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Original poster

Am I too young to be a mum?

115 replies

ellemummy · 02/02/2024 23:19

Im 16 years old and live in england, I'm in a hairdressing programme and am currently looking for work. Me and my boyfriend have been together almost a year now and have been talking about babies for a long time, as I have younger sisters and would like to have one of my own. He earns his own money and is moving into his own house soon, where I will be living with him. We think that maybe when we are settled in this house maybe we should start trying to have a baby and stop using contraception, but how do I know if this is the right decision? My mum said she would be angry at first but would support me, but I am currently living with my dad who would not be very happy. I think we would be good parents and have a dog together, who we both look after very well. Should I live my dream and have a baby of my own or wait until I am older? All opinions welcome thank you!!

OP posts:
NotARealWookiie · 03/02/2024 12:41

You are too young. I highly doubt you can afford it and you should wait. Are all the people in your family still in relationships from when they were teenage parents?

OriginalUsername2 · 03/02/2024 12:47

Why does your boyfriend want a baby so soon? It’s unusual for a boy.

ginasevern · 03/02/2024 13:22

OriginalUsername2 · 03/02/2024 12:47

Why does your boyfriend want a baby so soon? It’s unusual for a boy.

I second this message OP. It is very unusual for such a young boy to want a baby. Are you both trying to escape bad situations and you think that setting up your own little home is the answer? I'm not being goady, this is a genuine question because I get that impression.

Talk66talk · 03/02/2024 13:24

NotARealWookiie · 03/02/2024 12:41

You are too young. I highly doubt you can afford it and you should wait. Are all the people in your family still in relationships from when they were teenage parents?

Irrelevant with todays COL.

Andthereyougo · 03/02/2024 13:29

I was a teen mum. I really wouldn’t recommend it. Even though there are are benefits like UC and contributions towards childcare which weren’t there in my day it is still very tough financially and emotionally. You’ll see friends going out, having holidays that you probably won’t be able to join unless you have very generous parents.
Enjoy your teen years, you won’t get them again.
Enjoy your early 20s when you’ll be earning g and can have a lot of experiences. Then think again at 24/25 or older.
I love my kids dearly but I really wouldn’t wish it for them or my grandkids

Billydessert · 03/02/2024 13:29

It would be wrong to make a judgement call about you personally, who can say what's right for another person really.

But practically speaking, I'd agree with PPs that finishing your qualification and getting a job would be a good plan. This way you'll get your maternity pay and have a job to go back to should you wish.
I'm not an expert on the legal things but there will be lots of people on here that could advise. Eg, would it be best to have both your names on the house and bills when you move in together?
And also I believe there are some differences in entitlement to benefits etc for your age range?

In terms of living life and missing out, think about what age you'll be when your child is 18 and consider that you'll be tied to a lot of responsibility, hard work and putting their needs first until at least that age....of course one could argue that it's preferable to get the out of the way and still be young when your children are grown up!

blackpanth · 03/02/2024 13:29

Yes far too young

holycrabsticks · 03/02/2024 13:48

How many adult women here do you reckon are still with their high school boyfriends from when they were 16?

How many women here do you reckon would cringe their tits off at being tied to their boyfriend from when they were 16 for the rest of their lives?

I'd love to see a poll.

DinnaeFashYersel · 03/02/2024 13:54

Yes you are too young.

Get your own home. Save some money.

You will be in a better position to raise and provide a child with a few more years of experience

Bunnyhair · 03/02/2024 14:01

I hadn’t even reached my full adult height at 16 (I grew another 5 inches). I’d wait - if for no other reason than that your body might cope better with pregnancy and birth in a couple of years when you can be certain you are physically fully mature. Just a few extra millimetres’ room in your pelvis can make all the difference! Plus of course all the other stuff about money, career stability, independence from his and your families of origin, freedom & autonomy if you need to leave.

SqueakyShouts · 03/02/2024 14:01

If you hadn't have posted your age at all I'd be saying don't have a baby yet.

I think you're moving in together far too soon into a relationship and that's a lot less of a commitment than kids.

Don't you both want to travel, get married, have some experiences in life that are much harder once you are parents?

CaramelCarmen · 03/02/2024 14:16

At the very least, you need to be able to provide a stable home and enough money to feed/clothe your baby. How do you plan on doing this?

CucumberBagel · 03/02/2024 14:24

Liking staying home means you're introverted, not that you should start popping out babies. Motherhood is bloody hard work.

Blueuggboots · 03/02/2024 14:30

Far too young! How old is your boyfriend?

leafingaround · 03/02/2024 14:58

For the poll, I am not with my boyfriend who I was with at 16, neither is Dh with the girlfriend he had at 16. We were both with them for 2 years.

This honestly doesn't really have anything to do with your age but your complete inability to provide for your own child because you have no job and no house and no the boyfriend's house doesn't count because it is his and not yours so he could kick you out with no notice. So whatever age you were this would be my first response.

You are incredibly young, I know you feel like you are grown up and able to make these decisions but my youngest son is almost 18 and the cost of living, of housing, of childcare has rocketed over the course of his life. You cannot compare how your parents did it to how you will do it now. My SIL bought her first and only house for £29k in 2001. It is certainly not worth that today. She couldn't afford to buy it today on her £22k salary. She struggles to pay bills, never had a holiday, her long term boyfriend is on minimum wage.

DisforDarkChocolate · 03/02/2024 15:01

I had my first children in my early 20s. I'd highly recommend you wait about 10 years. Have some fun, save some money, start a career.

Guavafish1 · 03/02/2024 15:02

No, your not. My mum was a young mum. It's nice to have a young mum companion later in life. Go for it!

Just be prepared for financial restrictions, if your partner is not comfortable.

Talk66talk · 03/02/2024 15:04

Is this serious? I live in the North no where posh at all. A house along my row was getting rented out for £1500 per month. Where would OP live? How would she afford such rent?

Talk66talk · 03/02/2024 15:08

CucumberBagel · 03/02/2024 14:24

Liking staying home means you're introverted, not that you should start popping out babies. Motherhood is bloody hard work.

Quite!

butterpuffed · 03/02/2024 15:08

How did your bf manage to buy a house ? The youngest you can buy one and have a mortgage is 18 .

user14699084799 · 03/02/2024 15:11

Even if you were 35, I’d be saying don’t do it.
You’ve only been together a year, far too soon for starting a family to be on the agenda. And realistically very few teenage relationships last the course.

If you’re still together and happy when you’re 25 then go for it! You’d still be a young mum then.
DH and I have been together since A levels, just over 30 years ago now. We had a blast in our 20’s - holidays, parties, all sorts of hobbies that wouldn't have been possible with a baby in tow… as well as building our careers. We got married at 25, kids at 29/30. I think of the many, many couples we were friends with as teens, only 3 or 4 have stood the test of time, and none of them had kids before mid/late 20’s.

toomanyleggings · 03/02/2024 15:14

I saw a girl yesterday who must have been 15, at the most 16 with a toddler. I honestly thought it was so sad. She already had an air of the downtrodden. Such a waste of her young years. Children are lovely but incredibly stressful and expensive. Wait ten years.

Ansjovis · 03/02/2024 15:21

Hell no. Your mum's reaction is ringing massive alarm bells for me. My mum had me at 17 and it really ruined any chance she had at getting a good education and making anything of herself at all (not saying that all teen mums are like this but mine was) and I do think that she wanted me to follow in her footsteps so that she didn't have to see me doing better for myself than she did. The only correct response for if your 16 year old daughter comes to you and discloses intent to start a family soon is NO, NO, NO and more NO.

Trust me, parenthood will be so much better when you are established in both your career and your relationship. If you keep going with the hairdressing you could eventually open your own salon and have massive earning potential, making parenthood easier. Even if you don't get as far as opening your own salon you will still fare much better with a decent amount of work history behind you.

WithACatLikeTread · 03/02/2024 15:25

I would enjoy life first, OP.

Anonxo · 03/02/2024 15:27

In my opinion there is so much of your life to live not that a baby would stop that but you would definitely live a different life. As people between 16-25 we change so much and I think the best thing you can do for yourself and your future baby is give yourself that chance to grow