Cd1 of ttc first cycle after loss... anyone want to join me? 🙂

[Ladyinpink1]

Hi 🙋‍♀️, just as the title says, I am now on cd1 of my first cycle after a loss at 11+4 (stopped growing just after a scan showing strong heartbeat at 8 -9w)

Feeling nervous but positive about a new cycle ...but finding it hard to think of anything else other than ttc 🙂

Happy for some company to obsess with over these next weeks x

@wyto Really pleased to hear that, and I feel like passing 10 weeks is a really great milestone to hit x

Af is 3 days late and BFN for me 😞 just want it to arrive now so I can get it over with and try to enjoy December. Had difficult chats with my other half this last month and for lots of reasons we have decided we won't do IVF should it come to it, so time is really limited now (I don't have a good ovarian reserve). Starting to come to terms with the fact my future may look very different to the one I planned, but we're not giving up yet xx

@moosey89 so sorry it's not good news this month. Sounds like you've have to make a very difficult decision too 😞 I know it's hard but I hope you can enjoy December and the festivities as much as possible and that you get good news in the NY X

Hi @moosey89 I'm sorry it's bfn and af is still not here on top of that, I understand just wanting it to arrive so you can get this part over with and start a fresh cycle. Sorry about your uncertainty for the future, I really hope that things will happen naturally and very soon for you. This thread seems to have great chances for bfp so far, I definitely have hope for you xxx

So in the end DH was home in time for probable ovulation day, given it was so late, but I chickened out of TTC this month 🤦🏻‍♀️ am I mad?! I was worried about it affecting Christmas if I have a BFP (or CP/MC) and ideally I want to see the private consultant to test a couple of things for peace of mind first. It’s such a rollercoaster in my mind! 🤪

@moosey89 sending a big hug. So frustrating when AF is late and you get your hopes up and then it's nothing. Might you have ovulated later than you thought? Sounds like you've had some important but tough conversations too. That's a lot to get your head around. Might you seek some counselling to perhaps talk it through and find some peace with your decision? There is still hope though. While there are still some eggs, there is still a chance. 🤞🏻💕

@Oxalis00 no you're not mad. It's got to be the right time and there's a lot of factors involved. When's your appt with the consultant? X

Thank you @ThelastRolo20 @Ladyinpink1

@SnookyPook yeah I've had counselling before and it would be a good idea to go again. I definitely ovulated later than usual - I use the clearblue tests because we have to do home artificial insemination which is also super tough because it means we can't just "relax and see". Either we're actively trying or there's basically no chance of it happening if we take a month off.

I've had a heap of bloods done this month at the recurrent miscarriage clinic and should get the results in a few weeks, infertility and miscarriage together is a painful combination, hard to get pregnant, hard to keep them xx

@moosey89 yes that's a particularly tough combo. Hope you're doing as ok as can be ❤️

@Ladyinpink1 No symptoms for me yet but I’m only 6dpo so I think it’s too early. I’ve also woke up with a really bad cold so that will stop me from symptom spotting too! How are you feeling? The two week wait is such a minefield!

@wyto aw that’s amazing great to hear everything is going well 😊

@moosey89 that must have been a really tough decision to come to, I hope you’re doing okay ❤️‍🩹 Counselling is a good idea, I have just started seeing one to work through the trauma from the MMC. Always here to talk if you need to vent or anything ❤️

Definitely not mad @Oxalis00 I have had some doubts too and also it is alot to think about after a loss, the fear brings up alot of emotions thinking of a future bfp. Hope you are having a nice weekend. x

@moosey89 That is great you have had your bloods etc done, I hope you get some answers very soon. I can only imagine the second layer dealing with both things together adds onto things for you and how you are feeling. It's alot. 💜 x

@Haylsttc sorry about the cold, I normally get colds in early pregnancy btw, because the body is too busy using its goodness to start making a human so maybe that could be a symptom to spot 😁
Normally I have made up a few symptoms by now like "did I just feel cramping, could it be implantation" (that always turns out to be needing to pass wind 🤣) or a slight ache "that could definitely be it" (but really I just slept funny the night before) ... the list goes on, I am a definite obsessor when it comes to ttc so that any twinge that I probably get all the time without thinking, in the tww is a possible symptom but no I can't even think of any right now. Oh dear hope I dont sound too crazy 🤣 x

@Aaliyahrae thank you so much for your kind and reassuring words! My mother in law, a gp, also wasn’t at all worried about the lines being a bit pale, basically said your hcg is low at this stage anyway, and ultimately is a positive.

I’m so sorry that the sickness has been so bad and that you needed a hospital admission. How difficult especially with your other children. Hope that things start feeling better quickly. And great that the baby is growing well and you got to see them on scans ❤️

@moosey89 hugs. Infertility and miscarriage together is just such an awful combination. I’ve sometimes felt like I don’t fully “fit” in either community. It’s a distinctive (and bad) combination of grieving your loss, but also having good reason to believe it could be difficult to have another baby.

@graceinc22 exactly that - my first pregnancy/miscarriage came after nearly 2.5years of trying and that loss was horrific (MMC with no signs anything was wrong made it so much worse). I'm terrified of it taking a year or more to get pregnant again just to have yet another loss.

And now I genuinely don't know if I'll have children. I'm still going to try for now, and still going to have all the tests etc. But both me and my boyfriend have agreed we will keep talking and when it just gets too much we will call it.

Sorry - I know there's people here celebrating BFPs and I'm genuinely happy for anyone who is pregnant after loss because I know how hard it is to try again. I don't mean to bring the mood down. Just feeling very alone (except for my other half!) and very sad this week x

Thank you everyone for your kind words. The sickness has really taken it out of me but I’m still logging on to check everything is ok with everyone and will continue to do so!

@moosey89 This is a support thread. Please don’t feel bad about commenting or ‘bringing the mood down’ when you need support. You aren’t bringing the mood down, at all. Sometimes you just need that outlet to vent the good, the bad, the fears, the anger.. anything that you may be feeling especially if you don’t want to speak about it to anyone in person. You’re going through a hard time and we are all here for you, okay? I wouldn’t have got through after my MMC without this thread, it was honestly such an outlet for me. Everyone needs someone. Sending you lots of love xxx

@moosey89 I absolutely second @Aaliyahrae's wonderful comment. Nothing to add to it really! We are here with you 💕

@Ladyinpink1 could potentially be a symptom then 👀 not gonna get my hopes up though haha! I know what you mean about thinking every little twinge could be pregnancy related in the two week wait, it’s so hard not to symptom spot but these cycles trying again since the MMC I have stopped myself from doing it as much as I feel even sadder when AF arrives ❤️‍🩹

@moosey89 please don’t apologise, it’s so hard not to feel down when you get a bfn/af arrives or just generally feeling frustrated at infertility and/or miscarriage. I also second what @Aaliyahrae said, this thread is all about the ups and the downs and we’re here to talk about both ❤️

Hey everyone - hope it's ok that I join this bus ♥️

I had a TMFR at 16 weeks in January with a NIPT test confirming high chance of Patau. Good to know someone else TTC after TFMR @Vic231

I have a 2.5 year old that I conceived on a previous Mumsnet bus in 2020 after many many months of trying and had a miscarriage before her too.

This is cycle 6 for me TTC this time, CD 1. Read all the thread so far, what a rollercoaster!

@moosey89 with you feeling crap as CD1 and first month using OPKs this month and felt so positive about it all. I'm a massive overeater when I'm down and can't sleep now cuz I've scoffed too much rubbish 😅

OPK question - I read you have to leave 4 hours between peeing and shouldn't do first wee of the day. Is that right? I don't think I can go more than 2 hours 🤪

Also @Ladyinpink1 I've ordered some Coq10 as I'd heard about that! Do you take 2 every meal time? Someone I follow on IG took them that often and swears by it for her conception

@moosey89 please don't feel bad, you are not bringing the mood down, @Aaliyahrae put it really well, we have all needed some support and validation at some point on the thread and definitely that's what it is for x

I understand that @Haylsttc and I feel the same with that and the early testing does the same to me when AF arrives. Really hoping to stick to not testing at least until Wednesday, maybe even later (Monday would be my normal 1st day to test) What day did you say you are waiting for? x

Hi @samilicious 👋 i'm sorry for your loss and what you have been through. Impressed that you read all of the thread and hope you got to sleep In the end last night, nothing worse than being tired but not able to sleep.
The coq10 I take is once a day in the morning with other vitamins but after reading your post I am going to look into taking 2 a day, I also eat brazil nuts now, I read good things about them.
And I know my opks say use second wee, but for me personally I have always used fmu and got an accurate result. I drink far too much to hold long enough in the morning x

@moosey89 as the others have said this is a safe space and you aren’t going to bring the mood down at all. I’ve found this thread to be so supportive so please don’t feed bad. Hope you’re ok 💕

@samilicious welcome and sorry to hear about your loss. For opks I’m the same. I drink a lot of water due to having rubbish kidney function so the longest I tend to go is 3 hours. I’ve never had a peak on the strip opks. I started using the clear blue digital ones because they test your base level and every month I would get a peak on them.

@Oxalis00 i don’t think you’re mad at all. You have to do what’s right for you and getting some tests seems a sensible plan.

Ok my latest one after 5 mins - it’s darker than yesterday’s, which was darker than the day before’s - I think it’s time for me to step away from the tests now and accept that it’s +….. such a strange feeling. The miracle of life ❤️

That’s looking really good @graceinc22 - excited for you (even if you’re feeling understandably wary). One day at a time, and breathe!

@moosey89 I can hear the weariness in your posts - what a horrible hard time you’ve had. It’s so good you and your partner have been able to talk well with each other - infertility and pregnancy loss can so easily bring relational shut down and resentment etc. I’m sure you probably don’t feel it, but I think it’s incredibly brave to draw a line on what you’re willing to put yourselves through in pursuit of an imagined life, and to choose to live with things as they are. I hope whatever happens you will find peace and contentment there. And absolutely please keep sharing here when it’s helpful. I’m so thankful for the sense of being one among many. You’re not alone!

@moosey89 and yes, just to add to everyone saying that there’s no such thing as ‘bringing the mood down’ on this thread. It’s here for us to share the whole mix of emotions that come with trying again after we’ve lost our precious babies in the womb. Hugs in the hard times ❤️

You guys are all so lovely, thank you so much. You don't know how much I needed those responses today. Thank you all.xx