Page 5 | Two lines, relationship of two months!

failedbluecup · 2023-03-24T10:20:40+00:00

Slightly freaking out. I've got pregnant and it's my first. I'm 39. Pill has failed. Routine test and it's been picked up. He's got two kids and recently separated. I'm lost and don't know what to do. His ex got pregnant straight away as well. My pill just didn't work, I think due to being sick a lot (stomach acid issues, constantly vomiting). Fuck. I want to keep it for sure. Just started a new job a few weeks ago. Agh.

neilyoungismyhero · 27/03/2023 00:22

He already has a family to support.
He had sex assuming you were on the pill - happy days.
Now he is going to be responsible for another child for 18 or so years with a woman he hardly knows.
How is that really fair? Let's hope he's got a good job to support all these children in a proper manner or the lives of his current children may be compromised even further.
You crack on though..you're happy.

TiedUpWithABlackVelvetBand · 27/03/2023 00:26

failedbluecup · 26/03/2023 23:24

@TiedUpWithABlackVelvetBand I haven't had a boyfriend for many years so no I don't need contraception.... it's for acne .

I mean, this is such a telling post.

You don’t need contraception with the person you’re currently having sex with?

He agreed to having unprotected sex?

Then surely he’s expecting this, and won’t have any issue with it. Will welcome it. 🤷🏻‍♀️

JamMakingWannaBe · 27/03/2023 01:04

Have you started taking folic acid? If not, you should.

whateveryouwantmetosay · 27/03/2023 05:12

Are you 38 or 39? Because you have said now you are both

Dyslexicwonder · 27/03/2023 05:41

failedbluecup · 24/03/2023 15:29

Thanks

Just need to decide when I tell him.

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If you are definitely keeping it, I'd wait till after the first scan, or maybe the of so he has the chance to come along. I am afraid he will put pressure on you that you just don't need.

Meandfour · 27/03/2023 07:32

@Bamboux is right and your last few messages show that; you’re very contradictory.

You said you didn’t want a baby but you do.
You say he isn’t your partner because he hasn’t texted you all week yet your title says “relationship”
You say he’s a good dad who has his children but he can’t have children because he works long hours

And now: you’re only on the pill for “acne” :/ because you don’t need contraception.. even though you were sleeping with someone….

AngelDelightUK · 27/03/2023 13:09

Are you tempted to keep the baby without even telling him?! Just wondering as you said you’re having doubts about the relationship

pontipinemum · 27/03/2023 16:23

I think you need to tell him soon. He has a right to know. Although if you think he might try press you into an abortion and you don't want one wait until after you cannot have one.

But it sounds like you do want a baby so congratulations 🤗

MarchMadness23 · 27/03/2023 16:35

WetBandits · 25/03/2023 11:39

Why shouldn’t he be on the birth certificate? OP hasn’t even told him yet so we don’t know how he’s going to react! He might be delighted too, should he not be on the birth certificate then?

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@WetBandits

He can still apply to ge in the birth certificate. It helps to weed out some of the ones who just want to control the Mum & not actually take any responsibility. It's not fail proof, but it's a start.

MarchMadness23 · 27/03/2023 16:46

failedbluecup · 25/03/2023 16:26

Nope. As per the first post, the pill failed.

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@failedbluecup sorry, but no, the pill didn't fail. You are warned if you vomit, then it may not be effective, (how can it be if you've thrown it up). You're 38, not 18, you know this.

You're thrilled you're pregnant, but don't pretend you didn't know exactly what you were doing.

I think it's unfair given he's only just out of a relationship & already had two children he's (seemingly) trying to do the best by.

He was daft to not use condoms, but I suppose he believed you were taking the pill (& assumed you were doing so properly) He should still have been using condoms though, so that's on him.

His Ex & their two children will also get less CMS once you put your claim
in.

I don't think you've been very fair. Don't be surprised if he doesn't take it well, his life is already complicated enough. If he starts kicking off, remind him, he could have used condoms.

However, you're now pregnant with a much wanted baby, so congratulations & enjoy every moment. A new life is a true joy 🌷

MarchMadness23 · 27/03/2023 17:04

failedbluecup · 26/03/2023 12:57

So basically people are saying I should abort?

No, maybe one person, many
of us are just saying don't be disingenious

.

TiedUpWithABlackVelvetBand · 27/03/2023 18:01

It’s really depressing that as part of educating my son about relationships and sexual health, I need to tell him that some women manipulate the truth (at best), or outright lie, when it comes to their contraception.

But he needs to know that he should always (even secretly) doubt their word. Even if they say they’re on the pill and have contraception covered, he should assume they don’t.

As someone who spent their pre-(mutually discussed and agreed) TTC years desperately trying not to get pregnant - you forget there a swathes of women who are much more laissez-faire about whether it happens to them.

AllOfThemWitches · 27/03/2023 18:11

It’s really depressing that as part of educating my son about relationships and sexual health, I need to tell him that some women manipulate the truth (at best), or outright lie, when it comes to their contraception.

There is every chance your son won't give a fuck. I've slept with my fair share of men and I only recall ONE choosing of his own accord to wear a condom. Don't ever remember being asked if I was on contraception until after the sex.

OhMerde · 27/03/2023 18:20

sugarspices · 26/03/2023 11:38

Congratulations on your pregnancy OP.

I think the reason for some of the less pleasant comments is that it looks as though OP intended to get pregnant without this man's permission. She's 38, wanting a baby, and knew that her method of contraception wasn't effective as she was vomiting a lot.

Did he consent to sex with OP knowing that it was essentially unprotected? Or did he consent to sex under the impression that she was taking a method of contraception that's 99% effective? I ask this because if he wasn't aware, how's that different to a man stealthing and removing a condom etc?

Safe sex is the responsibility of both parties of course, but did he think there was a 1% risk of pregnancy or a normal risk associated with lack of contraception?

This man already has two children and is only recently single. He might welcome the news or he might find it devastating. Either way I think people are possibly a bit dubious of the OP's intentions.

He should have made dam sure to use a condom them. When are men going to be held accountable for anything?

AllOfThemWitches · 27/03/2023 18:22

He should have made dam sure to use a condom them. When are men going to be held accountable for anything?

Right!? He really shouldn't be having sex if he doesn't know it can result in pregnancy, silly sausage.

YaWeeFurryBastard · 27/03/2023 18:23

OhMerde · 27/03/2023 18:20

He should have made dam sure to use a condom them. When are men going to be held accountable for anything?

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Would you be saying that women should take the pill anyway in case they’re stealthed by a guy or the condom breaks and he doesn’t bother telling her? No because a guy doing that would be appalling and unacceptable. The OPs situation is not as bad as this, but it’s not a million miles away either.

I cannot believe people are advising the OP not to tell him, I think that’s pretty disgusting to be honest.

TiedUpWithABlackVelvetBand · 27/03/2023 18:25

AllOfThemWitches · 27/03/2023 18:11

It’s really depressing that as part of educating my son about relationships and sexual health, I need to tell him that some women manipulate the truth (at best), or outright lie, when it comes to their contraception.

There is every chance your son won't give a fuck. I've slept with my fair share of men and I only recall ONE choosing of his own accord to wear a condom. Don't ever remember being asked if I was on contraception until after the sex.

Nonetheless.

The message has to be - the onus is 100% on you to be responsible for your contraception, since some women lie / don’t give a shit about getting pregnant / want to get pregnant and don’t care who it happens with.

Even if you have a conversation and she says she uses [X], assume it’s bullshit and take responsibility for yourself.

AllOfThemWitches · 27/03/2023 18:27

Would you be saying that women should take the pill anyway in case they’re stealthed by a guy or the condom breaks and he doesn’t bother telling her?

Yes, if a pregnancy was going to be the end of the world.

AllOfThemWitches · 27/03/2023 18:28

Maybe men should stop thinking with their dicks. If they don't want to get anyone pregnant, they shouldn't have unprotected sex with virtual strangers.

OhMerde · 27/03/2023 18:30

TiedUpWithABlackVelvetBand · 27/03/2023 18:01

It’s really depressing that as part of educating my son about relationships and sexual health, I need to tell him that some women manipulate the truth (at best), or outright lie, when it comes to their contraception.

But he needs to know that he should always (even secretly) doubt their word. Even if they say they’re on the pill and have contraception covered, he should assume they don’t.

As someone who spent their pre-(mutually discussed and agreed) TTC years desperately trying not to get pregnant - you forget there a swathes of women who are much more laissez-faire about whether it happens to them.

Yes he absolutely should be told that he must take responsibility for himself. Fuck off with your attitude about scheming manipulative women. Your misogyny is showing loud and clear. Your poor little boy is not at the mercy of brazen women who want to trap him ffs. I despair.

OhMerde · 27/03/2023 18:32

YaWeeFurryBastard · 27/03/2023 18:23

Would you be saying that women should take the pill anyway in case they’re stealthed by a guy or the condom breaks and he doesn’t bother telling her? No because a guy doing that would be appalling and unacceptable. The OPs situation is not as bad as this, but it’s not a million miles away either.

I cannot believe people are advising the OP not to tell him, I think that’s pretty disgusting to be honest.

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Yes, I would. If you absolutely don't want to get pregnant, take matters in to your own hands and don't delegate responsibility.

TiedUpWithABlackVelvetBand · 27/03/2023 18:32

This thread shows that even if a women says she’s using contraception, she’s not, so ….

AllOfThemWitches · 27/03/2023 18:33

TiedUpWithABlackVelvetBand · 27/03/2023 18:32

This thread shows that even if a women says she’s using contraception, she’s not, so ….

Did he ask though 🤔

TiedUpWithABlackVelvetBand · 27/03/2023 18:36

Well, if he didn’t - more fool him and he deserves everything he’s got coming at him for the next 18+ years - of course.

ktitten · 27/03/2023 18:36

Although if you think he might try press you into an abortion and you don't want one wait until after you cannot have one.

Isn't that his right though? I mean the guys life is about to change, his existing children's lives are going to change (either because they'll be involved with the baby or paying for the baby)... I think he should be told so he has the opportunity to state his preference. Op doesn't have to listen to it and has the right to do what she wants but since men don't have that right I think it's common decency to at least inform him so he can make his case either way.

I understand why laws / rights are the way they are - trust me I'm not trying to change them. Her body, her choice. But fuck me if situations like this don't leave a bad taste in my mouth. If a guy deceives his way into a pregnancy at least she has the opportunity to abort. He doesn't have that, the least you could do is make the man aware.

(Puts on hard hat)