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Conception

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Original poster

Two lines, relationship of two months!

127 replies

failedbluecup · 24/03/2023 10:20

Slightly freaking out.

I've got pregnant and it's my first. I'm 39. Pill has failed. Routine test and it's been picked up.

He's got two kids and recently separated.

I'm lost and don't know what to do.

His ex got pregnant straight away as well. My pill just didn't work, I think due to being sick a lot (stomach acid issues, constantly vomiting).

Fuck.

I want to keep it for sure.

Just started a new job a few weeks ago.

Agh.

OP posts:
happysingleversary · 24/03/2023 16:42

SwordToFlamethrower · 24/03/2023 15:45

Congratulations!!
You would do so much better with willing family helpers close at hand.

Doing it completely alone is going to be hard in ways you can't imagine.

Don't put his name on the birth certificate.

He might insist
this was my main concern when I got pregnant in January
would he make it difficult? I couldn’t say so couldn’t have the baby

AuntieDolly · 24/03/2023 16:44

Not being weird, but are routine pregnancy tests a thing?

CantFindTheBeat · 24/03/2023 16:46

It's good news that you're pregnant if you want a baby, OP.

How did you find out?

Original poster
failedbluecup · 24/03/2023 16:59

CantFindTheBeat · 24/03/2023 16:46

It's good news that you're pregnant if you want a baby, OP.

How did you find out?

Stomach pains, was referred to a gp hub and they test urine.

OP posts:
Original poster
failedbluecup · 24/03/2023 17:02

AuntieDolly · 24/03/2023 16:44

Not being weird, but are routine pregnancy tests a thing?

Probably not. IBS, stomach acid issues and couple of stints as in inpatient. You can be sure emergency appointments they will check for pregnancy if of the age.

OP posts:
Original poster
failedbluecup · 24/03/2023 22:45

bluejelly · 24/03/2023 16:35

That's great that you have your own place. Will you get mat pay from work?

Not sure. I daren't opened the policy because they can see who's viewed last.

OP posts:
Original poster
failedbluecup · 24/03/2023 22:46

Why am I being told not to put his name on the birth certificate?

It's his choice.... I can't do it without his consent

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 24/03/2023 22:50

failedbluecup · 24/03/2023 22:46

Why am I being told not to put his name on the birth certificate?

It's his choice.... I can't do it without his consent

That's simply not true. You can register the baby on your own.

snazzlealpaca · 24/03/2023 23:30

People are advising you not to put his name on the birth certificate, as unmarried fathers gain Parental Responsibility, if their name is on the birth certificate. You can register the birth by yourself, if you choose. If you do want his name to be on the certificate, and for him to automatically have PR, then he would need to be with you at the registration.

He could still apply to gain PR, and would be likely to succeed, but it would at least involve him making the effort to apply to court. Many single mothers on here have found that an uninvolved Ex will still use the control he can hold over you by PR, e.g. needing his permission to take your child abroad, input on choosing schools, the right to collect child from nursery or school, etc. But this is all a long way down the line.

Best of luck with your pregnancy and I hope you both can work out how to co-parent together.

Original poster
failedbluecup · 25/03/2023 00:01

failedbluecup · 24/03/2023 22:46

Why am I being told not to put his name on the birth certificate?

It's his choice.... I can't do it without his consent

I can't put his name on the certificate without his consent

OP posts:
Original poster
failedbluecup · 25/03/2023 00:03

snazzlealpaca · 24/03/2023 23:30

People are advising you not to put his name on the birth certificate, as unmarried fathers gain Parental Responsibility, if their name is on the birth certificate. You can register the birth by yourself, if you choose. If you do want his name to be on the certificate, and for him to automatically have PR, then he would need to be with you at the registration.

He could still apply to gain PR, and would be likely to succeed, but it would at least involve him making the effort to apply to court. Many single mothers on here have found that an uninvolved Ex will still use the control he can hold over you by PR, e.g. needing his permission to take your child abroad, input on choosing schools, the right to collect child from nursery or school, etc. But this is all a long way down the line.

Best of luck with your pregnancy and I hope you both can work out how to co-parent together.

Ok thanks I'll bare it in mind

He looks after his kids half the week so his ex mustn't think he's that bad

OP posts:
Quitelikeit · 25/03/2023 11:14

sorry but I find it strange that you are not upset, concerned or worried about the future?!

most people want to fall in love, get married and have a family

You seem delighted that you have ‘accidentally’ fallen pregnant with a virtual stranger!!!

not even concerned in the slightest about any future challenges - can I ask did you do this on purpose because you were desperate for a baby?

AllOfThemWitches · 25/03/2023 11:35

most people want to fall in love, get married and have a family

Yet many women would have been better off alone in the first place!

WetBandits · 25/03/2023 11:39

SwordToFlamethrower · 24/03/2023 15:45

Congratulations!!
You would do so much better with willing family helpers close at hand.

Doing it completely alone is going to be hard in ways you can't imagine.

Don't put his name on the birth certificate.

Why shouldn’t he be on the birth certificate? OP hasn’t even told him yet so we don’t know how he’s going to react! He might be delighted too, should he not be on the birth certificate then?

happysingleversary · 25/03/2023 12:00

failedbluecup · 25/03/2023 00:03

Ok thanks I'll bare it in mind

He looks after his kids half the week so his ex mustn't think he's that bad

Show quote history

Or she had no choice as he went to court? And he may do for yours

TTCing · 25/03/2023 14:22

Congratulations OP! If you are happy and you’d like to be a mum, then that’s all that matters. Planned or not - a baby is a baby and a gift!

it’s your body, your choice!

Obviously you need to tell him, but you can make it work as parents, amicably, who aren’t together. Or as someone else said, the experience might draw you together officially. Either way, you will be amazing as a mummy! Single or not!

I find it quite insensitive for anyone to suggest you trapped him! And it’s rude! Ignore those comments.

Let us know how it goes telling him and we’re here if you need to talk x

Original poster
failedbluecup · 25/03/2023 14:49

@happysingleversary they have been broken up eight months.... so unlikely. He's been getting his house ready so he can look after his children and he's had them a couple of weekends.

OP posts:
Original poster
failedbluecup · 25/03/2023 14:51

Quitelikeit · 25/03/2023 11:14

sorry but I find it strange that you are not upset, concerned or worried about the future?!

most people want to fall in love, get married and have a family

You seem delighted that you have ‘accidentally’ fallen pregnant with a virtual stranger!!!

not even concerned in the slightest about any future challenges - can I ask did you do this on purpose because you were desperate for a baby?

I'm 38. I've done a lot of partying and worked on my career. I'm ready to have a child.

OP posts:
Original poster
failedbluecup · 25/03/2023 14:52

@Quitelikeit I've got my own home and really being pregnant I'm looking forward to. Yes not ideal but let's see what happen. I just wany a happy healthy baby

OP posts:
Hankthehonk · 25/03/2023 15:27

Congratulations OP and sorry you're getting judgemental comments. I think it sounds like you're handling this unexpected news really well and at the end of the day all that matters is you want the baby. There's no formula for how life is supposed to go, or for what constitutes a family.
In terms of your work maternity policy, that sucks you can't view it without worrying people have seen it. Can you download it and view it locally? I recommend checking out Pregnant Then Screwed website for advice on your rights related to work as well, as you mentioned it's a new job.
I had a friend who fell pregnant under similar circumstances, they weren't really together and had stopped even dating before the baby arrived, but she's doing brilliantly as a single mum. The dad is a little bit involved but mostly she gets support from her parents. Not easy but I know she'd say 100% worth it, she has the most amazing son. You will be a brilliant mum no matter what happens, best of luck.

Original poster
failedbluecup · 25/03/2023 15:46

Hankthehonk · 25/03/2023 15:27

Congratulations OP and sorry you're getting judgemental comments. I think it sounds like you're handling this unexpected news really well and at the end of the day all that matters is you want the baby. There's no formula for how life is supposed to go, or for what constitutes a family.
In terms of your work maternity policy, that sucks you can't view it without worrying people have seen it. Can you download it and view it locally? I recommend checking out Pregnant Then Screwed website for advice on your rights related to work as well, as you mentioned it's a new job.
I had a friend who fell pregnant under similar circumstances, they weren't really together and had stopped even dating before the baby arrived, but she's doing brilliantly as a single mum. The dad is a little bit involved but mostly she gets support from her parents. Not easy but I know she'd say 100% worth it, she has the most amazing son. You will be a brilliant mum no matter what happens, best of luck.

I absolutely hate this job so I don't care either way. I've got savings.

OP posts:
Original poster
failedbluecup · 25/03/2023 15:47

@Hankthehonk thanks for the kind words

OP posts:
Quitelikeit · 25/03/2023 15:48

Does that mean you did do this on purpose?

I feel sorry for the guy……..he had no say in this and clearly believed you were not going to be trying for a child……

Original poster
failedbluecup · 25/03/2023 16:26

Quitelikeit · 25/03/2023 15:48

Does that mean you did do this on purpose?

I feel sorry for the guy……..he had no say in this and clearly believed you were not going to be trying for a child……

Nope. As per the first post, the pill failed.

OP posts:
Scalessayeek · 25/03/2023 16:36

A lot of negativity on this OP. Congratulations, I hope whether or not things work out as a couple that everything goes well.

Personally, I would be waiting the relationship out a little longer to see how things go without the added pressure (if you can hide it that is!). You say he’s been quite quiet so I’d be waiting another month before telling him.