Am I too young to be a mum?

[ellemummy]

Im 16 years old and live in england, I'm in a hairdressing programme and am currently looking for work. Me and my boyfriend have been together almost a year now and have been talking about babies for a long time, as I have younger sisters and would like to have one of my own. He earns his own money and is moving into his own house soon, where I will be living with him. We think that maybe when we are settled in this house maybe we should start trying to have a baby and stop using contraception, but how do I know if this is the right decision? My mum said she would be angry at first but would support me, but I am currently living with my dad who would not be very happy. I think we would be good parents and have a dog together, who we both look after very well. Should I live my dream and have a baby of my own or wait until I am older? All opinions welcome thank you!!

So your parent/s would have to help with this how on earth is this fair on them?

Maybe wait till you are mature and independent enough to do this on your own

If you broke up with boyfriend post having the baby what would your plan be OP? @ellemummy

Op you sound sensible and grounded but 16 is quite young for a baby. Maybe wait to forge a career and build some savings? In your early 20s you'll still be young but you'll have a bit more money, life experience and stability to help you raise a baby. Good luck!

Wait a few years, save up to buy a car and house, finish your course and enjoy some nice holidays, go clubbing etc.

A decent quality pram and all the extra bits will cost you £1k and even though you'll be offered second hand you will want brand new when the time comes.

Then, with all that in place, you'll be so well set up for babies in your 20's and be able to give them a good start to life.

Please wait.
You are too young - physically as well as emotionally. Babies born to teens are more likely to be preterm and this can lead to all sorts of complications depending on the degree of prematurity.

You should be mature enough to support yourself and your child instead of relying on your parents.
Absolute lunacy

@ellemummy hello! You are going to get a lot of opinions on here about this and the truth is because times are hard. Your experience is very valid and whilst your parents and family had children young, it was perhaps a different time and experience to where you are having now (cost of living and support from government and general circumstances), so I would bare that in mind.

What I would think about is why you feel conflicted in the first place and why you have come here for opinion - do you feel too young, but love the idea? Does your BF want it, so you do too? Are you worried about support and finances? I would really encourage you to reflect on it. What value would it bring to your life, what value might it not bring to your life? What are the reasons behind rushing into it?

I would also reflect on these things with your BF too, the decision isn't all down to you.

It sounds like you have already decided to wait until you move in together before you make a decision which sounds like a good idea to start having these conversations together. Best of luck with whichever decision you make - you will always have the same option in future if you decide now isn't the right time and your BF should respect this decision (and vice versa).

If you need further support, I recommend SHOUT service to help process things non-judgementally: https://giveusashout.org/get-help/how-shout-works/

I understand that feeling, of wanting a baby, but you’re so, SO young. Even if you just waited another 5 years, you’d still be a young mum. Another 10, and you’d still only be in your mid twenties. There’s a hell of a lot of life you ought to live, and experiences you need to have, before having children. You’re little past being a child yourself. A good parent is helped by life experience and an understanding of themselves as an adult, and a good parent would want to be the best they could be for their child. Planning to rely on your parents and on your boyfriend isn’t a plan worth giving air, that’s not a responsible parent.
I know you’re happy with your boyfriend now, and maybe, hopefully!, he is your forever love, but let me tell you, people change so much between 16/18 and, say, 22/24 (and beyond). I hope you change together but you may drift apart. Very few people end up with the boy they were with at 16. I didn’t, altho if you’d asked me at 16, I’d have sworn he was the one! I’d want to enjoy my relationship for what it is now, and give it, myself and my child the best shot at a settled family when the time came.

Yes, if you have to ask the question "am I too young" then you are too young, but you will probably ignore all these sensible replies to your question and just go and get pregnant anyway. Good luck to you, you will need it.

Why not look at this a different way? I suspect you want to be a mum because that is the norm around you within your family and in the community which is the norm for many people but there are so many more opportunities at your fingertips, you just have to search online.

If you love children and want them in your life early go on a baby and child first aid course and start babysitting. Once you've completed your hairdressing qualification gain some childcare qualifications and go into childcare or Nannying or as an au pair and explore the world a bit.
Work as an instructor at an outdoor activity centre etc, you don't need any experience and will get to live-in and gain qualifications on an apprenticeship.

If you love hairdressing then look at specialising in children's hair, or as an additional needs hairdresser with a sensory room etc

You live with your Dad so I would examine why that is - perhaps you just really get on with him, or perhaps there are challenges with your relationship with your mum that you should deal with first. There are lots of young women who have been through trauma or just unsuccessful parent:child relationships who decide to have a baby young to have someone to love and care for in the way they wish they had been

My mother had me at 17 and she's a very unhappy person who never got to be young and carefree.

How is your 17 year old bf able to buy a house?

Well that’s what happens when a child whose frontal lobe is still 10 years off maturing thinks they’re old enough to have a baby. Jesus Christ

@MrsSkylerWhite She probably means he has been giving council housing I'm guessing. There is no way he can afford his own place.
My niece said her other half has his own place so when they get married they won't have to worry but when I questioned her about it, it turned out that he was renting a flat 😒

Honestly I think colleges and universities should educate young people on what life is really like..financial struggles etc.

I'm in my 20s and I have injuries from pregnancy and childbirth. I was low risk because I'm young and very fit and healthy, but here I am. I don't think I can have another child due to the injuries.

Also, I don't know anyone who is still with their teenage bf/gf even though at the time they thought they'd be together forever. You're also too young to buy alcohol and vote and have to be in full time education so you're definitely too young to be a mum.

Go back to school and grow up.

Spread your wings a little first, have a few holidays together to make memories. There’s plenty of time for babies, finish your qualifications and get some hairdressing experience under your belt, that’s a job for life, you can do it wherever you find yourself.

I would definitely say try to finish your hair dressing course. Then get some good experience and build up a clientele. Then when you have a baby you have a good side hustle. Perhaps learn to do wedding hair.

Give it a year and see if you still feel the same way. Be sure your boyfriend wants it as much as you. Also get married or a civil partnership to provide some security if the relationship diesnNt work out.

Wait until you're 25!

Get your money up, travel the world, establish a foundation, get to know your BF. Get engaged, get married, buy a house. Doing all of these things become harder, and sometimes impossible if you have a child beforehand at a very young age.

Enjoy being a couple before becoming parents. Get established at work too.

There is no rush. Get your experience in your career and also some savings behind you.

If this person is the one for you they aren’t going anywhere and there is no need to rush.

once you have a baby, they aren’t going anywhere and they will only get more expensive.

Hello, Young mum here. I am 18 years old with a 9 month old. I absolutely love being a young mum and couldn't imagine my life without my baby. I would say i would wait. Obviously your decision at the end of the day but just take a few things into consideration. Having a young sibling is nothing near to having your own baby. I have a young sibling who I have looked after and it is not the same as when you have your own. I would recommend waiting until you are in a stable job and i would recommend spending some more time with your partner as you want to make sure they are the right person for you and even just to have some time just the both of you. So yes, at 16 I would wait especially until I am in a job,settled in to a house and I know 100% he is the one. Go enjoy your self for a while as when you do have a baby you will not have as much time to do so . A baby is yes something I have always wanted too and I am so grateful and so glad I have my baby, but there is a lot to consider and I would make sure you and your boyfriend are stable and in the best place financially.

I'd wait until you are in your 20s, people still can change a lot between late teens/early 20s, then you will be more settled in your careers and in a better position to afford a baby, and also you will know you are strong enough as a couple to stay the course together. I don't think there's anything wrong with having a baby in your 20s like my mum did, in fact it's good to do while you're young and have more of your career etc ahead of you and can be out of the 'little children' stage by your 30s.

I guess an advantage of your mum being young is she might be more able to help, but I also presume she is working? So consider how much of a network you have - if people ask me what it's like having babies/kids I always say it depends a lot on how much of that support you have. DH and I live near both our parents and they were able to help out so we didn't always have to pay for babysitting for a night out, or leave work if a child was ill and couldn't go to school. That is a hugely easier situation than if you have to cover all that yourself.

Yes you are , get qualified then settled in your job , gain experience in your job and life in general .
Enjoy each others company and enjoy life , get to know each other deeply-having a baby is a huge test on a person/ relationship , learn together about what you want in life ,your goals , moral compass , plans etc.
Save , save , save but also go out a little ,you are both very young to be staying in so much.
Just live life for a while , you have so many ,many years to have a baby.

OP, please listen to me. You are too young. You really are. There is no need to rush into this is there? You are only 16, a child yourself. Please don't compare looking after a dog to the lifetime commitment of a child, there is absolutely no comparison on earth.

Finish your training and live with your boyfriend for a few years at least. Let him grow into a man first (he is only 18 himself). Just because most of your family had children in their teens, doesn't mean you have to. If they jumped off a bridge, would you do it too?