk about it. Having had a horridly traumatic time 13 years ago it’s a great comfort to me to have people around me who know. Even my mother in law knows and supports me.
i think it’s whatever is best for you. Good luck and lots of love to you on your journey! X

Absolutely no way. Mine and my husband’s sex life is private and nobody needs to be reminded of it. Also agree with PP, we’ve recently started trying and it feels really special and exiting that it’s our secret and we’re looking forward to it hopefully happening without any potential pressure from others. I would absolutely hate it if it took a while and family and friends were expecting an announcement.

We also won’t be telling anyone before the 12 week scan unless absolutely unavoidable. The only exceptions to this will be my/his work if I get really sick or something goes wrong and my best friend if I see her in a situation where I’d usually be drinking as she’d immediately realise and I wouldn’t disrespect her by lying to her face.

I find it a little strange people are hung up on the 'sex life' side of it. Maybe it's different for everyone, but I assumed most couples were 'at it' despite not trying to concieve - we certainly don't only have sex only when we're trying for a baby! We weren't necessarily at it more during TTC (albeit it did help that I was using ovulation testing so I knew exactly when was a good time!)
My family like to holiday together so I did have to vaguely say we were TTC, so we might not be able to join them, because a baby may well be with us in 9+ months😄

No way. Sex is private. I can see society going back to a few hundred years ago, when the king or queen married, and there had to confirmation that the marriage was consummated, having a big gathering watching you on your wedding night. Too much sharing!

It’s between you and him
the world don’t need to know

I have mentioned to my group chat with my two best friends in it, because I know I’ll want to lean on them a little with the ups and downs of it all.

Well surely it’s like telling everyone you’ve been for a poo, it’s assumed you have, but nobody needs reminding? I can’t say I spend much time thinking about other couple’s sex lives (or bowel habits).

My family also like holidaying together/planning stuff but we just say “not sure with work commitments, a big year coming up” or “we’re planning a blow the budget trip so make plans and we’ll join if we can”. It’s fairly easy to be non-committal.

This is how me and DH both feel too. And ttc can take ages too, I'd be mortified to think people were thinking about it or waiting eagerly for news (or in my DFs case probably constantly try to talk us out of it...mortifying!).

All these people suggesting that it is like telling everyone you're having sex all the time - WTF?! I would never think about that if someone tells me they are trying. I would just want them to know I'm there for them and wish them luck. But also sex shouldn't be a shameful topic, obviously there are boundaries but how do you normalise your experiences without talking about them? I definitely talk about the sex part of TTC with my girl friends, because it can be hard to find the motivation sometimes!

I wonder if there's a bit of a generational divide here, again with the risk of comments about what you're eating etc, my younger friends (early 30s and late 20s) seem to be much more about "your body, your choice". If anything they try to reign me in when I get too strict on my diet, reminding me it could take months and it's ok to have some fun in the meantime.

Gone are the days when we have to keep this stuff secret to protect other people's sensitivities! If we don't get these things out in the open women will continue to suffer alone, or become addicted to the largely unhelpful and anxiety inducing advice of Google and (often) Mumsnet!

F no. And I cringe whenever any one tells me they “trying”.

I have supported a number of friends through fertility treatment. Completely different, that’s a medical procedure.

As long as you don’t get into the ins and the outs of it all.

Has no one on this thread ever spoken about sex with their friends? Honestly wondering because it's a very normal topic of conversation in my circles. Also saying you are planning for a baby has nothing to do with your sex life. I find it strange how people seem to be so offended by the idea of people discussing having a baby with very close friends and family. Surely it's a personal choice? And like others say it reduces shame, stigma and misconceptions about TTC and pregnancy. Like most other topics, openness and normalisation is usually a positive thing.

Same! I'm a very open person, me and my friends have told each other when we're TTC. Mum friends- we talk about having another and trying again at X point. Same with my family me and my sisters and mum have been open about it.

It's really not a big deal for me or anyone I socialise with 🤷‍♀️

Not since I was about 23 no. I don’t really understand it to be honest, what’s the context? “I wish DH would do XYZ” “DH and I did it five times last night”. Surely that’s a private thing? I certainly wouldn’t be happy if DH was discussing my sexual performance or frequency with his friends. We’re very happily married and I’m happy and secure with our sex life so nothing to discuss really.

I don’t think people are offended by it, just find it a bit odd.