How old is too old to become a dad

[Molly2008]

Asking as there is a 11 year age gap with my partner me 38 him 49. Is he too old to become a dad for the first time? Do people think it would be unfair to the child?

@mommabear64 i know, I was being a bit literal!
but the one in five is actually men who die between ages 60 and 65, and doesn’t include people who died before that age.

Oh no you are right. It’s one in 100 at 60 to 65

It's hard to say when it's too old but with you being the younger one I'd think about how you'd cope if your DH was to hit say 60, find his stamina flagging and start leaving more and more of the parenting to you. The fact is we age, exercise, diet, attitude whatever doesn't change that.

My partner says by 40 he's too old.. but that's mainly because he has a bad back and is starting to struggle with energy aspect. He thinks he couldn't cope with the lack of sleep and keeping up with a child as they grow up now. But obvs some 60 year olds are fitter. So perhaps depends on how the individual ages and is in their health?

I have had to accept this. When i ask him to try for another (hes 50) i did say that i know i'll have to accept more of the responsibilities this time as i'm younger. So i guess you have to go in to it with eyes wide open really

It's not necessarily "wrong" and it's the same if you have children with someone in a very demanding job, or who works away or has a time consuming hobby. You just need to think if it's something you can cope with without resenting them.

I think 49 is fine. My Dad was 26 when I was born but had a brain haemorrhage at 34 and was ill for the rest of his life. You never know how life will turn out.

Mine was around 30 when he had a spinal injury meaning he could barely walk again. I was 10 at the time.

Too old I think

Do they say having babies over 40 makes you live longer or that there is a correlation with having babies over 40 and living longer? Because the two are very different conclusions.

It may just be that more affluent people are more likely to have children at 40 plus, and affluent people live longer than poorer people.

Appreciate everyone has different views but I don’t think it is too old.

I am 36 and my partner is 46. I am 28 weeks pregnant with my 3rd (but our first together). OH also has 2 children from his previous relationship. We both didn’t think we would have anymore children following the breakdowns of our previous relationships but we met, fell in love, and decided we would really love our own baby together. If I had the choice I probably would have preferred to have met my OH a little earlier in life and had all my children closer in age but life just doesn’t work out how we plan sometimes. We are so excited to get the opportunity to have a baby together despite our ‘older’ ages.

Oh and my dad was 60 when he had me. Sadly passed away when I was a teenager but due to cancer from heavy smoking and not age. He was the most amazing and loving dad and I was extremely close to him. So I guess I have never seen age as being an issue and so certainly don’t think becoming a dad in your 40’s is too old.

Not something strangers on the internet can answer really - it’ll come down to the health lottery!
My tuppence - my parents were exactly the ages you and your fella are when I was born. Both had died before I was 24. Which is why 30 was my cut-off age for reproducing!

My dad was 50.

It's very much a personal decision, but for me it's too old. I have a relative that had a baby when he was 57 he will be 70 when the child becomes a teenager!!

It's not too old IMO, if you both don't think it's too old.
We personally decided not to live our lives surrounded by what ifs. We planned for what we wanted and providing it was absurdly wrong, we did it. My friend lost her mum very young, so death can happen at any age, you just plan and do what's best for you at the time and hope for the best.

We simply couldn't have imagined having a child in my 20s, I was too busy living my life and I wouldn't be the mother I am now, so we tried when I was older. He's a great Dad, if he's going to be an involved, loving and caring father, go for it.

It's really up to you and if the fertility is in your favour.
My only note of caution - DH was an older-ish Dad (second family) and he's fit and well but definitely slowing down now he's passed 60. DD is a teenager and actually has quite a lot of anxiety around us being more mature parents, especially DH. She's scared that we will die and leave her. Which obviously we will, but perhaps sooner than if we had been younger when she was born.
I don't think many children would regret being born, but the parents choices are also felt by our children.

It very much depends on the man. My Dad was 53 when my youngest sibling was born. Dad was very much a hands on, playing outside with the kids, involved father. I know my younger brother never looked on him as an old father. He died recently at 98. Up till the last few years, the neighbours kids would knock and ask if he wanted to play ball with them.

Def not too old as far as I'm concerned. My DF had me very late in life i.e. he was in his 60s (big age gap between him and DM who was your age now). Although he died when I was relatively young, there were perks to having an older dad too and he was fit and healthy until he died in his mid 80s - he was calmer and very philosophical and I think he really enjoyed being a dad much more than he had earlier on in life.

I know lots of people in their 60s who are super fit and healthy too. So much of how we age is down to lifestyle so that will be important.

There is definitely that side of it. I had my first in my 20's. Yes i had lots of energy but little patience, no money and resented losing my social life alot. Had my second in my 30's and i was honestly a much better parent. I want another no lw in my early 40's. Hubby is 50. We havd more money, our mortgagd is nearly paid off, we're not interested in going out drinking every weekend etc. in a much better position to raise a child now emotythan i was in my 20's

My husband’s cut off was 35. He was very clear there would be no more babies after he reached that age.

He had always planned to retire at 60 and said he wanted all his child rearing days to be over for a long time even before that.

You were so lucky.

Mine was 58 when I was born and died when I was 9 - I was a first and only child (my mother was 40). He was retired so we spent a lot of time together - he was interested in everything, loved travelling abroad and a great tinkerer. He made me a child sized coracle once out of wood and tarred paper and tried it in the bath to see if it would float - the tar came off and stuck to the bath... my mother was not pleased! I know I missed a lot by not having him around longer.

However he smoked and was very overweight I should think a fit and healthy 58 year old would be fine if he chose to be a father.

Nevertheless by having children very late you could well be depriving your children of grandparents. 3 of mine died years before I was born, the other died when I was 7 aged 84.

I don't necessarily think it's too old. A couple of friends I have, and did Ivf at a similar time to, are having a baby and they're 52 and 55. Also my son was at school with a lad whose dad is 60 this year so was 52 when he was born. To look at him you wouldn't think he was 60 and he's fit and healthy. As to other comments about not wanting a baby over 40 I'm having triplets at 41 so it had better be ok!

My dad was 48 when he had a child and 51 when the next was born.

I know two dads who were 50-55 when their kids were conceived. Both great dads and super involved. I don’t think there is that much difference and if anything the kids are keeping them young. Kid are now late primary school age.

For me personally I would have a cut off of 45 with juggling teenagers / retirement / elderly parents.

But also I’m a complete stranger, if you want to do it, do it. Don’t let other people’s judgement be your regret in the future

Not at all! My DH was 59 when our youngest was born. He was home all the time since they were babies so they've had had loads of quality time instead of him being out at work all day. He still does active stuff with them (now 15 and 12) and gives them extra tuition as they both have exams at the moment.

I know you asked but I'd say try and not base your decision on other people's ideas.
For my family it would be too old.