TTC May 2023 💖 Previous MC March 2023 (thread 2)

[Sez281]

Hi ladies, just thought I'd create a new thread for anybody that wants to continue.
@Jadeypie
@Westy22
@Freddie15VES
@fleur89
@Strawb28
@DmcinT
@HopeAndStrength
@xxcxdonxx
And @SnookyPook for if/when you feel like you might want to come back xx

Sorry if I've forgotten anybody, I realise most of you guys have had your BFPs and there's only a few off us left waiting, but at least you know the thread is here so come back and keep us updated with all your lovely pregnancy stories 😊 For those of us still here, hopefully it won't be too much longer 🙏💖 xx

Hi girls just caught up on everyone's posts I was away for my birthday the weekend but I've got a horrid cold had it all bloody week.

@SnookyPook my heart goes out to you with the wait. But sounds like your doing the best you can xx

@xxcxdonxx hope your doing OK xx

@Sez281 yehh I have no clue what that spotting was and then I thought I had it again last cycle right around 5dpo and then turned into flow just wondering what this cycle brings I've only dtd once aswell I've had way too much going on. Xx

@Westy22 glad you feel like you oh is understanding abit more and the calander could work too!! Flos started doing a ap for him so they can see your fetile windows ect xx

@Sez281 yeh I'm still on my health kick had a few wobbles last week ( I needed comfort food haha) but I'm 7 pound down not feeling the benefit because this cold has sucked the life out of me haha xx

Go you @Jadeypie 7 pound is brilliant! This weather is awful and I cannot get into the mindset of being healthier...I literally want carbs all day everyday lol

I have just had a load of ewcm 🤔 I'm supposed to be cd19...I haven't tracked this month but I also had it cd15. No idea what's happening down there 🤣 🤷‍♀️ I've not even been taking any of my random vitamins/supplements this month so can't even blame them for a dodgy cycle x

@Jadeypie wow I'd kill to lose 7lbs fair play to you! And you're allowed a treat every now and then, especially around birthday 🥳

@Westy22 that's strange about the ewcm. Were you taking cough syrup for a cold by any chance? 😂

So I'm pretty sure my spotting has turned into AF on cd17 😞 I emailed the specialist who I saw 12 days ago and asked for another appointment before my scheduled one in January because I can't be dealing with 33 days last cycle and 16/17 days this one..She mailed me back and scheduled me in for tomorrow week which is something I guess. Just feeling crap cos I feel like I just finished AF and have it back again 😢

@Sez281 so sorry you're feeling crap. Me too.... Looks like I can't catch a break 😞 HCG levels today were really crap. I'd gone from 69 day of my BFP to 137... 8 days later... So definitely prepared for the worst. Still got my scan tomorrow so just hoping it's not ectopic or anything at least and doesn't drag on too long. I just feel utterly crap tbh and right now, don't even feel like I can keep going with all of this. And yet.. I know I'm not done with hoping and trying. 🤷🏼‍♀️ Feeling very much, 'why do we keep doing this to ourselves?!?' And guess what... My original due date is a week today! Woo! 🙃😩 Sorry guys but struggling this eve. Love to you all xx

I’m so sorry @SnookyPook , it is utterly crap and so so unfair. I wish there was something I could do or say to make you feel better.
I also find it difficult to know how much longer I can put myself through this but as you say, the hope is still there.
I hope that you can get some clarity at your appointment tomorrow, the waiting and not knowing what is going in is torture.
Sending you a huge hug and here if you need us 💜💜💜

@xxcxdonxx thank you lovely. The sad thing is it almost felt inevitable this time. The very faint silver lining right now is that I will at least qualify now for more investigations and help as this was no.3. 🙃

Oh @SnookyPook I'm so sorry 😞 I know there's nothing anybody can say and I don't blame you for feeling ready to give up but as yourself and @xxcxdonxx both know all too well we let ourselves heal and build ourselves back up again as there's always that bit of hope still left. 🙏🌈 Crossing everything for a miracle tomorrow but as you say there is the faintest silver lining there with referrals down the road if not xx

I'm so sorry @SnookyPook I really thought this was the one 💔 I really hope this opens up the support & referrals you need and deserve 🙏 thinking of you xx

@SnookyPook So sorry to read this update, and of course you're feeling like you can't keep going. Now isn't the time necessarily for positivity and strength, it's a time to be sad and angry. I hope the scan is bearable and doesn't throw up any bad surprises, as you say. Sending a huge hug :( x

Evening everyone. Well, I remain in complete limbo...

So, they couldn't do the scan today - as my HCG levels last Thurs were well below 1000 they said unfortunately the scan wouldn't show anything (apparently 1000 is the threshold), however, they did bloods, booked in repeat bloods for Thursday and said they can refer me straight to fertility clinic once the (very likely) loss takes place, bypassing my slightly useless GP. I've heard good things about the fertility consultant she mentioned so came away feeling kind of hopeful that at least I'll be able to access better support going forward.

Anyway, the nurse was lovely and was really open with me when I asked "it's really not looking great is it" - she mentioned something about outside chance that it stalled for some reason but that, yes, realistically we're looking at a miscarriage.

But... She just rang me 20 minutes ago (she'd said earlier her shift finishes at 10pm and she'd try to get the results to me before she left)...

..the plot thickens. My bloods have perfectly doubled since last Thurs.. if it wasn't for that weird first week, they would be textbook. But I definitely ovulated when I thought and the BFP date confirms that. So I don't really know what to think. She said if they've doubled again by Thurs that will put me above threshold for a scan after all... Basically in complete and utter limbo still. I don't know whether to be glad that there still seems to be hope, or annoyed, which might sound really odd but I just can't help feeling it surely can't be great that the HCG dithered about so much in the first week?! I guess just keep taking it one day at a time as I have been doing and trust that I will cope with whatever is thrown my way...

Oh, and the friend who had the same due date as me had her little girl this afternoon and thankfully I've been able to feel nothing but joy for her. ❤️

@SnookyPook My goodness, what a rollercoaster. That nurse sounds fantastic, I'm glad that whatever happens next you're getting the right level of attention and care.
Your brain must be scrambled and so many emotions at once. At least not long to wait until more bloods tomorrow (although I'm sure it feels long to you) and hopefully you can go straight to that brilliant nurse again

@Hankthehonk thank you. I'm a bit worried about ectopic etc now so just hoping I get some proper answers over next few days. At least as you say, I'm being well monitored now. Eurgh what a month!

How is everyone else?! Xx

@SnookyPook oh wow what a mind fuck!! Sorry for the language I have heard that hgc doesn't rise as quick after implantation for a good few days then it starts the doubling. But least your in the right hands!!

With my ectopic I had spotting and a bleed when I got my bfp. Then a negative thought I miscarried then two weeks later a blazing bfp. My levels never doubled they was 3000 when I started getting tested. So the fact yours has doubled is swaying me from it being a ectopic for you because a ectopic dont follow the pattern if that makes sence I also had horrible back pain I hope that eases some stress for you xx

I have the worst head cold of my life!! And a nasty ear infection something I've never had so feeling sorry for myself! On a positive note I've not had any spotting this cycle after the last two so that's making me feel the health kicks had a effect xx

Wow @SnookyPook what a rollercoaster. I'm so glad you're being looked after by people that know what they're talking about. I really hope they rise over the next few days. It's' ok not to have too much hope as a self preservation thing but crossing everything for you 🙏🌈

@Jadeypie sorry to hear you're still feeling crap. I'm still trying to shake mine too 😣 That's great about the Jo spotting though 👌

I'm having an awful week to be honest. I've officially marked the bleeding down as AF so I've had 2 periods this month 😢 I guess I'm just super hormonal because of it but I haven't felt this upset in ages. The only saving grace is that the specialist is going to see me again next week but it's not a magic bullet. I'm turning 41 this week so I think subconsciously that's affecting me too 😕 Sorry for the moany morning post I'm sure I'll be fine later 🤞

@Jadeypie thank you - sorry about your ectopic. That does give a little hope though that the pattern seems quite different.

@Sez281 thank you. Yes, very hard to feel too hopeful but will gratefully accept you hoping on my behalf!!

Ah @SnookyPook I'll keep hoping for a miracle for you 🙏 my hcg didn't double at all think the most it went up was 50% and I frantically googled and did read of some success stories ❤️

Hope you okay @Sez281 I totally get it and it's so normal when going through this horrible rollercoaster, i was definitely there last week but feel alot calmer this week ❤️

Think everyone is getting ill @Jadeypie I woke up feeling crappy this week but seems to go by the end of the day, I've had vertigo for a bloody month tho 😷 hope you feel better soon, good to hear there's been no spotting 🙏🙏

I feel a bit weird this cycle I'd say I've had a dull ache on my right side for atleast 4 days, never get this so I'm freaking out as all you read about is endometriosis etc. Or maybe I'm zoning in on something new 🙈 I did early test today but I'm going to pretend I didn't 🙈 x

@SnookyPook ahhh just been catching up on messages, what an absolute roller coaster!! Your mind must be all over the place and I’m so glad you are being well looked after. Hopefully when you get your next bloods taken, you can get the results quickly again to give you a bit of a clue as to what is happening. Keeping everything crossed for you 🤞🏻

@Jadeypie well done on your health kick, 7lbs down is a great achievement and brilliant that you are seeing the benefits of it.

@Sez281 sorry you are having a tough time of it just now and two periods in one month is just horrible. It’s great you are going back in to see the specialist soon and hopefully she will be brilliant again and give you some insight. I’m like you, I just want to know the issue and to be able to fix it and this period of limbo is really difficult to navigate at times.
Sending you hugs xx

@Westy22 i’ve also been guilty of testing very early, knowing I shouldn’t but it really is some weird addiction. No need to hide it here 😂

Thanks @xxcxdonxx @Westy22 I know I'll bounce back but it's just so disheartening, getting AF once a month when you don't want it is bad enough, never mind twice 😭 But yeah it's great that the specialist is seeing me again so soon so hopefully I'll get some answers 🤞

@xxcxdonxx how are you doing? Are your tests fully negative yet? Hopefully you'll get something on opks soon 🤞 xx

@Westy22 I'm also guilty of early testing, don't know why we do it to ourselves! Sorry to hear about the vertigo, I used to get it and it's awful 😣 Also I have endo/fibroids which can cause random pain at strange times in my cycle but hopefully that's not the case for you and it's actually a positive sign you never know 🤷‍♀️ xx

@Sez281 sorry your dealing disheartened 😔 sounds like maybe a flare up with your endo or fibroids? Hopefully the specialist can do something for you so keeping my fingers crossed for you as it's just not fair that when we want something so bad our bodies decide to do other things xx

@xxcxdonxx thank you! I've not been good this week all health kicks gone out the window because of this cold but I will get back to it it really has took my mind of the obsession of ttc xx

Where is everyone in their cycles now? I'm completely lost with everyone xx

@Sez281 sending you a massive hug. It's so disheartening to bleed every month, can only imagine how it feels to do it twice! As you say, hopefully you'll get some answers soon.

Got my next blood test this afternoon. All of this feels like I'm play-acting or something at the moment. I'm so not expecting this to end well that it just all feels like wasting time. Which is horrible to say. I keep having to remind myself 'right now, you are pregnant'. It's also weird because if I hadn't had blood tests done, I would be feeling tentatively hopeful as now approaching 7wks and no spotting or bleeding or anything. It's just extremely weird. I'm curious what the bloods today will show.

Hope everyone is ok. Xx