How old is too old to become a dad

[Molly2008]

Asking as there is a 11 year age gap with my partner me 38 him 49. Is he too old to become a dad for the first time? Do people think it would be unfair to the child?

And now you are an orphan ? In your 20's. I think that's tough, I would put my DC through that if I had any sort of choice.

A few years ago one of my friends was in her early 40s and she was going out with a man a bit younger than her. She knew early on that he wanted a family. My friend was not against having a child with him but she had more experience with babies and children than he had.
My friend was overweight and so was he. My friend knew she needed to lose weight.
She said to him one day we both need to do something about our weight as we could up with health problems like dieabtics. His attitude was so what if I get that.
He ended their relationship shortly after this.

My friend heard later on that he had a new partner who is a few years younger than him. When he was in his mid 40s they had a child together.
She was chatting to someone who knows him recently and said to them how is X.
My friend found out that he now has high blood pressure, has dieabitis and sleep apnoea.
He has been in hospital several times due to his health. His child is young - under 8.

I know a lot of people are now having children older but you have to consider the child in this situation also. Older men have a higher incidence of having a child with autism. Woman have a higher chance of downs syndrome ect as they get older as well.
As you get older you may not have the same health or energy as you do now. Dealing with a child with a disability or a teenager going through a bad time can be harder if you're older.

You also need to consider the cost of raising a child and the number of years that you have to fund them after secondary school for university. Do you still want to be in work past retirement age? What happens if you end up in poor health and can no longer work or physical can only work part time? Could you manage on one income if this happened?

I personally would not have a child with a man older than 43/44 because you want the best chance possible that you will have a healthy child. You want to be in a position to have good odds that you both be around to see your child grow up.
The reality is that you get older you can end up with health issues especially if you had years of poor eating, smoking, drinking or a lack of exercise. I have seen people even if they minded themselves end up with health issues which can have impact on their life.

Yes it’s too told. My parents and in laws all started having health problems in their 50s, including cancer and mobility issues needing joint replacements. It’s for this reason i’ve chosen to stop at 35.

I would say it depends on the person, your health, financial situation etc. Having kids is tiring, and a lot of people start to slow down by the time when they are in their 50s. If you are comfortable financially (no need to work all hours/ one of you can stop working), and can afford help, then why not?

The only other issue is the increased risk of mental health problems for kids of older fathers.

Basically, if you have money a lot of issued can be overcome - but of course it would also increase the risk of your child losing their dad earlier than their peers.

I’ve just read the news that Al Pacino has become a father again at 83 so that might put it into a bit more perspective! His oldest child is only 33 so he was 50 the first time and kept on going, your husband has a way to go😁(I don’t actually advocate having a baby at 83 btw!)

My personal limit WAS 42. However infertility has really changed my perspective. Life doesn't always go to plan. So now my opinion is that I would go for it. I think if I had to say a hard cut off age limit it would be 50.

@Goldencup what a nasty comment!

My brother and wife had their first child in his mid 40s, the child has recently been diagnosed with autism, and this seems to be an increased risk with older fathers, so that might be a concern.