How old is too old to become a dad

[Molly2008]

Asking as there is a 11 year age gap with my partner me 38 him 49. Is he too old to become a dad for the first time? Do people think it would be unfair to the child?

Exactly. My 50 yo hubby is a super fit mountain biker. My dad had a spinal injury at 30 and was severdusabled most of my life. There are no guarantees

MN is very down on older parents, so I'd take the answers here with a pinch of salt. Maybe it's not the ideal age but almost everyone who has a baby is non-ideal in some sense. I'm also not sure what "unfair to the child" means unless you fear having an old dad is so bad it's better never to have been born.

Obviously the sensible things that all parents should do (eg making plans for what would happen if you died or became very unwell) are even more important with older parents.

I’m 40 now, kids are 18 and almost 16. I definitely wouldn’t want a young one now 😁. But if I didn’t have 2 already I might feel different

I wouldn't say he was too old. DH was 48 was DC1 was born, I was 35.
Totally depends on lifestyle and fitness.
He isn't Olympic fit but certainly runs round after the little ones, did his fair share of night feeds, etc.
Longevity isn't guaranteed for anyone!

My dad was 47 and it wasn’t an issue. Our friend was 61 and his dd is now 18. Again, no issue.

How long have you been with DP? Does he want a child?
Do either of you have DC already?
If its early days and you want kids then sorry its probably not a relationship worth pursuing.
If you are in a long term committed relationship and you both want a child then best get on with it pronto!
Clearly its not an ideal age to become a dad, but life throws curve balls and sometimes you have to go with the opportunity youve got.
Having a child is a lifetime commitment, not just the baby stage. My oldest DD is 24 and has only just really clicked into adulthood, teenage years can be very challenging so its not just sleepless nights of having a baby or toddler tantrums.
I think you need to commit to staying fit and healthy, at 50 you can start to feel your age and can no longer get away with poor diet or no exercise, its more effort to keep fit and healthy.
People can suffer serious health issues at any age but the older you are the greater the chances.
I think its on the very cusp of being too old,average male lifespan is 80 so early 50s would be absolute cut off for me.
But importantly, if you want kids dont waste time on someone who isnt ready to commit to becoming a father, so if you both want a child get on with it !

Geez! Some of these answers seem awfully judgemental! The only one whose answer matters is your husband! If he embraces the idea of kids then surely that's the answer?

My Hubby was 41 when our son was born and we are TTC again now a couple of years later. No way my hubby seems too old. He is an absolutely brilliant dad and appreciates family life even more having lived a bit. He also has a 13yr old daughter and hasn't commented about things being harder this time round. He is plenty energetic and enthusiastic and my DS adores his Dad. Commenters who had children young and can't countenance parenthood of young kids in their 40s/50s are in a different season of life. Life happens differently for everyone. If the parents are happy with it and ready for the ride ahead then it's no-one else's business. Also, plenty of kids with younger parents grow-up without them around for various reasons. No guarantees in life. A life created by loving parents is an amazing thing. Good luck ❤️

It's fine z you could have a kid at 29 and get hit by a bus at 21 m. Could have a kid at 50 and live to 100. Could be a dad at 25 and not bother with your kid much or help out or you could become a dad at 52 and be all doting and adored by your child and visa versa. You just don't know.

That should say 20 not 29

OP at 38 you are going to be an older mum too. If you desperately want a child, then you need to go for it now.

My dad is 50 and about to become a granddad. I’m in my mid 20s. My friend is the same age as me and her dad is in his late 60s and she’s sad he’s old now. This is just our experiences though.

DH would state categorically it's 45 but that what age he was when we had 2&3 and that's just luck isn't it, meeting in time to squeeze in / put a few children in time.

If we were ttc no1. I suspect we'd think a few more years is fine

I think it partly depends on other things, such as does he have kids already? If so then I’d say, dividing your attention is too much, no matter how old his kids are. And could mean he neglects one set of kids. But if he doesn’t have kids, is mature and financially stable, then I’d say 49 is right at the upper end but OK.

For me men’s age having kids should be judged the same as women, up to mid forties is still fine as biologically the body knows it can bring up that child to adulthood and beyond.

Omg of course he isn't too old!!

For men, I would say up to 45 is fine, so that would be my cut off, although everyone is different.

I do think it is irresponsible for men to father children aged 50+.

Depends if he already has kids? Bit weird and embarrassing for a 20 year old to have a newborn sibling. It’s all a bit Mick Jagger.

It’s a hard no from me.

My friend was 46 and her husband 54 when they had their first (and last). They got married when she was 29 and just left it up to nature and finally it happened and son is now 20 and they are all fit and healthy.
I was 43 and my husband 47 when we had our last. He died of a heart attack at 51, but that the way it is sometimes.

Can't see a problem at all ... if he is good Dad material then go for it. People live longer now. And you could become a Dad at 25 and fall under a bus at 26.

Being more mature can often mean being more philosophical about life and better able to deal with the ups and downs.

DH was 46 (I was 38) when DD was born.
He was happy to have her but wasn’t particularly involved in her early years. But from 10yo up they’ve had a great relationship, their interests and outlooks are similar. They’re also planning a road trip together this summer while I happily stay at home and look after the dog. He was the same with DS and ComiCon.
So don’t let age put you off, parenting can be done at any age!

Some weird responses on this lol. I don't think 49 is too old. You could have a child at 18 and be knocked down by a bus the next day, or become ill. Who knows what the future will bring. In this day and age 60s are not old, people well into their 70s are having active and meaningful lifestyles. If he's fitness is good and he's in good health and excited about it then I say go for it! There is definitely a "cut off" in my mind but it's not 49 for an otherwise happy and healthy person.

According to ONS, one in five men will die before age 65, in the uk.
the chance of dying by being hit by a bus in the uk is one in 27 million.

I appreciate that all experiences are individual, but there are also facts out there which can reasonably be used when weighing up a big decision.

Yes but hit by a bus is just a turn of phrase. The point it many people can die of lots of things from a young age. And 1 in 5 men includes men that died at a young age!

Let's not forget that children of older fathers have a higher risk of birth defects.

https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20230602-what-are-the-risks-of-being-an-older-father

If a man is not able to father a child when he's younger, through no fault of his own, becoming a father in his 40s is understandable if not ideal. But men who choose to delay fatherhood, or who already have children and choose to have more, in their late 40s and beyond are being irresponsible IMO.

It might not be a popular opinion, especially with the PPs who have had children with older men, but it's not being judgemental for no reason, it's about minimising health risks when possible.

I’m 50 and my H is 48 and I can’t think of anything worse than becoming parents now! That said our kids are 17 and 14, I might feel differently if I hadn’t had any.

My father was 57 when I was born. He was a great father, lived to 104, and extremely active well into his 90s.