The Hut of Gl/Doom Part VI - And Yes, We've Tried Fecking Relaxing!

[OracleInaCoracle]

new home. I liked the decor in the old one, nless someone wants to redecorate!

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am v hacked off tbh. im sick of my useless crappy body failing me.

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it really does. i see threads moaning about being pg and how its a disaster and it makes me want to switch everything off and lie down for a very long time. i have a complex scoring system whereby my reaction to other peoples pg's sre dependant on how much they deserve it. and then i loathe myself for being so judgmental.

I'm still here annie
Just like you guys I am so hacked off with ftc that I'm almost not bothered about it anymore, I'm really apathetic towards it. I know once we have the money / time window to do IVF again I'll maybe feel that we're back on the rollercoaster but at the moment...well I'm not sure where I am I think I'm hovering around waiting to join the rollercoaster queue whilst watching just about everyone else in the world jump the queue, ride the rollercoaster once and come out with a baby.
shreks totally with you on the low expectation thing. oh, and lissie I've said it before I think but I also aam totally with you on the points system

We can't really afford it either - it's taken us a year to save up and we're not going to have enough until about May. We did talk about egg sharing but felt we weren't ready to do that yet. Also we'd only get 50% discount for doing egg sharing, so would still need to pay up. The only thing we have going for us at the moment is that age is still on our side.

a friend of mine was unable to concieve naturally (hydrosalpinax {sp}) so had two "free" nhs cycles. because the specialist said that it would be about a 5y waiting list they decided to go private. and had to start (and pay) right from the very beginning. even with the same specialist.

i know sweet. my period is 2 days early this month, so all the energetic shagging we did on hol was too late.

going to ring up specialist this week and go to see him i think. am thoroughly pissed off. seen every cons from here to liverpool and noone has a fuckingclue whats wrong with me. and whenever i say "its the uterine GBS, whenever i mc i get a high temp and flu-like symptoms" they pat me on the head and may as well say "there there, let the grown ups do the thinking"

Lissie - just seen this sweet. How crap that it has happened again for you. Much love. xx

thank you red x

tbh annie, they cant wait to get rid of me. they tell me to relax, go on hol, its just one of those things..

well actually its pretty hard to relax when you want a baby so desperately, and you know that even IF you get up the pole chances are you wont even get to see it on a scan because, lets face it, after 8 mcs the odds must be pretty low by now.

i dont want to go on holiday because i may be pg, in which case i dont want to fly in case i dislodge the baby (freaky i know) i worry about eating the "right" things and god forbid i should have a drink!

and its NOT just one of those things. its 8 (9 if you count the ep) of those things. and thosethings were our children. all of whom died before they could even draw breath. so yes, mother nature is cruel, and im sure this is natural selection. but there is nothing natural in selecting each of my precious babies to die. i try so hard to do the right thing every day. but its not working. and there has to be a reason.

sorry, just needed a rant.

((lissie)) annie My clinic counts 2500 as the cost of treatment with drugs costing 800-1500 on top (sorry can't find the pound sign on a US keyboard!) Each go for us is about 3500

lissie I know how you feel about 'those things' too, my dsis has had 3 m/c and I had an EP and they were all BABIES to me, not 'products of conception' or 'cells' or anything else. I even felt I'd lost the two embryos that were put back after IVF, even though they never implanted I knew they were there. So that 6 grandchildren my parents don't have...

mother nature is a sadistic bitch! is there nothing they can do for irregular periods? clomid etc?