Worries about having a child with disabilities

[worrywilma]

I'm fully prepared to get my arse handed to me on this thread, but I need to know if this is a common place worry or not. If not then I obviously have to reconsider TTC at all.

I have major worries over having a child with a disability, specifically autism.

I don't have any family members with autism but a couple of my friend's children are on the spectrum, some quite severe, and their lives are so full of stress, worry and fear. They all said if they could turn back the clock, they wouldn't have had children.

Being a mum is the only thing I ever wanted to do, and thought I might be any good at, but seeing my friends, and reading stories on here about teenagers who smear, sever mental health issues and the lack of support available to families with children who have disabilities, absolutely terrifies me.

Is this a worry that ever crosses your mind whilst TTC?

I really don't mean to offend anyone, and I know that people love their children unconditionally, despite difficulties etc.

there is no history in DH’s or in my family of any special needs. None.
our first son was born with developmental delays. I never ever expected to have a child with special needs. He is 18 now.

I can tell you it has been extremely hard. For over a decade I thought I was going to die through sheer lack of sleep and tiredness.

I can also tell you that we love him to bits and he has such a lovely soul.

you could end up having a child with no learning disabilities and perfect chromosomes but a nasty psychopath!

you could end up with a perfect child who develops severe mental health problems later in life.

there are no guarantees.

in short, if you are not willing to accept whoever comes to you, just please don’t have children

It's okay to be scared of it, but if you aren't prepared to have a child regardless of any condition then I'd maybe reconsider ttc.

Disability comes in so many forms and at any time. My sons didn't show up until he was 4 and it may never leave him. He's 9 now.

I'm autistic and adhd and I genuinely mean what I've said. Children know when you resent them etc. Just don't do it.

I read an article that high levels of B12 in women increase chances of offspring having autism. I thought that was interesting when I was trying to TTC. I’ve worked with children who have autism and we saw a spike in increase over the years and I always wondered why, perhaps things like that had an effect.

Do you have a link to the article please?

here it is, hope it works

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10146734/#:~:text=High%20maternal%20vitamin%20B12%20levels,2.41%20(p%20%3D%200.026).