How old is too old to become a dad

[Molly2008]

Asking as there is a 11 year age gap with my partner me 38 him 49. Is he too old to become a dad for the first time? Do people think it would be unfair to the child?

I think he’s too old but obviously it’s down to you two. Is he fit and healthy for his age? There is an increase risk in disabilities to consider as well as an adult in 20s having to deal to an elderly parent.

I think having a teenager in your mid to late 60s sounds awful and many would struggle to cope but it depends on how much of the parenting he will do. I guess if I was 49 with no existing kids and desperate for a child I might have one but I wouldn’t underestimate how much energy they take!

Yeah I think it's massively too old sorry. And selfish to saddle a child with an old parent. To be honest I wouldn't have personally wanted children either over the age of 40 for the same reason.

Also pretty sure there is a link between age of fathers and autism in children

You are both similar ages to me and DH when I became pregnant. DH was 50 when we had our first and 51 when we had the second. It really depends on health and keeping physically active. My DH is fairly fit at now 65 (needed for two teenagers) and has good genes - both his parents are alive and in relatively good shape at 89 & 92! I don’t think it’s fair to do it unless you are prepared to make an effort to stay young thinking and in good shape. But otherwise, good luck! (The additional risk of disabilities is very small btw)

Just to give another perspective, we are ttc and hubby is 50. We slready have one. I did think about age but you know what? There are no guarantees in life. My husband lost both is parents in his early 20's. They both died very young. Yet he could live another 40+ years! Plus i have a 12 yo and 20 yo so plenty of family around. I also know someone whos uncle met a much younger wife. They had twins when he was 60 and he stays home with them while she has a career. He absolutely loves it! I also know a lady who gave birth at 48. So i think a young attitude and good health is more important tbh.

Also my grandma was over 40 when she had my mum in the 50's. Boy am i glad she did! And my mum and dad beddy loved her to bits. She lived with us and was like a proper old grandma to me when i was born. I loved her too!

DH was 46 when DD born, he doesn’t want another at 50. I do think it’s pushing it to be honest. It’s not an issue so much at 50, but having a teenager in your 60’s is hard.

I do think 50 is my hard limit.

My dad was 58 when I was born.

He died when he was 62. I was 3 years old.

My mum became a widow aged 33.

I grew up with no father. Screwed me up no end. Screwed up my older sister even more losing the apple of her eye aged 9.

So I wouldn't recommend choosing to become an old dad.

My husband felt too old at 40, which I agreed with.
I probably wouldn't raise eyebrows until 45 though.

Everyone is different so don’t worry about what others think and do what makes you both happy!

I’m 41 and love the independence I have started to regain as my dc are all in secondary school. Can’t imagine the needy stage again but I did love it at the time. My bil is 40 and his wife just had a baby. They’ve not done it before so it’s all new to them so I guess they feel different. I adore my nephew but I’m very happy to be the fun aunt and nothing more.

It took us 5 years to have DS so DH had just turned 48 when he was born (I was 39). We did decide we couldn't face trying for a other though as our energy would have been too stretched.

DS is on a waiting list to be assessed for autism but that could have happened anyway as there are family members on both sides with it.

DS still has the 3 grandparents that were alive when he was born whereas I had lost 2 by his age.

I assume that it will be hard having a teenager when in our 50's/60's but then teenagers are hard work anyway! Clearly we won't be able to retire as early as we wod have done if DS hadn't come along but we wouldn't change being parents for the world.

I personally think 49 is too old. Raising a teenager when you’re in your 60s does not appeal at all.

The story of your friend’s uncle reminds me of the singer Katherine Jenkins, whose dad Selwyn became a father to her and her sister at age 50+ and took early retirement to be a SAHD (Mrs J had a good job). Unusual in the early 1980s! She dedicates all her awards to him so he obviously did something right despite being older.

It varies from couple to couple, like many things.

I imagine that late parenthood encourages people to give up smoking and keep their BMI below 30 etc etc because they’re very keen to see their child into his or her twenties. Although I’ve no experience of it, so I don’t know if that is true .

Agree it depends on the individual, however personally I would draw the line at 45.

Yes. Quite a few studies say that having babies over 40 makes you live longer which could be because you're taking more care of ypur health but breastfeeding also massively reduces the chance of breast cancers.

I work with a few men in second marriages
early 50’s with toddlers

very much get the impression they don’t enjoy it or have the same interest in there young. Kids as they did with there adult kids when they were younger

soft play and parties nightmare as often mistaken for grandad

think they just cave into pressure from new partners and don’t enjoy the fact they’ll be pensioners before there kids are independent

My dad is 9 years older than my mum so when they had my younger brother my dad was probs 45/46? I was definitely aware that my dad was a lot older than my friends dads but I think the thing that has bothered me most is that he doesn’t really look after his health so I worry about him. My best friends dad was much younger but he died when she was 3 from cancer so I think flat out saying “it’s too old” is a bit black and white and lacks nuance. We don’t know what our future holds so we can only focus on what’s in our control. I think if I was to change anything I just wish my dad looked after himself a bit more. He’s still alive and he’s in his 70s and I’m in my 30s.

Completely individual choice. Does he feel it's too old?

My dad was late 40's when I was born. I'm now mid thirties, he's 81. It was his first marriage and he wasn't pressured into it. Which is a rather insulting statement Mande by a PP. I was aware growing up that my dad was similar in age to my friends grandad's rather than their fathers. But he's now very fit and active for a man in his 80's and can run rings around my 37 yr old husband. Alternatively my cousin died in his early 30's, leaving a wife in her 20's and two young children under 5. A child can loose a parent at any age sadly. Yes it's more common in older parents but that doesn't mean the child won't have a happy life.

Will he be a good dad? Do you love him, can you imagine life without him or kids with him.

I think his age is fine, it's only 5 years above the mode average round here.

individual preference! I can’t imagine if you wanted to have a chance and could provide a good life for them that you wouldn’t on the basis of age… people live a lot longer these days.
fwiw I lost my mother aged 23 (she was in her 50s) and other relatives at similar ages. As a PP said there are no guarantees in life either way. I’d get cracking if you’re both keen!

My instinctive thought was 50 but it really depends on the man. How active, fun etc he is or is he ready to slow down & moans when he has to get up?

Way to old, unfair to the child to be saddled with a aging parent. My dad was a grandad when he was 48 let alone a new dad!

My husband was 47 when we had our first child and 49 when we had the second. I'm 10 years younger.

He didn't have the stamina that he might have done when he was younger. No doubt I didn't either. But it's ridiculous to say that having children at our age was unfair to our children.

He was never mistaken for their grandfather, because he looks younger than his age (now in his 70s and he still has plenty of hair which is it's original colour). In contrast, my father was 40 when my youngest sibling was born. He was often assumed to be our grandfather, perhaps because he went grey very young.

It depends more on their health, fitness, emotions and various factors other than age.

Some 50 year olds are far better equipped to have and love their children than some 20 or 30 year olds.

It's a very individual thing. My personal cut off when trying for a second (never happened) was 42 as I felt that having an 18 year old at 60 was my limit!